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I'm from a very religious family but I'm not religious

Amazon HouseBezos
Mar 9

I'm from a traditional orthodox Brahmin family. They do a lot of religious rituals and God worshipping. Most of my family members openly practice the caste system back in India.

I'm a second generation born in America, Bay Area. I went to an Ivy League and travelled the world. I've dated white American girls, Latinas, blacks, and Asians. I secretly eat meat too and smoke weed and drink alcohol occasionally. From my experiences/mindset, I'm definitely not religious or traditional. I'm at complete odds with my family.

But I find myself in situations where I do these bullshit religious things for my family. They even try to trick me into doing them. For example my family begged me to visit India, and on the next day of my visit they coaxed me into a ritual where they burn a mark on your shoulders with searing iron (samashrayanam). This really hurt and wasted my time.

What do I do to escape this bullshit forever? I just bought a home to move out... But is running away really the solution?
Is anyone else dealing with an overly religious family?

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  • Seagate toti420
    You bought a house. Presumably you’re an adult. Well, why don’t you grow a pair and go along with these rituals to make your family happy? Or better yet, grow a bigger pair and simply say no?
    Mar 96
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      Parents did raise me and paid for my college... And even helped with down payment for the house. It's not so easy to say no to them.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft weirvhtd
      Ok so basically you are not self-made and also a rebel... isn't that just entitlement?
      Mar 9
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      Your are right that I owe my parents for the opportunities they've provided me. But it's also called being an adult. I don't want to do things I don't believe in.
      Mar 9
    • Facebook QIXQ16
      Let go of the guilt. It has become a weapon to manipulate you. Real parents also respect boundaries of their adult children.

      If I forced upon you enough of my own money, I guess I can also own you as a slave in perpetuity?
      Mar 9
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      ^Very solid point. Thanks.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft weirvhtd
      That's what mortgages are anyway..
      If you need to become an adult stand up on your feet first
      Mar 10
  • New / Product
    dangnabbit

    NewProduct

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    Microsoft
    dangnabbitmore
    Cool story, bro. I call bullshit on this post.
    Mar 92
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      Think about the possibility of you being wrong. If this was real then you've hurt my psyche at what gain? The least you can do is ignore my post if you don't believe it. Fuck off.
      Mar 9
    • New / Product
      dangnabbit

      NewProduct

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      Microsoft
      dangnabbitmore
      The HouseBezos doth protest too much, methinks. 😂 Double down on your fiction why dontcha.
      Mar 9
  • Just go with the rituals. It’s probably no more than couple of times a year. And in case reincarnation is real, you will benefit. But I suspect they are doing this to ensure you don’t end up marrying a white or Latina girl. It will taper off.
    Mar 93
    • Amazon burnt_0ut
      ^^This. I have religious parents (they got more religious with time; for me it was the opposite) and I still know all the rituals and do them for their benefit. And for my benefit they don’t make me go to church with them when I visit. Everyone isn’t happy, but no one is miserable. Sometimes you have to live with that.
      Mar 9
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      Yeah...I do go to the rituals, but I think it's more like once a month which is still frequent to me. It's still a lot of time wasted and plans cancelled on my end which piss me off.
      Mar 9
    • Amazon burnt_0ut
      Be good natured about it or don’t do it. Resentment will creep into everything otherwise. Try to come up with a “disagree and commit” situation. Works wonders on kids. Can also help with parents or spouses too.
      Mar 9
  • Nintendo IBMB78
    Be open about this to your parents, how does complaining in blind help ? You stated you went to Ivy League and traveled world were you boasting when you said that ? You don’t have to degrade other people’s view in order to prove your point .
    Mar 92
    • New / Eng
      CnfusdSprm

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      CnfusdSprmmore
      I just think he is an average dude with hands in his pants and posting imagination about roaming the world and dating chicks
      Mar 9
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      Not boasting? Just establishing my POV. I'm wondering if anyone else is dealing with an overly religious family...
      Mar 9
  • Asurion awesurion
    Similar story. I am not religious and believe that religions are stupid. The rituals specially are heights of stupidity. The worst part is that I never handled these issues myself and and let them go. I went with the flow and did what my loved ones asked me to do. I did the ones that were doable. I picked only some fights and only those fights that seemed super ridiculous.
    The truth is that you lose your self while trying to please others and trying to gel in. I now refuse to be part of these ridiculous rituals anymore. If anyone forces their beliefs on me, I will call it quits.

