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Please vote sensibly 🙏
I'm pretty sure my marriage is over. We haven't had sex in over two years. We are at a dead end in terms of the relationship, but its so damn inconvenient to get a divorce. We have no kids, just one pet, and yet divorce just seems more inconvenient than the marriage is. I need some direction in life. Husband is not a bad person, I'm just not attracted to him anymore. He seemed very open open minded (on topics like adoption) when we got married, but that has really changed over time. We've been married four years now and I absolutely do not want to continue in it. If I broach the topic of divorce, I'm sure everyone including my own parents will be opposed to it. I've brought it up with my husband and he doesn't think I have the balls to go through with it. I absolutely hate how lonely I feel. I haven't cheated, I won't either. How do I muster the courage to call it? TC 310k
I was in a 10-year relationship where I was super dependent on my ex. Didn’t think in a million years I could leave. You do it by taking your very first step - get your own place and move out. Don’t tell him until you got your new place. That’s how I started mine. After that, I told my ex and he helped me move into my new apartment. ☺️
Good for you! I'm not sure mine will go the same way
You never know until you do it. The first step is always the scariest.
You haven’t had sex in two years and you haven’t cheated? I bet at least 2k of those 310k were spent on batteries! Your marriage is over. You have no kids, no baggage, nothing! Super easy to start fresh. Go for it! You only live once...
Have you tried couple counseling? It might help. If you still feel you are not happy with each other and divorce is the only way, don't be afraid of what others will say. Life is short and good friends will support you. You need to have courage to make decisions that makes you happy and the family will also support you. Wish you the best!! It's a very tough decision, talk to a counselor if you feel there is a chance. Feel free to message if you want to talk more.
He won't do it
You know the answer then. Talk to your closest friend, tell your husband and file the papers. It will be difficult like any relationship breakup but you will be over it. You don't have any kids, you have job and you are educated, and independent girl. Have courage and take the first step. First step is hardest and fear is your enemy. You will realize that you are more happy when you let go of the fear and have conviction in your beliefs and courage to act on it.
How old are you?
30
You should make moves before you hit the biological wall for having children. 30 is starting to push it in terms of fetility
Umm people change, don't they? I am sure you aren't the same person he married 4 years ago. They key is growing up together and accepting the changes. What were some of the things that got you attracted 4 years ago? Do they still exist? If not, can you rekindle your love? Like going on dinner or movie dates or take a walk at the beach? I am sure he would have some thoughts about where this relationship is heading as well. How about you try to talk to him and know what's going on in his mind and if he prefers working it out or separation?
He is still a nice person, which is what makes this hard. I don't have fun with him anymore. We've had vacations, dates, tried things, talked it over, none of them have worked.
I would say nice people are difficult to find. To me, it's more important than having fun. Marriage is a lot of responsibility and understanding, so if he is caring and responsible, I wouldn't let him go. If he is someone who shares the household chores, treats you well, can be responsible with kids, supports you personally and professionally etc, he is a keeper. I would try to understand his thoughts and work around them, or try couples therapy. But then this is just my personal opinion, and i understand it can be easier said than done. I am a woman.
I feel you. I am same age as you are, no sex, no kids and just v lonely in this marriage. I have thought about cheating and have signed up on tinder few times but never felt right so would delete. I want divorce but he takes it on his ego and is not supportive neither is helping make things better. I am at a dead end and also I am on a visa which stays if I stay married to him so all this put together unhappy marriage seems more convenient. Shoot me a message if you want to connect
I am really sorry for your situation. I know the visa situation works like a slavery some time. Do you work as well? Can your employer file for your visa? Talk to your husband and see if is open to you both meeting other people. You need to find happiness and reason to live. You should see if you can find outside what you are missing in your marriage while you both workout this visa and divorce decision.
Get counseling, leave, or both. Like literally how lazy can you be.
There are some things that you can't just work and get past.
Then I guess you’ll just stay like this for another 35 years or so. Real talk this is your life. You don’t get another one and the door is wide open to leave. Get a new lease and move your shit out.
Does/should it matter?
Uh cuz there is something called culture.
Go to a marriage counselor, tell your husband that’s what you’re doing. Sounds like he won’t go with you — so go alone. You need professional guidance for your specific situation, and blind can’t offer that.
2 years without sex :/ I think you should see a therapist, where you can get help building up the courage to achieve a divorce. it won't happen overnight, but the right therapist will help guide your state of mind to the place it needs to be before the breakup. you need to move on and find someone you love, life is too short
Hmm. I probably need this.
She's not attracted to her husband, therapy won't help that.