How to flirt better

Bloomberg RealMVP
Feb 7 69 Comments

I’m a dude in my late 20s and I literally suck at flirting. I’m not good with witty puns or comebacks. I ask women ‘nice guy’ questions like what they’re doing next weekend, or if they’ve been hiking in Yellowstone or who their favorite comedian is (lol). Honestly though, women seem to love these questions and almost always respond back with an answer. But it feels one sided as in they don’t seem interested in asking questions about me at all. And after chatting this way for a week or 2, when I finally ask them out, there’s no response.

I’ve started to realize that maybe I’m doing this wrong and that dating apps are all about “game”. How do you flirt? Some example scenarios might be helpful. How do you keep her interested?

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TOP 69 Comments
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Bloomberg RealMVP
      OP
      Oh man. Not this again *sigh*
      Feb 7
    • Roku / Eng
      Mr.Scrooge

      Roku Eng

      PRE
      Yahoo, Oath
      Mr.Scroogemore
      Bezos is small. That’s why he is scared !
      Feb 7
    • New IAmPepe
      Calm down Anthony Weiner!

      Note: he has jeans on
      Feb 7
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • New IAmPepe
      Stop negging
      Feb 7
    • New dluz61
      I don't know why PUAs think this is some novel trick women have never encountered before. We were all teenage girls once, and let me tell you, "negging" is just 7th grade level cattiness. You all aren't even up to what high school girls can do.
      Feb 8
    • HCL / Other jstwrkhere
      Negging actually work, even though they know it. Because there’s truth to it. Actually you’re just bringing them down to earth nothing wrong with it
      Feb 8
    • New dluz61
      Just as an example? there was a chick in my grad program who told my friend who had just returned from her mother's funeral that she was "lucky" that she wasn't being as held to as high of standards as the rest of us, you know, because she'd been given an extension on a paper. oh, and my other favorite? same girl turned to a woman next to me at graduation and said, "oh, you're not on the honors list?" And the woman said no, and she says, "oh, I thought you were smart." Seriously, all negging is amateur hour in comparison.
      Feb 8
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      Vertivco Eng

      PRE
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      FastPapuanmore
      Compared to what? What lines would be better?
      Feb 9
  • TI IOlOl0
    Chatting for 2 weeks is too long. Try to get to face to face sooner. Also try to be witty on the opener
    Feb 7 5
    • Dammit not getting the joke. Could someone explain?
      Feb 7
    • Ha! You're right. Missed that
      Feb 7
    • Square fjfjfj
      Dad jokes, so irresistible.
      Feb 8
    • Amazon VEoy51
      This pickup line is bad and you should feel bad
      Feb 8
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      Vertivco Eng

      PRE
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      FastPapuanmore
      Why is no one saying that it's bad?
      Feb 8
  • eBay OG 💎
    Make fun of girls in a nice way without hurting them.
    Feb 7 5
    • Bloomberg RealMVP
      OP
      Yeah this almost always gets me blocked
      Feb 7
    • New mdGG61
      Lol you guys are such losers... make fun of yourselves instead. Self deprecating jokes.
      Feb 7
    • New mdGG61
      Feb 7
    • eBay OG 💎
      That’s okay OP there will be some girls who will get pissed or block you, just ignore them like we are ignoring mdGC61
      Feb 8
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      Vertivco Eng

      PRE
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      FastPapuanmore
      Doesn't work more than 20% of the time.
      Feb 8
  • Google / Eng 🍑☁️
    2 weeks is way too long. Within a few days of first starting to talk, you should have already scheduled a date.

    Other than that, it doesn't sound like you're doing anything wrong.

    Also, I used to make the mistake of treating "agreeing to meet" as the end goal, so I didn't make an effort to talk to people in between scheduling a date and actually meeting with them. Don't be like me; keep flirting up until you actually go on the date. It will make the date itself go better.

    Ignore any advice about teasing unless you're already the sort of person who teases your friends and they respond positively to it. Teasing can work, but if you execute it clumsily, you will come across as an asshole, so it's a risky move if you're not a teasing sort of person in general.
    Feb 7 2
    • New dluz61
      ^^ great advice here
      Feb 7
    • Intel :
      I wouldn’t recommend scheduling a date far in advance...up to 2 days is ok
      Feb 7
  • New -joker-
    It's surprising. I try to find 'nice guys' on dating apps, someone who talks decent things and builds a connection rather than jumping into the flirting/sex shit. But I don't find many.

    You aren't doing anything wrong imo. But just try to meet earlier. Women get more attention on dating apps than you can imagine, so if you don't talk for a few days, she has already forgotten about you. Try to meet as soon as possible, and keep the conversations going.
    Feb 7 0
  • Amazon / PR jefe_bezos
    Pretend like you are teasing your little sister in a playful way. Don’t neg too hard where they’ll get pissed off, but don’t be a thirsty hoe either.
    Feb 7 0
  • New mdGG61
    Op how much would you pay for a service where you upload the conversation you're having and a girl would point out exactly where you fucked up and why? $50/hour?
    Feb 7 7
    • Intel :
      Or better yet she suggests responses to a conversation you’re having with another girl
      Feb 7
    • New mdGG61
      That could be a feature too, but if you get people to do the work while texting, are you going to get an actor for the in person meeting?
      Feb 7
    • Intel :
      I don’t have the issue myself, but generally flirting/playful teasing etc is taken much better in person (context added, can’t get unmatched)
      Feb 8
    • Intel :
      Also for clueless guys, being told what messages would not go over well before sending them would help. I don’t mean that someone else should come up with all the responses - more serve as moderator
      Feb 8
    • New mdGG61
      "Tinder texting moderator for clueless guys" sounds like a legit startup idea.
      Feb 8
  • New IAmPepe
    Just imitate our lord and savior Bezos
    Feb 7 3
    • New / Eng
      罪人

      New Eng

      BIO
      I hate these niggas more than the Nazis.
      罪人more
      He’s a satanist.
      Feb 8
    • Dropbox / Eng 100k🔗🐼
      What does that even mean, to love someone alive, vs dead?
      Feb 8
    • Walmart.com fiVn5$!Br
      This only works if you’re a billionaire 🤑
      Feb 9
  • Bloomberg i485
    buddy I used to have the same problem like you.

