How to Deal with Sexist Comments

Apple FuelUp625
Sep 15 42 Comments

So I posted this in the HW group.

This was the comment since you want to know “Girls are known for their succulent p***y. And then did the hand and mouth gesture and I was sitting across. Then they looked at all the girls that passed by and commented on there ass”

How to Deal with Sexist Comments How to Deal with Sexist Comments
This is the response that I got. I dont understand why they are automatically coming to a conclusion as to what happened.

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TOP 42 Comments
  • EY BL23
    Once a male coworker happened to casually say “...the acquisition was almost like XYZ client was raped”. I was the only woman in the room of 3 men. I was honestly annoyed and it was a very sexist comment. None of the men batted an eyelid. The guy apologized immediately but I guess I should have said something.
    Sep 15 12
    • Amazon sbsjhskab
      Would you equally mind someone saying "got screwed"? Meaning remain same but the works are little more accepted.
      Sep 15
    • EY BL23
      Rape is a sensitive topic - for any gender. But coming to your point, I would definitely not engage in using such language at work. I don’t get it why is it so hard to stay within boundaries at work for some people. And then there are folks who justify such behavior which in turn causes people to just become more and more accepting of this. This encourage people like in OP’s case to make gross remarks.
      Sep 15
    • Apple
      MrMuscles

      Apple

      BIO
      Strong and built like an Ox. I don’t look like your typical Engineer. 😀
      MrMusclesmore
      @EY I understand your disgust but would the comment be any less offensive if the room was full of women plus a single man and he made the same comment? What if those other women were part of his inner circle and thought the comment was either funny or indifferent to it?

      Sometimes people need to understand their audience when in the workplace. I don’t think the guy was intending to be sexist or even knew he was [of course you know him better than me] He was just ignorant and was not aware of his audience which puts him at fault because you had a different interpretation of his comment which serves you right.

      I am like a fly on the wall and I have heard both women and men say some very questionable things at work but usually things aren’t perceived as offensive when they know their audience. I do notice the curse words and dirty jokes decrease significantly when senior leadership is present 😀
      Sep 15
    • T-Mobile / Eng QT34
      Imagine being this sensitive.
      Sep 15
    • EY BL23
      @QT34: Don’t try to deemphasize the nature of the comment. Sensitivity is subjective but if you were to say something similar at a workplace and another person found it inappropriate, that person is legally within his/her right to report it. So instead of trying to define what kind of reaction should be called “too sensitive” according to your opinion, invest in making the work culture better.
      Sep 23
  • Hulu / Design dzgn_rulez
    I’m thinking of starting our own app, I’m really getting tired of this tech bro bs.
    Sep 15 3
    • New / Product shitz
      Ah just looking for your own echo chamber?
      Sep 15
    • Hulu / Design dzgn_rulez
      Troll harder.
      Sep 15
    • Microsoft techladki
      What's tech bro B's?
      Sep 15
  • Microsoft techladki
    If you aren't going to mention what the comment was (at least approximately) then don't expect helpful response
    Sep 15 6
    • Apple FuelUp625
      OP
      This was the comment since you want to know “Girls are known for their succulent p***y. And then did the hand and mouth gesture and I was sitting across. Then they looked at all the girls that passed by and commented on there ass”
      Sep 15
    • Pandora x0kjF
      That is massively inappropriate and that person should learn to shut their mouth or be fired, probably just fired.
      Sep 15
    • Adobe / Data
      CSpc08

      Adobe Data

      PRE
      Adobe
      CSpc08more
      Omg that is so disgusting
      Sep 15
    • Apple
      MrMuscles

      Apple

      BIO
      Strong and built like an Ox. I don’t look like your typical Engineer. 😀
      MrMusclesmore
      That is disgusting but when he said “girls” I seriously hope he was referring to adult women only. That sounds like a comment a unrepentant serial child molester would make while being interviewed...
      Sep 15
    • Aetna / Data banana 🍌
      Wtf, that is disgusting.
      Sep 15
  • That's a really gross comment that would make me uncomfortable too. I think I still would have talked to him - though it's very borderline - but the witness thing is something different. I have a feeling this guy would do it again btw, because that's just completely tone deaf, so maybe not such a big deal you went to the manager. There's no way he doesn't know that was inappropriate, yet he said it anyway. In no setting is that appropriate. Maybe he thought he was being funny, but still. Either he's a completely clueless dunce (in that case talking to him would probably work) or an actual creep.
    Sep 15 5
    • Apple
      MrMuscles

      Apple

      BIO
      Strong and built like an Ox. I don’t look like your typical Engineer. 😀
      MrMusclesmore
      I agree that is a nasty comment to say at work or even outside of work (unless you know the woman very well). Keep in mind I’m an open minded guy but he sounds like the “Chester the Molester” type...🤮
      Sep 15
    • Agreed. If he was just a bumbling idiot fine, but if he seemed dangerous at all I would have gone to someone in charge in a hurry as well. No one needs to deal with comments like that at work; I don't think most dudes would even want to hear that shit.
      Sep 15
    • Apple
      MrMuscles

