I feel I have really drifted apart from my mother over the last few years. I still love her to death but I cannot stand being close to my her. She always had high expectations and was like a switch in childhood and could go from sweet to batshit crazy at a drop of a hat. I have started realizing that whenever I am around her I feel like I am walking on egg shells. She is also very judgmental and feels that her beliefs are the only ones that matter and that her viewpoint is always correct. It just started dawning on me how I am happier further away from her and I do not call her often these days and also feel guilty about this. How is your relationship with your parents? Anyone in same shoes as mine?
You will likely regret this long term in the larger scheme of things.
Yeah especially when they pass away when you're 11 years old. Still sucks everyday. Even over ten years later. Feels bad man.
Have u tried to have a conversation with her about this? I have realized that if i make it known that I dont like a person / relatives behavior, they are more likely to be considerate i.e. if they care enough to do so. I have realized just ignoring the person / interacting less often does not always work with your close ones.
Same thing w my dad, it sucks
I figured that a tiny distance is needed maybe you know seeing them every week or every two weeks instead of being in their face on a daily basis... it just doesn't work for me. Although with my mother things have been amazing but me and my dad we have over disagreements which tend to turn into a big fire if we are in each other's face but that said we love each other to death and I will just do whatever it takes to make them comfortable in fact them helping them financially because they are in their retirement and somehow they need it although they never asked me.. I do it because I need to see them comfortable. I think it's an important thing to keep family close as someone mentioned already in the long term regrets may come your way. Sit down with her and have a friendly conversation with her and ensure she understands your position and how much you love her.
Personal happiness is priceless !!!! .. that’s all I am gonna say
My mother is very similar. The more distance from her and less communication I have with her the better my mental and physical health become. Constantly being worried about approval or the shame of not being perfect is a miserable way to live. Don't feel guilty about not calling her. Your mental well-being is more important than some arbitrary obligation.
I moved to another country when I was 17. Helped a lot. We have good relationship with my parents, but I feel it would be much worse if we lived close to each other.
I would have done anything to live close to my mom. I used to come to India every few months. Especially when they are 60+ or 70+, they need you more than you realize.
What a ungrateful lot. Big contribution of parents in whatever you’re now. But I realize the world is becoming more self centric as families become more nuclear. Having disagreements and imperfection is part of the social fabric which obviously seems to be breaking down given social media and technology. Rising intolerance along with an inflated sense of self will have a detrimental impact on social relationships .... which will become superficial. We don’t need to treasure ‘being right’ over our relationships.
You are right. It’s all about “ I, me and myself” these days. Individualism taking over the social fabric. This was not really the case in Asian countries but they are changing too.
I disagree. I completely agree that your parents contribution is significant in making your present, but that does not mean you should value their opinions/ behavior over your own mental wellness. The op is just saying that he is maintaining his distance with his mother. Not shirking his responsibilities in any way. And in many cases, its better to maintain some distance than develop hatred towards your parents. Also it does look like his mother is not being tolerant either and instead judges / criticizes him.
Learn to take things lightly. When parents say something, don’t maintain that kind of attitude. My mom passed away 3 weeks back. Even in ICU, she was worried how I would live, who would take care of me. Only regret I have is fighting with her over her not eating properly. I would yell and she kept quite and after making me mad, she would nicely say why I am shouting.. see I am eating. I miss every moment of those fights, how she was upset that I didn’t do PhD. All in all, trying to fix relationships. Once your parents are gone, they are not coming back.
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I guess most people think that their way is the right way regardless of how they are related to you. I kinda notice this in pretty much most people I meet.