I interviewed for a new role, and have already accepted the offer (consulting). I am no longer w/ Oracle, taking some time off, I start in a couple of weeks. The fact that I am engaged came up during the interview process, that’s about it. New boss and team are in town and invite me to join dinner to meet them. New boss says halfway through dinner, “I understand we have your fiancé to thank for you accepting the job” *I’m sure I look confused AF* “I mean, that he conviced you to make the change to something stable” etc something along those lines I can’t even remember the exact words b/c I was stunned. I think my response was something like, “Oh, I’m not sure about that, but I’ll pass that along” feeling absolutely taken aback and stunned. I’m actually older than my fiancé, make more money than him, and we work in completely different industries. Of course I told him I was inferviewing, but I need ZERO help navigating my career from him, thank you very much. How would you have reacted? It felt like blatant sexism to me, as no one would ever say something like that to a man! Am I doomed in this new position? Haven’t even stepped foot in the door yet. Any advice appreciated. Not that it matters, but I am a white female in my 30’s, boss is Indian male in his 40’s (I’m guessing.) I’m pointing this out to ask about the cultural difference - is this important to consider? (reference: https://us.teamblind.com/s/SGVHSuUO)
Wait where is the sexist part?
Because it’s not something a man would say to another man. Therefore, gender dictated the phrasing of the statement.
Sorry, but could you just unpack it a little bit for me? I'm honestly not sure what the sexist part was either Is it the comment about taking a job that's more stable? Were you not working in a stable job before? I'm just a little confused I can sympathize with being on the receiving end of a shitty remark, but I'm trying to understand what exactly the shitty thing is here
🍿 🍷 🍺 whatever one says can be used against him/her so here for the precious advice that follow
It seems we're headed in the direction that everything said and done is coded with sexist racist or some sort of ist undertone. I wish people were more straight up about the things that made them uncomfortable during private 1:1 convos.
Great point. Aka Radical Candor. What would you say/ how would you approach this in a straight up way? I was so caught off-guard, I couldn’t think fast enough on my feet.
Tc ?
My wife makes me do things all the time. White male in late 30's (I know) /w wife & baby.
You mean your share of the chores? Must be hard. You poor baby.
^ that’s sexism you bigot
Someone's being too touchy and entitled. I don't want to get into who that someone is..
You will regret and repent so don’t join against your belief system. Don’t spoil the culture of the team and kudos to your judgement skills.
Can you elaborate?
I can’t if you can’t get S.A.R.C.A.S.M sista!!
When men have similar encounters, they tend to shrug it off and move on. Not make a hashtag out of it
“It felt like blatant sexism to me, as no one would ever say something like that to a man!” I am a married man. People say that kind of thing all the time when you are engaged/newly married. It’s congratulatory teasing about growing up. Don’t be so sensitive. 😎
So I shouldn’t be reading more into this? It struck me as so strange. I just met these people, so they have no point of reference as to who I am.
Was just coming to post the same thing. I’m a male in my 30s and had similar comments from a few people when I took a fortune 100 job instead of a consulting offer out of b-school. I think you are new, they don’t know you, so they are trying to find ways to approach you and have a lighthearted conversation. Consider it an awkward comment from someone poorly versed in small talk, not sexism.
Why sexist? We all need to thank our best half for the sacrifices they do and their support, when we make a career choice (which almost always negatively affects personal life to some extent).
Because it’s not something a man would say to another man. Therefore, gender dictated the phrasing of the statement.
If you want to say it’s sexist you will think that. Being a woman or minority you may feel that way often. It’s something white males may not understand as it never happens they are treated differently in any way and they will think it was attributed to their gender or sex.
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Just going to assume you are joking
Was inquiring about cultural differences.