Relationships

Is it cool that my boyfriend is real good friends with his ex?

New Piethor
Dec 5

Please don’t troll. I have been seeing a guy for a year, and he is real good friends with his ex. That’s also cause they dated in school and they‘re part of a group of school friends. They dated for like 4-5 years and broke up 7 years ago, and she has a boyfriend. They call each other at times and do exchange texts. I know I am probably being unreasonable but I kinda do feel jealous at times, but I just want to make peace with this fact and not let it bug me.

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  • New / EngTTNT
    I’m good friends with a lot of my exes. I try to avoid talking too much with them during times that I am staring to date someone else - I know people can get the wrong idea.

    But a friend is a friend. If my date doesn’t trust me then it’s better to end it early anyway.

    Why should I throw away months of my time that I spent to know a person just because we decided that we shouldn’t be a couple?
    Dec 59
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      That's precisely why you should throw away that time... Relationships ending (not being a couple) is determined usually because the friendship part of the relationship didn't work. It almost never has to do with the sex. So if you two are able to be friends after all you've been through, then why not be in a relationship together? To me you remaining friends is indicative that the break up was over something trivial that could've been worked out.

      Maybe I'm not completely seeing your perspective. Genuinely curious what value you get out of a friendship with an ex just because you poured XX amount of time into getting to know them. Because arguably everyone's poured XX amount of time getting to know friends that still doesn't mean you HAVE to stay friends, people grow apart or friendships don't jive. So why use that argument to stay friends with an ex? Would you use the same argument with an ordinary friend?
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      Relationship isn't about just sex. It's about having the compatibility to share a life together. I don't have to agree with my friend on money, children, vaccinations, school, religion, where to live. I have to agree with someone I'm in a relationship with. So yes, Relationship doesn't end because of sex, and friendship doesn't suffice to keep one.

      However if someone's friendship material (can be trustworthy, offer perspective on my life, etc) that's also pretty rare and it's stupid to give it up. Good friends are rare.
      Dec 5
    • New / EngTTNT
      Me and my latest ex broke up because we valued different things. I wanted to spend my Friday’s and Saturday’s at dinners surrounded by friends, drinks, and going to events.

      She wanted to stay at home and relax. But we had a great time when we were training together, shopping, or just talking over a beer. I was always laughing when I was with her.

      Why break up? After a year, she still haven’t meet a single of my friends and I got tired of always saying “xxx couldn’t make it today”. My social life is super important.

      My ex before that... We fought a lot. But when we were out at parties, at festivals, and clubs we were (and still are) a GREAT combo! Everyone wants to dance with us because we are always having fun.

      I have friends that I get along with when talking about work, but not fun. I have friends I get along with when working out, but not being around computers etc etc.
      Dec 5
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      Hmm still not convinced. Overall sounds like a sunk-cost problem.

      These examples also sound like trivial matters that could be worked on over time (or at the very least compromised) because as mentioned above it's rare to find people you feel comfortable with and can trust.
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      You could compromise on differing values on religion, kids, money, career and family?
      Dec 5
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      Religion, money career and some aspects to family, yes. Kids, depends on the partner.

      Personally, I've found my perspective on the above changes over time anyways. So why not change it for someone I love and have a great time with, can trust and feel comfortable around?
      Dec 5
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      One of my biggest regrets to this day was dumping someone because of things that were once values. At the time I was so sure I wouldn't be convinced of changing those values. Now that I'm older and have experienced a lot more, my perspective has radically changed on those values. So I'm now rethinking what qualifies as legitimate reasons to break up with someone. Values and interests have dropped to superficial reasons to end things as that alters over time.
      Dec 5
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      I guess different people think differently.
      Dec 5
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      Truuuee. To each their own :) agree to disagree then
      Dec 5
  • He is cheating
    Dec 50
  • Booking.com b.urn
    He's banging her.
    Dec 50
  • New / EngF*MyBoss
    4 are in secure.

    You, him, her and her BF :D
    Dec 50
  • No. Friends with Ex’s automatically equals sex. Prove me wrong.
    Dec 51
    • Microsoft / Engmkay🔪
      You made a statement and expect us to prove you wrong? That's not how it works, burden of proof is on you.

      Anyway, for me friendship with an ex would be a giant red flag if I was thinking of serious relationship with her. Next!
      Dec 5
  • VMware BobbleHat
    Also, don’t go crazy about it. I had an ex of many years that texted me asking if I wanted to collect something of mine she found in her apartment. My current gf at the time flipped out and threatened to kill me. I quickly ended the new relationship, and remained friendly with the first ex for many years.

    I never got back with ex #1 even though she asked me to later, but crazy ex 2, made me really think about that ex #1 was not so bad after all.

    My wife now also knew about ex #1 friendship, but was confident enough to just say it is nice I am friends with my ex. I am very happy to be with a secure/confident wife, and not one that threatens to kill me.
    Dec 50
  • Research Now / QA
    DuHastMich

    Research NowQA

    BIO
    If the rule you followed brought you to this ..... of what use was the rule.
    DuHastMichmore
    Wow. Good opportunity for a 3sum
    Dec 50
  • LinkedIn NdjH76
    Things can get raunchy between them anytime. It's a ticking time bomb.
    Dec 50
  • Google / R&Dscrewdriver
    Not at all, and you probably should know without asking this question
    Dec 50
  • Rockwell Collins bellch6148
    Being friend with EX is a good thing as it shows mature thought process and compassion. Not everyone can do that due to insecurities. Don't worry about silly stuff...
    Dec 52
    • Silly stuff like her DT his C***? Yeah just the silly stuff like doggy style on a weeknight.
      Dec 5
    • Rockwell Collins bellch6148
      OP said ex is in their core friends circle. so obviously they are going to talk to each other. Just because some one became ex doesn't make them totally decimated. Its perfectly ok to be friends if they are bound to see each other regularly. We shouldn't judge bad unless we have proof and same way we should always be good when in doubt.
      Dec 5
  • Google / EngqYDgc2
    If you don't like the situation, tell him that you want to go out to dinner as a four and watch for any romantic chemistry in the air.

