I'm from a very religious family but I'm not religiousMar 9
I'm from a traditional orthodox Brahmin family. They do a lot of religious rituals and God worshipping. Most of my family members openly practice the caste system back in India.
I'm a second generation born in America, Bay Area. I went to an Ivy League and travelled the world. I've dated white American girls, Latinas, blacks, and Asians. I secretly eat meat too and smoke weed and drink alcohol occasionally. From my experiences/mindset, I'm definitely not religious or traditional. I'm at complete odds with my family.
But I find myself in situations where I do these bullshit religious things for my family. They even try to trick me into doing them. For example my family begged me to visit India, and on the next day of my visit they coaxed me into a ritual where they burn a mark on your shoulders with searing iron (samashrayanam). This really hurt and wasted my time.
What do I do to escape this bullshit forever? I just bought a home to move out... But is running away really the solution?
Is anyone else dealing with an overly religious family?
- Seagate toti420You bought a house. Presumably you’re an adult. Well, why don’t you grow a pair and go along with these rituals to make your family happy? Or better yet, grow a bigger pair and simply say no?
- New unblindingJust go with the rituals. It’s probably no more than couple of times a year. And in case reincarnation is real, you will benefit. But I suspect they are doing this to ensure you don’t end up marrying a white or Latina girl. It will taper off.
- ^^This. I have religious parents (they got more religious with time; for me it was the opposite) and I still know all the rituals and do them for their benefit. And for my benefit they don’t make me go to church with them when I visit. Everyone isn’t happy, but no one is miserable. Sometimes you have to live with that.
- Nintendo IBMB78Be open about this to your parents, how does complaining in blind help ? You stated you went to Ivy League and traveled world were you boasting when you said that ? You don’t have to degrade other people’s view in order to prove your point .
- Asurion awesurionSimilar story. I am not religious and believe that religions are stupid. The rituals specially are heights of stupidity. The worst part is that I never handled these issues myself and and let them go. I went with the flow and did what my loved ones asked me to do. I did the ones that were doable. I picked only some fights and only those fights that seemed super ridiculous.
The truth is that you lose your self while trying to please others and trying to gel in. I now refuse to be part of these ridiculous rituals anymore. If anyone forces their beliefs on me, I will call it quits.
You can’t fight insanity but hey - you can chose to not be part of the madness. Live on your terms and believe what you believe in. Parents can’t be right always just because they produced you. They can’t be right because they were born before you. Break connections. Relations that don’t respect you do not deserve you.
- Burn their house down and tell them God made you do it. Don’t forget to take pills that create foam around your mouth for the extra special effects. Fight fire with fire.
- In general, I do my own research, understand nature of things, study history, and create my own rules to live by that are based on compassion. In a sense, I create my own set of values, I write my own propaganda for myself.
It can be extremely difficult to do the right thing even if I know it is the right thing to do. I’d say that no, I do not follow my own values, my own propaganda, to the dot. I try to, and I get better and better at it, but it is not that simple as often i lack the right information and my actions may be deeply affected by my mood and environment in the moment.
Religion? I write my own religion and decide what works best for me. I see religion as a technology.
Democracy? It is a disaster. I’m against democracy as it allows people who have absolutely no idea about something to have a vote equal to someone who is an expert in the field. But, just because someone is an expert in the field that doesn’t mean they inherently know what it is best. Democracy should be replaced by a system that 1) puts knowledgeable people at the forefront of making decisions 2) adaptable system to the environment, culture, demographic 3) a system that solves actual problems instead of making everything a political circlejerk 4) a system that looks at least 10 generations ahead to see the consequences of making decisions. 5) many more
Corporationsm? Not sure what you mean by that.
- Sure economy should be about resources and basic services required for humans to survive, i believe Buddha subscribed to living a life somewhere between the rich and poor to find his enlightenment. I can’t help but wonder if most people on the planet has that luxury, we’d all be enlightened
- Buddha wore prisoner clothes (orange robe) and only owned a few basic items (bowl, razor, needle and thread, etc). He begged on the street for food donations to feed himself. In fact, he said Buddhists should follow his example because it makes them dependent on the rest of society and enables them to share their enlightenment/knowledge with ordinary citizens as they are dependent on them for food. That being said, it is not a requirement to obtain enlightenment.
