Last night (confession aka troll fest)

Agoda.com Qafe3r
Sep 12, 2018 20 Comments

So yesterday I had a splitting headache and I went to sleep early.
I woke up about 2am - the pretty young girl of the week sleeping next to me.
I'm in mid 30s and I haven't fallen in love for a while now.
Somehow I started stalking girls I've been in love with on ig -something I haven't done in years- and discovered that the girl who at the time promised to marry me just had her second son.
Since then I more than tripled my salary and have been dating more pretty girls now than when I was in my 20s. I travelled a lot and had a ton of great experiences. But the fact that all these girls mean nothing to me makes me quite sad. To be clear: I never treat them badly or lie or cheat and I like them while we date but I never fell in love in the last 5 years.

I also don't know if I want children but when I saw her photos I remembered that I was quite sure I wanted kids with her back then.
She was awful - passive aggressive, manipulative, egomaniac - but I loved her a lot.
And the last girl I fell in love with is completely off social media, even including LinkedIn -despite being a lawyer- (it's not a block since I searched her with a different account years ago)
I recently met an amazing girl: closer to my age, interesting, smart, attractive, works for FAANG - but I didn't even feel any physical attraction unlike the young girls I usually date.
I think this is what put me in this awful negative mindset because she is otherwise fantastic on paper.

Discuss - please explain how my life is a failure, how I am a terrible person and deserve all my misery.

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TOP 20 Comments
  • Fuck you!
    Sep 12, 2018 5
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      Thanks! But why exactly?
      Sep 12, 2018
    • You seem to be seriously asking some suggestions but marked it a troll fest on the subject. I would have shared some thoughts but that subject pissed me off. That’s exactly why.
      Sep 12, 2018
    • Google / Eng
      Shaktiman’

      Google Eng

      PRE
      Amazon
      Shaktiman’more
      I believe the Op is expecting to be trolled by others.
      Sep 12, 2018
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      ^this - I wish for honest opinions but I’m prepared to see lots of trolls - pls do share
      Sep 12, 2018
    • Oh! well, then didn’t I start right? 😆
      Sep 12, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
    When I met my wife I wasn’t attracted to her either, and she wasn’t attracted to me. She wasn’t my type—blonde with light colored eyes. I hadn’t fallen in love with a brunette yet. And then I fell in love with her slowly over 9 months and she became the prettiest girl in the world to me. We are going on 15+ years of marriage now.

    Bottom line: love can hit you fast or slow. Give it a shot. She may surprise you.
    Sep 12, 2018 2
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      Thanks - thing is, I tried this in the past (dating a girl I liked on paper but not attracted to) and up until now it never turned into love. But your suggestion is most likely what I will do since I'd like to try before giving up.
      Sep 12, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      You usually time box things like this. And it’s not exclusive so you can run this algorithm with multiple girls simultaneously. It’s not like serial monogamy.

      Honestly the one thing you should keep in mind is “easy come, easy go”. If you fall in love quickly you can fall out of love quickly. If it takes time to build up, it will take time to subside if you break up. I’ve seen both of these play out in people I know quite well.
      Sep 12, 2018
  • Even though you aren’t attracted to her, go on a few dates anyway. You may find that you grow more attracted to her because of her other attributes.
    Sep 12, 2018 1
  • The young ones appear as weak, and since men are protectors we are more attracted to ones that need help. Someone who does not need protection is not as attractive. Basic instinct
    Sep 12, 2018 2
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      Amen brother - one of the girls I remember fondly was this girl with an incredible body - honestly never seen something quite like that. And to this date I remember she pronounced Rs like Ls and I can still hear her saying "you aLe so stLong!" with such an innocent tone - that really gave me the feeling of protector you mention
      Good times
      Sep 12, 2018
    • Palantir pal0alto
      “Men are protectors [who] are more attracted to ones that need help.” +100 on this
      Sep 12, 2018
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Amazon / Eng Am A Bot
      A boy toy?
      Sep 12, 2018
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      Ok - what defines a midlife crisis? Isn't a bit early?! 🙀
      How do I fix it / move on? I was never married and I would be happy to share part of my life with someone
      Sep 12, 2018
  • Apartment Therapy bbaok
    Have you considered taking a bunch of mushrooms and reflect?
    Sep 12, 2018 1
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      My strongest drug ever was weed and just a few times in my life - TBH I don't even know what mushrooms really are
      Sep 12, 2018
  • Walmart.com OWKenobi
    Here’s my cynical take on love and life: Love in my view is this fall sense of safety and emotional dependency driven by our evolutionary need to pair bond for survival. This is further reinforced by religion, pop culture and of course, competitive benchmarking of your peers.
    People vary in the spectrum of self-examination. We tell ourselves the stories we tell to get by everyday. At the end of the day, one of the criteria for this current girl to be your perfect match is the fact that she works for FAANG. Far cry from the “heavenly” feeling of love.
    Your life is not miserable because you didn’t feel love. It’s because we seek for love in the wrong places. I suppose a better way to evaluate your love or compatibility with a person is to look deeper into your self for what defines your core identity rather than superficial aforementioned attributes.
    Of course, I could be completely wrong with my tiny world view. But, I’m curious to see what people think.
    Sep 12, 2018 1
    • Agoda.com Qafe3r
      OP
      I hear you and yours is a fair comment.
      What I meant with “she works for FAANG” was a super simple proxy for the following:
      She also has a critical mindset and the first time we went out on a date we managed to have an interesting conversation - something I missed with all the girls in the past few years - we read similar sources and we enjoy sharing thoughts on topics I never discussed with all the latest girls
      Also, keep in mind I’m being super rational because I don’t feel attracted, so not sure why you mention “love” in your comment.
      If I were to talk about this other girl I met 6 months ago that I really liked instinctively, I could only speak about this funny video she did on ig with her girlfriend. You could see happiness and joy in every single second of it - I felt I wanted to be part of that joy so bad. I miss that video. She closed that account. We literally have absolutely nothing else in common but I still something think of her.
      Maybe this changes your opinion - maybe not
      Sep 12, 2018