How do I optimize 'arranged marriage' search?
I have been in the arranged marriage circus since almost 3 years now. Most difficult phase in my life so far.
For those of you who have been through it and are happy in your marriage - any tips on how you avoided wasting your time/being tricked?
Were your parents involved along the process to get the 'superficial' things out of the way? (caste, horoscope, family's status , background check... blah blah)
Did you discuss deal breakers early on ?
I am trying to not waste my time going around in circles. Part of me wants to be very straight forward and clarify all deal breakers in the initial conversation. But that would throw off most guys.
Got serious with 3 guys so far:
1. Guy one turned out to be someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder ... did not disclose initially about his recent break up, told me once i was emotionally invested, was extremely controlling, lacked trust, was forcing me to move to his city etc.
2. guy 2 lied to me about wanting nuclear family. after I was emotionally invested, said he expects me to live with his parents. I would have been willing to try , but then he says I must stay with them even if people arent getting along. besides, was overly ambitious and workoholic and couldn't give enough time.
3. guy 3 ... again someone who had just broken up. We started to like each other. It was long distance. When we finally met, circumstances were not great on that weekend. He fell sick. Weekend got ruined. He gave up and also said he needs time and is not ready.
PS : I have no problems with 'arranged marriage'. My parents let me chose the guy. They are just helping me find someone I might like through matrimonial sites and their circle of people. i dont really consider it to be arranged marriage as ultimately me and the guy take decision.