I was having painful constipation last night so I took the maximum dose of two types of laxatives
There seemed like no other alternative. The poop cramps had reached a point that I was constantly doubled over in pain and even eventually vomited. My wife drove me to the local pharmacy where I hobbled down the laxative aisle and grabbed the first two brand names I recognized (generic version cuz 200 IQ). I figured that I was in the category of extreme constipation, and the dosage would need to be fitting. The box advised a 6 hour wait before the sweet release would come, so I went home and went to bed.
A few hours later, I woke in a cold sweat. I could tell that my bowels had experienced a change of heart, and I ran to the bathroom so we could work things out. What came next was nothing short of biblical, and I was lifted from my painful bondage to a state of physical tranquility. Once the dust had settled and my slack-jawed grin had faded, I crawled back into bed ready to enjoy a well earned night of rest. All was right in the world.
Not long after, I woke again. Apparently a deal had been struck calling for an encore, and I had not been informed. I ran again to the restroom for another quick performance, and then returned to bed. I was woken twice more during the night to deal with a pressing issue, and by the time morning had come I had had quite enough.
The laxatives had other plans. I lost count of how many trips I took to the bathroom today, but by rough estimation it is easily in the thousands. TP, one of my longtime friends and allies, has quickly become one of my most hated foes. My butthole is bloodied and battered due to the abuse it has endured today, and I fear the worst is yet to come. I sit here now, dreading the wipe that must inevitably follow.
Things are different here than they were from long ago this morning. All the leaves have fallen off the trees and the wind no longer dances through the chimes that hang dustily on the porch. Food has lost its flavor and only serves to fuel the demon aching to escape from within. I am older now. Older and more learned. I watch the younger generations pass by, ignorant of the scars left hidden between my cheeks. Ignorant of the suffering endured that they might continue to live in blissful innocence.