Money

Is it weird for girl to pay for engagement ring?

Pinterest Hdhjoker
Jan 2

I work in tech (TC $350K) and my boyfriend works for a non profit (TC <$50K). We have been dating for 3 years and live together. We’ve talked about marriage.
I have my heart set on an engagement ring that I know he wouldn’t be able to afford. I have the savings to buy it but don’t want to offend him by offering to pay.
Thoughts????

comments

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  • Facebook jujoo
    Ring is not a big deal, but looks like you look differently at your life. Down the road, when you have kids, you may need more money to support. Are u sure your boyfriend is willing to let non profit life go?
    Jan 23
    • Expedia
      PaleoKeto

      Expedia

      BIO
      Mostly on here to snoop
      PaleoKetomore
      Yeah, hopefully he’ll let non-profit life go to raise their kids. She can support the family on a 350K salary.
      Jan 2
    • Expedia
      PaleoKeto

      Expedia

      BIO
      Mostly on here to snoop
      PaleoKetomore
      (If they even want kids)
      Jan 2
    • Salesforce GDUe46
      She makes $350k... unless you spend money like an asshole you should be able to raise a family more than comfortably with that alone.
      Jan 2
  • New / EngPepe.Frog
    I love it. I wish my girlfriend would buy her own ring. I am all about female empowerment. I wish she would also propose instead.

    Too much pressure on the guy.
    Jan 21
    • Cognizant APIPM
      Hilarious
      Jan 2
  • Facebook
    slothmachn

    Facebook

    BIO
    .
    slothmachnmore
    This is perfectly fine! You're at the forefront of equality, girlfriend!

    The "guy must pay" idea is the other side of the "guy must earn more" coin. It's 2019, we don't do that shit no more.
    Jan 20
  • Facebook Moth
    I have no opinions on who should pay but please read more about diamonds before you waste money that you could really use for other things on enriching a monopolist who has created a fake scarcity and value in something that’s very common. You can get great engagement rings that don’t involve wasting your money on diamonds.
    Jan 22
    • Pinterest Honorable
      Have been looking at lab grown
      Jan 2
    • General Motors / Other
      aniela

      General MotorsOther

      PRE
      Zebra Technologies
      anielamore
      What about rubies/amethyst/pearls?
      Jan 3
  • Microsoft ИN
    Your post just made most of Blinders feel so good about their TC.

    Leetcode today will be at their lowest activity ever.
    Jan 25
    • Google CptPlanet
      😂😂😂😂😂😂
      Jan 2
    • Cognizant APIPM
      Her ID tells us something about her too.
      Jan 2
    • Microsoft ИN
      With that TC she can even be Princess Consuela Banana Hammock
      Jan 2
    • Microsoft ИN
      @John, people will think I'm paying you for adds
      Jan 2
    • Google CptPlanet
      Who cares about the people?
      I'm a top contributor, you're a top contributor.

      😂😂😂😂😂😂
      Jan 2
  • T-Mobile J29sk4l
    Yes, it is ok and you guys can buy it together
    Jan 23
    • T-Mobile J29sk4l
      We buy our biggest Christmas gifts together (the big item my spouse and I each want individually) where the item is chosen and ordered, but we do not get to unwrap our big gifts until Christmas day. This is fun and makes sense with adults...
      Jan 2
    • A10 Networks / R&D
      fropser

      A10 NetworksR&D

      BIO
      Needly doing the kindful by living life today morning for the same with no revert backs.
      fropsermore
      From the title I thought she was buying him a ring.. I mean she is giving it to him.. to give to her.. wait I'm confused.
      Jan 2
    • Northrop Grumman / EngCrypt0
      Just split it
      Jan 2
  • Compass / Eng
    FUPayMe

