I’m a dude in my late 20s and I literally suck at flirting. I’m not good with witty puns or comebacks. I ask women ‘nice guy’ questions like what they’re doing next weekend, or if they’ve been hiking in Yellowstone or who their favorite comedian is (lol). Honestly though, women seem to love these questions and almost always respond back with an answer. But it feels one sided as in they don’t seem interested in asking questions about me at all. And after chatting this way for a week or 2, when I finally ask them out, there’s no response.
I’ve started to realize that maybe I’m doing this wrong and that dating apps are all about “game”. How do you flirt? Some example scenarios might be helpful. How do you keep her interested?
- TI IOlOl0Chatting for 2 weeks is too long. Try to get to face to face sooner. Also try to be witty on the opener
- Backhanded compliments. Lower their self esteem while letting them know that you like them.
- “I like girls with some meat on their bones”. Calls them fat, but says that you like them that way.
“As long as they’re natural, I like small boobs!” Tells them they’re flat chested, but you’re cool with that.
“I don’t go for typical Barbie types”. Tells them they’re not tall and thin and all the standard “Barbie” attributes, but you still wanna hang.
“I like a tech nerd!” Tells then they are too nerdy for regular people but you dig it.
Of course, the type of play you can do depends on where you are in the relationship. You can’t just intro with those lines.
- Just as an example? there was a chick in my grad program who told my friend who had just returned from her mother's funeral that she was "lucky" that she wasn't being as held to as high of standards as the rest of us, you know, because she'd been given an extension on a paper. oh, and my other favorite? same girl turned to a woman next to me at graduation and said, "oh, you're not on the honors list?" And the woman said no, and she says, "oh, I thought you were smart." Seriously, all negging is amateur hour in comparison.
- 2 weeks is way too long. Within a few days of first starting to talk, you should have already scheduled a date.
Other than that, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong.
Also, I used to make the mistake of treating "agreeing to meet" as the end goal, so I didn't make an effort to talk to people in between scheduling a date and actually meeting with them. Don't be like me; keep flirting up until you actually go on the date. It will make the date itself go better.
Ignore any advice about teasing unless you're already the sort of person who teases your friends and they respond positively to it. Teasing can work, but if you execute it clumsily, you will come across as an asshole, so it's a risky move if you're not a teasing sort of person in general.
- New -joker-It's surprising. I try to find 'nice guys' on dating apps, someone who talks decent things and builds a connection rather than jumping into the flirting/sex shit. But I don't find many.
You aren't doing anything wrong imo. But just try to meet earlier. Women get more attention on dating apps than you can imagine, so if you don't talk for a few days, she has already forgotten about you. Try to meet as soon as possible, and keep the conversations going.
- Op how much would you pay for a service where you upload the conversation you're having and a girl would point out exactly where you fucked up and why? $50/hour?
- buddy I used to have the same problem like you.
Then I figured out girls get turned off when I say I work for Bloomberg coz girls get turned off by Fortran. Since I started saying I work for G I've been drowning in pussays and never look back.
- New / EngXorgatronTwo weeks is too long to be chatting on a dating app - as a woman I can usually tell if the man sounds interesting within the first day or two (sometimes sooner, but I like to give it a bit of time just to make sure there's time to spot any really obvious red flags). I tend to be picky with matches so when I do match with someone there's already a higher chance of them standing out as an interesting person, and I'm pretty sure many women tend to be the same - screening early. The point is chatting for two weeks can wear out the interest sometimes, and then if you do see each other you'll have already covered a lot of basic conversation points that you could've used in person.
I'd suggest giving chatting just enough time to make sure you're interested and then suggesting to meet somewhere public (eg casual coffee date) ASAP, maybe within the next couple of days. Also, don't be afraid to joke around and let your humor show in chat or in person. Don't be an asshole but don't tiptoe trying to seem like an overly agreeable person either - we appreciate men who can own their humor (you'll have to gauge how far you can go with each person of course)
I'm not sure what dating apps you're using, but personally I haven't been a fan of tinder. Maybe it's different for men. When I was more active on dating apps (for a few weeks, but enough to meet a few interesting people) I preferred less "churny" seeming apps like Bumble or Okcupid. One benefit of bumble is also that the woman has to message you first, so you sort of guarantee some level of initial tiny investment. Plus if she's not boring she'll send a good conversation opener for you to bounce off of.
- OP, flirting is a game. It’s cat and mouse, where a woman wants to be pursued but not too much (desperation), and not too little (she wants to be desired and pursued).
Flirting is a way of figuring out if you are compatible in a playful, light, low-risk way. Once you know you like her, ask her out. What probably happened is that she misinterpreted your interactions as “friend zoning” her.
Years ago, when I was single, I spent 2 days contemplating whether to ask a girl out (my now-wife). Someone told me I was an idiot for waiting too long - and that if I didn’t ask her out as soon as I knew I wanted to, someone else might beat me to it.
So, my suggestion for you is keep doing what you’re doing but on an abbreviated time frame. If you like her, ask her out with something like “Why don’t we meet in person so we can get to know each other better?” And then suggest an activity conducive to that.
Good luck, OP. I hope this helps.
- If you can understand Hindi this is totally a shitty video. The whole story and the attempt by the guy to convince us that this story is puke-able. However the way he flirts with the girl was truly a lesson for me. Each girl is different. But I found the tone and the emotion he developed to flirt was appropriate. Maybe this will help you. Dig through the part 3 and part 4. https://youtu.be/mFgsnkdCYfk
- Microsoft slametIts always abt you asking questions at first. Ask her a ton of questions and build on her answers. Ppl always like talking abt themselves.
Try to find common traits, likes and dislikes.
Throw in a few compliments here and there. Build that intimacy.
Once she starts asking questions and sends emoticons, you are golden!
Also, if you get to a point where you guys are almost planning a date, say all the nice things you would do on a date and have her fantasize that experience.