Its 6 years since we got married, have a 4 yr old son. We went through a rough patch when I was newly married and I came to USA from India - was on H4, no job, did not know how to drive and no friends. It was an arranged marriage, not much love and trust between us. My husband and his family's expectations were too high from me - when they came here right after I got married - they expected me to be nicely dressed in Indian clothes and do all housework and cook and clean. I never had to do all that before marriage - so did the bare minimum while they were here, mother-in-law said many mean things to me and husband would raise his voice often on me. I was upset as when we got married he told me we are soon going to move to big city and he has spoken to his manager and I may get hired in his company. None of it ever happened. Husband realizes his mistakes and that his mom was mean. He is making an effort to make our relationship better. I never divorced him back then due to social stigma and inspite of his efforts in past 3 years, I am not able to forget things he and his family did/said to me and often bring it up. I know I should not do it but I just cannot forget the past. My mother in law still thinks she is the best mother in law anyone could ever have.
If he’s making the moves and being nice, why do you want to break things now and make your son suffer as well?
Did your husband apologize? Did your mother in law apologize?
Had I known, would not have got married either
Have you watched gurki episode on Netflix for dating ? It’s give and take . Did he mention any mean stuff mentioned by your family which you might think it’s right ( different culture clash will happen at start) ? It’s about compromise and move on.
I don’t think my parents have spent much time or had much conversations with him that he could have an issue. He doesn’t mention anything
Invite your parents to usa and wait and watch . They will value you more because you are her daughter
MILs everywhere are same ☹️. I would say give him one more chance. Next time his mother says a word to you and he doesn’t stop her, walk out right then and there.
I always say that if you cant find happiness within yourself it will always be hard to make others happy. Try to take the steps to make yourself happy first, then extend that gesture to your child. After that if you have space for more, decide how you would want to move ahead.
Your jobs probably offer therapy in the insurance. My boyfriend and I have actually gone to couples counselling/therapy. It’s nice talking openly about what we can work on and areas of conflict. definitely recommend it!!! Open communication is really important in a relationship.
This a classic case. To solve this my wife and I have strict rules regarding our parents visits to our homes. They are allowed to visit only for a month max and during which we will try our best to accommodate them. I had a hard time accepting this rule since I really really appreciate my parents efforts and all that they have done for me but it's a sanity check we need to do for a calm personal life.
My recommendation is that you forget about the mil and focus on your husband. Since he sincerely apologized for it, you should accept that and move on, as your husband is a person and all people makes mistakes. Probably it's best for you to think about it like this: You've had your share of mistakes in this relationship (like any relationship between 2 people) and your husband forgave you for them, so why not show him the same courtesy.
I will happen in therapy session and you will be surprised when husband opens up when he felt and never told you.
The question is are you dependent on him? If yes then you most find someway to be free. If no then what’s holding you back in starting a new life. Tbh this isn’t a forgive and forget question. Has “I want to be free” written all over it.
Not dependent on him, both have jobs and independent visas