Is Bay Area dating really that bad? How will I do in the dating game?
I just got dumped after a 6 year relationship. It feels strange to be single after spending the bulk of my mid to late 20’s building a life with someone else. I’m pretty broken at the moment, but know that I’ll get through this and eventually be fine. I seriously thought we might get married, and I could never relate to the guys here complaining about how dating in the Bay Area is so brutal because I thought “that’s not going to be me”, yet here I am. Although I won’t be emotionally ready for a serious relationship any time soon, eventually I’ll have to put myself out there. So what’s it really like? Is it as hard as people say? I train in boxing, go running, and lift weights. I’m slowly losing all the fat I’ve put on over the years and will eventually return to the peak physical and aesthetic shape I was in before this relationship. I like to read books and cook when I’m at home and go to bars/clubs/concerts on weekends. Travel once in a while. I’m somewhat introverted, but friends consider me very social and outgoing. I have no problem holding conversations with women, but flirting and dating and all that feels like a forgotten skill. In case anyone asks, yes I am white. TC sucks. 90k with 3.5 YOE. My only goal now is to get fit again and get a new job to earn that sweet sweet cash. Not even to impress the girls, but for my own quality of life. Maybe I’m trying to rationalize why I’m great and dateable because right now I feel like all of these traits aren’t enough. Like I’m not good enough. For those curious why I got dumped, I’m not going to get into the details. We both made certain mistakes over time (nothing severe, just little stuff that snowballed into big stuff). I tried really hard to work things out, but she decided she didn’t want to try anymore. So there you go. This is my first relationship btw (and her 3rd). Surprised we managed to make it last this long since I was so new to dating! So when I eventually decide to jump back into the dating pool, what’s the game plan? Keep doing what I’m doing or what?
You are white, you are good to go! 😂
Keep doing what you're doing. Put yourself out there a bit more than it sounds like you are doing today, but it's fine overall
Thanks man
If you're 6 ft tall, you got no problem 👍
I'm not from the bay area, but I'm 5'6" and fat. Pretty much still never had issues getting dates anywhere. People index way too hard on height as an excuse.
I mean higher than average height isn’t a completely bad thing. It helps.
No. People who think it is bad are just bad at dating. If you know how to play the game and have fun with it, you'll be fine.
How to play the game?
Download Tinder, swipe lots, don't small talk on the app forever, just ask them out within a few messages. Be confident and chill on the date. Recognize that plenty of people will ghost you at all points in the process and get over it. You'll be ghosted after matching, after talking, after scheduling a date, after having a date, after hooking up. It's part of it, don't get discouraged. Keep at it. Just a numbers game in the end.
You're smart to take a break and concentrate on you. She's the one that lost out. Don't jump in too soon. When you least expect it you'll meet someone great. Work on you and your new job as you started and try jot to obsess about the past. Be yourself.
Just take it one step at a time. There’s no need to rush dude. I’ve been in the same boat as you and it fucking sucks after that breakup. It really does fucking suck. As for dating in the Bay Area, it does kind of suck because everyone is in a rat race, but totally doable. I would recommend before going dating, just spend time with yourself to gather your emotions, then slowly start spending time with friends and family. Catch up with those you haven’t to talk in a while. Then slowly build your way into asking girls to hang out. You have great potential dude. You’re a decent dude that can match a decent girl provided you put effort into that relationship while maintaining your identity. I don’t know why people say “TOC OR GTFO”, but TOC $95,000 and 2 YOE
Thanks man really appreciate the encouragement
It's not easy, but you're a reasonably fit software engineer who sounds like you want to find a nice lady for an LTR. You're gonna be fine.
Dating sucks out here. Expect to get ghosted a ton.
Ghosting is not specific to Bay
Never had issues elsewhere.
Dude, you’ll be fine.