How many of your in-laws is the maximum you would tolerate hosting for two or three weeks

Facebook berthold
Jul 10 38 Comments

We recently moved to a new house from a condo, and I have been terrified by my wife's plans to have her family visits to be longer and to include a larger crowd.

Her dad would come once a year for 3 weeks and her mom (with other 5 relatives) would come for 2-3 weeks. I feel that is the maximum I can endure.

Now she wants another two beds and use two rooms for guests to be able to host (gasp!) 10 or so people at a time for several weeks. (Maybe even more than 3)

Is it selfish or unreasonable to be absolutely horrified by this idea? How long would you tolerate such an invasion of your space?

Also hosting means taking them out for dinner a few times per week, planning activities with them, driving them around, entertaining them, etc.

BTW I get along with them great, but I do value my space. I am an introvert that can be very social. Having guests for so long is mentally taxing for me. Also we don't have a macmansion with 10 bedrooms. It is ~2500sq ft home. We have no kids

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TOP 38 Comments
  • Amazon Kjhsda
    If you are working and the in-laws are not working during their visit, they should be doing all the cooking and cleaning
    Jul 10 6
    • Honeywell Haha Hehe
      Depends on person to person. I am Indian male, when my mom was here she was doing all the cooking and cleaning work. Just to clarify, I am married and still my mom did cooking as my wife is working.
      Jul 10
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      @NetApp you still stay in the 1990s?
      Jul 10
    • NetApp FEFq00
      No.. 2019 where I am the one cooking whenever they visit. If I don’t, they will say I’m not treating them well. If I do, they will say I am wasting time everyday cooking and not trying to get into FAANG!!
      Jul 10
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Oh man, that's hard. Good luck dealing with those in laws. But don't generalize.
      Jul 10
    • NetApp FEFq00
      Yeah.. you are right. I shdnt be generalizing. It is just my bad luck:(
      Jul 11
  • geez airbnb if 6 people are coming for 3 weeks.
    Jul 10 4
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      THANK YOU!
      Jul 10
    • E*Trade / Finance cbEV72
      Who’s paying?
      Jul 10
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      They are very wealthy! They keep boasting about flying first class amd criticizing us for flying coach but can't get a hotel.
      Nevertheless, I would gladly pay it myself
      Jul 10
    • Alternative thougt, you and your wife get an airbnb, have a stay-cation, leave the house to inlaws
      Jul 10
  • LinkedIn LOLmanCOW
    Depends, some people really value family. You should talk to your wife. If it's only once or twice a year I don't think it's wrong.
    Jul 10 2
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      We are talking. It is our main source of conflict at the moment.
      I was just skeptic about my reaction being selfish. I think I have been reasonable for years, but I can not let this get any worse
      Jul 10
    • Verizon Media sxSG85
      It is not selfish. Your house is not a hotel
      Jul 11
  • Facebook / Eng MySpace
    So glad my family accepts I’m an asshole and don’t expect to spend that much time with me. It’s never too late to change!
    Jul 10 1
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      My wife's siblings are all married to assholes and they get off the hook because of that.
      Maybe I should just become one too
      Jul 10
  • Amazon DonDrumpf
    When you have kids you’ll realize the value that the in-laws bring and will perhaps be more forgiving.
    Jul 10 1
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      The thought of having my in-laws more is causing me anxiety about having kids.
      Jul 10
  • Amazon dhiekshxe
    2500sq ft for 2 people? Must be fun to clean :) (I know ppl pay for that)
    Jul 10 3
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      Yeah... I know. FB and tech in general pays too well and we end up buying more than we need.
      I was mesmerized by the potential tv room I can build ... and I guess my wife was thrilled by her thoughts of turning this into a hotel for her family
      Jul 10
    • Apple tim_c00k
      What city do you live in?
      Jul 10
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      Seattle. Yeah, it's not Bay Area crazy (yet)
      Jul 11
  • Cisco 7ssuucckks
    Introvert than can be very social?
    Jul 10 2
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      Yup. That's what my therapist told me. I thought I was extroverted, but the fatigue and need to be alone often are marks of an introvert, or so she says
      Jul 10
    • Cisco 7ssuucckks
      That's new to me. Anyways, hosting 10 people for more than 3 weeks is insane. I could never do that. Not more than a couple of days.
      Jul 10
  • NetApp FEFq00
    You would value people only after losing them. Realize this as early as possible in your life.
    Jul 10 1
    • LinkedIn LOLmanCOW
      So true, cherish your time with your family. Once they're gone they're gone.
      Jul 10
  • Google lenajava
    Take it easy, you don't need to take them for dinner, maybe once or twice. Buy some food and ask what they want to cook. Explain them about Caltrain and let them visit SF ourselves. Overall delegate.
    Jul 10 3
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      Yes. If that was an option. My wife says that they are visiting me too and want to spend time with me.
      I guess if I could get away with that it would be much more bearable. Will consider it for the next time we discuss the issue. Probably soon
      Jul 10
    • SAP woos
      Spending time with you != you taking care of their logistics, stay and entertainment ON TOP of an already-demanding, full-time job.
      Jul 10
    • Facebook berthold
      OP
      Exactly!!!!
      Jul 10
  • Apple
    ST8Pr1d3

    Apple

    PRE
    BT
    ST8Pr1d3more
    Zero
    Jul 10 0
  • Tableau / Eng
    ZeroKooll

    Tableau Eng

    PRE
    Microsoft
    ZeroKoollmore
    2 in laws, 2 weeks max
    Jul 10 0
  • Oracle pzd
    I only do this for the parents.
    Jul 10 0
  • Google anononly
    Curious why that many other relatives will be visiting at the same time? If they want to meet you guys, they could visit at a separate time. On the other hand, your in-laws could visit them if those relatives intend to meet your in-laws. BTW, are you Deshis?
    Jul 12 0
  • Google ggtf45
    Be firm about your space. Draw the line clearly. I wouldn't tolerate for more than 2 weeks unless they r helping you
    Jul 11 0
  • LinkedIn 黃帝
    No.
    Jul 10 0