Over time I have become more extroverted and more bold. I don’t hesitate to speak up. This scares away potential ppl who want to date me. How do I become more feminine? Men like girly females right ?
your ex wouldn't have married you even if you forced yourself to be a girly girl bc that's not authentic. I think you have a good filtering system for yourself.. only men who can handle you will show up next
Haters gonna hate but girls are female by definition, and being feminine is apropos. It will attract a larger base of suitors. OP will need to naturally become feminine though and not force it seemingly unnaturally. Focus on your mannerisms, wittiness and your body - booty and charms and see how many times you get asked out 😉 Don't listen to these politically correct folks, listen to the data and optimize. You're a smart analytical girl right?
Most people will tell you to just be yourself/other useless, feel-good “advice”.
The truth is, most (but definitely not all) men do like more feminine women. I love that my wife prepares a lunch for me everyday, for example. It makes me feel super loved and cared for.
However, you may also not want the kind of man that wants that kind of woman. It’s all about compatibility. If you’re not looking for a guy who fits more traditional gender roles, then it also makes no sense for you to try to fit traditional gender roles.
But, if you *are* interested in that kind of guy, or just want to broaden your appeal to most guys, it definitely would help to be more girly. In which case, check out redpillwomen and redpillwives on reddit.
The uncommon part these pc-minded folks don't get is that we are evolutionarily conditioned to find the various mannerisms and behaviors and physical attributes of traditional male/female roles. It's a dishonest lie to oppose it in the name of political correctness. Yes there's the 1% that don't fit, but an exception doesn't a rule, make.
If it was only 1% of people who don’t fit into these “evolutionarily conditioned”, “traditional male/female roles” then you wouldn’t feel surrounded by “these pc-minded folks” who say otherwise. I don’t think the OP is within 1% of women who don’t fit into a traditional feminine stereotype - most women don’t fit into it and that’s why diversity is valuable. Diversity initiatives socially normalize the diversity that already exists in society.
The truth is that most people don’t fit into “traditional” roles but they were socially conditioned to hold onto them. As the world gets more connected we’re letting go of strict “traditional” roles because we’re learning how varied the world is. Feminine does not equal female, and female does not equal woman, and woman does not equal “gets me sandwich”.
OP, there are plenty of men who don’t need you to be shy or feminine but you should choose how you want to be. There is nothing wrong with practicing being more feminine if you like it but if you do it for a man (and that’s what he likes about you) then you are stuck being fake-feminine or you risk losing him. That’s why it’s about growing in the direction you authentically prefer for yourself.
“we’re learning the world is a big place where feminine does not equal female, and female does not equal woman, and woman does not equal “gets me sandwich”. “
Yeah. Of course YOU know the truth. Of course all the “tradition” is nothing but conditioning. The fact that traditions are shaped by the environment, they are the product of it, they are adaptations to it, doesn’t seem to matter to you. Do you even know what “tradition” really means, what it encompasses? Do you know there are traditions where women are FORBIDDEN from cooking? And you see all these limitations as inherently useless if not evil, right? Do you know there are traditions where there is no pair bonding between a particular man and a woman, so there is no concept of relationship or marriage? But of course we know it best in US with 50% divorce rates - marriage and pairbonding is where it is at! US tradition is so true it is The Truth itself and must be globally accepted to ensure Complete Total Inclusion and Equality.
Why should the world learn about gender inclusion from US, when in Thailand ladyboys are dime a dozen? That’s where tradition of Thailand can offer the world an example of a system working for a long time. We have yet to see the full effects of equality and inclusion in US, it takes a few generations. How do you know it is a good one? Maybe the gender war we have going on may also be somehow connected to all this? Instead of world’s savior it is actually a parasitic curse?
Yeah, go to a distant Russian village and tell women they should become independent and get the men to carry the water. They’ll beat you with a metal bucket. Once you recover, go tell them to get their men to cook for them and they’ll beat you with a frying pan. 🤣 You know nothing about their life, so how can you be so sure you know the type of tradition/culture they need?
@NoSugar is a deranged misguided SJW scum with a filter bubble on how they view the world. Plain and simple. OP wants advice on how to be more girly- stick to the topic please. Don't misguide her to be like you.
"You can abuse me, but you're not going to win me over. But if you treat me with respect and dignity, I'm going to fall in love with you. I'm going to sing your praises all over the world because you're powerful and you treated me with human dignity." Hamza Yusuf
“You can abuse me, but you're not going to win me over.”
🤦♂️
“if you treat me with respect and dignity, I'm going to fall in love with you.”
Ain’t nobody got time for that. There are plenty of willing partners who don’t have their brains rotten to the core with insecurity and neurotic romanticism.
Also, respect is earned not given.
“I'm going to sing your praises all over the world because you're powerful and you treated me with human dignity.”
