So I posted this in the HW group. This was the comment since you want to know “Girls are known for their succulent p***y. And then did the hand and mouth gesture and I was sitting across. Then they looked at all the girls that passed by and commented on there ass”
Once a male coworker happened to casually say “...the acquisition was almost like XYZ client was raped”. I was the only woman in the room of 3 men. I was honestly annoyed and it was a very sexist comment. None of the men batted an eyelid. The guy apologized immediately but I guess I should have said something.
Are you one of those people who believe only women can be raped?
Nope. But that kind of comment is usually made with reference to women and made light of by men. In either case, that wasn’t something to laugh at and was completely inappropriate in a work environment
If you aren't going to mention what the comment was (at least approximately) then don't expect helpful response
When people ask for advice on the internet, they are often exaggerating telling the story in a one sided manner. This is doubly so when they are being vague about what exactly happened. A good amount of skeptism is always warranted.
This was the comment since you want to know “Girls are known for their succulent p***y. And then did the hand and mouth gesture and I was sitting across. Then they looked at all the girls that passed by and commented on there ass”
I frequently hear a female EPM tell men to “stop being a d*ck” or “you don’t have any balls” on conference calls and in person. I have seen her do it in front of her manager and other senior leadership and others either look scared or they laugh. I’m one of the few she won’t talk to like that because I will put her in her place and hr does not need to be involved. I made my manager aware of the consequences. I don’t take disrespect rather it’s sexist or not from men/women in the workplace. This diatribe is to let you know that women also make sexist comments but typically they are brushed off.
Ah the “men have it harder” guy. Always one.
What was the comment?🍿
Assuming this is something you can't let go... If you feel unsafe confronting the person go to HR or their manager. if this a repeated offense and you've already tried talking to them, go to HR or their manager. if they slipped up once or it was fairly innocuous talk to them yourself. I've went to a manager once because i thought it was what i was supposed to do. but I wouldn't do that again unless the behavior was super inappropriate/dangerous/happening repeatedly even after talking to the person. even if they dismissed me outright I would still wait until it happened a couple more time in case they were just saving ego.
Exactly. Op escalated right away and included 5 witness per op’s statement. One of the witness didn’t like being included in shit like this and is now avoiding OP. Not saying it is a good behavior, but OP needed to talk to the witness to see if they are willing to be included in the incident.
Admittedly I skimmed the OP and missed the witness thing. OP should have asked the witness. In no way is anyone entitled to identify someone as a witness and force them to testify. That's a whole other level, I guess. I think OP is young and thinks this was the only way to handle it and doesn't have a lot of experience dealing with such things. Sometimes people get a kick out of being a tattletale or just don't like the person, but I don't think that's what's happening here. I might just not relate because I actually prefer my coworkers arent "aware of my presence." Don't talk to me plz.
That's a really gross comment that would make me uncomfortable too. I think I still would have talked to him - though it's very borderline - but the witness thing is something different. I have a feeling this guy would do it again btw, because that's just completely tone deaf, so maybe not such a big deal you went to the manager. There's no way he doesn't know that was inappropriate, yet he said it anyway. In no setting is that appropriate. Maybe he thought he was being funny, but still. Either he's a completely clueless dunce (in that case talking to him would probably work) or an actual creep.
I agree that is a nasty comment to say at work or even outside of work (unless you know the woman very well). Keep in mind I’m an open minded guy but he sounds like the “Chester the Molester” type...🤮
Agreed. If he was just a bumbling idiot fine, but if he seemed dangerous at all I would have gone to someone in charge in a hurry as well. No one needs to deal with comments like that at work; I don't think most dudes would even want to hear that shit.
Look, if you want to change the culture you’re going to make some enemies. Now that being said, have a 1:1 with this passive aggressive guy and ask point-blank if he is retaliating against you. Have some facts and figures ready if it comes to it. That’ll put him on the defensive, since retaliation is illegal. He’ll think twice about screwing with you in the future.
Fair point. Thanks for the advice!
Get HR involved. This type of behavior can't be allowed to pass. Regarding the blind comment ... I presume they didn't have the full sentences in front of them and made a leap.
Yeah. I had some senior engineer say that girls were known for their boobs and tits after one drink. And then the coworkers decided to continue to check out this waitresses boobs because it seemed like she wasn’t wearing a bra. Tried to change the conversation by talking about her shoulder tattoo and how it is pretty cool and then about tattoos in general. But failed...
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Ah just looking for your own echo chamber?
Troll harder.