Indian women, what do you think?

Google thdgu
Jan 20 175 Comments

So long story short - I was a bit overweight and working at a small company, between the age of 24-27.
Got into Google, lost a lot of weight and gained some muscle.
Currently, I'm 31 years old.

Well, going through the arrange marriage phase 5 years ago, girls had crazy demands. They wanted a rich guy with body of a Greek God. Most of them were superficial. Half of these girls were 4/10 and I won't even look at them if I had all the above traits they were looking for.

Alright, fast forward to now. I'm doing decent, as far as money is concerned. I look good now (having lost all the fat). Now, suddenly girls are more desperate and willing to compromise on anything (maybe biological clock? I don't know). I see more single females than males, at this age. I have lost all interest in marriage, my relationships hardly last 6 months and I'm super comfortable with it.
Talking to a few girls, as my family wants me to get married. Most of them are about 29-30 years old now. 2 of them had rejected me 5 years ago and suddenly seem interested now.

All the communication goes fine until I ask for a prenup agreement. They look at me like I asked for their kidney or something. I mean anyone who has gone through what I did will do the same I guess. Am I wrong in asking for a prenup?

TC: 400k
Net worth: 650k (excluding things I'll inherit, should be around 500k)

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TOP 175 Comments
  • Apple
    Benjamihn

    Apple

    PRE
    Tesla Motors
    Benjamihnmore
    Date and marry someone who cares about you and not your net worth. I don’t see how that’s so difficult...
    Jan 20 17
    • Stripe / Eng su4178
      At the end of the day, OP needs to decide what is more important; being happy or pleasing his parents.

      If I were you OP, I would tell my parents how I want to live my life, even though that might not be what they want for you. And they can accept it, and remain to be in your life, or they don’t and you carry on your life without them. Give them time to process it and let them come back to you when they’re ready.

      I know I don’t come from India, so I haven’t been in your position. But having controlling parents, I have been there. You shouldn’t have to change who you want to be just to please others.
      Jan 21
    • Broadcom Ltd. loki12
      You should find Someone making more than your and richer than you. They would be happy to sign prenup. But again if she has it all why would she choose you :)
      Jan 21
    • New
      Scarn🎙

      New

      PRE
      Google
      Scarn🎙more
      I am Indian and understand what pressure you are going through. Just want to point out that my brother went through the same thing and got divorced after 20 years of marriage. He is 50 and again getting pressured by his 70 year old partner to marry. He is miserable, do not make this mistake. You may think you are doing this to make your parents happy but you will end up resenting them for the rest of your life. As others said marry if you love someone otherwise stay single and enjoy life.
      Jan 21
    • New stuY17
      I know it's not that simple but tell your parents that the times have changed and you're not in Kolkata anymore. Life is too short to waste it on shit you don't want to do. Break the mold.
      Jan 21
    • Sirius XM HfIbQ65
      @OP I am not Indian but I have been through my own societal and parental pressures. You have to decide if you are your own person or not. It’s your life. It’s not your parents’ life. You make the decision that impacts your life the most. How it impacts their life is secondary to what you want. Adjust your way of thinking or be prepared to potentially suffer long after they’re gone.
      Jan 21
  • New ktFx33
    I think prenup and marriage is almost like an oxymoron. It’s like having one foot in the divorce court. I feel like if you’re having these kinds of concerns better not to marry to begin with. If you need a prenup to get married and feel “safe” I doubt it’s a good relationship to begin with. Best of luck
    Jan 20 33
    • In real life, fairy tales don't occur by themselves. All those beautiful relationships you see around yourself are not something people's stumbled upon, but there was a lot of hard work that went behind it. With that attitude, you want to keep one foot out of the door and run away with your assets taking no responsibility of the relationship. You asking me to do a prenup is a sign that you don't trust me, which is a key ingredient.

      Like I mentioned, if you need to 'protect' yourself from me, you aren't exactly seeing me as a part of you. You just are entering marriage because you are 31. If not for age, you wouldn't have thought about settling down with a partner.
      Jan 22
    • Google dyydyy
      True, for most of them entering arranged marriage.