    I am good friends with two exes, text them probably every couple days about various things (family, politics, career, current relationships), but would never go back to either because there is a reason they are my exes; we are incompatible, and I paid an emotional price to learn that. And if my gf flat out told me to stop talking to them, I would take it very badly. I would see it as unreasonable jealousy and an attempt to isolate me from my social circle and emotional support. It's the sort of fight that could lead to the end of the relationship.
    Dec 51
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      Oh for fucks sake form a new social circle and support system. If friends come and go, then exes can come and go too. Don't hold onto an ex just because they're an ex.

      Also, your current gf should be your person you want to lean on. If you need someone else that should be family or a best friend. If you need to lean on an ex, then you have some serious introspection/self-reflection you need to do.
      Dec 5
  • Microsoft Horseface
    He’s hiding a secret family from you. Start a secret family with his best male friendo
    Dec 50
  • New / Eng
    hYw82bsos

    NewEng

    PRE
    McGraw-Hill Education
    hYw82bsosmore
    4 way is the only way you will all be happy. Currently you're being screwed. Not.physically, but because he is most likely double dipping. Has cheater written all over it
    Dec 50
  • LinkedIn li1f2h8o3s
    Wow u + ur bf + ur bfs ex gf + ur bfs ex gfs bf = my imagination is running wild!
    Dec 50
  • VMware BobbleHat
    Being casual friends is cool. But being emotionally connected means she is at least one of his plan b. The real question should be, is he paying enough attention to you to make you happy. Are you paying enough attention to him to keep him happy.
    Dec 52
    • Google / EngqYDgc2
      "Plan b"? Do you plan relationships like your career, switching just because a more exciting or higher TC opportunity comes along?
      Dec 5
    • VMware BobbleHat
      Sorry to any PC police, but in general guys continuously consider having sex with everything out there(usually females, but ymmv). This includes an ex.
      Dec 5
  • Amazon / Engn0v
    Embrace the threesome. Your boyfriend will thank me later.
    Dec 50
  • Amazon / Engsmsn sns
    Ek ladka aur ek ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte
    Dec 51
  • New jxAa11
    I don't see anything wrong with this. My wife's ex was in her wedding party he is also married.

    I would talk to your boyfriend about it and try to get a better understanding of things.
    Dec 50
  • Amazon / EngAm A Bot
    It depends on the nature of the relationship. It can be a good sign because if he splits with someone it is amicable (and often less hurtful) but could also be because he’s hung up on her. You can still genuinely love someone platonically too.
    Dec 50
  • New RzFr15
    Pics of the ex gf
    Dec 50
  • New ktFx33
    I believe it’s not weird for you to feel jealous.
    Dec 50
  • Microsoft eWji22
    It is a ticking bomb indeed. They share some memories that you are not the part of. It's so hard to define where the line should be when it comes to someone who was very close to you in the past. It's so easy to cross the line.
    Maybe we are all wrong here, maybe he is 100% fair, but but but... Such things can come back even 7 years after everything seems to be over, seriously.

    If you feel it is not okay, then it is not okay. Talk to him, be honest with your fears and feelings.
    Dec 50
  • Adobe Shlokask
    All logics and practicalities aside, I would feel super jealous too.
    Dec 50
  • Cisco B-Intern
    You can be real good friend with your ex too. Lol. Seriously you can tell him how you feel, and go from there.
    Dec 50
  • Bose JustMeHa
    It’s weird and unhealthy . If you have asked him and he still does it , something is wrong . Break up instead of being cheated later ...
    Dec 50
  • Amazon Guxw58
    NO
    Dec 50
  • New stuY17
    It is totally cool, if you are insecure in your relationship and have baggage from previous relationships you should let this guy go before you stifle all the good things you have between you with unfounded jealousy, obsessive possessiveness and other sum such craziness.

    Trying to control who your bf chooses to be friends with will make you crazy and him no longer attracted to you. You should accept who you're with rather than try to be a puppeteer.
    Dec 52
    • LogMeIn w9jskb2
      Agreed that you shouldn't try to control his friendships. Support him. I would say communicate how you feel, but I've found that just scares them off from talking to you about it and they wind up trying to hide what they're doing. They wind up doing this because they don't understand the real root problem.
      Dec 5
    • New stuY17
      I'm not sure I understand. I don't think it requires having to be talked about unless you are jealous in which case you should try to figure out why you feel that way. If there is good reason then maybe he's just not that into you. A man who is set on being with you won't fuck around unless he has compulsiveness or other issues in which case he is doing you a favor so you can move on and not have offspring potentially passing that down.
      Dec 5
  • Salesforce
    Bhoot

    Salesforce

    BIO
    I am blind to something and you are too.
    Bhootmore
    Nothing wrong with it. They dated as kids, realized incompatibility and moved on.
    Dec 50
  • Facebook Hegist
    No
    Dec 50

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