How did you get a girlfriend?

Facebook datingsux
Apr 14 120 Comments

Edit: Deleting all my information because I feel weird about it now. But this is really useful stuff for others to read through so leaving the post.

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TOP 120 Comments
  • IBM / Eng bbw lover
    Forget about dating. Fix FB first. It's been out for almost 1 hour for me. Need to send cat pics asap.
    Apr 14 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      😂 working for me man!
      Apr 14
    • New udSE01
      Also, 1st please find the PM who decided to put ads in 15 second videos posted by users and slap him for me. 🤦‍♂️
      Apr 14
    • IBM / Eng bbw lover
      I'm certain that the pm who brought in this "feature" is a recent college grad who claimed it will "make an impact". Make no mistake, that kid would have got promoted twice for "making the impactfullness"
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Yeah ads in 15 second videos would definitely be a promo thing 😂
      Apr 15
  • Google lenajava
    One problem I noticed is that you seem too showy. Change BMW to Camry, dress normally, don't talk about yourself and what is nice apartment mean?
    Apr 14 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      By dress well, I didn’t mean overly stylish.
      Car/apartment are not always in the picture. I don’t understand how downgrading to a Camry could possibly help me.
      Nice apartment = nice apartment in a nice neighborhood with lots of amenities and stuff

      I don’t think I show off in real life at all.
      Apr 14
    • He’s not being too showy. He’s just explaining his stats so people have context. And he does have his stuff together. Changing to Camry is stupid. Be proud of what you have. Even if it’s a Camry.
      Apr 15
    • Salesforce perpetuoso
      “M3 drivers have no friends” -Jeremy Clarkson.

      Just messin, best car ever. Own it, it’s a blessing
      Apr 15
    • Infoblox 2600
      Looks like he is just enjoying life and has his shit together.
      Apr 15
  • Facebook Probe
    "average height" let me guess, less than 6'? aka short
    "average/slightly below average face, look very nerdy" aka ugly
    "I think I'm maybe too nice" aka beta
    "They're also far too attractive" putting girls on a pedestal, even more beta

    So you're a short, ugly, beta male of color and wondering why it's hard to find girls?

    Start by:
    - Stop shunning yourself for being a POC and having an ugly face, it reeks of insecurity and girls hate that shit. Own it.
    - Stop analyzing so much. "I've approached everything in life as a meritocracy, where I check off all the boxes and expect results." ?? Holy cringe.
    Apr 14 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      I’ve already established that those things are a factor in making it hard to date.

      I don’t know how analyzing less can help the actual dating.

      Owning insecurities = have more confidence. Yep, definitely working on that.

      Also last part is true. That’s a cringe
      Apr 14
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Also objectively 179cm is solidly average
      Apr 14
    • Amazon vision2020
      Ignore everything other than "owning your identity" & "putting girls on a pedestal" from this guy's comment. Those two, I completely agree with.
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Haha yeah I filtered for those. Guy was kinda harsh!
      Apr 15
  • Micro Focus / Eng Fuuu
    You sound boring as hell. Making a lot of money, being fit, driving a nice car, and being well traveled makes you exactly like every other guy in the Bay Area. You’ve said nothing that makes you sound remotely interesting. What are your actual hobbies?
    Apr 14 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Revealing my hobbies would ID me.
      Yeah I am pretty boring. How do I be exciting lol
      Apr 14
    • Google / Eng hooli.xyz
      Well, what interests you? What are you truly passionate about?

      Painting? Cooking? Rock climbing? Running? Hiking? Racing? Piano? Guitar? Writing? Dancing? Basketball? Theatre? Ballet? Sailing? Diving? Flying? Skiing? Snowboarding? Cycling? Martial Arts? Fostering (dogs/cats)? Gardening?

      Any of the above? I’m sure there has to be at least one hobby you are passionate about.
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Omg, just thinking about all those things is painful hahaa

      I’m a pretty simple guy. I go to work, I go to the gym. I grab food/drinks with friends. I practice my hobby1 and hobby2 on weekends from time to time. I have some milestones I want to get to for those hobbies.
      I actually really enjoy being boring.