    CompassEng

    PRE
    Google
    FUPayMemore
    It’s your money. Spend it how you want.
    Jan 20
  • T-Mobile J29sk4l
    You will have that thing on your hand for the rest of your life, get the exact one you want and buy it together with him. He will be happy you are happy. He can still propose to you in surprise with a placeholder ring in the meantime. Then after you are engaged, you go pick the ring together, you pay.
    Jan 22
    • Intel / Engno apb
      Many women, including my wife, stop wearing theirs less than a year after the wedding.
      Jan 2
    • T-Mobile J29sk4l
      Interesting, never met anyone who said that.
      Jan 3
  • eBay / Eng
    mDBW53

    eBayEng

    PRE
    NVIDIA
    mDBW53more
    Does he like independent women or is he more traditional thinking in terms of roles? The fact you are together at this level of disparity in pay makes me think he can handle it. But I know I’d be horribly offended if I bought a real ring and it got replaced. You got to figure out a way for him to propose without buying a ring or picking one on his own.
    Jan 21
    • Pinterest Honorable
      He definitely likes that I’m very ambitious and is not intimidated. He recognizes that he chose a career that is less prosperous but fulfills him very much.
      Jan 2
  • Apple fu manchu
    Normally yes but in your case no. You earn substantially more than him. If you aren’t going to be happy with what he can afford to buy then buy your own ring and let him buy his ring. If he’s going to be butt hurt by it, then he has insecurity issues he needs to work on.

    What’s most important is if you are perfect for each other. Not TC and purchasing power.
    Jan 20
  • Google / Engcome2daddy
    Tell him you have ring of your life and you have enough saved for the ring and then go and buy it together. If he is a real guy, he should be proud of you - he saved his money and you got your happiness. Also, you saved him months of metal and physical torture which he would have spent searching for the perfect ring alone. Only things that matter.

    If he is too emotional to think “what the world would say”, ask him to bear all the other costs of marriage.

    Wish you a successful life together!!
    Jan 20
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Cisco lwac86
      You fucking asshole, either answer the question appropriately or shut the fuck up.
      Jan 2
  • Amazon xisjKs
    My husband and I split my engagement ring. He had no issue with it and it’s honestly no ones business anyway. Totally up to you and him!
    Jan 20
  • Intel UrMomma
    Yep. Diamonds are a sad expectation. Just feeding the ego with the blood of other people
    Jan 20
  • Buy the ring that makes you happy. Girl Power. Of course that might emasculate his ego, but meh that's his prob. Anyway, he must be packing 🍆 if you are willing to marry a TC 50k guy. Congrats and how the heck does Pinterest pay so much?
    Jan 22
    • Pinterest Honorable
      Side hustle
      Jan 2
    • eBay / Eng
      mDBW53

      eBayEng

      PRE
      NVIDIA
      mDBW53more
      The best kind. Mine pays over twice what eBay pays me.
      Jan 2
  • Cadence / EngDelucca
    Have him agree to let you buy the ring that you like. And later just tell him the amount that you think he is comfortable with.
    A small lie here will save a lot for you both.
    Jan 22
    • Sirius XM HfIbQ65
      Yeah that won’t really work. Someone will comment on how expensive it looks and the truth will come out.
      Jan 2
    • Amazon Fetch
      Don’t start a life long commitment by being dishonest. It will likely come out at some point if you lie, then can undermine the trust in your relationship. Not worth it. Just be honest that you fell in love with a particular ring and who pays for it or how much it costs doesn’t matter, you just really like the ring.
      Jan 3
  • Facebook liam
    Engagement ring is a scam.
    Jan 20
  • Apple / EngMojaveX
    Not if she is a lesbian
    Jan 20
  • New mnllwFb
    If it was me, I take whatever my significant other gives me even it costs $25. It is the thought behind the ring counts not how much it was spent. Think about wearing a ring you bought yourself, what does that mean.

    You can use your money to buy other jewelries or car.
    Jan 22
    • New / EngPepe.Frog
      >If it was me, I take whatever my significant other gives me even it costs $25

      You say that now
      Jan 2
    • New mnllwFb
      Erroneously attempting to make a reasonable argument into an absurd one, by taking the argument to the extremes. This is not a valid reductio ad absurdum.
      Jan 2
  • Juniper scandeep
    Not at all! I wished my then wife paid for mines.
    Jan 20
  • Adobe WnBv44
    Buying diamond is a waste of money.
    Jan 20
  • Apple Snut Ella
    My wife bought hers. I bought mine
    Jan 20
  • Google / Eng
    चाचा चौधरी

    GoogleEng

    BIO
    चौधरीकोइँन
    चाचा चौधरीmore
    I think it's kinda cute when the girl buys it 😊
    Jan 20
  • Google / EngBluths
    No one can really answer whether he will be offended or not. We don’t know him.

