Is asking for exclusivity considered needy?

Capital One / EngKoookieS
Mar 11 33 Comments

I asked a women I’m dating (not married to) if we could be exclusive and she said she didn’t want to be tied down to anyone. Is the fact that I brought it up needy? What is the balance and is exclusivity a deal breaker if it’s important to me?

Update: I got dumped.

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TOP 33 Comments
  • NIC tenzena
    Why would you want to be tied down? Women flee clingy guys like the plague. She’s giving you the freedom to explore your options. If I were you I’d take it.
    Mar 117
    • Amazon hsl44428q
      Lol as if asking to be exclusive is clingy. Stop projecting your attachment issues. As far as OP, if you aren't on the same page, move on.
      Mar 11
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      @tenzena Thank you! Good to hear another point of view, which is different from my own.
      Mar 11
    • NIC tenzena
      @hsl If one person wants to be exclusive and the other doesn’t it can be seen as clingy. I’m just saying he should enjoy her when they are together and explore his options outside of that.

      If anyone is projecting anything it’s you lol.
      Mar 11
    • Medallia / Engouie
      I think clingy was the wrong choice of word. If being monogamous is clingy then we’re fucked.
      Mar 11
    • NIC tenzena
      Well that’s fine. Just hear what my message is and stop staring at that one word.
      Mar 11
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      @tenzena thank you for posting though. That was the word I was looking for. I think I’m just insecure and I feel it’s a tough to balance “clingyness”.
      Mar 11
    • NIC tenzena
      There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone exclusive. Just don’t get swept up in it.

      the best way to get her to want to be exclusive with you is to show her you have options. Why would she want to lock down a guy that is only interested in her? She knows you’re gonna be there.
      Mar 11
  • Uber (:-:)
    | she didn’t want to be tied down to anyone

    Lol she’s getting that D bud.. id get myself tested.

    Yesterday.
    Mar 111
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Hahahaha thank you!
      Mar 11
  • New / MgmtVSwf01
    Next time, "I really like what we have going, we can keep it the same if that's what you want or ramp it up to the next level. I say this because I've a few other women who have expressed interest in me and I don't play games and like to keep things clear." This is like negotiating TC, everyone is more interested in you when you have competing TCs. If you had dropped hints that you were desired by other women she would most likely be more into you. Next time, date other women, cancel dates, make yourself a prize.

    Btw, ignore those saying you're the other guy. You can still come out on top. Have other friends outside of her. Have a social life, go out on other dates and have fun, don't always be available especially when she really wants you to. But when you are give her your undivided attention.
    Mar 115
    • VMware nsxlife
      Good advice
      Mar 11
    • Microsoft
      MP3

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Troll living under the I-5 overpass
      MP3more
      “You can still come out on top.” Why should OP fight for someone who doesn’t want to be exclusive? OP has an option to find someone who finds OP a great catch and doesn’t need to be won over or convinced.

      Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
      Mar 11
    • Microsoft femme
      Good advice.
      Mar 11
    • VMware nsxlife
      @mp3 - OP shouldn’t be fighting. OP should be having fun. If it’s bothering him, he should move on.
      Mar 11
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Thank you!
      Mar 12
  • PayPal da anomaly
    Dude, you’re the other guy in her other relationship
    Mar 111
  • Aurora bystander!
    Before marriage or after?
    Mar 113
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Before
      Mar 11
    • Google / Engcatburglar
      I find it strange that this needs to be even asked..
      Mar 11
    • Aurora bystander!
      Humor really passes by you guys!
      Mar 11
  • Oscar 🐨koala
    Why is thar a problem? You obviously don’t want an open relationship and neither do I. I don’t understand why some people prefer open relationship but that’s none of my business. Anyway, that is not needy. It’s a preference. My two cents - don’t date her.
    Mar 111
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Thank you!
      Mar 13
  • Amazon burnt_0ut
    My wife and I chose to be exclusive after about a month of dating. We both wanted commitment and were willing to do what we could to make things work for the long haul. It’s not about neediness; it’s about whether you found the right person and want to double down on what you have. It’s all in your delivery; it can come across as needy but it needn’t be so.
    Mar 121
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Thank you!
      Mar 12
  • VMware nsxlife
    Depends on how soon you asked her.
    If you guys have been dating for a few months and spending a decent amount of time together, then it’s not needy.
    If she still doesn’t want to be exclusive, chances are she isn’t sure about you and wants to keep her options open.
    Either you should do the same and not be too involved or move on.
    Mar 111
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Thank you!
      Mar 12
  • Amazon McKnziBzos
    It’s her loss man. If she’s just playing or not that into you, you should move on. If you want exclusivity, she doesn’t seem to be the one.
    Mar 130
  • New stuY15
    I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you're probably equally bad at other forms of negotiation

    You essentially threw out all your cards on the table without any leverage. You handed over the little negotiating power that you had and she now controls your destiny. Enjoy that leash 😂😂😂
    Mar 131
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Thank you!
      Mar 13
  • Microsoft / EngC---
    Are you okay with being non exclusive? So far it just seems as a matter of personal preference. I prefer to be exclusive from the first date.

    As for the fear to seem needy: if one is needy it's sensible from very small details. And all it means is that two of you are not sharing same level of interest in each other and feel different amount of influence in this relationship, doesn't matter if it's a friendship or a romantic one.
    Mar 111
    • Capital One / EngKoookieS
      OP
      Thank you! I appreciate your advice.
      Mar 12

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