I am full of Hate

Apple allgripes
Aug 15, 2018 38 Comments

Stuck in a job that’s toxic. This toxicity is spilling into my personal life and I am now full of hate. When I hear someone is hurt and or died, I feel happy.

I’ve gained weight, lost interest in going out or dating, guess I am indifferent now. I don’t have any friends I can trust or confide my feelings in. Think I am just growing to he be an old coot. I was not like this before I joined Apple, I’ve been trying to switch jobs for about two years now and don’t have a single offer. All the while, I see people who are less competent and without skills find roles and move to different roles without an issue. I feel so damn sick to even try for an Interview now.

I do understand all of this may be a sign of depression, tried seeing a psychiatrist but it doesn’t help and am just losing my $$$. The medication keeps me groggy and I feel tired all the time. I tried taking a vacation to keep my mind off it, that only helps temporarily. And I am back to what I am with in a week or two after I am back at work.

What to do??

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TOP 38 Comments
  • Microsoft maverickk
    You're sinking further and further into depression. Seek help asap and see a therapist.
    Aug 15, 2018 3
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      I know that too. Therapists are the best way to lose $$$. I found other things like gardening and volunteering at pet rescues more therapeutic and rewarding than talking to those scam artists.
      Aug 15, 2018
    • Apple / Eng appsrus
      Strongly disagree. It took me three or four tries to find a therapist I like, but doing so has made huge improvements in every area of my life, not just fighting depression. But it's work and it's a slow process.

      For the first 6 months of therapy, I felt a little better, because I was doing something actively to take control of my life, and it gave me a feeling of control. But that passed, and I realized how long a road was ahead of me, and my depression actually got worse. It wasn't until about 2-3 years in that I started to see the benefits and actually like my life. I just wish I had started sooner. I wasted a decade of my life trying to fight depression with things that only made it worse, basically out of pride. Therapy felt like giving up to me, but really the opposite is true.
      Aug 15, 2018
    • Microsoft maverickk
      That's great advice !
      Aug 15, 2018
  • Tesla LEETCODER
    Look for a new job. What's stopping you from interviewing? DM me for referral if you want to.
    Aug 15, 2018 2
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      I am. Been doing that for the past two years! Haven’t received a single viable offer yet.
      Aug 15, 2018
    • Google GoldenGod
      Does “viable offer” mean comparable to what you make now or does it mean you haven’t received an offer at all?

      If first scenario, taking less money and leaving Apple for the sake of your happiness sounds like it would be worth it.
      Aug 15, 2018
  • Apple / Product JEns11
    I feel the same way. Hang in there. I’m actively looking for a new job and I’m trying to make my sleep and health my first priority. I haven’t been performing my highest at work, but honestly I don’t care any more. I am quitting after October vesting even if I don’t find another job. Having a salary is not worth having all my happiness and energy sucked away
    Aug 15, 2018 3
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      Thanks brother!
      Aug 15, 2018
    • Apple / Product JEns11
      I got offers from Google and Facebook and I’m finally able to leave this miserable experience! Now reflecting back, a major part of my depression was caused by the feeling of not seeing a way to get out. Now that the path to something new is clear, it feels amazing and I’ve made a 180deg shift in my day to day mood and mindset. I hope you are doing better too! Take action and change your situation!
      Oct 13, 2018
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      So happy for you JEns11. I am still stuck in this rut hoping to see a way out. I flunked another interview today.
      Nov 12, 2018
  • Qualcomm fpga
    Dm me or someone.
    Aug 15, 2018 1
    • Qualcomm fpga
      Also start working out. Will make you much happier in a few weeks.
      Aug 15, 2018
  • New / Eng Painkiller
    Just stop eating, you will be much happier.
    Aug 15, 2018 1
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      Tried that. Starvation only helps until it doesn’t work.
      Aug 15, 2018
  • Apple XBue76
    Try meditating 20 mins a day. You could use headspace or any of the famous apps or learn it from a Guru.

