I want to preface this to say I'm American. If you're not white, they make less or no effort to reciprocate friendship. They'll usually give a polite but prompt response. I've done the same approach and I've met many friends who are minorities who reciprocated and we became good friends. I know I'm not the only one who has felt this way from others' accounts. Growing up this was not as much of an issue is school (though it still happened), however, working as an adult I see this as more and more of a common theme. They're not the only racial group to do this, but they ARE the majority and most OFTEN do this. As the majority you should not be the most racially segregated group if you're "not racist." The typical preppy "cool" and "popular" white people only befriend other white Americans or at most the whitewashed minority/diversity hire friend. Even in this liberal space of SF, you often see them hanging out with only other whites. There's been a study done that says 75% of white people have no nonwhite friends and they're the most racially segregated/exclusive group in America. Though I can socialize with them on a shallow level, I really their perspective of life and their culture (yes white people you have a culture as well, though you deny it vehemently) is so different from mine (partly stemmed from privilege) that it's hard for us to relate to each other. Often conversations with them are very superficial, never getting too emotional or deep. I find talking to other minorities that our conversations tend to be more grounded and not just about going out, smoking weed, what wine we like, etc. Does anyone know how to overcome this barrier? Or is this something that requires another century to turn over?
I think you just wrong, and most likely have an inferiority complex...
Lol if it's an inferiority complex then why are 7/10 executives in the country white male. You really think there's not an old boys club? So everyone has an inferiority complex then?
Amex, adobe, google, Microsoft... come on...
I find the opposite to be true too. 😳Though, as non-white, I struggle to be part of that group.
Hence why I noted the study... that's not true. You have to keep in mind other groups are minorities as well, not the 62% majority. Less of an excuse.
How many Chinese in China doesn't have non Asian friend? How many Indian in India does not have non Indian friend? I bet it's more than 75% and not because they're racist, just because they have less opportunities to make friends with other race. So your statistics are meaningless...
We're talking about America. Country of immigrants. Why are you bringing up your country lmao
Exactly. I currently do not have any close non-white friends. That’s because I live somewhere that is predominantly white and I work from home. I’d love to have non-white friends, there’s just not a lot of opportunity where I live.
OP is correct. Most of these commenters are probably self hating minorities who wished they were white
Just look at the statistics, most executives are white men
Thank you! 3/10 executives comprises of white women and minority women, and nonwhite men combined. That's a lot crammed into a small fraction.
As a white person I try to befriend everyone regardless of their ethnicity, but a lot of Indian and Chinese people don't make any effort to meet me halfway. They only hang out in their own ethnic groups, only speak in their own language to each other, don't bother to integrate themselves into American culture at all by at least trying to learn about American music or movies or restaurants or follow popular sports, etc. To be fair, I'm Eastern European and came to America not knowing how to speak any English. I know how hard it can be integrating into American culture and making friends, but I feel absolutely no empathy for Indians and Chinese who stick to their own groups and whine about white people being racist assholes.
Mann. We should meet.
I agree with you, but since you're technically an immigrant you have a more open and willing minset. If you were a third generation white person you probably would like the rest of white America.
I find it ironic (and hypocritical) that you are complaining about white people not having non-white friends while simultaneously explaining why you don’t want to be friends with white people.
Who said I didn't want to be friends with them? I've had several close friends who were white. I said it was hard to befriend them as a non-white. Way to try to detract the conversation.
“Though I can socialize with them on a shallow level, I really their perspective of life and their culture (yes white people you have a culture as well, though you deny it vehemently) is so different from mine (partly stemmed from privilege) that it's hard for us to relate to each other.” So I apologize. You weren’t saying that you don’t WANT to be friends just that you have trouble accepting us for who we are. Seems like splitting hairs.
White male here. You say “Often conversations with them are very superficial, never getting too emotional or deep.” That sounds more like just part of typical white male culture than that you are being excluded from some secret white cool discussions. I was talking to a black woman new to a white neighborhood who was talking about how she had grown up in a multicultural neighborhood and had been a part of all sorts of neighbor dinners and invited to neighbor houses all the time and now felt like she was being excluded from that in her new white neighborhood. I asked if she knew it was actually happening for anyone - she said no, just assumed it was. I told her I’ve seen almost none of that in most middle/upper middle class white neighborhoods in cities. She just assumed similarities to her existing culture where there probably wasn’t. Very cross cultural friendships are difficult. I have a lot of non-white-in-skin-color friends - but the majority are pretty white in culture. I’ve found easier connection with some Native American people (often they are very direct and authentic), more middle class Indians, a few Africans who came to the US after about age 10 (where there isn’t some of the US racial cultural baggage), and Central/South Americans. I don’t think I’ve ever had a close “culturally black” American friend.
Thanks for the insight. I loved reading this. Why are the majority of your nonwhite friends pretty white in culture? Is it what you feel comfortable with? I also had another nonwhite friend that said the most emotional "deep" times they've had with white friends were when they were drunk. Lol.
A few reasons. I’m fairly non-confrontational and also find rambunctious communication to be uncomfortable. That makes some cultures harder to connect with. I’m pretty geeky and interested in deeper technical discussions (around anything from economic policy to race relations to linguistics to distributed software design) and find that this style of communication in Americans isn’t as easy to find outside of fairly “white cultural” people. And many just find it uninteresting. This may be because Americans with this set of skills and interests are more likely to have been acculturated in our universities. I do know some people who went to HBCU’s, but not in tech or policy. I’m also super liberal, and an atheist. Some minority populations are fairly culturally conservative and religious, so less to connect on. I also have spent (a lot) of time outside the US and have been in the minority for good chunks of my life. I think this gives me more empathy than most white Americans tend to have developed for various situations.
OP is wrong. I am a minority and get along just fine with whites as well as other minorities. One of my closest friends is American. White is too broad anyway. Americans are very different from Western Europeans and they in turn are quite different from eastern Europeans. Putting them all in the same bucket is ridiculous. That said all of them are approachable. Perhaps because of cultural differences some are more or less outgoing , need more or less personal space and are more or less likely to let you in their private lives. It's not like all of them can be your bros or sisters , but you can be friends no problem. Stop seeing them as white or non-white. Just think about them as people.
If I'm wrong then why did the study determine exactly what I just said? Put data on the table. You're just giving out opinions. FYI, all my close friends are "Americans." Not sure how that's relevant. Or did you mean white American?
I don't see how anything here can go beyond anecdotal data points. A rigorous non-biased sociological study would be very hard to do, but please share the source of your study. Next, yes, I mean white American , not that it makes a difference. Beyond my single data point, I can cite the experiences of dozens of white Americans in grad school that were very good friends with people from all over the world. I can also refer to many white American colleagues in Microsoft , Google , and Facebook that also have good friend of different backgrounds and ethnicities. Again, these are all anecdotal data points, but I would suggest that rather than rationalizing your inability to befriend white Americans using some random study you found , to try harder if you really care. Even if what your study says it is true, you should at least be able to befriend one in 4 white Americans, right?
I would be friends with Whitey if I could find a trustworthy one.
🙄
Sounds like your not looking very hard. And why call someone white? You really want to start the name calling game? Knock off that crap. Be part of the solution not the problem.
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I find the opposite. Lots of other races group up with people of their same race only.
That's what you think. And what I thought as well. Until I looked at the study that determined white people are the most racially segregated group, meaning they group up with only other whites. Google it.
Can you provide a link to the study you mentioned?