How to address maladaptive perfectionism and regret

Amazon XFEy31
Apr 14 9 Comments

Age 22, TC 150k, 11 months

I’m extremely maladaptive perfectionist to the point that its affecting my health. I am no longer productive due to the depression that psychological state has caused. As a result I over complicate and stress over things that aren’t priority and underestimate deadlines and things of importance because of behavioral avoidance and fear of failure, and I’m socially isolating myself and thoughts of regret continually fill my mind, primarily regarding my own abilities, about my career. This impacts me at work as I can not pinpoint what is important to see what I want to seek clarity in; everything is important to the perfectionist.

Let’s talk about my regrets:

I regret when I graduated early I didn’t start working immediately in December and instead decided to build out my startup, which failed to go anywhere, and I lost my competitive advantage and the 5 months of TC. I can’t change this.

I regret for not developing better organization and learning habits in college because I cheated through most courses. I don’t know how to learn. I can improve this.

I regret for not enjoying reading and being inept at communicating, especially thinking in the other party’s shoes. I can improve this.

I regret for having such a negative mentality. I regret for always regretting. I caused a lot of pain for those who mattered to me and influenced their behaviors as well. I can improve this.

I regret not not gaining more mentorship and guidance by asking more earlier on. I don’t ask because sometimes I don’t feel comfortable asking because I have the fear of rejection, of people ignoring my questions and ideas.


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TOP 9 Comments
  • Should probably regret not getting into a tier 1 company
    Apr 14 2
    • Amazon XFEy31
      Is amazon not a tier one company
      Apr 14
    • No
      Apr 14
  • IBM wmKP68
    You have a lot of regret and you're super hard on yourself. I'll share with you what a former therapist taught me: "rumination leads to depression" . Too much self focus is depressing AF. My suggestion: get outside, look for ways you can be helpful or even just nice. Smile at people who pass by, compliment someone, hold the door open. Anything to get you out of your head and more into the present moment. Once you've mastered that, work on sharing the lessons you've learned with others. And on and on and on.

    Also realize that periods or depression and self doubt are part of life and transitory. You feel like shit rn but it WILL NOT last forever. I have been there and I promise. It comes and goes.

    Take care!
    Apr 14 0
  • Amazon bayyyzoes
    See a professional who can help you through these issues.
    Apr 14 1
    • Capital One EXwk33
      Agreed a professional will be more helpful than us
      Apr 14
  • Amazon / Eng

    Amazon Eng

    I’m from Fresno
    Please see a professional to work on yourself. I don’t think Blind will be very helpful. Too many trolls making jabs.
    Apr 14 0
  • Google chenku
    Try reading the book "Whole again". I found it very helpful personally. It's talks about why we engage in these behaviors and how to work on it.
    Apr 14 0
  • Microsoft loomba
    I used to be a perfectionist must not ever fail type. Then one day I decided to focus on doing my best on things, and evaluating myself only on that metric instead if the end result. I am harsh on myself if I didn't do my best even though I knew xyz is a priority, and that makes sure I am always thinking about priorities and making sure I divide my efforts the best I can among them. Not knowing priorities perfectly (in hindsight) is ok as long as you tried your best in coming up with them.
    Apr 14 0