I have a plan to destroy FB.

Microsoft / Eng deadpan
Aug 6, 2018 33 Comments

The social network is actually going to get better, but the stock price is going to crater.

First, I'll find some crazy-expensive toys, like electric skateboards and electric surfboards that cost many thousands of dollars, and I'll set up a fake company to "make" them for $35 or so. Then I'll sucker a bunch of retailers into selling them online, and advertising them on Facebook at $200. Huge target market! Huge profit margins!

That part should be really easy. I can just recycle images and videos from the actual manufacturers' web sites.

Then, my retailers to flood Facebook with catchy ads for impossibly cheap electric toys. The people who make the real things have already spent a fortune on images and video, so as I said, this will be easy.

Then, the orders come in.

And the products... well... injection molded plastic and a wind-up motor should suffice. It won't work as advertised, but that's not my problem. The retailers get to deal with the angry customers. I'll be long gone.

When the shit hits the fan, it'll be far worse than the fake-news thing. Facebook doesn't care where people get their news from anyway.

And it will be worse than the Cambridge Analytica thing. Facebook users don't really care about privacy - I mean look at all of the data vacuums disguised as personality tests. "Give us access to your Facebook feed and we'll say something funny about you!" Boom. Millions of people trade their life story for something silly to post that day.

No, this will be worse because it will teach Facebook users to assume that anything advertised on Facebook is a scam. When word gets out that thousands of people were duped into sending $200 to offshore companies that sent worthless crap in return, and that Facebook had no idea this was going on?

People just won't click on ads.

So advertisers won't buy ads.

So the rest of us can spend more time interacting with our friends.

Phase one is already underway.

You're welcome.

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TOP 33 Comments
  • Apple ovJv02
    What did you smoke?
    Aug 6, 2018 1
    • Kronos / Other ddssa
      I bet it was weed.
      Aug 6, 2018
  • Amazon
    Shimmer

    Amazon

    PRE
    Microsoft
    Shimmermore
    I’d pay $5 to see you execute this. Half now, half later.
    Aug 6, 2018 1
  • Dell Rorschach
    You work for Microsoft and have plans for FB? Why don’t you make some plan for Windows 10? It’s a pile of shit. It’s totally unusable.
    Aug 6, 2018 3
    • Amazon / Eng ∆∆∆
      I think the plan is to turn Windows 10 into a monthly subscription service. If you want it to work you need to upgrade for $9.99/mo. It will also use that money to boost Azure sales so Microsoft can pay reporters to say how huge their cloud is and how it's going to stomp AWS.
      Aug 6, 2018
    • Dell Rorschach
      And count that revenue under cloud. Then hire an army of trolls on linkedIn who will post every 2 seconds Azure beats Aws :)
      Aug 6, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      legend

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft
      BIO
      developers developers developers
      legendmore
      Lol. This guy fucks.
      Aug 6, 2018
  • Microsoft sqiF24
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Microsoft / Eng Tier 1
    Isn’t this exactly how Facebook ads have always worked?
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Amazon / Eng ∆∆∆
    So you're going to turn Facebook into eBay?
    Aug 6, 2018 2
    • PayPal keytalent
      It’s already getting there with market place and shit
      Aug 6, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng deadpan
      OP
      Yeah, Facebook is already making good progress on that front.

      This is really just about improving the feed, by discouraging advertisers, by discouraging ad clicks.
      Aug 7, 2018
  • New
    TrXcVx

    New

    BIO
    mehy
    TrXcVxmore
    TL;DR is a thing
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Daimler Whowhatwhy
    R u ok
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Pinterest UhmWho?
    I honestly stopped reading on the second sentence. Can someone summarize what he is on about?
    Aug 6, 2018 2
    • Lam Research / Eng
      duckflow

      Lam Research Eng

      PRE
      Lam Research
      BIO
      ASU 2021 ME & CS
      duckflowmore
      Make Facebook ads for shit products, people buy products and hate them, never trust fb ads again. Fb die
      Aug 6, 2018
    • Pinterest UhmWho?
      Lol
      Aug 6, 2018
  • Oscar / Eng
    tc/gtfo

    Oscar Eng

    BIO
    I am real.
    tc/gtfomore
    TLDR
    Aug 6, 2018 4
    • Microsoft / Eng deadpan
      OP
      Sorry to hear about your attention span. Have you tried adderal or anything like it? Did it help?
      Aug 7, 2018
    • Oscar / Eng
      tc/gtfo

      Oscar Eng

      BIO
      I am real.
      tc/gtfomore
      No dude. I don’t have time.
      Aug 7, 2018
    • Microsoft / Eng deadpan
      OP
      You have time for blind... But only in tweet-sized increments?
      Aug 9, 2018
    • Oscar / Eng
      tc/gtfo

      Oscar Eng

      BIO
      I am real.
      tc/gtfomore
      I don’t have time for a deadpan. I have time for some egg and bacon breakfast. I always have time for Blind because this is a fun place. Do you have a problem with my choice?
      Aug 9, 2018
  • VMware RWyq77
    Oh no why this idea is here . It should be patented ASAP 🤣
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Yahoo cmz700
    Hold on , let me sell my position first , market opening at 6 pst with Robinhood allowing pre market for all
    Solid plan though
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Microsoft / Product Kemw
    Genius. Not.
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Microsoft / Eng deadpan
    OP
    In case you thought I wasn't serious about this plan...

    https://www.facebook.com/2272418406105735/posts/2360930040587904/
    Nov 4, 2018 1
  • Facebook WhoAmEye
    Try it
    Aug 6, 2018 1
    • Microsoft / Eng deadpan
      OP
      So far so good. Thanks did your help!
      Aug 7, 2018
  • Microsoft / Eng deadpan
    OP
    I'll just leave this here...
    https://youtu.be/4SmJOor2zWQ
    Aug 10, 2018 0
  • Microsoft / Eng VlCX25
    Good luck!
    Aug 6, 2018 0
  • Microsoft NateW
    My feed has been flooded with this kind of thing for days.

    https://www.facebook.com/1961596294129402/videos/153780885519941/
    Aug 6, 2018 0

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