      Why do I have to do all these white people things that I don’t even like. It’s exhausting being someone I’m not.
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      I also try all these random things from time to time but I don’t end up enjoying them. I guess i just need to give it more time
      Apr 15
  • Tinder paradigm1
    Spend another $600 on boost 😉
    Apr 15 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Hahaha screw you
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      The stupidest thing is I’m such an optimist that I always buy them one at a time instead of bulk. But this is over a couple years
      Apr 15
    • Tinder paradigm1
      When are you using them? Thursday night is optimal
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Oh man I’ve tried everything.
      Weekdays 7.30pm , Weekends 10am , weekends 10pm weekends afternoon. Weekdays 12pm for that lunch break
      Apr 15
  • Susquehanna International / Eng Kristaps11
    It’s pretty darn hard to be too nice. I highly doubt you’re too nice.

    Be introspective on why you’re not getting chemistry during dates. It sounds like you’re largely not interested in the girls you’ve talked to. It’s very likely they can sense that. As contradictory as it sounds maybe you should be more selective yourself so when you start talking to a girl you’re more likely to click.

    If anything lowering the number of girls you approach will increase your success rate which will help with your confidence a little.
    Apr 14 3
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Too nice is feedback I got from someone else. I think I’m a people pleaser :/

      I only get dates so infrequently that I’m never really in a position to reject dates
      Apr 14
    • Susquehanna International / Eng Kristaps11
      There’s a difference between pleasing others because you genuinely feel good about it and pleasing others expecting something in return.
      Apr 14
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      I have some personal principals, but I guess it’s true that when I’m nice, I expect people to be nice in return. That doesn’t mean I do or expect any favors from them. I also like helping people who need it because it makes me feel good, but I don’t expect much lol. I don’t really need to be helped
      Apr 15
  • Google / IT .42
    Stop thinking of women as your equal. Start thinking of them as mostly worthless, incompetent, irrational animals instead, and treat them as such. Dating works much better when you have that frame of mind.

    Also, move out of the Bay Area if you can. You are several times more interesting and successful than most of the worthless women with princess syndrome that you would find there.

    Source - I'm an ugly POC with 350k+ TC who had same problems initially, and is living the life now.
    Apr 15 2
    • Cisco meowwww
      What is wrong with you? Please never have kids
      Apr 15
    • Google / IT .42
      Sorry meowwww, but your mom had insisted on us not using protection 😂.
      Apr 15
  • Lyft LYTG45
    I love your articulate style. Yes, you seem to check all the boxes.

    I feel less bad about myself knowing that a person like you is struggling, :)
    Apr 14 1
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Hang in there buddy
      Apr 14
  • Booking.com b.tripping
    This is where you’re going wrong.

    > As I analyze what I did wrong, I’ve approached everything in my life as a meritocracy, where I check off all the boxes and expect results.

    You dont allow things to happen naturally. Stop chasing and allow it develop naturally.

    Also, im gonna be honest u sound a bit shallow. Its almost like you’re trying to cover up a shitty personality with belongings. Are you sure you’re not doing that?
    Apr 14 1
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      I might be shallow. I don’t know. I didn’t really have to overspend to get anything, but they are definitely nice things in general.
      Apr 14
  • Amazon / R&D
    ps.ily

    Amazon R&D

    PRE
    Google
    ps.ilymore
    I think you lack confidence, you’re overthinking many of these things and trying to treat dating as a mathematical equation. I also think dating in SF is pretty hard, you would probably fare better in a dating pool in a more diverse city. Additionally, Tinder doesn’t work if you’re average/below, it’s mostly used for people who want a one night stand with a 7/10
    Apr 14 2
    • Susquehanna International / Eng Kristaps11
      I don’t know why people always complain about dating in the Bay. I’ve lived in four states on the east coast and SF seems to have a much better dating scene than three of them.
      Apr 14
    • FuelQuest Cubbbe
      Haha I was in the bay for 4 months and taking girls home after every date. I never lived in a city where dating was as easy as the bay. I don’t know what you guys are going on about
      Apr 15
  • CVS Health DhinChak
    WTF about your 4 dates 😱 . Ask your parents to find a girl for you?
    Apr 14 3
    • Micro Focus / Eng Fuuu
      lol that’s pathetic
      Apr 14
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      I would die before asking my parents lol
      Apr 15
    • Dropbox systest
      Why? Isn’t that common in some cultures?
      Apr 15
  • Agilent Technologies / R&D m/z
    I used CMB and had a lot of really high quality dates. Smart, clever, and high achieving. One turned out to be the best/longest date I've ever been on and now we've been dating for 2 years.