    Then I figured out girls get turned off when I say I work for Bloomberg coz girls get turned off by Fortran. Since I started saying I work for G I've been drowning in pussays and never look back.
    Feb 8 1
    • Google danbb
      “Girls get turned off by Fortran” 🤣🤣🤣🤣 god bless you
      Feb 8
  • New / Eng Xorgatron
    Two weeks is too long to be chatting on a dating app - as a woman I can usually tell if the man sounds interesting within the first day or two (sometimes sooner, but I like to give it a bit of time just to make sure there's time to spot any really obvious red flags). I tend to be picky with matches so when I do match with someone there's already a higher chance of them standing out as an interesting person, and I'm pretty sure many women tend to be the same - screening early. The point is chatting for two weeks can wear out the interest sometimes, and then if you do see each other you'll have already covered a lot of basic conversation points that you could've used in person.

    I'd suggest giving chatting just enough time to make sure you're interested and then suggesting to meet somewhere public (eg casual coffee date) ASAP, maybe within the next couple of days. Also, don't be afraid to joke around and let your humor show in chat or in person. Don't be an asshole but don't tiptoe trying to seem like an overly agreeable person either - we appreciate men who can own their humor (you'll have to gauge how far you can go with each person of course)

    I'm not sure what dating apps you're using, but personally I haven't been a fan of tinder. Maybe it's different for men. When I was more active on dating apps (for a few weeks, but enough to meet a few interesting people) I preferred less "churny" seeming apps like Bumble or Okcupid. One benefit of bumble is also that the woman has to message you first, so you sort of guarantee some level of initial tiny investment. Plus if she's not boring she'll send a good conversation opener for you to bounce off of.
    Feb 8 0
  • Dropbox / Eng 100k🔗🐼
    1-2 weeks is way too long to chat. If he doesn’t ask me to meet up by a week I assume he’s not interested and I move on.
    Feb 8 0
  • New @(^_^)@
    D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
    Feb 8 0
  • Quanergy Systems xKLr07
    talk about your ex
    Feb 7 0
  • Red Hat / Product
    Abe_Fr0man

    Red Hat Product

    BIO
    I have the innernets
    Abe_Fr0manmore
    Be confident.
    Smile.
    Make her laugh.
    Feb 7 0
  • EMC yskV77
    Just be yourself! Maybe it’s the way your asking them out? You could try phrase as more of meeting face to face than going out, that way if there is chemistry there you’ll know.

    I feel like meeting people in person is easier because you can more easily gauge if you like each other.
    Feb 7 0
  • Quanergy Systems sj5uq
    It's much easier after you've been married for 10 years.
    Feb 9 4
    • Amazon babymakes5
      LOL. Flirting when you’re married is definitely much easier. You share rituals and inside jokes and other things that get you in a playful mood.
      Feb 9
    • Quanergy Systems sj5uq
      i wasn't taking about flirting with my spouse
      Feb 9
    • Amazon babymakes5
      You mean flirting with other people?
      Feb 9
    • Quanergy Systems sj5uq
      you Amazonians are sharp!
      Feb 9
  • Amazon babymakes5
    OP, flirting is a game. It’s cat and mouse, where a woman wants to be pursued but not too much (desperation), and not too little (she wants to be desired and pursued).

    Flirting is a way of figuring out if you are compatible in a playful, light, low-risk way. Once you know you like her, ask her out. What probably happened is that she misinterpreted your interactions as “friend zoning” her.

    Years ago, when I was single, I spent 2 days contemplating whether to ask a girl out (my now-wife). Someone told me I was an idiot for waiting too long - and that if I didn’t ask her out as soon as I knew I wanted to, someone else might beat me to it.

    So, my suggestion for you is keep doing what you’re doing but on an abbreviated time frame. If you like her, ask her out with something like “Why don’t we meet in person so we can get to know each other better?” And then suggest an activity conducive to that.

    Good luck, OP. I hope this helps.
    Feb 9 2
    • Bloomberg i485
      don't you get your marriage arranged?
      Feb 10
    • Amazon babymakes5
      Nope. I met my wife the old fashioned way, before apps and when online dating was still pretty new.
      Feb 10
  • VMware / Eng
    PJLD43

    VMware Eng

    BIO
    Sr MTS.
    PJLD43more
    If you can understand Hindi this is totally a shitty video. The whole story and the attempt by the guy to convince us that this story is puke-able. However the way he flirts with the girl was truly a lesson for me. Each girl is different. But I found the tone and the emotion he developed to flirt was appropriate. Maybe this will help you. Dig through the part 3 and part 4. https://youtu.be/mFgsnkdCYfk
    Feb 7 2
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      Vertivco Eng

      PRE
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      FastPapuanmore
      Helpful, but not helpful enough. Not all your brothers understand Hindi or Urdu or Cantonese.
      Feb 8
    • VMware / Eng
      PJLD43

      VMware Eng

      BIO
      Sr MTS.
      PJLD43more
      That's why it starts with an if condition. It means Skip the answer if you don't
      Feb 8
  • Dropbox IGCk17
    Practice. It's a skill just like anything else my guy
    Feb 9 1
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      Vertivco Eng

      PRE
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      FastPapuanmore
      That's some of the worst advice ever given. This person is already practicing.
      Feb 9