    You can’t fight insanity but hey - you can chose to not be part of the madness. Live on your terms and believe what you believe in. Parents can’t be right always just because they produced you. They can’t be right because they were born before you. Break connections. Relations that don’t respect you do not deserve you.
    Mar 91
  • Microsoft
    MP3

    Microsoft

    BIO
    Troll living under the I-5 overpass
    MP3more
    Burn their house down and tell them God made you do it. Don’t forget to take pills that create foam around your mouth for the extra special effects. Fight fire with fire.
    Mar 924
    • Microsoft
      MP3

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      I don’t know what you mean by “propaganda”. Can you give an example?
      Mar 9
    • Autodesk sodjdjekrm
      Its basically a set of values everyone under such propaganda agree upon, like religion, democracy, corporationism and such.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft
      MP3

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      In general, I do my own research, understand nature of things, study history, and create my own rules to live by that are based on compassion. In a sense, I create my own set of values, I write my own propaganda for myself.

      It can be extremely difficult to do the right thing even if I know it is the right thing to do. I’d say that no, I do not follow my own values, my own propaganda, to the dot. I try to, and I get better and better at it, but it is not that simple as often i lack the right information and my actions may be deeply affected by my mood and environment in the moment.

      Religion? I write my own religion and decide what works best for me. I see religion as a technology.

      Democracy? It is a disaster. I’m against democracy as it allows people who have absolutely no idea about something to have a vote equal to someone who is an expert in the field. But, just because someone is an expert in the field that doesn’t mean they inherently know what it is best. Democracy should be replaced by a system that 1) puts knowledgeable people at the forefront of making decisions 2) adaptable system to the environment, culture, demographic 3) a system that solves actual problems instead of making everything a political circlejerk 4) a system that looks at least 10 generations ahead to see the consequences of making decisions. 5) many more

      Corporationsm? Not sure what you mean by that.
      Mar 9
    • Autodesk sodjdjekrm
      Its actually as simple and yet so complex as you describe, we don’t need propagandas and we don’t understand or doesn’t apply to our situations.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft
      MP3

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      If propaganda is used to teach people to live a healthy lifestyle, then what’s wrong with that? Propaganda is a technology, a method. You can use propaganda to get people to go to war, or you can use it to make peace.
      Mar 9
    • Autodesk sodjdjekrm
      Sure, i have no problem with propagandas that bring together for the greater good, but most of them fail because we really have many people using these for their own selfish reasons.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft
      MP3

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      You should read about resource based economy. It is meant to solve many of the current problems.

      Also listen to lectures by Jacque Fresco on YouTube. Very insightful.
      Mar 9
    • Autodesk sodjdjekrm
      Sounds good, thanks for the pointers
      Mar 9
    • Autodesk sodjdjekrm
      Sure economy should be about resources and basic services required for humans to survive, i believe Buddha subscribed to living a life somewhere between the rich and poor to find his enlightenment. I can’t help but wonder if most people on the planet has that luxury, we’d all be enlightened
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft
      MP3

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      Buddha wore prisoner clothes (orange robe) and only owned a few basic items (bowl, razor, needle and thread, etc). He begged on the street for food donations to feed himself. In fact, he said Buddhists should follow his example because it makes them dependent on the rest of society and enables them to share their enlightenment/knowledge with ordinary citizens as they are dependent on them for food. That being said, it is not a requirement to obtain enlightenment.

      If you like you can find enlightenment yourself. As long as you don’t get caught up in the religious side of Buddhism and follow the non-religious teachings that are a technology for working with the human mind then you can obtain enlightenment in a couple of years, decades, etc.

      There is a huge number of schools, books, YouTube lectures, that are available. Also, because of Chinese invasion of Tibet, many monks were displaced and ended up in Western world. They’ve been sharing their teachings for decades now. What is especially valuable is Dzogchen school as it is much more efficient than Buddhism for reaching enlightenment.

      Enlightenment is about understanding experientially the true nature of your mind. First you build a mental understanding of what it is and how your mind works, and then you simply spend time doing various practices (some work better than others depending on personality type) whose goal is to make you become EXPERIENTIALLY aware and familiar with your own mind. In essence, what happens is you spend so much time observing and becoming familiar with your own mind that you simply get bored of listening to your thoughts, negative feelings, etc.

