I don’t know that I like who I am becoming

Oracle / Product YT701
Jan 18 47 Comments

I got into big tech in my 30s, after spending years with small consultancies. Those were fun, and often interesting. No huge impact, nothing wildly inventive but still creative at times and largely fulfilling. But I wanted more, and got it. Managed to get into FANG, and then like others, leveraged that into a high paying role at OCI.

I’m noticeably gruffer and blunter. I speak directly and often forcefully; I call people out on their bullshit. I like it when lazy people fear me. I’m succinct in my feedback, I’m focused in my daily activities, I’m professional and leave my personal shit out of the office.

I’ve seen my compensation triple within 3 years. But I don’t know that I’m doing this right. I have a few good friends, a lovely girlfriend, yet I feel like something might be...missing.

I know, I know. Yet another tech bro who makes decent money feels empty! It’s horribly unoriginal. I get it. I just wanted to write some of this out, though. It’s like I feel like I’ll be seen as weak if I go back to being the nicer, gentler guy I used to be.

TC $310k

comments

Want to comment? LOG IN or SIGN UP
TOP 47 Comments
  • Uber yeiicsz
    This post was so smug I expected TC over 500k.
    Jan 19 8
    • Lol @ Uber TC, an avg base and a tonne of illiquid RSUs at a fantasy valuation.

      What's your HR telling you your RSUs are worth these days?

      And how many billion did you guys lose last FY?
      Jan 19
    • Uber yeiicsz
      Whatever makes you feel better. I’ll do just fine. 😘
      Jan 19
    • It's not that, of you course you are doing fine. It's just apples to oranges comparing illiquid vs liquid TC. OP is earning a great wage, his 300k liquid has far more utility than your 400k illiquid I'm sorry to say.
      Jan 19
    • Uber yeiicsz
      Of course his TC is liquid and of course liquid TC has more utility than illiquid TC. No one argued that.
      Jan 19
    • Oracle / Design MiddleWest
      Are you both enjoying your lives and your work? That seems to be the bigger point here, not the money. OP seems to be questioning things, probably listed TC because of wanting to avoid a stream of comments asking about it, and...you’re debating the nuances of tech wages?
      Jan 19
  • Salesforce savegame
    Your blunt and gruff persona is not going to get you anywhere. It might feel good to show off how smart you are, but you are not a good leader nor a good mentor. The best and smartest people that I've ever worked with are the people who try to bring everybody up rather than one who tries to push other people down. It sounds like you're the type who enjoys being a good mentor but along the way, due to more intense competition or fear of not being smart enough to excel in FANG, you started trying to show off or "dominate" your team mates rather than working with them. That's probably why you're unhappy.
    Jan 19 2
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Makes a lot of sense. Excellent points.
      Jan 19
    • F5 Networks / Eng etcd
      Savegame nailed it. Exactly what I was thinking.
      Jan 19
  • Facebook
    B13captain

    Facebook

    BIO
    New grad with 10yoe
    B13captainmore
    I fell asleep while reading this
    Jan 18 3
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Fortunately you woke back up to make a useless comment.
      Jan 18
    • Facebook
      B13captain

      Facebook

      BIO
      New grad with 10yoe
      B13captainmore
      I do what I can
      Jan 19
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Whatever makes you feel good man
      Jan 19
  • Amazon Hue Hue
    You have “soft” skills but you admittedly brag about the fact that you enjoy using them as a jagged rusty knife.

    You’re missing empathy and humility. You have emotional intelligence but your pride is currently a blind spot. Instead of taking pride in calling bullshit out, take pride in being transparent but supportive.
    Jan 19 2
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Love it. Thank you!
      Jan 19
    • Amazon Hue Hue
      Everyone loves to talk levels, who am I kidding.

      There is a book called Level 5 Leadership that echoes this sentiment and what others have said about being collaborative. I highly recommend it.
      Jan 19
  • Oracle 🔴vs🔷
    You think you have it tough? Try being a woman in this kind of environment and not feel like you’re being a b*** for calling people out. It’s so against our nature.
    Jan 19 2
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Too true. Way worse for women. I personally encourage women to speak out, but I know it’s a huge problem.
      Jan 19
    • Hitachi Solutions aRAR47
      Great point. Personally I have worked for a manager who others would deem a b***. But she brought out the best in me. Ppl criticize when they are made uncomfortable. I would work for her any day rather than someone complacent who is just looking to retire.
      Jan 19
  • It sounds like you've acclimatised to the culture at oracle.
    Jan 18 3
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Ha, possibly. It’s pretty common around there. It can be energizing in the moment, but afterward it’s like maybe this isn’t worth it.
      Jan 18
    • I more meant the baseless self-aggrandizement and feelings of superiority.
      Jan 19
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Ha, I think THAT is what I might dislike then. Good call—seriously.
      Jan 19
  • Amazon
    vmprwrkday

    Amazon

    PRE
    Google, Facebook
    BIO
    I’m just here for the scraps
    vmprwrkdaymore
    I feel the exact same way.
    Jan 18 2
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Good to know I’m not alone!
      Jan 18
    • Amazon
      vmprwrkday

      Amazon

      PRE
      Google, Facebook
      BIO
      I’m just here for the scraps
      vmprwrkdaymore
      Sometimes I wonder if it’s the money; sometimes I wonder if it’s the work environment.
      Jan 19
  • Rubrik naidni
    Wow I was genuinely impressed then underwhelmed
    Jan 19 1
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Well I did say this was pretty unoriginal. Just wanted to put it out there, see if anyone connected, and just deal with the inevitable shit talking.
      Jan 19
  • Intel / Eng pleb
    Get worse and aim for CEO role.
    Jan 19 0
  • Facebook Bbbvdetbdy
    310k is not a lot
    Jan 19 1
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      It’s not. But for a guy who came from a working class background it feels like an embarrassment of riches. Relatively, at least. Compared to what you make 310 is peanuts, I’m sure. Good on ya.
      Jan 19
  • Facebook RRuc87
    OP, work on your conflict resolution skills.
    Jan 18 1
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      You might be kidding but you’re probably right regardless.
      Jan 18
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      I think it might be that simple :-) I appreciate the simplicity and the candor.
      Jan 18
  • Amazon brig
    Yea, I feel like I've slowly become an asshole. I'm trying to reverse that trend.
    Jan 19 0
  • Microsoft *cW2x91p
    becoming a douchebag to survive is par for the course. it only gets worse.
    Jan 19 0
  • Microsoft patumy
    “Think about what things sparkle joy.” Konmari
    Jan 19 1
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      This is fantastic. Thank you.
      Jan 19
  • Pandora compute1
    Go back. I did, had mixed feelings at the start, but am a better person for it
    Jan 18 1
    • Oracle / Product YT701
      OP
      Where were you prior, then where did you go to, and what did you go back to? Sorry, sounds like I’m asking you to tell a circuitous story.
      Jan 18
  • Amazon jtGV66
    It is called getting older. Fewer years left, less time available for sufferin’ fools.
    Jan 19 0
  • I’m also not sure I like who I’m becoming, but from the opposite end. In my last job I was rocking it, fitting in with the culture and working on a highly visible project. Once or twice I might have been an asshole, frustrated with people who couldn’t keep up. Now, I feel like I’m going too far in the nice guy direction. My career hasn’t advanced as quickly as I’d hoped. I’m wondering if it’s because of these traits I’ve started to take on.
    Jan 19 0
  • Sprint pakuspakus
    Just take it easy bro. Most of the times the distance between where you are and where you want to be will always be the same.
    Jan 18 0