    Funny thing about me is that I'm 5'4 short. I ain't rich like you SW guys (I'm in HW/chem). But, I have a PhD and good at public speaking. I got that "buff stocky Asian guy" look. I'm not "nerdy" in the typical sense. I guess I'd say it's "smart casual". Don't even have a nice car and live in a tiny ass room.

    You just gotta change your mindset. If you really think you're a catch, then so be it. Be your best self is what I say. Get some nice pics, stage some with a tripod if you have to - or get a buddy good with IG type pics to take candid photos of you.

    Also, listen to the "best of" from the podcasts Art of Charm and Jordan Harbinger show. It will teach you a lot about charisma, social dynamics, grooming, and being a high value person. Seems like that's all the stuff you're getting dinged on.
    Apr 15 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Omg, can I be your friend? I need more role models like this
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      I’m sure you are much better looking then me 😆
      Apr 15
    • Agilent Technologies / R&D m/z
      Try to study up on the podcasts I added to this post, they have amazing "fundamentals/toolbox" episodes. My gf said I looked fugly back on the day and wouldve never gone for me. During grad school I went through that same transformation and changed my outlook on everything, focusing on being my best self. One thing that really helped me be a better and more genuine speaker was teaching undergrads and little kids. You can probably do this though science volunteerism or something else you're interested in.

      Thing is, it takes work, like some really deep introspection on why you're so shitty now. If you study up you can really turn into a butterfly lol. It's worth it though, worked for me.

      Art of charm/Jordan Harbinger show
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Cool the podcast is on spotify! Added it to my playlist for drive to work tomorrow

      Man that’s a cool idea. Someone else suggested volunteering too. Teaching kids coding would be pretty neat. I saw a program about it a while back. Gonna put that on my todo list
      Apr 15
  • Lyft qCbJ38
    Stop approaching dating as an algorithm.

    Just lower your shoulders, stop worrying and just have fun. Get a wacky haircut, get a pair of new glasses, some new clothes, go do things you wanted to do as a kid, do something unexpected, go travel, anything. Start doing stuff.

    I’ve always been a misfit. Never had problems with girls as I think everyone rather have someone a bit weird and fun, than being married to someone who «checks all the boxes».
    Apr 14 2
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Yeah it’s very hard for me to do abnormal things. I’m too self conscious.I respect people who can do it though
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Good advice though 👍
      Apr 15
  • 29 year old still doesn’t know how to get a gf. Shame on you. Also don’t listen to most of the guys above me saying you should treat women like trash, they are a bunch of ugly ass incels who spend their scrolling time on MGTOW. Move to NYC or anywhere else. For now try finding the right social groups and more date activities in SF.
    Apr 15 5
    • Unity Lvl1Crook
      Calling people you don't know incels. Very mature. And they say women mature faster than men
      Apr 15
    • Sirius XM Yndnd
      Nah in this guy’s defense there’s some dude saying treat women like they’re worthless incompetent animals a couple of posts above this one. There’s a very normal, happy medium between being someone who worships women and by doing so, lets them walk all over them vs. treating women like trash.

      Treat people like they’re people and everything is fine.
      Apr 15
    • Unity Lvl1Crook
      Gosh you're such an incel
      Apr 15
    • Sirius XM Yndnd
      Thanks buddy. You too!
      Apr 15
    • Unity Lvl1Crook
      ❤️
      Apr 15
  • Capital One blindbat
    I’m a girl but also struggled on tinder as I don’t drink, am not looking for a hookup, and am in a city with more girls than guys. Have you tried bumble? The one thing that helped me find my current boyfriend is that they let you filter by what people want (relationship, hookup, etc). Also, how do you usually approach girls? The way some guys do it comes off as creepy (even though I know they have no bad intentions). You really sound like you need more confidence. I know these apps are hard for guys (especially guys of color) but there is someone for you out there. Don’t give up.
    Apr 15 1
    • Unity Lvl1Crook
      You're only "creepy" if you're not good looking enough
      Apr 15
  • Intercom stpq
    Not calling them ‘girls’ would be a start
    Apr 15 3
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      What do you call them? Women? Ladies? Gals?
      Apr 15
    • Facebook Probe
      Ignore Intercom, typical SJW nonsense who probably demands trigger warning labels on blog posts.
      Apr 15
    • Intercom stpq
      Women. You’re an adult man looking for another human to spend time with, not a damn frat boy looking to score.