Kind of makes me wonder what’s wrong with you if someone treating you with human dignity is worthy of global praise. Even serial killers have their fans.
This is just a quote to help inspire a connection to your own human dignity. They aren’t my words and they aren’t meant to be taken literally. You’re in a Women’s topic section on Blind using aggressive, hateful language. I don’t know if you intend to but it’s coming across that way to me. And I have no way to know if you’re just trolling, but whether you are or not the end result is the same - it’s a oppressive, negative feeling.
There is different way to live that doesn’t cause so much stress and it does involve thinking of respect and dignity on another level. You can respect everyone’s right to be treated with dignity, to bring out the best in each other, without respecting someone’s specific opinion. It’s a choice.
I don’t respect either of your opinions about controlling women’s personas and limiting them to traditional roles. However, I don’t like to see you strip yourself of your own dignity by using name-calling and violent fantasies. It’s a bad feeling to trigger someone to that place. I do hope you can be more open-minded in your thinking about women in the future but I don’t want to continue to upset you. Have a good week.
“This is just a quote to help inspire a connection to your own human dignity.”
You’re quoting a prominent Islamic speaker to inspire basic human dignity towards women. What’s next? Are you going to quote Hitler’s eugenics speech to inspire respect for Jewish heritage?
“And I have no way to know if you’re just trolling, but whether you are or not the end result is the same - it’s a oppressive, negative feeling.” “It’s a bad feeling to trigger someone to that place.”
I have no control over how you feel. I literally don’t. You are the one who makes decisions and chooses to feel a certain way based on your own beliefs. You’re spreading SJW nonsense and the oppression you’re finding is your own reflection, your own bias. At most my goal was to show how close-minded you are since you think you know best for people and cultures you have absolutely no idea about. If your definition of oppressive behavior includes expression of opinions that differ from yours, then yes I’m oppressing you 110%.
“There is different way to live that doesn’t cause so much stress and it does involve thinking of respect and dignity on another level. You can respect everyone’s right to be treated with dignity, to bring out the best in each other, without respecting someone’s specific opinion. It’s a choice.”
I think we have a different understanding of human dignity and respect. Mine does not involve shoving diversity and gender identity liberation down world’s throat. I also respect other nations and people of traditions other than mine to decide what works best for them, be it men or women.
You may also want to research what is happening in Sweden, the world’s leader in gender equality. Apparently, when Swedes have a choice they choose a profession that aligns with traditional gender roles, and are more traditional than they were before equality politics. They are seeing highest gender disparities in professional fields in all of Europe. It sounds like Sweden needs you to educate them out of their oppression.
Urgh, if there's one piece of advice, it's to never listen to MRA types, who are without a doubt the most fucked up people I've ever encountered, and whose low opinion of men is only surpassed by their hatred of women. (Though I'm not surprised to see them swarming on this post). There's a lot to unpack in your post, but the main thing is, if you force yourself to act in ways that aren't true to yourself, any relationship you have will be based on a lie and that will leave you unhappy... and it's a shitty thing to do to another person. Men aren't monolithic. There isn't any advice that applies to all of them. So the best thing you can do is sort yourself out. I'd recommend seeing a therapist, because your question here kind of implies you might have some things to work out.
It’s not necessarily being untrue to yourself. It’s to cultivate and accentuate certain aspects of your personality and to downplay others.
If some guy is a greasy unemployed basement dweller that just stays home and watches anime and plays video games, and he decides he wants to start dressing better, showering, developing new hobbies, and getting a job, would you say he’s forcing himself to act in ways that aren’t true to himself?
There are definitely all kinds of men who like all kinds of women, but the largest portion of them will tend to like more feminine women. So, as a purely numbers game, if she works on her feminine side, she’ll have a larger field of potential partners. If she realizes that she’s only into a particular kind of guy, and that kind of guy probably wouldn’t be attracted to feminine women, then that’s a different story. But from her post, it sounds like she’s trying to broaden her appeal overall.
Not everyone is unwilling to change. Some of us humbly recognize that we’re not the best we can be, perhaps some of the things we see in us can be improved. So we listen to people around us instead of stubbornly assume that they are the ones who have to adjust to who we are.
It’s weird, relationship advice for men almost always centers around self-improvement, whereas relationship advice for women always has the central conceit that they’re fine the way the are and are just looking in the wrong place/the wrong kinds of men.
That's because in out society, women almost always fault themselves, and men usually fault everyone else. The advice differs because the approach differs. In this case, the OP called out being extroverted and willing to speak her mind. Those are core personality traits, and there's nothing wrong with them. Hiding those traits *would* be basically playing a role and not being honest about who you are, not self improvement. It's different than if she said, "I need to work on.... insecurity/interrupting others/only ever talking about skiing/taking better care of myself" which are all things you can improve.
