Relationships

Initiating Conversations

Oath / Eng
Blind404

OathEng

PRE
Amazon
Blind404more
Jan 8

How do you initiate conversations with girls you meet on dating apps?
I'm good at making the first move and ask them out.
And meet for coffee or dinner. Even the second time. And it has worked out well mostly.

But then, either I run out of conversations or the feeling of rejection kicks in and I try to not ask the girl out/ wait for the girl to reach out. And the girls I've met on apps never initiated the conversation (most of them) which finally ends up with me stalking them on Social Media, hoping things will work out somehow.

Anyone been in this state? How did you overcome this?

@NerdHere

TC - 165K

comments

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  • Vertivco / Eng
    FastPapuan

    VertivcoEng

    PRE
    Youtube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
    FastPapuanmore
    Doesn't matter, depending on your ethnicity.
    You will always reach the same, deserted state. No matter how much humor you mix into your messages or your interesting experiences or ideas for interesting activities, the girls give the same, desolated outcome. It's a wasted effort. Your energy is literally being poured into a sinkhole. You will probably never see it again.
    I mean, maybe it's great to do that so you Sharon your language skills. But for what? It's still a sinkhole. No one appreciates what you do. In fact, it's highly likely that someone will take what you do and attach a negative spin on that and damage you even further.
    Jan 84
    • Oath / Eng
      NerdHere

      OathEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      NerdHeremore
      lol, is this how dating apps work for men?
      Jan 8
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      Youtube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      Why is my plight funny? You sadistic individual.
      Jan 8
    • Oath / Eng
      NerdHere

      OathEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      NerdHeremore
      lol, you are funny!
      Jan 8
    • LinkedIn tendies
      Yes, for average and unattractive males. Chad's let their face and body do the talking. Talking doesn't really matter for Attraction, because Attraction is not a choice.
      2d
  • Medtronic / R&DSnakeDr
    Show interest, but show that you have everything you need...It makes them try much harder.

    Be sure to keep the conversation on them!
    Jan 82
    • Oath / Eng
      NerdHere

      OathEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      NerdHeremore
      How do you show that you have everything you need without sounding arrogant/desperate?
      Jan 8
    • Medtronic / R&DSnakeDr
      Like I said keep the conversation on her, complements, what she’s interested in.

      Plus don’t respond twice in a row (except if you’re finishing a thought), and don’t reply immediately all the time, and say you have to go in the middle of a conversation.
      Jan 8
  • Amazon 1700zulu
    Girls are not that difficult to figure out. Be interesting. Be yourself. Share what gives you passion for life whether it’s leetcoding or drones or rock climbing. Ask her about her interests to see if you have something in common. If you don’t have one, then one of you will go on a more adventurous date spot something you haven’t done before (rock climbing) and see how the shared experience ends up.

    OP you’re good at breaking the ice but once you do that you need to find common ground or be willing to go outside your comfort zone.

    It honestly isn’t different from making new friends on the playground when you were a kid...
    Jan 89
    • Oath / Eng
      NerdHere

      OathEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      NerdHeremore
      Thank you!
      Jan 8
    • "Be interesting. Be yourself."

      Sometimes they are mutually exclusive.

      And what about people who never learned how to make friends at the playground?
      Jan 9
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      Then they will learn a valuable life skill with adult consequences when they make a error.

      “Be interesting” is not mutually exclusive with “be yourself.” If you have to pretend around a date or significant other eventually the real you will come out. Either your SO will feel like you deceived them (you did) or will leave you because of such deception or will accept you anyway. But that’s a big gamble. Just as in software it’s better to fail fast and know why you failed so you can move on.
      Jan 9
    • I don't know if you're missing my point, my point is some people are boring so if they just be themselves they will not be interesting.
      Jan 9
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      I got the point you made. Mine was that you can learn to be more interesting. Pretending isn’t the answer though.
      Jan 9
    • I never said pretending though, all I'm saying is for some people they can't just be themselves as they are and still be interesting
      Jan 9
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      It’s true there are some boring people out there but what I discovered is some people like boring. Interesting also often implies “complicated”, “has lots of baggage,” or “has had interesting experiences.”

      Example: on a business trip I say next to a college aged gal who is a sugar baby. She’s writing about the experience and the darker side of that lifestyle. It’s interesting but her personality was very bland: a very typical white blonde bimbo, but she had interesting things to say. She also described her share of daddy issues and boyfriend issues. Make sense?
      Jan 10
    • I find that interesting. I don't think personality is a big factor in whether someone is interesting, compared to their experiences and perspectives.
      Jan 10
    • Amazon 1700zulu
      Some people haven’t been around the block enough to have experienced much. That’s different than being boring.
      Jan 10
  • Amazon / Eng
    Keep asking questions. Simple as that.
    Jan 82
    • Oath / Eng
      NerdHere

      OathEng

      PRE
      Amazon
      NerdHeremore
      It's not when I'm with the girl. When I'm with someone, I'm able to keep the conversation going.

      This is when you want to ask them out after you've met a couple of times.
      Jan 8
    • Amazon / Eng
      Text and ask to go on a date. Same as you did the first time. Stop playing games. If you like them, then show it and ask them out. If you dont, on to the next.
      Jan 8
  • New TaaT11
    Ethnicity?
    Jan 83
  • Google / Enghooli.xyz
    Show interest. Flirt. Keep up the witty banter.
    Jan 80
  • Oracle
    !banak

    Oracle

    PRE
    Google, Facebook, Instacart, Twitter, Uber, Air Asia, IBM, Cisco
    !banakmore
    Do the same thing you do when you mert a girl IRL.
    Jan 81
    • Vertivco / Eng
      FastPapuan

      VertivcoEng

      PRE
      Youtube, American Bureau of Shipping, Facebook
      FastPapuanmore
      Same desolated deprivation.
      Jan 8

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