Indian Americans and dating tech FOBs

TSYS aoife
Aug 23 83 Comments

As an Indian American female in my 20s (primarily grew up here), I find dating super hard. Since, I work in tech, most of the guys I meet are Indians/Asians here on visas and honestly I wouldn't mind dating them, especially someone who shares my cultural background.

But my biggest worry when I get hit on is do they genuinely like me or they just want a Green Card/citizenship and how can I tell? 😕

I might sound paranoid but I know that's a real thing.

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TOP 83 Comments
  • Microsoft ramada
    You're paranoid
    Aug 23 1
    • New / Strategy
      Porsche996

      New Strategy

      BIO
      BS MechE, MS ISyE
      Porsche996more
      Plus bro there are people who are citizen of three countries as well.
      Aug 23
  • Airbnb g56hu78
    Question of green card comes only if they marry you. If you know anything about indian culture, a successful guy is never going to marry you just for green card. There are bigger things at stake.
    Aug 23 5
    • Facebook qwertyuip
      Not true always. There are people who would go to any extent for a green card.
      Aug 23
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      What are some of the biggest things at stake?
      Aug 23
    • Oracle kJ37vg
      Don’t trust this advice.
      Aug 23
    • Amazon fjsg29
      @OP - Splitting net worth in half.
      Aug 23
    • Google tc=10e-1
      ^ this
      Aug 24
  • New Stunt
    I mean.. Show us a pic. I’ll tell you whether they’re dating you for a greencard. I can tell.
    Aug 23 3
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      Hahaha lol nice try. I've been told I'm pretty but I don't consider it.
      Aug 23
    • New Stunt
      Why don’t you? Is that why you date Indians that will make you biryani for lunch?
      Aug 23
    • Quora WalU80
      Tinder can help u check
      Aug 24
  • Citibank helloluk
    As an Indian male from India - albeit I’ve spent over 7-8 years here - I’ve seen the opposite as well. American Indian women wanting to date me because I was closer to the culture they admired and wasn’t too hard on the eyes. I could’ve taken the easy way out - but it’s my life and I wanted someone I was truly compatible with. GreenCard means nothing if you’re living a sham and empty life. Indians can always hop over the fence to Canada if that’s all they are so concerned about .. just my two cents. Good luck!
    Aug 23 5
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      Truee wish everyone had this mindset though. I mean, maybe it's just because I'm on blind but most guys here seem very shallow
      Aug 23
    • Citibank helloluk
      Do you expect gourmet meal at McDonald’s? :)
      Aug 23
    • Walmart 🐉energy
      Blind isn't the entire men's section. It's a small fraction of it. From the looks of it, you're being too shallow, judging every man wants you for the green card 😂 it's not like you're going to marry a person overnight. You'll be dating at least for 2-3 years. Wouldn't that time be enough for you to see how the person really is?
      Aug 23
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      Yea for sure. I know I'm not bashing everyone. Not all men are aholes. But like if they don't really like me, yet they are just trying to make it work for the gc.. I wouldn't want that for them. Would rather they dumped me you know
      Aug 23
    • Citibank helloluk
      Here’s an idea - create a new post, add your picture and what you’re looking for - turn blind into Blind-dating. Any app is a dating app if you’re Indian 🤷🏻‍♀️
      Aug 23
  • Microsoft tincans
    This may sound crazy to you but there are "fob"s like us (yes the same as your parents who worked hard and took risk so they could give good life to you) who prefer not to date ABCDs coz you and the society thinks we married you for citizenship. Many of us don't give a damn about American citizenship. We are economic mercenaries. We're here coz there's meaningful work and good money. If tomorrow some other country gives it, well go there. Thinking citizenship is some big deal is ridic.
    Aug 23 5
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      Ok, personally attacked much? I just know that it is for some people. Maybe not you.