@bqdp's comment above is spot on. Crushed @novium's deranged rant beautifully. I'll repeat it here for the other SJW scums:
If some guy is a greasy unemployed basement dweller that just stays home and watches anime and plays video games, and he decides he wants to start dressing better, showering, developing new hobbies, and getting a job, would you say he's forcing himself to act in ways that aren't true to himself? No? Then why would you say that to OP who wants to be more girly, you scum?
The problem is your advice might make them unhappy rather than happy. Your data point doesn't apply to everyone just because it worked for you. That's why I say use data or find out what would work for you, not somebody else. Also see the comment below by @bqdp.
OP: Haters gonna hate but girls are female by definition, and being feminine is apropos. It will attract a larger base of suitors. OP will need to naturally become feminine though and not force it seemingly unnaturally. Focus on your mannerisms, wittiness and your body - booty and charms and see how many times you get asked out 😉 Don't listen to these politically correct folks, listen to the data and optimize. You're a smart analytical girl right?
Lol I bet your single and the kind of guy that this applies to😂 I’ve never had any trouble finding people I enjoy being with, and without compromising myself. It’s sound advice, but she really shouldn’t have asked for opinions on here. Blind is filled with people like you.
Let’s get to the bottom of this. Your real question isn’t how to be more feminine, but how to date successfully. And what does that mean? That means finding guys who you have a natural connection with, where there is chemistry and trust. So shouldn’t you instead be 1) figuring out the type of guys you like who like you back (synergy) 2) asking where that kind of guys hang out, and then 3) go meet them?
I feel like I’m not girly enough either. Trying to wear more make up and do my hair more but it’s such a freakin pain. It’s just not me. I spent like $1000 at Sephora and I’m not even motivated to use the shit I bought. Maybe that’s why I work in tech. At this point I’ve just given up and I’m going to be my self.
My take would be a bit different, there are guys who like girls like OP to date and be in a relationship but few of them wouldn’t marry and would want a different type to marry. OP needs to be able to differentiate between the two and find the first type who would date and marry the same girl.
I used to think like that until I gave up on dating and then met the man who would be my husband. He's arguably girlier than I am in that he is far more respectful and accommodating and kind. Being yourself is always the best, tho being open minded is the second best thing to prioritize. I find the more assertive/masculine type men may look for girlier girls, just find the guy who looks for the person within :)
At the risk of sounding superficial I’ll say that we men like hot girls. It doesn’t matter if you’re a metal-head, you like pop, you love gaming or you enjoy Disney movies, if a man finds you hot he will say he’s into whatever it is that distinguishes you.
There are lots of traits that are sometimes thought of as feminine. Being confident and assertive rather than submissive is a huge positive in my book. Being caring is also a big positive. But I also think both of those things are kind of hard (and probably exhausting and demoralizing) to fake for any prolonged period.
Don't change yourself to appease other people. Be yourself and go out there. You'll attract someone that likes your qualities. Don't look for A man, look for THE man.
comments
doesn't matter good or bad, you learn from every relationship
The truth is, most (but definitely not all) men do like more feminine women. I love that my wife prepares a lunch for me everyday, for example. It makes me feel super loved and cared for.
However, you may also not want the kind of man that wants that kind of woman. It’s all about compatibility. If you’re not looking for a guy who fits more traditional gender roles, then it also makes no sense for you to try to fit traditional gender roles.
But, if you *are* interested in that kind of guy, or just want to broaden your appeal to most guys, it definitely would help to be more girly. In which case, check out redpillwomen and redpillwives on reddit.
The truth is that most people don’t fit into “traditional” roles but they were socially conditioned to hold onto them. As the world gets more connected we’re letting go of strict “traditional” roles because we’re learning how varied the world is. Feminine does not equal female, and female does not equal woman, and woman does not equal “gets me sandwich”.
OP, there are plenty of men who don’t need you to be shy or feminine but you should choose how you want to be. There is nothing wrong with practicing being more feminine if you like it but if you do it for a man (and that’s what he likes about you) then you are stuck being fake-feminine or you risk losing him. That’s why it’s about growing in the direction you authentically prefer for yourself.
Yeah. Of course YOU know the truth. Of course all the “tradition” is nothing but conditioning. The fact that traditions are shaped by the environment, they are the product of it, they are adaptations to it, doesn’t seem to matter to you. Do you even know what “tradition” really means, what it encompasses? Do you know there are traditions where women are FORBIDDEN from cooking? And you see all these limitations as inherently useless if not evil, right? Do you know there are traditions where there is no pair bonding between a particular man and a woman, so there is no concept of relationship or marriage? But of course we know it best in US with 50% divorce rates - marriage and pairbonding is where it is at! US tradition is so true it is The Truth itself and must be globally accepted to ensure Complete Total Inclusion and Equality.