      I don't know you at your best, certainly not at your worst. I can't seeing you as someone I love, just yet.
      Jan 22
    • Take the time to know someone then, rather than rushing into a marriage that you see as a transaction. Your future wife may want to be loved by you, not enter into a business deal with you, or so I hope.

      You don't love someone after seeing their best and worst versions. You love someone and then stay with them in their best and worst versions. I don't think we align on our notion of a relationship at all.
      Jan 22
    • Google dyydyy
      Yup, I won't reply to you know.

      I've got a team to run. Happy Tuesday.
      Jan 22
    • Cerner M0j0r0j0
      @kaidi- the same argument can be made by the other party? If you’re so sure that a pre-nup will never be required, what’s the harm to sign a paper? And it’s not really to protect one from the other, it protects assets of both of them. If it puts your partner at ease, why wouldn’t you do it?
      Jan 23
  • So what does it have to do with Indian women?
    Jan 20 10
    • Snapchat shroomed
      Actually he did not have one. Bill gates and Mark Z don’t have either. If you are so paranoid, marriage isn’t for you.
      Jan 20
    • Google / Eng hooli.xyz
      Not a red flag at all. It’s just a man trying to protect pre-marital assets. It’s perfectly fine.
      Jan 20
    • New / Eng Boza
      I think it's perfectly fine. I did ask for one and absolutely refuse to get married without it.

      Some will say if you're worried then marriage isn't for you. Are you guaranteed to not get divorced? If not, then you should plan for it. It's not a romantic thing, but it's part of life.
      Jan 20
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      @Boza any advice?
      Jan 20
    • New / Eng Boza
      @thdgu my advice is it seems that you're set in what you think, which is to get one. Be confident in that decision and don't budge just because others think differently.

      I recommend to not enter a marriage that is arranged without actually loving the person. Get to know them first. If you love them, then get married. Regardless of a prenup, that just sets you for a happier future.

      As for prenup, don't budge on that. Even with love, people change. You want your asset and theirs protected. Bringing it up brings the discussion of finances and future goals which is a good thing. No one is guaranteed to be married for ever, so it is best to discuss ahead of time what both of you would do in the case of divorce.

      A partner that would get offended by a prenup is one that thinks of life as a happy rainbow.

      News flash: Life has no rules. It's not a happy movie. Not all things have a happy ending. Be realistic and plan ahead.
      Jan 20
  • Amazon / Eng nutboy39
    Your post is all over the place. Discussing a prenup with someone that you’re considering spending your life with isn’t out of line, but your general tone of contempt for women makes me wonder how you’re framing this discussion and how you’re looking at this situation in a way that might give someone pause.
    Jan 20 2
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      It's my life perspective.

      I bet if the receiving party were to write it, they'll have a contrasting opinion.
      Jan 20
    • Amazon / Eng nutboy39
      Yeah, my point is that your life perspective is probably why you’re having issues with this. You said in another comment that you don’t even want to get married. So don’t.
      Jan 20
  • F5 Networks Op64em
    You mentioned that you're 31, "currently." Do you anticipate your age will change? That's an issue for most women.
    Jan 20 4
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      What's your question?
      Jan 20
    • Google / Eng hooli.xyz
      Well, some people can go through a life-changing experience where they’ll stay permanently at their “current” age 😉
      Jan 20
    • Microsoft SIRM47
      Just identify as 31 for as long as you like. Anyone argues with you, they're just a 'phobe of some kind.
      Jan 20
    • Google hxg5x
      Woke af
      Jan 20
  • MuleSoft 💩 ity
    OP is still going through an arranged marriage phase. As his “worth” has suddenly jumped off the roof, according to him, he is just humble bragging.
    Jan 20 9
    • MuleSoft 💩 ity
      Lol. Still G recruiters reaching out to me nearly every 3-4 months even after I turned down their offer a couple of years ago. Nothing against G, good luck with you bragging around. Peace!
      Jan 20
    • Snapchat shroomed
      Haha. As an ex Goog employee, I’ve seen a lot of people there who think of themselves as coding Gods. Get off your high horse OP.
      Jan 21
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      Lol, Snapchat.

