Before we got married, my wife said she wanted to have kids. After we got married, she said she fucking hated them and didn't want to ruin her career over them. I should have left then, but made the mistake of staying. Time passes quickly... If you want children, make sure to find a spouse where you have the same values and goals.
In a similar spot here. Never got to have them because she was never ready financially or emotionally. I'd give anything to have a child of my own; monetary riches mean nothing next to having ones own progeny.
It’s expensive if you are trying to give them the best. The best education, the best extracurricular, the best parties, etc. Many parents feel pressured to send their kids to private schools.
Now, in the Bay Area, parents are pressured to send their kids to preschool that costs $1500 a month (my coworker does this). Since this is the hub of “smart” people, parents feel the pressure to spend to get their children ahead. It’s not atypical for parents to be spending thousands per month on their kids. (Top summer camp programs now cost $5000+ per summer).
Children are a blessing that cannot be measured in terms of cost! You are Priceless, and more valuable than schooling costs ect. It is something I would not trade for any $$$ in the world. Something amazing and selfless.
I wanted children. My first husband always said he did but then he left me. We were high school sweethearts and he felt tied down.
My second/current husband said he did and we agreed to have one a year after we got married because we were older (mid-30s) and shouldn’t waste time. This was discussed before we got married - along with money, religion, and all the important stuff.
Second/current husband then decided, after we got married, that he loves our life and our freedom. He also felt with all his anxiety, he didn’t want a child now - despite him loving his nieces like they were his daughters (because he helped raise them when his brother got divorced). He also said he didn’t want to get up in the middle of the night nor get up early, deal with puke/poop/screaming children, share our money, etc.
If you want kids and your partner doesn't, it is better to have kids without the partner. If you pass the timeframe on not having a kid because of your partner refused you will always regret it till you die. I personally would have kids and not have a marriage.
Exactly. Humans need goals and projects to be happy and there is no bigger goal than helping your kids grow up. Keeps you busy and makes you look forward to the future. Otherwise, after about 45-50, most people have nothing to look forward to.
Mostly because I am selfish. I like my life and my time and love that I don’t have to prioritize anything over myself.
Having kids is a huge responsibility, a big time and money suck, and your quality of life degrades. And when they grow up, most kids see their parents once or twice a year, so it’s not like you have someone when you’re old.
I would much rather enjoy my youth on my own terms, and have enough money when I am old to pay someone to take care of me.
My first kid graduates high school next week. Kids are fun, but they are never ending second full time job. Most people who think about having children have no clue what it means. Everybody can deal with that additional workload tho, but say goodbye to your hobbies and life goals.
So maybe selfish is a better description than narcissism. I believe most people choose to Not have kids for selfish reasons. Being a parent is just about the most self denying lifelong commitment someone chooses. More than any other role, a parent chooses to love their kids More than they love themselves. They deny their own wants, needs, desires, money, time, sleep etc. so that they can make sure their kids can have all of these
You might wanna check out the reddit sub r/childfree A close friend of mind ( Indian male) has decided not to have kids because he knows he doesn’t have it in him to raise kids and it’s expensive. He found a wife with same aspiration and they’re quite happy together
People who actively choose to be childfree because they know they don’t want children - the reason doesn’t matter - are commendable yet society looks down upon it. I say it’s commendable in the sense that it’s better to admit and accept you don’t want children than to bring them into this world because of family/peer/societal pressure.
And it’s wrong for people with children to assume that those without children are selfish narcissists. Everyone has their reasons, all of which are personal and none of anyone’s business.
I dont want kids, My husband does. but given that its my body and my life that will take a big beating I have decided not to have them. The world is too populated and there is no real point to adding more and ruining your life in the process. As for my husband he wont miss what he deosnt know, and he respects my decision and wll never impose his will. This was discussed before marrrying and my hubsand said that it would be my ultimate decision.
People who dont have kids always and always regret it later in life. Thing is it might feel good to not have kids in young age but thing is different stages of life need different things from life. Sometimes we might have to do things which feel not good just to make sure future is safe and happier. Anything short term might not be good in long term. Do things that are good for long term as well. For the same reason its asked not to smoke cocaine because in that moment it might feel good but it hurts later in life.