      At least let’s hope so
      Apr 15
  • Yelp
    welppp

    Yelp

    BIO
    On Internet, anything can be debated.
    welpppmore
    just try to meet friends friends by asking everyone to hang out and get to know the ones you like. Be like “let’s have a hotpot party” or “board game night ?” Its a number game, meet more people prob help your case
    Apr 14 1
  • BYTON Dof
    I met mine in college. If I were u I would just take vacation and try ur luck at another city. Bay is all sausage party.
    Apr 14 0
  • OpenText / Eng FBstockLOL
    Instagram working for me now. No need to rush with fb.
    Apr 14 0
  • Amazon vision2020
    I honestly don't have time to read all the comments. So, please have that in mind if you see me repeat something that's already been discussed.

    1) You definitely seem to have confidence issues and insecurities. We all do.
    Your top insecurity seems to be your ethnicity. That's effed up.
    Also considering the few things you said about how difficult it is for men of your ethnicity to date in the bay seems like you are trying really hard to date outside of your ethnicity / nationality. That's fine, if you're not attracted to women of your race, but this also ties back to you not being proud of your racial identity.
    You got to work on that.
    Coz even if you met someone from a different race that's in to you, or have things in common with you this insecurity is going to drive them away.

    2) It also seems like you are most likely from a culture where you weren't allowed to or taught to interact with the opposite sex in an organic way. So, you got to now catch up a little on that. Having genuine friends of the opposite sex helps to fix this. This will also help you make genuine connection with the opposite sex.
    3) Bay area does suck compared to most metros in the country. But SF is a completely different story. You may not find real love in SF, but you will get a hell lot more dates than you'd in the suburbs.
    4) Have your friends review your dating profile(s). Tinder is for eye candy and the fast food of dating. Try Okc or even bumble for that matter. I know friends who had zero luck with tinder make genuine connections on the two apps I
    mentioned.
    5) Once you have done some of these, spend some money on getting a couple of good pics taken of you "in your element".
    Your whole profile doesn't have to be all professionally taken photos, but at least the first two gotta be top quality (not just resolution)
    6) There is more than one article about what's wrong with being the "nice guy". I'm not talking about some douchy player articles reeking of toxic masculinity. Talking about the ones that helps one understand between being the "nice guy" & "the good guy". Search for those and read them.

    I'm sure others have covered the rest.

    Good luck!
    Apr 15 4
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Solid points! Especially point 2. Spot on! I didn’t interact with girls until I was 21.

      Point1) not really insecure about my ethnicity, but it’s pretty objectively less attractive to other ethnicities, so it factors in as a negative. I’m actually quite proud of who I am. Also I’m not south asian or east asian or white or latino, so my ethnicities own dating pool is extremely tiny (almost non existent) in the bay area. I would love to date a girl from my country.

      I figure something like 90% indian, 90% east asian, 50% white and other girls will automatically filter for my race( there are studies that show this. It’s also true in my personal experience). I was just pointing out that this is likely something that factors into my lack of success. Most people I interact with are amazing and I always give them the benefit of the doubt. No one is obligated to like dating my ethnicity
      Apr 15
    • Amazon vision2020
      You mean subjectively less attractive to other ethnicities? :)

      It's great you are proud of your identity. It didn't come that way in your OP. But hey, look at the bright side. You got one less problem to worry about.
      Apr 15
    • Facebook datingsux
      OP
      Haha yeah
      Apr 15
    • Microsoft juschekin
      This comment has a lot of valuable advice. As you bluntly put it, op, most ethnicities do filter out the persons of color when looking for dates; heck, most people in the us won’t even make an effort to get to know someone of (certain ethnicities). I’ve lived very nearly your life except for the money part in my twenties.

      Which is still not to say you have no chance; just that you have to get past the first, default filter and get people to spend enough time with you to get to know you. Or at least meet and spend enough time with people to find the ones willing to look past superficialities. (And btw heck yeah Europeans are Far less hung up on superficialities than Americans no offense). In any case this is as you rightly understand not within your control so don’t waste your mental energy on it.

      Let me share what helped me, take from it what you will: setting aside the dating goal and working hard on being more social, sociable, and genuinely interested in people for people’s own sake. Increasing my social circle significantly, and trying out a large number of experiences (again for their own sake, not as a means to an end). Pushing my comfort boundaries really hard (started as a shy introvert). Avoiding thinking about every person as a potential date. Making close friends of both genders, especially women. All of these made me a lot more well adjusted and happy, and helped overcome many of the internal inadequacies the commenter is referring to.
      Apr 15