      It is relatively simple to understand what enlightenment is, but understanding with your logical abstract mind is a COMPLETELY different thing from actually experiencing and living it. You cannot use logic and abstraction to get a taste of enlightenment because it is a “superset” of logic and abstraction. Just like you can explain to a blind person what it is like to see based on analogy of touch and sound, even if a blind person understands what it is like to see it will be radically different from actually seeing and experiencing it for themselves. Same with enlightenment. No words can truly describe it, but it is a really simple thing.
      Mar 9
  • Microsoft weirvhtd
    Burning iron on shoulder? Never heard heard of that before. Pretty sure this is written by a top badge seeker
    Mar 92
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      It's called samashrayanam. Look it up.
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft weirvhtd
      Holy cow! Some hardcore stuff there.
      I don't have any meaningful advice for you :D
      Mar 10
  • Microsoft weirvhtd
    Ok you don't like something, you stay away from it.
    You don't accept something, stay away from it, but calling all of it as "bullshit" just shows your lack of respect towards anything..
    Mar 92
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      I don't respect it because they've negatively affected my life. How can you blame me?
      Mar 9
    • Microsoft weirvhtd
      I would suggest just respectfully disagree with unreasonable requests and fulfill any low hanging fruits.. that would be a reasonable win for everyone.
      Mar 10
  • F5 Networks Op64em
    You don't believe in caste, you tell us. And then you describe how you're better than most people.
    Mar 91
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      How am I better than most people? I'm in hell. I got my shoulders burned dude. They got infected and I had to cancel traveling with my friends.

      Also when starting out, I had a lot of difficulty with talking to white girls because of the caste system mentality. It took a lot of rewiring of the brain to overcome these limiting beliefs and move on with life.

      I've had to deal with all kinds of shit. So don't tell me that I think I'm better.
      Mar 9
  • Salesforce tensorchic
    Mines overly religious, similar to yours, probably the same culture from what you mention.
    We have a healthy discussion about most of these things. I'm not atheist and still classify myself a practicing Hindu, but I don't like rituals. Healthy discussions help them feel respected and in turn they make an effort to understand my pov.
    Sometimes I do rituals I don't believe in. But both my family and I know that it's something I'm doing to make them feel better and also for my family it's like a bonding event. I'm happy to see them happy so long as what they ask is not too frequent or problematic.
    In return they don't question my dating choices, didn't object when I wanted to live in with partners, and are very supportive of whatever I choose to do. They know I consume Cannabis and alcohol and I've talked to them about LSD.
    I consider the religious rituals as something they do to feel grounded and they want me part of it because it makes *them* feel better. And I'm willing to allow some slack - after all they are family and maybe the only bunch of people who will stick by me.
    7d0
  • Intuit tgfi
    You aren’t even born in America, I don’t really understand the point of this post. Can’t sleep on Friday night?
    Mar 90
  • Amazon babymakes5
    My family wasn’t religious and became religious over time (think right wing, Fox News). Over time I’ve become slowly more of an agnostic. It is a pain point for me and our family because my wife is spiritual (which I can live with and she’s ok with) but my parents are religious but not spiritual (think going through the motions). No need to live in secret—I’ve actually told them that religion and politics are off the table in terms of conversations. And it took a long ass time to get them there and be ok with it.

    Stick to what you believe in but don’t be condescending about what others believe either. You have to be respectful.
    Mar 90
  • Microsoft melinda
    What do you think of these is important. You have your own mind. You refer these as Bullshit. Why do them? U cannot be hiding the truth. Doing things to please others is going to cause you much trouble.
    Mar 91
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      You're right... It causes a lot of trouble
      Mar 9
  • Microsoft / Engcaltrop
    Tell them you are not into this. My mom is mildly religious, & some of my relatives are deeply so. But they don't try to involve me because I told them clearly I'm not interested back when I was a teenager. Ultimately it's your life.
    Mar 91
    • Amazon HouseBezos
      OP
      I've tried telling them I'm not into this but I've unfortunately been dependant on them... So I feel the need to listen to what they say... The only way to escape is to be independent I guess.
      Mar 9
  • Amazon lateni
    Never heard of this situation before
    Mar 90
  • Amazon HouseBezos
    OP
    Also btw they forced me into another fucking ritual for buying a new house. How ironic.
    Mar 90

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