Relationships

How to find a girlfriend as an Asian guy

Uber Jdhehej
Nov 26

I have noticed a lot of Asian men who grew up outside of the United States have little problem finding a girlfriend and getting married. But a disturbingly large number of Asian men who grew up in the US are getting into their mid thirties struggling to find a girlfriend. I’m one of them. Advice from men other races often don’t apply to us that well. So Asian men who have successfully convinced a girl to be with them, please share your stories. How did you meet her and how did you manage to start a relationship with her? I would tremendously appreciate your help.

TC: 550k own a 1.5m home

comments

Add a comment
  • Dolby
    MoreTaco

    Dolby

    BIO
    Just browsing. Very happy at current company.
    MoreTacomore
    There’s a lot of White guys who like to date Asian guys if you wanted to experiment!
    Nov 264
    • Uber Jdhehej
      OP
      Sorry I’m talking about heterosexuals only.
      Nov 26
    • Amazon / EngIAmJob
      You've tried the taco. Try the sausage.
      Nov 26
    • Google hTED02
      IAmJob + more tacos you two are hilarious 😂👌👍🏼
      Nov 26
    • Dolby
      MoreTaco

      Dolby

      BIO
      Just browsing. Very happy at current company.
      MoreTacomore
      I try! Lol
      Nov 27
  • Google hTED02
    Indian here. Find dates easily. Start investing in self. Things worked for me, Getting fit n ripped, Dressing up, focus on investments, traveling the world, reading, cooking and latest shows on Netflix. Try to stay away from porn and Facebook. Follow suggested and in no time you be desired personality. Race has nothing to do ...... I dint grew up here, dated most of the ethnicities of which white was the majority ... it’s just that they give better BJs :-)
    Nov 266
    • New / Engcout<<user
      ^ this.. Good advice
      Nov 26
    • Microsoft TonyM
      Agree..this is an excellent post
      Nov 26
    • Jet.com gtfoorgtfo
      Stay away from porn? You kidding right?
      Nov 26
    • Microsoft / Product@zzz
      American girls regardless of race give good blow jobs. But I have had good ones from most countries.
      Nov 26
    • Indeed / EngdnPd12
      This, but let me add spend money on professionals for things you might be deficient at. Get a personal trainer, work with a personal stylist on your clothes/look. Get your teeth fixed if they need it. Finally, go on a lot of first dates from Tinder or whatever until you’re really comfortable and confident in that situation, incl turning down and being turned down. Get pro photos taken if you’re not getting the matches you want. I met my wife in person before I even finished all the things on this list.
      Nov 26
    • Amazon / Engn0v
      White girls already know how to give good head, other you need to teach. The only problem is if they aren't interested to learn.
      Nov 27
  • Uber / Eng
    meowimacat

    UberEng

    BIO
    Im a cat! 🐈 Meowww... Fancy feast is my favorite kind of kibbles 🐱
    meowimacatmore
    Do you work out and dress well?
    Nov 2611
    • T-Mobile naively2
      Join Nordstrom Trunk Club. Best advice you'll get on this
      Nov 26
    • Google hTED02
      Dude first lesson - don’t ask for such lame advice like how to dress well. Do little research first .....Heard of a search engine ? Look for “dressed men casual” pick your style and move on . Don’t be creepy.
      Nov 26
    • T-Mobile naively2
      Be cool Google
      Nov 26
    • Google hTED02
      I tried trunk club I don’t like it
      Nov 26
    • T-Mobile naively2
      Maybe it's not enough to cover your rotting inside that you've made clear here
      Nov 26
    • Google hTED02
      Bro why so hatred. I did not like it cause it was not value for money.
      Nov 26
    • T-Mobile naively2
      Because of your rude comment above to the op about how to dress well and calling someone creepy for no reason. You should try to be cool to people. Just because there are a series of tubes between you, doesn't mean there isn't a human on the other side.
      Nov 26
    • Uber / Eng
      meowimacat

      UberEng

      BIO
      Im a cat! 🐈 Meowww... Fancy feast is my favorite kind of kibbles 🐱
      meowimacatmore
      For dressing well, just wear some chinos and a nice fitting shirt and some shoes like this:
      https://www.aldoshoes.com/us/en_US/men/footwear/sneakers/Aauwen-R-Black/p/50142859-97

      Try Navy or black chinos and a shirt where the color compliments your skin tone. Not sure about yours, but I am Indian and I wear dark green or maroon. Make sure the shirt shows a vtaper and also workout. Dressing well doesn't mean jack shit if you aren't fit IMO. After that wear a vincero watch

      Do all that shit and you're already above 90% of the guys in SF.

      Also get some hobbies outside of tech. Lifting is a good one, and maybe throw in one more random one idk, gotta find something you like.
      Nov 26
    • Snapchat +1s
      Vincero watch is trash. You can easily get a similar one without their logo for a couple bucks on aliexpress
      Nov 26
    • Indeed / EngdnPd12
      Hire a stylist. A good one will shop faster and better than you on your best day, and your clothes will fit better too.
      Nov 26
  • Intuit Nulla511
    Your race has nothing to do with it. Women like funny, engaging, interesting men... who listen, pay attention, and are interested in them without being a douchebag.

