I think my wife resents me?

SWC / Data
spiked

SWC Data

PRE
Virtusa
BIO
Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
spikedmore
Jun 11 68 Comments

We had an argument this morning about a backpacking trip that I'm planning on taking with my brothers and uncles. She thinks my uncles aren't worth spending the time with. Also she said if I don't want to fight I can plan my day, get to bed on time, and get my priorities straight.

Thing is, I make her meals, make 4 times more than she does, buy everything, clean around the house...wtf? She's been really nasty and negative lately....how often do you think about breaking up with your significant other?

comments

Want to comment? LOG IN or SIGN UP
TOP 68 Comments
  • Amazon silver_fox
    Why is breaking up your first option? Sit down and talk it out. Every marriage is beautiful until one person stops trying.
    Jun 11 0
  • Amazon silver_fox
    If you don’t mind me asking.. are you Caucasian?
    Jun 11 16
    • Target / Eng tmDe33
      Thanks for gatekeeping the entire concept of marriage. Hint: people are free to live their lives the way they choose. I didn't want strangers at my wedding and we had 30 people and it was great.
      Jun 11
    • Adobe utaku
      @T-mobile did you really just type that un-ironically? 😂
      Jun 11
    • T-Mobile fun oh
      Marriage is done to establish that you'll be together with vows taken in the presence of others. There's irony in that. Law being required to be enforced in a marriage, that is the biggest irony of it.
      Jun 11
    • Adobe utaku
      Those "vows" don't mean shit when things go south, and those "others" were only there for the free food and the selfies. Now what?
      Jun 11
    • T-Mobile fun oh
      Turn to blind 😁
      Jun 11
  • Amazon hot 🍞
    Do you make significantly more income than her? She might be below your league, maybe you need to give her a gentle reminder by going on a coffee date with a hotter, younger, nicer woman.
    Jun 11 6
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      Are you being serious or sarcastic? I'm kind of sad so it's hard to tell.
      Jun 11
    • IBM ut3d4
      Sorry I’m being sarcastic. Def don’t do this
      Jun 11
    • Amazon hot 🍞
      Semi serious, in jest. To me it sounds complicated, but she clearly isn't respecting him. I would put my foot down, if I want to do a trip, I do a trip, and my wife better not be complaining.

      My wife went on a trip with her dad, I helped her pack and enjoyed the time alone because we have a healthy relationship. My wife and I respect each other a great deal. It sounds like op out grew his wife.
      Jun 11
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      I outgrew my wife...as in our maturity levels?
      Jun 11
    • Amazon hot 🍞
      Correct, this is not a situation for her to throw a fit. I'd be scared to have children with a woman like that, you're putting a great deal of trust with her, don't underestimate it.
      Jun 11
  • New / Eng
    Ama B.O

    New Eng

    PRE
    Amazon, Google, Facebook
    Ama B.Omore
    Typically these are not the type of things that women get annoyed about... They are complicated creatures and normally what they complain about is not the source of the annoyance.
    You should sit her down and talk to her very calmly and with open mind and open heart.
    Ask her what is really going on in her mind and if it's a bunch of crap then you can consider exit strategy... otherwise try to work it out and understand her situation as well.

    Truth of the matter is majority of women get bored of ordinary life so quickly or they crave other men in their lives and instead of looking deep to fix things, they choose to cause further complications and find a way to blame.
    Jun 11 4
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      Probably. Very difficult to say it all here. But we generally have a happy relationship. She is very emotional....sometimes though I want her to be more positive and she's just being realistic and it bothers me i.e. telling me her opinion that she doesn't care for my uncles and that my backpacking trip is going to suck vs: she could first say something like " wow that's great they invited you!" Am I being too sensitive
      Jun 11
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      She says my priorities aren't straight because I don't go to bed at the same time every night, sometimes I play a video game, I left my wallet at home yesterday.
      Nasty as in her language. She says she's being honest with me but I see it as negativity and being unsupportive. She sees it as honesty. She's like "this trip sounds terrible, why would you want to spend your time with them."
      She grew up in a divorced family without much family around. I grew up with family reunions and everything like that. There are family differences and she doesn't understand what my family means to me.
      Jun 11
    • New / Eng
      Ama B.O

      New Eng

      PRE
      Amazon, Google, Facebook
      Ama B.Omore
      Are you Caucasian also?
      Jun 11
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      Yes Caucasian
      Jun 11
  • Oath Atinlay2
    Asking strangers on Blind could help! 🙄
    Jun 11 0
  • All this shit people have said thus far sounds nice but here’s the hard truth no one will say because it’s socially unacceptable:

    Women don’t respect men that serve their every need hand and foot the way you’ve just described. I’d be surprised if she isn’t already cheating on you with a guy who doesn’t do shit for her. Tell her you’re going on the trip cuz you’re an adult who supports both of you and it’s what you want to do. Then seriously consider leaving her for someone who doesn’t treat you like dog shit.
    Jun 11 6
    • No it isn’t, it’s how it has to be. She’ll stomp around and whine a little to her friends then have a cake ready for you when you get home.
      Jun 11
    • Tableau fragmented
      Every person is different; lumping all relationships into this one bucket is no good. If this is how you are, Eting? So be it, but don't presume this solution is the best for all situations. Just as there's not one right way to any situation in life.
      Jun 11
    • Humans generally follow patterns. If a woman who is receiving everything the OP claims to be providing her is still this domineering and controlling toward him, it means she doesn’t respect him. When women don’t respect a man, they don’t stay faithful to them. It’s just how they’re wired. If he doesn’t grow a spine no amount of “reasoning” will work. Period. I know that conflicts with the super soft post modern narrative you’re all used to, but it’s just how it is.
      Jun 11
    • Adobe utaku
      You said it Eting. All these SJW/PC types will keep on spewing nice-sounding shit till the day they find themselves in the soup in spite of having done everything "right". You said it how it is.
      Jun 11
    • Tableau fragmented
      Never presume to know where the outlier is. Also, not sure how with the little info we've gotten from op means your conclusion is correct re: disrespect and then that leading to cheating? Relationships take serious work, open conversation and active listening. Your advice is one type. OP can and should take it ino consideration, however it shouldn't be the only thing.

      OP - gotta ask a lot of questions and listen. Ask the same of your SO. It's not easy and perhaps consider therapy. No person is truly evil, nor vindictive. What is seen as such has a reason and the other person just hasn't found a more agreeable way to share yet.
      Jun 11
  • AppOnboard anon818
    Best advice I can give, read up on the 5 love languages and try to nail down the way she receives love. She may only get satisfied by a type of love you aren’t giving her, maybe quality time. You can throw all of the gifts and acts of service you want at her, but unless you give her the right love, she will always resent you.
    Jun 11 4
    • Adobe utaku
      Serious question...who on earth actually does that? If it doesn't come naturally to you, wouldn't you die a little bit inside every day, until the point comes when your own resentment outweighs anything the other side ever felt?
      Jun 11
    • AppOnboard anon818
      Only if your partner is onboard with showing you love in the way you want to receive it as well. Both people have to buy into it for it to work. I can honestly say it does work after going from an epically toxic relationship with a verbally abusive girlfriend that refused to work on it to now being engaged to a wonderful girl who keeps my love language in mind all the time.
      Jun 11
    • Adobe utaku
      Yeah, sure...if you can see the other side making an equal effort, then I guess things can work out. Problem is, things are typically never that balanced.
      Jun 11
    • AppOnboard anon818
      Yea, it usually has to get so off kilter for people to react that it often isn’t salvageable at that point.
      Jun 11
  • SWC / Data
    spiked

    SWC Data

    PRE
    Virtusa
    BIO
    Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
    spikedmore
    OP
    Thank you all for you responses! We had a very constructive conversation and have agreed to read Love and Respect and The 5 Love Languages!
    Jun 11 0
  • SWC / Data
    spiked

    SWC Data

    PRE
    Virtusa
    BIO
    Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
    spikedmore
    OP
    She texted me:
    Im not going to put up with you calling me "nasty" and "terrible" in an attempt to suppress my right to an honest opinion.
    If you don't want a fight, Get. Your. Priorities. Straight. That means plan your day well ahead of time, stick to our target bedtime, maximize your use of time, and if you still insist on going, do not come to me with your September plans.
    My final thoughts on your trip I don't think it's a good idea, you don't have the PTO, you are already going on a boys trip this year, 7 days is a very long time to leave me alone to take care of the dog, we already have a lot going on this year as it is all while working full time and trying to maintain a healthy marriage. God forbid anything else happens outside of our control this year, because this is already going to be a busy year for us. I don't even think we can do all this considering we can't even seem to stick to a bedtime. Im not negative, I'm realistic and quite frankly I'm already being overworked.
    Jun 11 5
    • Intercom yyQO61
      It sounds like your wife wishes you could find more time in your day to spend with her, hence all the comments about better time management. Her response to your trip seems like her way of saying she doesn’t want you to go because she doesn’t want you to leave her. She might be feeling neglected. Sometimes the things people will use to pick a fight are really not the source of the real issue. It might help to talk to her about what she thinks it means to “maintain a healthy marriage.”
      Jun 11
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      Love this comment. Thanks.
      Jun 11
    • Zenefits vvtt
      how often do you go on trips without her? She is upset that you guys are not doing things together and you will have fun without her.

      My 2 cents that it is kind of strange that you have to “stick” to bed time, unless she is trying to tell you something between the lines, like: “do me first and then go play video games”.