      How's the stock doing?
      Jan 21
    • Aurora bystander!
      That’s your comeback!

      You do know he/she can come back to Google, quite literally any day.
      Jan 21
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      They're most welcome to.

      I replied to your "trivial projects" thing. No one will drop a cool project in your lap.
      Jan 21
  • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
    You sound superficial
    Jan 20 3
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      Maybe.

      Everyone is.
      Jan 20
    • Amazon / Eng nutboy39
      Self-fulfilling prophecy.
      Jan 20
    • Oath / Mgmt Atinlay
      No, not everyone is
      Jan 20
  • Walmart.com / Eng YPkx24
    Why don’t you marry someone who is similar to your profile so that prenup is not an issue or are you are having a hard time finding such girls? The fact that your relationship lasts not more than 6 months shows you might have some insecurities about being rejected in the past. It is important you understand these important issues than worry about your prenup. Honestly 650k at the age of 31/32 is not super high considering you are that old and you live in Bay Area. You might afford buying a studio here with that amount of money. Google is a good brand which might compensate a bit for your big mouth. Also do you want to marry someone from India or US? Getting an ego boost from 2 girls showing interest in you is cool but honestly your sample size is extremely small.
    Jan 20 5
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      As I said, I got in Google at 27. I was making 🥜 at a small company.

      I'll hit million dollar net worth at about 33. I think it's fair enough.

      2 of them were the once who rejected me. I didn't say it's just 2 girls.
      Jan 20
    • Google dyydyy
      Not asking for a prenup is your definition of humble?

      There's a difference in being humble and stupid.
      Jan 21
    • Google dyydyy
      It's not bragging. It's justification - "why prenup is required?"

      If you feel it's bragging, there's something wrong with you.
      Jan 21
    • Walmart.com / Eng YPkx24
      Haha get a life bruh
      Jan 21
    • Google dyydyy
      Hmmm.
      Ok.
      Jan 21
  • Splunk H5ghy4
    Most Indian women who work in the bay area are pretty smart and are earning well too. Looks like they don't want to date you so you've to bring a wife from India. As a female with my own assets I would ask for a prenup if the guy asked for one because I have my own assets. I would do it just to be petty but I wouldn't really date you or marry you. You sound like someone with new money and new looks and hence new ego to go with it.
    Jan 21 2
    • Microsoft / Eng
      MP3

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      “As a female with my own assets I would ask for a prenup if the guy asked for one because I have my own assets. I would do it just to be petty but I wouldn't really date you or marry you.”

      Wow... do you sound like a mature individual...

      “You sound like someone with new money and new looks and hence new ego to go with it.”

      Pot calling kettle black 🤣
      Jan 21
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      @Splunk how old are you? May be we can date.
      😂😂

      I'll sign the prenup happily.
      Jan 21
  • Microsoft / Other spartan123
    If you want prenup, make note of the following things:
    1. In case your family needs any kind of support from you, then use the money you set aside as prenup and don’t dare to touch the one you guys will earn after marriage because that’s your family’s problem not hers. You can’t expect a girl to leave her family and take care of your family on priority when you can’t even share your money with her. Also don’t expect your parents to stay with you ever because if you want to follow American culture then she will do the same.
    2. Don’t make her do any sacrifice for you such as leaving career for your kids because she needs financial safety for herself in case you plan to leave her.
    Jan 25 1
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      This!
      Especially 2. Expect zero compromise. You want to share zilch of your pre marital income with her. She as well needs to make her own net worth so in the event of a split she can make a lucrative situation for herself and for that she'll need the best career ever.
      3. You'll have to do 50-50 on childcare.

