I met a colleague recently for the first time. He is at a senior position and wanted to discuss some things about the work I do. In the conversation he would now and then touch my back. I feel it’s weird. I am not sure if he is being polite and friendly or just a pervert. I have never met him before and some of the conversation does seem genuine, but it feels like he is repeating the conversation off late.

Do guys get touched too on their backs?
How do other women give clear and polite signals not to be touched?

comments

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  • Dropbox drl/food
    Do the needful
    5d0
  • Amazon / EngGHskann
    You should already know the answer. Asking here is asinine. Go figure it out yourself and stop relying on others to create basic boundaries for you.

    Also you overvalue politeness and agreeableness. Sometimes you need to say the truth even if it’s rude or not socially erect. Just tell him not to touch your back. Jesus Christ. It’s so simple. You can’t really be this helpless, so stop acting like it. Decide how you feel and what you want, and then enforce it. You’re not a child.
    5d0
  • Microsoft / Product@zzz
    Check if he gets an erection everytime he touches you.

    If yes, then he is a pervert
    5d0
  • Microsoft Clusterbbb
    Troll
    5d0
  • Microsoft / EngwerpAderp
    Sing the don’t touch me there song. Or just be straight up and say you’d prefer he doesn’t touch you...
    5d2
    • Synopsys sw100
      Or you'd prefer he touches somewhere else
      5d
    • Bloomberg H1001001b
      “...Can’t touch this!...”
      5d
  • Salesforce
    Bhoot

    Salesforce

    BIO
    I am blind to something and you are too.
    Bhootmore
    Bring up your fictitious boyfriend a lot in the conversation. If he's half decent he should stop. Or flinch a bit.
    5d4
    • OpenTable Meliodas
      And how he has jealousy issues and just got out on parole.
      5d
    • Adobe Shlokask
      Doesn’t help even when you say you are married
      5d
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      Whoa. That's almost abusive!
      5d
    • Salesforce
      Bhoot

      Salesforce

      BIO
      I am blind to something and you are too.
      Bhootmore
      If your single I can understand- sometimes people do find love at work and it's ok to test the waters. But if you say that your married or if you decline the overture and they do it still that's crossing red line.
      5d
  • Facebook Whateverrs
    "at least he touched the small of her back and not the big of her front."

    The conversation was probably an excuse to get to know you.

    No, random women at work with don't typically try to touch men when having actual legitimate work conversations.
    5d0
  • Apple julB03
    You created a username called ‘Donttouch’ ... I think you know the answer.
    5d0
  • PeerStreet / Other
    MJ72ha13

    PeerStreetOther

    PRE
    Amazon
    MJ72ha13more
    OP are you indian?
    4d0
  • eBay eBoo
    It's totally okay. You should do the needful and revert back to him.
    5d0
  • Apple / Eng
    OxKing

    AppleEng

    BIO
    Strong and built like an Ox
    OxKingmore
    From my experience guys will tap other guys more frequently than they would for a typical woman. Also, in most cases it’s in a somewhat aggressive way.

    Now women on the other hand tend to tap men and or women on the back lightly when there is a bond (friend,significant other) or when they want to establish a bond with someone that they like or feel comfortable with.

    If a man in a senior position is inviting you to a private meeting and touching you on your back he definitely likes you and may have romantic interest in you. It seems like he doesn’t know you are creeped out and wants to see if you will reciprocate (touch on back, wrist, arm, etc).

    If you are truly repulsed by him I suggest you not hang out with him privately. If you still want his advice due to his seniority I suggest you keep steer your conversations towards areas that have a large concentration of coworkers. If he is truly trying to hit on you he won’t have the balls to do it in the presence of coworkers.
    4d0
  • Microsoft D@re
    I don’t like to be touched by people and luckily most people don’t. Once in a while I see these people who touch my back while talking, some I don’t feel very uncomfortable depending on who it is. I had a very good manager who used to do this and I told him one day how I hated it when anyone touched me. I said it at a time he wasn’t touching so it was not uncomfortable and he never did it after that. I had another guy I hated who continued to do it and I shouted at him once and asked him to stop. I don’t like touching others either, I feel really weird when anyone comes close to me. The time you really can’t do anything is when you are taking a group photo.
    5d0
  • New OOOOBER
    I had a coworker (male FWIW) who didn't like being touched AT ALL. He told me so when I lightly tapped his shoulder once to get his attention. I respected this, and avoided touching him in the future. We worked well together and continue to be friends. It's ok to tell people that you don't like being touched for ANY reason, and you don't need to provide the reason.
    5d0
  • Pitney Bowes / Eng
    grCo45

    Pitney BowesEng

    PRE
    IBM
    grCo45more
    It is definitely weird. Trust your gut. If it seems not quite right, then it isn’t. Don’t meet with him again. If for whatever reason you have to interact with him, do so only at work and in the company if other people. I am sorry you jad to go through this.
    5d0
  • PwC AmyK
    Not okay. It is not okay for him to be touching you. If you are not comfortable with telling him to stop because you fear he may retaliate (as people tend to do if their egos are bruised, especially if they have seniority) then talk to HR or a boss.
    5d0
  • Facebook TioViejo
    A clap on the back or shoulder in congratulations is common between men. This translates to a half-hug between men and women. (Some affirmation goes with it while you do that, like I'm so happy for you, etc.). At work with men it's really no different, with women/men I just lean in instead and affirm instead, unless it's someone I know very closely.
    5d0
  • Adobe Shlokask
    I had a similar encounter. Guy used to stalk me around and asks for hugs in a friendly manner if no one is looking. Was very difficult to get rid of him. I think guys try to act smart at times thar we get confused.
    5d0

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