    1. Yoga/meditation
    2. Good food (avoid any kind of junk food)
    3. Good amount of sleep
    4. Hang out with your tribe and if you have lost touch with your tribe or don’t have one at all, just go volunteer some place that speaks to your heart - may be, you’ll find your tribe there. Or got attend tech talks if that’s your thing.
    5. Do something, anything that’ll get you into a state of flow. People who have high flow lives are the happiest. It could be playing your favorite musical instrument, reading your favorite comics, taking part in action sports , dancing , playing football/badminton or anything.
    6. Try to get into the “game mode”, exercise your grey matter or fire your neurons at crazy frequency/intensity. If you can, do all of these.

    You can ping me if you need a friend to talk to. Hang in there & good luck finding your path!
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • New / Product
    nicebot

    New Product

    BIO
    Need leads to PM roles in SF. Thank you!!
    nicebotmore
    Vape weed (sativa), lift, try adventure sports, intermittent fasting. And talk to the psych about adjusting dosage. All the best. I hope you find happiness soon.
    Aug 15, 2018 2
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      How and where do I get it ?
      Aug 15, 2018
    • New / Product
      nicebot

      New Product

      BIO
      Need leads to PM roles in SF. Thank you!!
      nicebotmore
      I'm guessing you're asking about weed. Eaze.com - choose Daybreak cartridge. Monster cookies has 1% CBD that should help with stress so that could be a good option for you too. Get the battery vape. Should be easy to figure out how to use it. DM if it gets confusing.

      Here's my referral, $20 credits for you and me. HTTPS://EAZE.COM/SHARE/L/ICEQNGO
      Aug 15, 2018
  • VMware OGTI8
    Apple is that toxic? I'm planning to apply, damn
    Aug 29, 2018 1
    • Apple allgripes
      OP
      It’s like bubonic plague
      Aug 30, 2018
  • New
    Bamb

    New

    PRE
    UM WW
    Bambmore
    I feel the same way. I hate almost everyone at my work and live to see them make mistakes and get humiliated. I hate all these fake, brown-nosing, political monsters. Dm me if you want to chat...
    Aug 15, 2018 1
  • New Hgy096f
    Hey, pm me if you wanna talk.
    Aug 15, 2018 1
  • SAP myown
    Just change job, transfer internally or find something externally. If situation is killing you, quit, by doing it problem will go away. Take vacations and see world from other angle, then come back. I wanted to mention, if you are not passing interviews, identify your failures and prepare better for the next one. Polish skills, companies are so picky these days.. in the other hand there are still some easy companies.. you may want to join one of these if money is a concern. By switching job will be like starting a new life, you will be relief of all that bad feelings
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • Apple L8wj6ch
    Try different therapists. Some suck, others get it. Also, exercise. Get your heart rate going.
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • New / Eng chzboiger
    Working out, doing something else with your free time.
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • Microsoft resin
    Chill bro.
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • Amazon jamala
    DM for a referral
    Aug 15, 2018 1
  • Macquarie Lebowski28
    Hear this guy on YouTube if you haven’t already - Jordan Peterson
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • Brighthouse Financial gYwm83
    You need to get out of the situation. Plan out what you need to do. The toxic crew’s weakness is kindness. Kill them with kindness. It works... they will stay away and avoid you. The toxic bunch is looking for a fight and negative response. Don’t give them one and they will give up. In the meantime.. make a plan to leave and recharge. Someone must have been cruel to these people.. also pressure can bring out the worst in people. Think about it this way.. I don’t think these people wake up and say.. “How many people I can screw with today”.
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • Citibank / Other Slurpsurp
    Hit the gym. Take kickboxing. Therapeutic and will help you get into good shape. Will also help your confidence and personal life. I’ve been there and it works! Also, surround yourself with positive people. And stay away from this app. Best of luck!
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • NAVEX Global HollaBackG
    Antidepressants work differently on different people. I would try a different one. I know a few people helped by Lexapro and it has fewer side effects.
    Aug 15, 2018 0
  • Booking.com / Other
    industryss

    Booking.com Other

    BIO
    Nope.
    industryssmore
    Drink more
    Aug 15, 2018 0