UPDATE: About 2 people dm me every week with very similar questions. I have written an faq at the end of the post. Feel free to dm me if you have questions not covered by the Faq. I wish you all the best. Came out after spending a night in jail. I just wanted all the fellow tech folks to be aware of what constitutes a 4th degree assault. If you had a fight with a spouse/family member and held their shoulders in anger, it is considered an assault, even if the "victim" themselves doesn't consider it as an assault and are not willing to press charges. If cops arrive within 4 hrs of the "crime" they have a duty to arrest one or both parties involved due to the mandatory arrest law in domestic violence cases. My advice to everyone. Don't get cops involved in your frivolous fights unless you fear for your your or others' safety. Let cops work on the habitual abusers. If you do decide to call 911, understand that if anything that something remotely resembles an assault happened, one of you will be arrested and charged. If cops do get involved, like if your neighbors called 911, you don't have to give them details. Even if I my silly case is dismissed I will forever have on my record that I was arrested for DV
This is a weird post
Whenever I am in that state, I simply turn around, grab my car keys and wallet, and just leave the house. I know it's better for me to be alone when I am in that state. If I am too mad, then I won't end up back home for few hours and will anyway get a call from spouse which will calm the situation down.
Hit up an AMP while out. Come back nice and relaxed.
I think if it got to the point where either your partner or a neighbor called 911. There was more going on than just a light shoulder touch. This whole post is scary. Using the word victim in quotes is also scary. You probably have a lot of other characteristics that exemplify unhealthy relational behavior and encourage you to seek out therapy. Looking for sympathy on blind isnât going to work.
I am not seeking anything on blind. This is purely informational. If you read correctly, I didn't write circumstances led to the 911 call. Victim is in double quotes because often assaults can happen from both sides. Like you held and the other person pushed you away. It's related to the charge. Yes, I know people on blind consider themselves to be super judges who can judge a person's character based on a few words.
Actually Iâve had abusive partners before. I know what it looks like. I know how it feels. And I know how they would rationalize their behavior afterwards. You remind me of very scary ex bfs. Your behavior is serious and this post is making a lot more than me uncomfortable.
This post made me uncomfortable.
I want to get off the ride
This is domestic violence. Youâre not a victim of the system. If someone felt so afraid of you they called the police then that was their right. Many victims feel guilt when the assaulter feels the repercussions of their actions. Stop acting like youâre the victim, youâre not. Get some therapy and anger management classes, tell the person youâve hurt youâre truly remorseful and stop soliciting sympathy on Blind.
Yes, I know why the laws exist and how it is supposed to protect victims. I am not acting like a victim. I take responsibility for my actions. All I wanted to do is let people understand the laws.
My step dad felt the same way as OP after he was arrested for assaulting her. He would rant about how he was the victim and how he can never forgive her for putting him in jail for 1 night. Completely oblivious to what he did being wrong or the amount of fear my mom lived in while with him.
What did you REALLY do to the point for the cop to be called? It cannot be just a simple holding the shoulders. Grabbing and squeezing the shoulders while yelling and verbally threatening?
Let's say some family member called 911 to stop me from doing something and the cops dont have the authority to stop me from doing that. Instead of just leaving, cops dug in about our fight 1 hr ago and arrested me.
They canât stop a man from shitting in his sink.
Thanks for sharing OP, very useful Itâs always best to not involve cops unless itâs a must
As someone who's witnessed something like this as a child, I am continued to be shocked by the casual presumption of guilt. My father was faslely accused and was in jail for weeks and dragged through the mud for an ultimately not guilty verdict. Still he and I have ptsd from the experience. I understand it's to protect the victim but in cases like this, the burden of proof seems to be unlawfully against the suspect.
Weird flex but ok
How about you donât put your hands on people in anger. Leave the residence and regroup when you can control your reaction.
Absolutely. Not defending myself. Should not have done that.
At least you admit the mistake - best of luck my dude.