Husband Makes Less; He’s Cheap and Controlling
Throughout my entire life, I’ve made a lot more than the men I’ve been with long-term. None of them ever had an issue with it and I never had an issue with it, either - in other words, for my part, I’m humble and grew up blue collar, so I don’t buy many things or spend for the sake of spending. If I do need or want something, however, I always buy quality. I’m also not cheap with those near and dear to me, either, but I budget (for example, Christmas) and don’t go over-the-top but like to give lovingly.
I’ve been married for six years (and with my husband a total of seven years). As I get more successful, he is becoming more controlling (with money) and cheap. Before I married him, I was single on-and-off for five years having a lot of fun and enjoying myself after having been in a LTR with someone who broke my heart after 13 years. (This is important because I was very independent.)
Lately, my husband has been getting tighter with the purse strings and doesn’t like to spend money on things I want to do or buy, but has no issues with spending and has no issues spending it on his family - we send money to his parents monthly but also spent a lot when a family member visited recently or when we visit his parents. For the last couple of vacations, we’ve gone where he wants to go...and I’ve paid for them.
I’m getting frustrated, if not angry, because I’ve worked hard for the last 19 years to get where I am and have helped him pay off a lot of debt because he feels that I make more, I should contribute more. I pay 2/3 of the mortgage and most of the bills, as I make 2.5 times what he makes. We pool all of our money together and I sometimes feel we have a transactional relationship and he has this checklist/scoreboard of tit-for-tat (for example, if I buy something, he must buy something).
He needs a car as his 13-year old car is dying. And he said I’m going to have to help him with the down payment. Because we are married, I will, of course. But, I’m becoming resentful as what I want always takes a backseat to what he wants or needs.
Men or women who carry the financial household, what do you do? Recommend?