    But from the sound of it, looks like you don’t really know him either. Might you be rushing into the engagement?
    Jan 20
  • New / Engladka
    Engagement ring is only the first major decision of a LTR. Think this through. The easiest way is for you to have a common account and spend from that account.
    Jan 20
  • Joyent / Mgmt
    A Mouse

    JoyentMgmt

    PRE
    IBM
    A Mousemore
    Buy it together, after he proposes, or buy yours and his, and propose to him.

    Either way, if you want to keep it, put a ring on it ...
    Jan 20
  • Microsoft The PFJ
    Very much yes. Find a better man
    Jan 20
  • Intercom DINT93
    There’s nothing inherently weird about who foots the bill in my opinion. If you two are serious about sharing a life together including finances (which it sounds like you are), and a particular ring is important to you, go for it!

    To some people the engagement ring symbolizes a commitment to a woman by a man (or a worst some perverse representation of financial sacrifice) but if your relationship is healthy the commitment is a given. If he feels insulted, have an open conversation as to why — what’s important to him about him purchasing it? What does him purchasing it represent in his mind? Can you achieve that within the engagement process somehow without him needing to purchase the ring? If he wants some skin in the game, how about he pays for part of it (some number he can afford that’s not going to put him in a bad financial situation)?

    In the end though, what’s most important is focusing on building a life together. Hopefully something as superficial as the cost of a ring isn’t going to rock your relationship ... if it does, I think you have bigger problems to sort out first.
    Jan 20
  • Amazon
    Hberg

    Amazon

    PRE
    Google
    Hbergmore
    Not weird when you consider “for richer or poorer” is in standard boilerplate vows. If he gets rich and you lose your job would it be weird if he supported you for a while? It’s not weird to help a partner financially when there’s a disparity like this.
    Jan 20
  • Twitter 🐒。
    I’m pretty sure less than 10 people make 350k in TC at Pinterest right now. Paper money doesn’t count.
    Jan 22
    • There was one Pinterest guy who posted his W-2 on blind which had like over 500k gross income or something like that
      Jan 2
    • Twitter 🐒。
      And? That is part of the 10 ppl I mentioned.
      Jan 3
  • Let's see what the ring looks like!

    BTW, your man is a lucky guy for you to offer that part of your relationship. Congrats!
    Jan 30
  • Disney GKgi22
    I’m in the same situation.

    I thought I wanted something much larger, but tried many on and they looked weird. Ultimately, I found a somewhat minimalist vintage ring I like (~1 carat diamonds + platinum) and knew I’d want to wear everyday and was in his price range. Plus, in all honesty, I’d rather spend my $$ on real estate. But that’s just me.
    Jan 30
  • Amazon what¿
    Why would it be weird if you are going to get married and will have many shared expenses at that point. Could have joint accounts. You can go together to pick it out.
    If you think he can get sensitive about the purchasing time of you paying, since you are getting married, consider a joint bank account or credit card for purchases together. Just that you can do the most contribution, or make most or all of the payments since you will have more disposable income. You can pay it down "to avoid the interest".
    Jan 20
  • Glooko / Otherdrditto
    You cannot control how he might/will feel about the ring situation, but you can control your own preferences. Not to say that you shouldn't want the ring that you truly want; even grad students are able to put away a few K towards engagement rings.
    Jan 20
  • New
    Mr.Green

    New

    PRE
    Amazon
    Mr.Greenmore
    Why dont you wait and see what he pics for you. That way he can still suprise you and who knows you may like it.. If you really want the other one after that you have enough money to take a small hit on the one he gives you using it as a trade in then you foot the rest.
    Jan 20
  • Hitachi Vantara qodb82
    Propose to him with a ring and boom. You buy yours and his.
    Jan 20
  • Uber / EngnYf6sJ
    It is weird to have a bf/husband that earns less than you anyway.
    Jan 20

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