    That's it.
    Nov 263
    • Google hTED02
      +1
      Nov 26
    • Uber / Eng
      meowimacat

      UberEng

      BIO
      Im a cat! 🐈 Meowww... Fancy feast is my favorite kind of kibbles 🐱
      meowimacatmore
      This is a bit idealistic. Yes all those qualities are good, but race does have something to do with it.. for example look at this:
      https://youtu.be/yFnpL42KqUE
      Nov 26
    • Google hTED02
      None of those qualities are idealistic. Both men and women need to try to achieve them else we all are living not to our potential.

      Note : not asking folks to be ripped but be healthy and active. OP thinks he is getting rejected due to his race and that is not the case. Now does race play role ? Yes of-course and will always but if one is a catch there be plenty of non racist men n women to be dated. I am an equal opportunity lover so it’s hard for me to understand racial bias but there is and will remain but it is not to a level where one needs to lower his /her standards or worry.
      Nov 26
  • Cisco Chandrika
    Asian women only care about the cheddar. With your TC you shouldn’t have a problem, in fact, instead of looking for one girlfriend just start hitting massage parlors. Costs the same and you don’t have to deal with the drama.
    Nov 262
    • Facebook QgLd56
      I’m an Asian woman, and care a whole lot more about kindness, smarts, humor, and values than I do about money. If a dude ever introduced himself with TC I would immediately write him off as a misogynistic twat and block him forever.

      A bit of earnest advice from a woman: stop thinking that high TC makes you a better or more interesting person. Try developing a genuine interest in women as human beings instead of as objects to be acquired.
      Nov 26
    • Google hTED02
      Good true advice
      Nov 27
  • Microsoft Heroin
    You work at Uber, that’s why nobody likes you.
    Nov 261
  • New gazm40
    As a girl who is dating an (East) Asian American, I’d say attitude: decisive, confident, ambitious, independent, positive. Someone who has his shit together (without me) and isn’t afraid of calling me out of my shit.

    I found my boyfriend on tinder and we’ve been together for 3 years. His profile has no description. Instead, he had pictures of himself traveling; to Machu Picchu, Paris, Tokyo, Napa, working out, eating. I noticed that he dressed appropriately in every single picture; gym clothes at the gym, pea coat in Paris, polo in Napa etc. I travel a lot and love well traveled people so I swiped him right. He messaged first asking me about something that was on my profile. We talked a lot before our first date which was 3 weeks later. On our date, I found out that he is opinionated, well spoken, well mannered. He likes to work out, he dresses well. He also keeps up with news.

    I think the reason why it works out so well is because he is multi dimensional. As in, we can talk about anything; working out, movies, news, career, cars, life struggles, relationships, politics (even though we don’t agree), religion (even though I’m atheist and he is catholic), technology, dreams, goals, traveling, fashion, .. etc.

    Don’t let people tell you that the reason you are having issues meeting women is because you are Asian or anything! That’s Hollywood bullshit!!

    Work on yourself. Men and women aren’t that different. People who invest in themselves are seen as attractive!

    What have you been doing to meet women?
    Nov 271
    • Facebook vyMo23
      This. Just b a human being
      Nov 29
  • Google / Engpornhubb
    550k paper money?
    Nov 263
    • Microsoft Heroin
      Yeah exactly! His TC is probably more like 210k 🤣
      Nov 26
    • Proofpoint / Engfoodtruckj
      Uber is going to IPO soon
      Nov 26
    • Google / Engpornhubb
      Just like btc is gonna bounce back. Any day now.
      Nov 26
  • Reddit r/ama
    There is a lot of content like ‘the game’ and YouTube videos that discuss this. I recommend reading/watching this. I also recommend reading books on body language. Finally invest in yourself: go to the gym, buy new clothes, get a good haircut, go to the dentist, get cool new glasses, upgrade your apt and keep it clean. I used to have terrible luck finding women, which had to do with low confidence and terrible game. I approached it like any important project. First learn about it from people that were successful, change things about myself, and put myself out in the field and expect failures and success. Eventually I was very successful, to the point people started asking me for advice. The best pieces are: be your best version of yourself, not just yourself. Learn how to pass compliance tests that all women will subject you to during a date. Never agree to being or becoming just friends, if she wants to be friends cut her loose on the spot. Confidence is extremely important, put yourself in situations where you are confident and build off that.
    Nov 261
    • Uber / Eng
      meowimacat