      Apple

      BIO
      Strong and built like an Ox. I don’t look like your typical Engineer. 😀
      MrMusclesmore
      I definitely wouldn’t want to hear that from a guy at work or outside work. I have had a few guys make comments like that about women in general to me in private at work and I found it very strange.
      Sep 15
    • Apple FuelUp625
      OP
      I agree. I felt really uncomfortable so I went directly to my manager and wanted professionals to deal with the situation
      Sep 17
    • Apple dhBr12
      I hope you are feeling better. What he said was really disgusting and I understand your situation. You went to the manager and it escalated really quickly. I was put in a similar situation. Retaliation is not the answer. And people should grow up
      Sep 19
  • Apple
    MrMuscles

    Apple

    BIO
    Strong and built like an Ox. I don’t look like your typical Engineer. 😀
    MrMusclesmore
    I frequently hear a female EPM tell men to “stop being a d*ck” or “you don’t have any balls” on conference calls and in person. I have seen her do it in front of her manager and other senior leadership and others either look scared or they laugh. I’m one of the few she won’t talk to like that because I will put her in her place and hr does not need to be involved. I made my manager aware of the consequences. I don’t take disrespect rather it’s sexist or not from men/women in the workplace. This diatribe is to let you know that women also make sexist comments but typically they are brushed off.
    Sep 15 0
  • Assuming this is something you can't let go...

    If you feel unsafe confronting the person go to HR or their manager. if this a repeated offense and you've already tried talking to them, go to HR or their manager. if they slipped up once or it was fairly innocuous talk to them yourself.

    I've went to a manager once because i thought it was what i was supposed to do. but I wouldn't do that again unless the behavior was super inappropriate/dangerous/happening repeatedly even after talking to the person. even if they dismissed me outright I would still wait until it happened a couple more time in case they were just saving ego.
    Sep 15 3
    • Microsoft Lpsolo
      Exactly. Op escalated right away and included 5 witness per op’s statement. One of the witness didn’t like being included in shit like this and is now avoiding OP. Not saying it is a good behavior, but OP needed to talk to the witness to see if they are willing to be included in the incident.
      Sep 15
    • Admittedly I skimmed the OP and missed the witness thing. OP should have asked the witness. In no way is anyone entitled to identify someone as a witness and force them to testify. That's a whole other level, I guess. I think OP is young and thinks this was the only way to handle it and doesn't have a lot of experience dealing with such things. Sometimes people get a kick out of being a tattletale or just don't like the person, but I don't think that's what's happening here.

      I might just not relate because I actually prefer my coworkers arent "aware of my presence." Don't talk to me plz.
      Sep 15
    • Apple FuelUp625
      OP
      Thanks @ellie.js, your explanation is clear. This was the first time that happened and I didn’t know what to do. Will take your advice into account next time. I didn’t feel comfortable and embarrassed to repeat the situation and just mentioned it to the manager which got escalated quickly. But I see what you mean. In case you were curious @Lpsolo this was the comment since you want to know “Girls are known for their succulent p***y. And then did the hand and mouth gesture and I was sitting across. Then they looked at all the girls that passed by and commented on there ass”
      Sep 15
  • Look, if you want to change the culture you’re going to make some enemies.

    Now that being said, have a 1:1 with this passive aggressive guy and ask point-blank if he is retaliating against you. Have some facts and figures ready if it comes to it.

    That’ll put him on the defensive, since retaliation is illegal. He’ll think twice about screwing with you in the future.
    Sep 15 1
    • Apple FuelUp625
      OP
      Fair point. Thanks for the advice!
      Sep 17
  • Apple kRVM18
    Yeah. I had some senior engineer say that girls were known for their boobs and tits after one drink. And then the coworkers decided to continue to check out this waitresses boobs because it seemed like she wasn’t wearing a bra. Tried to change the conversation by talking about her shoulder tattoo and how it is pretty cool and then about tattoos in general. But failed...
    Oct 12 2
    • Microsoft techladki
      Why did you have to change the conversation?
      Oct 12
    • Apple kRVM18
      Because talking about boobs and tits is pretty uncomfortable...
      Oct 12
  • Facebook / Eng
    foggydesi

    Facebook Eng

    BIO
    previously worked at startups and eng leadership at fortune 50 companies, Google & now at FB
    foggydesimore
    Get HR involved. This type of behavior can't be allowed to pass.

    Regarding the blind comment ... I presume they didn't have the full sentences in front of them and made a leap.
    Sep 28 0
  • Wix.com TcEs77
    What was the comment?🍿
    Sep 15 0

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