How to truly get over betrayal and hurt ?

BlackRock / Eng saywat
Jul 8 37 Comments

I’ve tried therapy, videos, books, friends, hobbies , self care etc but nothing truly takes away the pain and the hurt of being betrayed and abandoned.

I’m not saying I spend all day brooding about it but every time I think about those moments in my life I still feel betrayed and hurt even after all these years. I don’t want those people in my life, I don’t miss them , I definitely don’t love them .... but I keep asking why did it have to happen to me ? why didn’t I see it coming and cut them off way before they could hurt me ? Why did I at all get involved with them ? .... I don’t know how to let go of this hurt ... I feel like there is no point in starting something new because the new person will do the same things and I’ll end up being hurt and feeling like fool once again.

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TOP 37 Comments
  • Amazon UrinGryjoy
    Man up son
    Jul 8 5
    • Cisco meoww
      toxic masculinity
      Jul 8
    • Amazon UrinGryjoy
      LOL. Liberal spotted.
      Jul 8
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      How has basic human decency become a liberal issue ?
      Jul 8
    • TripAdvisor when2Inter
      He thinks to have empathy, one must be liberal, what a redneck
      Jul 9
    • Amazon UrinGryjoy
      I'm no redneck. I'm ethnically Indian but American. I'm just not afraid to embrace the realistic approach. I've been in countless situations like the OP before. Best way to move forward is to man up.
      Jul 10
  • Amazon Yonidestro
    Sorry about what you are dealing with. I have asked that question to myself a million times. But then I changed my attitude and started asking the same question about the people and moments I treasure with the same people. Would I have it any other way? Should I have not dated that girl with whom I went to on some amazing trips, had that first kiss and other similar stuff. The answer I got might be different than yours. I also asked a few other why it happened to me kind of questions. Why I was born to a family with education and wealth, am I lucky or God had a plan or why it happened to me? Why was I the only one to get a master's in less time than others? Why I was the only one in my life who had never had to think about putting food on table? I changed the questions to aspects of my life that I have been privileged. It changed my point of view about my life. It made me realize often betrayal was a blessing in disguise and when it was not, I was willing to take that loss for all the gains I got by not going through that decision.
    Jul 8 1
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      Like I said it’s not that I brood about it every moment ... and it’s not affecting my work life .... but every time I get hurt and betrayed again ... all the pain comes back like it was at its worst years ago
      Jul 8
  • Google Devil
    You were not a fool. They were dealing with an addiction and not getting high from tricking you.
    Jul 8 5
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      So why did I have to fall into their mess ... there are so many people around me who didn’t have to deal with any of it ...
      Jul 8
    • Google Devil
      You did not see it cause they were either manipulative or dint want you to see their evil devil face. You may be attracted to their bad side which is understandable. Opposite attracts.
      Jul 8
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      Don’t think I have the fan girl syndrome for bad people ... it’s more like they were bad people trying to act like a good ones ... cause they were manipulative ...
      Jul 8
    • Google Devil
      Then you were just a victim and doesn’t reflect much on you. Time will heal and you would learn from experiences . You turned into a smarter person from learnings of your past.
      Jul 8
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      The smarter me sees red flags so early that I feel like I’ve isolated myself... one sign of betrayal or lies and I cut people off ....
      Jul 8
  • Oath Atinlay2
    What?
    Jul 8 0
  • Capital One
    bigTCpimp

    Capital One

    PRE
    OSIsoft
    bigTCpimpmore
    Masturbation.
    Jul 8 1
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      If you’re 15 I guess then
      Jul 8
  • Intel Spikiera
    Everyday you wake up, life is ready to punch you in the face. How to get over it? Tell yourself that you are strong and will handle the pain and get through it one day. Meet people, filter out the bad ones and hang around good positive individuals. Don't think about oh he/she will hurt me again, if you do that you would show insecurities and will turn people off. Be confident, be comfortable with who you are, and fight every single day!
    Jul 8 1
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      It’s tiring to do that every day when all you get is betrayal and hurt in return repeatedly
      Jul 8
  • Booking.com
    仆街 冚家鏟