      UberEng

      BIO
      Im a cat! 🐈 Meowww... Fancy feast is my favorite kind of kibbles 🐱
      meowimacatmore
      Compliance tests are complete bull shit dump women that give these lmao
      Nov 27
  • Facebook public2
    Good luck. A lot of media stereotyping to overcome.
    Nov 260
  • Yelp Doberman
    Step 1: be attractive. Step 2: don’t be unattractive.
    Nov 263
    • Bloomberg highTC
      step 3: don't be poor.
      Nov 26
    • Snapchat +1s
      Step 4: be white
      Nov 26
    • Amazon undertaker
      Step 5: be hung like an elephant
      Nov 27
  • Uber Jdhehej
    OP
    I want to add that I’m talking more about finding a girlfriend who also grew up in the United States because marrying someone who grew up in another country is a different story. Also I’m specifically talking about East Asians.
    Nov 260
  • Google / EngDoogle
    I’m married now but was earning little, pretty short, and plenty of dates + gfs as an Asian. I think attitude is a lot of it.
    Nov 261
    • Uber Jdhehej
      OP
      What kind of attitude did you have? I have a can do attitude towards life and work and dating, and it works at work and other areas of life, but when it comes to dating I have zero successes in my almost 35 years of living.
      Nov 26
  • AMD
    5nm

    AMD

    PRE
    Intel
    5nmmore
    Go to San Francisco, it’s full of ABCs. Checkout bars in the Sunset and Richmond districts.
    Nov 270
  • Google / Eng
    ruminate

    GoogleEng

    PRE
    Amazon, Yahoo, Microsoft
    ruminatemore
    I would think your high TC would make you a catch.

    But data supports your anecdotal feelings. Asian men and black women have the toughest time:

    https://www.npr.org/2018/01/09/575352051/least-desirable-how-racial-discrimination-plays-out-in-online-dating
    Nov 260
  • Boeing / OpsAirbus
    Tell them you drive for Uber
    Nov 260
  • Uber uber.
    Your first mistake in reading your question is you used the word “convince”, you can’t convince a girl to be with you. Like a tech interview she decides within the first 10-15 seconds of meeting you if she’ll sleep with you or not and that decision is 90% based on your height. If she sleeps with you then it’s really your decision to make her your gf or not. If you need to convince her it’s already over. The reason American East Asians have trouble getting women is compared to average Americans they’re short. Back home they’re average. Height is what attracts women, being in good shape seals the deal, having a high TC will make their mom happy if they marry you.
    Nov 261
    • HCL / Otherjstwrkhere
      You, my friend might be struggling with women. Even in your bedroom, she might still not know if she wanna sleep with you(never heard girls are fickle?). The height thing must be the most hilarious excuse I heard from Americans guys. Girls would like their man to be a little taller than them, but she’ll date you if she likes even if you’re shorter than her.
      Nov 26
  • TC please? Don’t think you should have trouble finding girls unless you making peanuts or super ugly/short.
    Nov 261
  • PeerStreet / Other
    JmnG16wb

    PeerStreetOther

    PRE
    Amazon
    JmnG16wbmore
    *null pointer*
    Nov 270
  • Google 1234-/:;(
    Be michael jackson and turn white
    Nov 260
  • LinkedIn Boomhauer
    Confidence matters a lot. Try Tinder if you haven’t already. TC doesn’t matter as long as you’re gainfully employed.
    Nov 260
  • LinkedIn / Eng
    goldbug

    LinkedInEng

    PRE
    Google
    BIO
    Full time coder and part time gold dealer.
    goldbugmore
    Troll spotted.
    Nov 260
  • Google / EngÒgún
    What have you been doing to meet women so far?
    Nov 260
  • Amazon Dfg16578
    Please build some muscle. If you’re not tall, but you lift, it will improve your attractiveness a lot. If you’re tall, then please lift anyway.

    Regarding all the PUA/Game stuff, some of it’s good because confidence is nice. But many women are aware of the tactics and can spot them. So be careful with that.
    Nov 271
    • Uber / Eng
      meowimacat

      UberEng

      BIO
      Im a cat! 🐈 Meowww... Fancy feast is my favorite kind of kibbles 🐱
      meowimacatmore
      Seconded regarding PUA shit. Some of it is straight up stupid since it will attract the wrong women, like trying to pass compliance tests or shit tests for example
      Nov 27
  • Amazon / EngSam Walton
    You are painting yourself into a corner. It is not "hard", you need to hang out with the right crowd (try church or community services, get to know more people).
    Nov 270
  • I make 1/10th of your TC, am Asian Canadian, and have went through similar struggles, and may have finally figured out the dating game in the past 2-3 years or so. Would be more than willing to part my 29 years of advice in exchange for how to elevate my TC hahaha.
    Nov 270
  • Who is your dream woman? What does she care about and what is her personality?

    Answer that and I’ll tell you who you need to become and where you need to go to find her.
    Nov 260
  • New / EngLosYork
    1. Rent a nice car
    2. Drop your car keys
    3. Drop their panties
    Nov 260
  • Samsung octave
    What are your hobbies? Do you have close female friends whom you can ask advice/feedback from?
    Nov 260
  • Google / EngNeopets😍
    Owning a 1.5M home in my home town of Staten Island is not a big deal. So it all depends on where you are, cause I think that’s not a thing you should be telling women too but it’s blind so pretty normal
    Nov 260
  • Amazon gonefishen
    Can you list out what you think attracts a girl to get an idea of where you’re at? Be honest
    Nov 260

Download the app for more exclusive content.