      Also, why do you think she is so insistent with optimizing your schedule?
      Jun 11
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      I never go on trips without her. Except for this summer. I have one 3 day trip with a couple dudes we've been trying to plan for a while. And then this trip came up
      Jun 11
    • The Home Depot FPQk51
      Sounds like you spend 14 days of your two week vacation away from her and she’s resentful. I think I would be too if I was neglected that way.
      Jul 21
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      Haha!
      Jun 11
    • Adobe utaku
      @Amazon now that you mention it 🤔
      Jun 11
    • T-Mobile fun oh
      Grind leetcode...get that TC.
      Jun 11
  • New / Eng
    Ama B.O

    New Eng

    PRE
    Amazon, Google, Facebook
    Ama B.Omore
    Sorry hear this. But I think you should have thought about this twice when you decided to marry a caucasian woman.
    There's nothing wrong with them they're beautiful and a lot of times very cute and reasonable on paper.

    However there is one thing though: they tend to value "rights" a lot more than "love and compromises".
    Jun 11 2
    • Microsoft .exe
      Is there a personal story behind this or just prejudice? Serious question
      Jun 11
    • New / Eng
      Ama B.O

      New Eng

      PRE
      Amazon, Google, Facebook
      Ama B.Omore
      No preustice no personal story.
      Just fact of the matter. Sorry :)
      Jun 11
  • see a therapist, maybe a couple's therapist. there's no way people on blind can get the context of an entire relationship.
    Jun 11 1
    • SWC / Data
      spiked

      SWC Data

      PRE
      Virtusa
      BIO
      Looking for new opportunities in data. Maybe move to North Carolina.
      spikedmore
      OP
      Yeah, good point
      Jun 11
  • McAfee / Sales mIrt65
    Relationships aren’t about keeping score or making sure contributions are exactly 50/50. If it were me, I’d be asking if I could do more for my relationships. We always can. Your SO is sending you a message. The question is this - are you listening?
    Jun 11 0
  • Google Gzrn14
    Love is communicated differently by people, depending on their personalities. My way of showing love was always about helping out, doing things. My wife is about having intimate time. For my wife, if I spend 30 minutes washing dishes everyday, she'd much rather spend 30 minutes talking about things (and her doing dishes). This communication gap sucks, but it is what it is. There's a book for it.

    As for your direct question about how often you think about breaking up. Just think you want to break up just because you plainly hate her, or, you're showing so much love (in your ways) but she's rejecting/denying/devaluing it. Either way, you gotta tell her what you're feeling.
    Jun 11 1
    • Jet.com
      b00pb33p

      Jet.com

      PRE
      Jet.com
      b00pb33pmore
      Book is called The 5 Love Languages. I haven’t read it but did a lot of reading on the topic. I second this
      Jun 11
  • Google helllooooo
    the way you wrote this is a little harsh towards her
    Jun 11 0
  • Uber / HR Mishk
    Just hold her w affection n ask her if there is anything else that's bothering her.. then when she tells you, tell her that you're a dude who likes to do dude things at times to feel relaxed n normal like video games, going on trips w family etc. If there are things she likes you are happy to do w her or perhaps she likes to do on her own.. hold her hand thru all of this, tell her you love her no matter what. Khalil Gibran says in his book that a marriage is a temple where the pillars hv to stand apart for the roof to stay up...u guys need to do you own things and then regroup to do things together. Discuss this calmly n w a lot of affection. Be ready to see some crying n blaming. Let her do it and just tell her calmly its ok, you understand n love her.
    Jun 11 0
  • Disney mouse_trap
    Check your and her stress level. Maybe you couple have been in a lot of stress lately? Avoid conversations that would escalate to argument. Most especially avoid counting task, it will only make you feel bad. Explain to your wife that all our time in the world worth more than Gold. We (living things ) all have limited time. Enjoy your time with your uncle and brothers like it’s your last, and they will have the best time with you.
    Jun 11 0
  • New / Finance PMP232
    How often? Like everyday!
    Jun 11 0
  • Read the book Love & Respect. Men and women think differently and sometimes the most complicated situations can be cleared up with some profound advice (the book). Changed my life/marriage. Look it up on YouTube as well
    Jun 11 0
  • Amazon / Eng
    Big_fish

    Amazon Eng

    PRE
    Intel
    Big_fishmore
    My friend used to date a man who had a daughter from a previous marriage. The man planned an overseas trip for just him and the daughter before the daughter started college. This sounded really reasonable to all of us, but my friend was so angry at him, how dare he planned a trip without her etc. She even started sleeping around when the man was away on the trip, just to show that she could have fun too without her boyfriend. I don’t really understand this but it seems to be about control and self esteem.
    Jun 11 0