    Booking.com

    BIO
    🤬🤪🥴🥺🤫😜🤦‍♂️
    仆街 冚家鏟more
    Be careful. Some people in similar situation as you would seek an addiction to cover the pain. It's a quick solution with long term side effects
    Jul 8 1
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      Thanks ... I’m usually not prone to substance abuse but I have fallen into not to god patterns with other aspects of life ....
      Jul 8
  • Amazon echo $?
    Tackle it like an engineering problem. At Amazon this is what we do with big failures: investigate them and put mechanisms in place to prevent their future occurrence. What you need to do is figure out why you’re repeating a pattern that always results in you being hurt. Is it because you’re choosing the wrong people? Or sabotaging yourself unknowingly? You won’t know until you Dive Deep and ask “the 5 whys.”
    Jul 9 0
  • Veritas / Mgmt
    kLWQ50

    Veritas Mgmt

    PRE
    Microsoft
    kLWQ50more
    What happened?
    Jul 8 0
  • Microsoft oyd8;5;tiw
    There are many suggestions/responses that helpful folks can offer in this scenario. I see many of them above.

    1) empathy: I feel what you’re going through, shytty things happen for no reason sometimes, it’ll get better.
    2) support network: reach out to friends and professionals (therapy) to get emotional support and validation, and also to get external perspectives,
    3) coping mechanisms: immerse yourself in work, get a hobby, do charity/service,
    4) relatedly, gratitude: focus on say one positive thing a day, this breaks you out of the cycle of why me and world is unfair.
    5) dispassionate analysis: why am I bogged down in these thought patterns, which of them are true and useful in terms of suggesting actions, what aspects of my world do I have control over, what should I be doing differently. The biggest challenge here is the dispassionate part, this is where a really good therapist can make a difference.

    From your responses I feel you’re still immersed in your own world and not looking for solutions so much as validation here. To be fair I don’t know your history and you certainly seem to have had enough time to think this over. But here’s the thing: the unfortunate truth is that a) your thinking currently is not healthy or correct, something you recognise already (whether there was justifiable cause or not), and b) *you’re* the only one who can dig themselves out of the hole you’re in.

    Still, let me try for a combo of 1 and 5, take from it what you will, and if none of this helps, well, I hope you find your own way and wish you well.

    I’ve wasted so much time in the “why me/how is this fair” business that I cannot even believe it now. What I realized (certainly as life situations improved, this realization became easier to accept) was that there was not a single useful thing this thought pattern was accomplishing whatsoever. In fact, it consisted almost entirely of denial, a refusal to accept the status quo. And instead it wrought destruction: denial prevented me from problem solving, denial led to other (implicit) hypotheses—the world is out to get me, I’m doomed to repeated failure, I “deserve” nothing better. In other words a self fulfilling prophecy. Always ask what a particular belief or thought is helping you accomplish, if anything, and how sure you are that a belief you hold is justifiable (e.g., that there is something broken in you that pulls you towards such situations, or that betrayal is inevitable).
    Jul 8 0
  • Maxim Integrated snbmldt
    Decide how much of the rest of your life, starting right now, are you willing to invest further into that bad experience.

    Do a quick post mortem.

    Accept the sunk cost and move on.
    Jul 8 0
  • Microsoft jcxs
    work
    Jul 8 4
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      If you mean have a job - I have already
      If you mean work on yourself - I have been trying for a decade
      Jul 8
    • Microsoft jcxs
      I mean: focus on work, and learn something new after work.

      That’s how I get over bad mood.
      Jul 8
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      I’ve done all ... but when I’m back or when some similar betrayal happens I can feel everything all over again ...
      Jul 8
    • Microsoft jcxs
      sorry buddy
      Jul 8
  • VMware herathakur
    When did this happened to you? This feeling will go away with time. It will still be in your memory but you won't be bothered much by it. It took me around a year but I think it depends on each individual personality.
    Jul 8 2
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      Well there more than one time ... the worst one was a decade ago .... the most recent one was this year
      Jul 8
    • VMware herathakur
      Basically the pain is there to remind you to not make the same mistake again. Like learning to stay away from fire or it will burn. But something are not in our control so I guess what needs to be done in this case is to focus on yourself, looking forward to new avenues for happiness.
      Jul 8
  • M&T Bank tyjA53
    Go speak regularly with a counselor. An internet stranger isn’t going to give you the quality or frequency of work that something like this requires.

    If it’s been a decade and you still haven’t resolved this on your own, you clearly need help.
    Jul 8 1
    • BlackRock / Eng saywat
      OP
      I have been doing it weekly for 3 years now ... nothing seems to get better ....
      Jul 8
  • Join Amazon.
    Jul 8 0
  • Boeing Airbus
    You are not alone. Stay strong my friend https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_BL1L9qrJeI
    Jul 8 0