If you like you can find enlightenment yourself. As long as you don’t get caught up in the religious side of Buddhism and follow the non-religious teachings that are a technology for working with the human mind then you can obtain enlightenment in a couple of years, decades, etc.
There is a huge number of schools, books, YouTube lectures, that are available. Also, because of Chinese invasion of Tibet, many monks were displaced and ended up in Western world. They’ve been sharing their teachings for decades now. What is especially valuable is Dzogchen school as it is much more efficient than Buddhism for reaching enlightenment.
Enlightenment is about understanding experientially the true nature of your mind. First you build a mental understanding of what it is and how your mind works, and then you simply spend time doing various practices (some work better than others depending on personality type) whose goal is to make you become EXPERIENTIALLY aware and familiar with your own mind. In essence, what happens is you spend so much time observing and becoming familiar with your own mind that you simply get bored of listening to your thoughts, negative feelings, etc.
It is relatively simple to understand what enlightenment is, but understanding with your logical abstract mind is a COMPLETELY different thing from actually experiencing and living it. You cannot use logic and abstraction to get a taste of enlightenment because it is a “superset” of logic and abstraction. Just like you can explain to a blind person what it is like to see based on analogy of touch and sound, even if a blind person understands what it is like to see it will be radically different from actually seeing and experiencing it for themselves. Same with enlightenment. No words can truly describe it, but it is a really simple thing.
- Burning iron on shoulder? Never heard heard of that before. Pretty sure this is written by a top badge seeker
- Ok you don't like something, you stay away from it.
You don't accept something, stay away from it, but calling all of it as "bullshit" just shows your lack of respect towards anything..
- F5 Networks Op64emYou don't believe in caste, you tell us. And then you describe how you're better than most people.
- How am I better than most people? I'm in hell. I got my shoulders burned dude. They got infected and I had to cancel traveling with my friends.
Also when starting out, I had a lot of difficulty with talking to white girls because of the caste system mentality. It took a lot of rewiring of the brain to overcome these limiting beliefs and move on with life.
I've had to deal with all kinds of shit. So don't tell me that I think I'm better.
- Salesforce tensorchicMines overly religious, similar to yours, probably the same culture from what you mention.
We have a healthy discussion about most of these things. I'm not atheist and still classify myself a practicing Hindu, but I don't like rituals. Healthy discussions help them feel respected and in turn they make an effort to understand my pov.
Sometimes I do rituals I don't believe in. But both my family and I know that it's something I'm doing to make them feel better and also for my family it's like a bonding event. I'm happy to see them happy so long as what they ask is not too frequent or problematic.
In return they don't question my dating choices, didn't object when I wanted to live in with partners, and are very supportive of whatever I choose to do. They know I consume Cannabis and alcohol and I've talked to them about LSD.
I consider the religious rituals as something they do to feel grounded and they want me part of it because it makes *them* feel better. And I'm willing to allow some slack - after all they are family and maybe the only bunch of people who will stick by me.
- Amazon babymakes5My family wasn’t religious and became religious over time (think right wing, Fox News). Over time I’ve become slowly more of an agnostic. It is a pain point for me and our family because my wife is spiritual (which I can live with and she’s ok with) but my parents are religious but not spiritual (think going through the motions). No need to live in secret—I’ve actually told them that religion and politics are off the table in terms of conversations. And it took a long ass time to get them there and be ok with it.
Stick to what you believe in but don’t be condescending about what others believe either. You have to be respectful.
- Microsoft melindaWhat do you think of these is important. You have your own mind. You refer these as Bullshit. Why do them? U cannot be hiding the truth. Doing things to please others is going to cause you much trouble.
- Microsoft / EngcaltropTell them you are not into this. My mom is mildly religious, & some of my relatives are deeply so. But they don't try to involve me because I told them clearly I'm not interested back when I was a teenager. Ultimately it's your life.