      Where are these 'many' guys that are like you btw??
      Aug 23
    • Microsoft / Eng sunofa🍑
      Why asking for many? Just grab this one 🙂
      Aug 23
    • Microsoft tincans
      He he 🍑 makes a good point though she's a silly gurl ☺️
      Aug 23
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      By the looks of it, this silly guy doesn't prefer to date ABCDs lol
      Aug 24
    • Microsoft tincans
      Oh come on.. I know many of you are open minded and I kinda understand your concern. 😏
      Aug 24
  • Cisco Htov50
    You are thinking too much
    Aug 23 1
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      Maybe..lol
      Aug 23
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Apple pCwX52
    Lets be true about it. Guys who are in visa obv would like to have their green card ASAP since their wait time is decades. But in the meantime, if you find a match you like , its a win win situation for both of you! Why be paranoid about it
    Aug 23 2
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      That's a positive way of looking at it. I mean, I could just be overthinking.
      Aug 23
    • MongoDB tlb_miss
      I'm on a visa but don't wish for a GC. It's too sticky
      Aug 25
  • eBay abababbb
    They might just want the green card..Indians tend to be very much into convenience and wealth when it comes to relationships
    Aug 23 1
    • Taylor Farms azerty_
      Knowing about all the arranged marriages they have, it’s clear that feelings are out of the way for them. Why can’t they arrange marriage themselves into a gc? Lol
      Aug 23
  • Facebook ExPo20
    I hear you. It is like all dating though. You can do your best to know a person but end of the day it is a leap of faith.
    Aug 23 0
  • Microsoft taxation
    I want to share my true story with you here. I’m an Indian but my place of birth is Oman, when I moved here I always use to think that since I’m an Indian my green card will take forever & I want to be here I thought of dating Indian American girl here. If you think objectively there is nothing wrong in someone considering green card as one of the pros, in the end we as an over achiever Indians were taught to see everything as competition, or a deal that includes marriage as well. This doesn’t mean we cheat behind the scenes or abusive in relationship. It’s just that we get turned on by green card. However coming back to my story met this girl in college, she was like regular Indian American girl seriously confused but at a heart she was nice, I continued dating her because she was nice, fun but had weird mix of conservativeness and Americanness. I would have dropped her if she was not an American citizen but I continued with her(which was the best decision) because the more I got to know her I liked her, all her shortcomings were nothing but facade which Indian parents teach to their daughters here. Later when I moved to Microsoft I got to know that I can get green card in 2-3 years because it’s about place of birth not passport, that was a shock to me and that didn’t change my love for her, I might not have dated her if green card was not the aspiration but after dating her I fell in love with her :) & soon I will be marrying her, Now I know why arrange marriages work in India :)
    Aug 23 0
  • Amazon ohjangbeum
    desi bros aren’t that worried about GC, if you notice, probably none of them you’ve met had to leave due to visa issues. give them a chance!

    share how they hit on u pls and rate their approach
    Aug 23 7
    • New Stunt
      How is that line a 10/10? 😩
      Aug 23
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      "hiii :)"

      "hey"

      "had ur lunch?"

      This is basically every Indian guy lmao so yes that was a 10/10 .
      Aug 23
    • Amazon mogget
      ^haha
      Aug 23
    • Amazon ohjangbeum
      yea he wanted to go back so made it happen and scapegoated the immigration system, I’m an old guy and never seen an H1B get deported who wanted to stay

      Hope the biryani was good at least!
      Aug 23
    • PayPal anbuselvan
      OP I can make any Indian food you name it lol 😆
      Aug 23
  • Symantec kamirahan
    PM Me i need citizenship
    Aug 23 0
  • Capital One LCatWork
    As an Indian American dude I feal the same way about fob girls, I think they are pretty cute and we have stuff in common but it is a minus point.
    Aug 23 2
    • Amazon ohjangbeum
      Well what u waiting for, msg the OP
      Aug 23
    • Google / Eng ard57
      😂
      Aug 23
  • Microsoft / Eng sunofa🍑
    Tell them you've given up your US citizenship for the Indian one.
    If they still stay, then it's definitely love.
    Aug 23 2
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      From what I've heard, forfeiting an American citizenship is apparently a long, hard process. Not to mention, getting an Indian citizenship since they don't allow dual citizenship
      Aug 23
    • Microsoft / Eng sunofa🍑
      "tell" doesn't really mean you actually do it.

      If they stayed for you despite all this, then it's true love.
      Aug 23
  • New / Eng Kirk🏝
    I was once talking to an ABCD girl. I was fob. There was no connection and I really wanted to go back (still here after 8 years.... most likely will stay here) and said No. She talked to her dad and tried to convince me that no body goes back.. but I said I don't think it will work.

    I think you have to trust your instinct. I am glad I met my wife through family connections and we took a year before we got married. She is the best thing that happened to me.
    Aug 23 1
    • Microsoft tincans
      Kirk island? 🤔
      Aug 24
  • Google / Eng ard57
    You know you won't get white 🍆
    You don't want BBC
    You know ABCDs chasing white 😼
    And the only shot you have is with FOB Indians; you worry they might be with you only for GC? I'd say you have low self-esteem issues, spare these FOBs.
    Aug 23 0
  • New jbnote1
    I wouldnt say you are paranoid because I know a horrible person who "fell on love" with a lady because she wasnt born in India. He has mentioned several times that they are not compatible and he is putting up with her because of the future.
    So my suggestion would be to not reveal that you have citizenship.
    Aug 23 0
  • PayPal anbuselvan
    It is a valid concern. It is a mixed bag. I would suggest to be friends first to know if the person is genuine first. There are many of us who don’t give a damn about green card and confident enough to setup a life in any developed part of the world including some places in India/Asia.
    Aug 23 2
    • TSYS aoife
      OP
      See i'd like to be friends first, but that's the other thing. Most Indian guys, when they ask you out go FULL out like it's all or nothing.
      Aug 23
    • PayPal anbuselvan
      That’s because we do wanna escape the friend-zone trap. It’s tricky to be friends first - it either organically happens or never works!
      Aug 23
  • Symantec GoRams
    GC is second. Sex is first
    Aug 23 0