      Yes, prenuptials are good. But once someone signs it, you lose all moral ground in asking for any compromise from them which would hurt their post divorce earning potential. Every family related responsibility will be split into 2 down to the middle.
      Jan 25
  • Guidewire Lahlah
    Don’t marry. You’ll ruin someone’s life with that attitude.
    Jan 21 1
  • New / Eng
    BogoSort

    New Eng

    PRE
    Samsung Electronics
    BogoSortmore
    Man! You make 400k a year, it is up to you. Grow some balls and tell your mom that you are not going to marry any time soon.
    Jan 20 1
  • Aurora bystander!
    Maybe it’s your choice of words - but you really don’t bring much to the table. Blind is mostly young ones. Older ones make as much as you do. Google is good, but a good number of people there work on rubbish projects (no offense). About you being fit! .. aren’t you just supposed to be fit? For yourself?

    Either way who am I to judge. Lucky whoever gets rolled into your practical world.
    Jan 20 4
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      I don't wanna get into "projects at Google" discussion.

      Mostly people who say that - I point them to Fox and the grapes story.
      Jan 20
    • Aurora bystander!
      Okay.

      Presuming fox hasn’t worked at Google before?
      Jan 20
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      May be they worked here before, but not capable to make it big.

      At Google or any other tech company, you have to drive your career. You're on your own. No one will give you a cool project, if you just sit around waiting for it.
      Jan 20
    • Facebook / Other
      XKLa50

      Facebook Other

      BIO
      Data scientist
      XKLa50more
      Lol, GOOG. You really think you're hot shit, lol. Go figure out your life or post in a forum of equals - your company forum, rather than have a discussion with lesser mortals. P.S. For a guy that worked at a start-up, and was scarred by girls judging him as being less worthy then, you're pretty quick to judge others in a similar fashion. Who needs introspection when they think they're killing it.
      Jan 21
  • Wipro
    JohnnyCa$h

    Wipro

    PRE
    Apple
    BIO
    Citizen and democrat
    JohnnyCa$hmore
    The issue is OP accumulation lot of assets in last 5 years and see lot of fear of trusting someone. I see folks in this mindset and ended up single even in their 50s. Especially who made money in dot com 2000 era.
    Jan 20 2
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      Honestly, I'm not afraid by that thought.

      Being a bachelor at 50, but having done all the debauchery and dieing at 60. I wouldn't mind that at all.
      Jan 20
    • Microsoft ezpzgc
      Then just do that. Why are you whining here
      Jan 21
  • OmniTier Storage
    omnitier

    OmniTier Storage

    PRE
    Google, Facebook, Apple, Salesforce
    omnitiermore
    Your net worth is $600k, before marriage. Anything you earn after marriage needs to be shared with your wife. So you are asking for prenup just for $300k. That's like less than your current annual TC.

    Just let it go and give marriage a chance with someone who feels right to you. If marriage goes south, you will be single again with experience. you will earn extra $300k back in no time, considering your caliber.

    Consider $300k as potential investment to try something called marriage. If investment doesn't work out, you lose $300k. But gains are infinite, if investment works out.
    Jan 21 5
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      It's 650k plus potential inheritance. Makes it 1 mil +.

      It will take me at least 4 years to recover and save 600k
      Jan 21
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Google, I've checked through the laws. Inheritance is going to be yours, never your partners. So long as you don't intermix up the finances- like sell your family home and invest part of it in joint property. Etc. There's a technical name for this that I don't remember.

      Regarding remaining net worth, you should talk to an international lawyer specialized in both US and India laws on how to form a trust. You can write off the trust to your future kids.
      Jan 21
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Also why don't you invest in getting to know you potential wife, and only speak about money when declarations of love have been made and marriage talks are on? Till then, hide it. Pretend to be this middle class guy with a Google job who makes median income for your level.

      I will never disclose my family $ until such time I am proposed to, and I'm considering accepting.

      Employ the strategy in that movie: "crazy rich Asians"
      Jan 21
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      Yeah, I'll act like Amir Khan from Ghajini (not a tycoon like him, but you get the idea).
      Jan 21
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Exactly. Play it down. Pretend that your not rich. Drive a second hand car.