Why should the world learn about gender inclusion from US, when in Thailand ladyboys are dime a dozen? That’s where tradition of Thailand can offer the world an example of a system working for a long time. We have yet to see the full effects of equality and inclusion in US, it takes a few generations. How do you know it is a good one? Maybe the gender war we have going on may also be somehow connected to all this? Instead of world’s savior it is actually a parasitic curse?
Yeah, go to a distant Russian village and tell women they should become independent and get the men to carry the water. They’ll beat you with a metal bucket. Once you recover, go tell them to get their men to cook for them and they’ll beat you with a frying pan. 🤣 You know nothing about their life, so how can you be so sure you know the type of tradition/culture they need?
🤦♂️
“if you treat me with respect and dignity, I'm going to fall in love with you.”
Ain’t nobody got time for that. There are plenty of willing partners who don’t have their brains rotten to the core with insecurity and neurotic romanticism.
Also, respect is earned not given.
“I'm going to sing your praises all over the world because you're powerful and you treated me with human dignity.”
Kind of makes me wonder what’s wrong with you if someone treating you with human dignity is worthy of global praise. Even serial killers have their fans.
There is different way to live that doesn’t cause so much stress and it does involve thinking of respect and dignity on another level. You can respect everyone’s right to be treated with dignity, to bring out the best in each other, without respecting someone’s specific opinion. It’s a choice.
I don’t respect either of your opinions about controlling women’s personas and limiting them to traditional roles. However, I don’t like to see you strip yourself of your own dignity by using name-calling and violent fantasies. It’s a bad feeling to trigger someone to that place. I do hope you can be more open-minded in your thinking about women in the future but I don’t want to continue to upset you. Have a good week.
Did you get that idea from this comment?
You’re quoting a prominent Islamic speaker to inspire basic human dignity towards women. What’s next? Are you going to quote Hitler’s eugenics speech to inspire respect for Jewish heritage?
“And I have no way to know if you’re just trolling, but whether you are or not the end result is the same - it’s a oppressive, negative feeling.” “It’s a bad feeling to trigger someone to that place.”
I have no control over how you feel. I literally don’t. You are the one who makes decisions and chooses to feel a certain way based on your own beliefs. You’re spreading SJW nonsense and the oppression you’re finding is your own reflection, your own bias. At most my goal was to show how close-minded you are since you think you know best for people and cultures you have absolutely no idea about. If your definition of oppressive behavior includes expression of opinions that differ from yours, then yes I’m oppressing you 110%.
“There is different way to live that doesn’t cause so much stress and it does involve thinking of respect and dignity on another level. You can respect everyone’s right to be treated with dignity, to bring out the best in each other, without respecting someone’s specific opinion. It’s a choice.”
I think we have a different understanding of human dignity and respect. Mine does not involve shoving diversity and gender identity liberation down world’s throat. I also respect other nations and people of traditions other than mine to decide what works best for them, be it men or women.
You may also want to research what is happening in Sweden, the world’s leader in gender equality. Apparently, when Swedes have a choice they choose a profession that aligns with traditional gender roles, and are more traditional than they were before equality politics. They are seeing highest gender disparities in professional fields in all of Europe. It sounds like Sweden needs you to educate them out of their oppression.
If some guy is a greasy unemployed basement dweller that just stays home and watches anime and plays video games, and he decides he wants to start dressing better, showering, developing new hobbies, and getting a job, would you say he’s forcing himself to act in ways that aren’t true to himself?
There are definitely all kinds of men who like all kinds of women, but the largest portion of them will tend to like more feminine women. So, as a purely numbers game, if she works on her feminine side, she’ll have a larger field of potential partners. If she realizes that she’s only into a particular kind of guy, and that kind of guy probably wouldn’t be attracted to feminine women, then that’s a different story. But from her post, it sounds like she’s trying to broaden her appeal overall.
If some guy is a greasy unemployed basement dweller that just stays home and watches anime and plays video games, and he decides he wants to start dressing better, showering, developing new hobbies, and getting a job, would you say he's forcing himself to act in ways that aren't true to himself? No? Then why would you say that to OP who wants to be more girly, you scum?
OP: Haters gonna hate but girls are female by definition, and being feminine is apropos. It will attract a larger base of suitors. OP will need to naturally become feminine though and not force it seemingly unnaturally. Focus on your mannerisms, wittiness and your body - booty and charms and see how many times you get asked out 😉 Don't listen to these politically correct folks, listen to the data and optimize. You're a smart analytical girl right?
I’ve never had any trouble finding people I enjoy being with, and without compromising myself. It’s sound advice, but she really shouldn’t have asked for opinions on here. Blind is filled with people like you.
My take would be a bit different, there are guys who like girls like OP to date and be in a relationship but few of them wouldn’t marry and would want a different type to marry. OP needs to be able to differentiate between the two and find the first type who would date and marry the same girl.
Troll.