Asian, marriage for 10+ years, kids. Husband doesn’t get along with my family and I really want to live with mom ( dad passed away) She wants to live with us too. I am not in bad term with in-law but not great relationship also. In-law has supported and doesn’t want to tag along with us. ( Husband thinks I hate in-law, truth to be told, I don’t love them enough) Things have gone down hill for years. It just hits me recently that I probably happier divorce. Am I wrong putting family before spouse ? I know the priorities. Suddenly I want change. We talk and he is ok with it. Both of us work and earn enough to live. Should I start the divorce process. Thanks
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Nobody can make this decision for you. I suggest counseling before making a permanent decision.
This this this.
Yeah like ^he said. You seem to be the problem here. Invest yourself
Yes, you are wrong to put family before spouse. Wait, let me rephrase that. You have your priorities set on the wrong family. It doesn’t sound like there are any problems with your relationship with your husband. Your problem is letting your mother get between you and your husband. You have your own family now. You need to grow up and put this family first. Lastly, you should only consider divorce when the problem is between you and your husband and not between your husband and your mother.
This is so true. My husband was a mama’s boy and his mom is a classic manipulator and addict. It took a third-party (therapist) to see how unhealthy she was throughout his life, especially with boundaries. Go to a therapist and talk this through before making a divorce permanent.
There's no way people can fully we can comprehend your situation based on a few paragraphs. Relationships are complex. I'd suggest talking it through with close friends. Your kids should be the priority.
Kids won’t be happy if I am sad and careless
Does he make you that unhappy?
Follow your heart. Period.
Talk to a therapist. They’ll help you realize what you want
Yes, please divorce so your husband can have a normal wife who thinks of him as family.
And this is what she's saying. He DOES deserve that, and so does she. So pull the plug.
You deserve to be alone. Spouse first !
Probably you are right. If I am thinking this way, he is no longer considering important.
No no. I kind of feel this is not the only reason you are thinking this way. There are hundreds of little things that do add up. You can get frustrated and emotionally drained. It's normal I guess. Take a break from constant thinking. Compromise and get you mom to stay for 4-5 months at a time, maybe she can travel for a month to places she wants to see or experience she wants do. slowly get him used to the idea of having your mom around. Until it becomes natural for him and even he starts to enjoy the little benefits like special food or taking care of kid etc. As a grandma anyone would love to do that now and then. Don't make it a big announcement or a major issue n fight over it.
Holy 💩 - put family before spouse? Your spouse IS your FAMILY. You will spend more time with spouse than parents. You subconsciously did not view spouse as family. That is the root of issues you described imho
Not after divorce
Kids before spouse for sure