      You'll know if someone is in love with you and vice versa for cash and superficialities or something substantial.
      Jan 21
  • PwC noraz
    Yea - depends on backgrounds. I personally wouldn’t prefer a prenup from a ‘life’ ‘partner’ since the ‘partner’ is and will be more value able than assets.
    Jan 20 2
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      I think at my age, half of these girls wanna get married just for the sake of it.
      Jan 20
    • You are right, Google. And so do the guys. All the guys I talk to for arrange marriage only want to settle down because they of psychological reasons (they are 30+ and feel time is running out to find a good partner). And half of them don't have an adjusting attitude (don't want to move out of their current city, want the woman to compromise on her career, value their parents but not the girl's, don't want to let go their playyboy lifestyle etc). I don't think any of the guys I talked to actually was in the mindset of building a relationship. So I decided to let it be and be single 🤘
      Jan 22
  • Microsoft / Eng
    MP3

    Microsoft Eng

    BIO
    Troll living under the I-5 overpass
    MP3more
    You sound like you have a head on your shoulders, OP.

    Have you tried to figure out what type of girls you REALLY enjoy spending time with and simply meeting them in person? Not necessarily marriage, not necessarily for sex, but to enjoy their femininity and have a great time naturally? Simply filter out majority of women you wouldn’t have a natural interaction with before you even start a conversation. Find a 22yo student you have great chemistry with and take her on a Eurotrip 😉, put that TC to good use.

    With your TC you can skip the whole matrimony site bullshit and use a service that finds very compatible women to your tastes. I believe it costs around $50-100k.
    Jan 20 6
    • Microsoft / Eng
      MP3

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      I’ve already hit 30. I know what you’re talking about, and the solution to that is to find women you naturally click with. Biological age is one thing, and psychological age (maturity) is another.

      Not to mention there is something to be enjoyed about the inexperience and naïveté of 20yos.
      Jan 20
    • Salesforce booney
      Gross
      Jan 20
    • Microsoft / Eng
      MP3

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      @booney: What’s the problem?
      Jan 20
    • Walmart.com fiVn5$!Br
      Ewww “something to be enjoyed about the inexperience and naïveté”... you sound like a predator.
      Jan 21
    • Microsoft / Eng
      MP3

      Microsoft Eng

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      You sound like someone who’d quote out of context to fit your own agenda.
      Jan 21
  • Snapchat shroomed
    Yes. OP got all the attributes of a Genuine Asshole
    Jan 21 1
    • Aurora bystander!
      “Genuine” <— operative word.
      Jan 21
  • Google 1234te
    Get a pre-nup, dude. Even the richest man in the world got screwed because of not having one.

    I can understand why desi women might be offended by the concept of a pre-nup, especially if they are FOBs..
    Maybe you can sugar-coat it a bit for them to make it more palatable. Beyond finances, make it into a broader agreement about expectations and have an honest discussion beforehand.
    I'm nearly 40 and have been through a divorce already and I can tell you that women in India have all kinds of problems when they come here, especially without a work permit - they get homesick, have trouble adapting to the culture, weather, making local friends etc and they often want to go back to India or bring their parents here for months.
    Make sure you think through all of these in the pre-nup.
    Jan 20 0
  • Salesforce tensorchic
    If you want to go the arrange marriage route, you have to be prepared to deal with partners who will decide based on superficial aspects. To be fair to them, they need to make a decision in few months. Few months is how much normal relationships even take to get exclusive!

    If you want to connect organically, and find someone who knows you better than what's on paper, get out of this arranged stuff and online dating and go meet people in real life!

    Prenup is a huge turnoff. I had thought about this during my last relationship (which didn't work out) where my networth was 20x by boyfriends. It's better to put your pre marital funds in a trust. It's shitty for the lesser earning partner to have to sign this document.
    Jan 20 16
    • Amazon btu
      @tensorchic - not interested in relationship lol. Alreqdy in one! Just wanted to talk about things Anon but a little less public. It's cool if you don't want though
      Jan 21
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Sure, ping me then.
      Jan 21
    • Amazon btu
      Out of dms lol
      Jan 21
    • Google thdgu
      OP
      This is already anonymous forum dude.

      You want more privacy?
      Jan 21
    • Amazon btu
      Yep.
      Jan 21