I'm just wondering how many of you are in long distance relationships with people outside silicon valley, for those living here? I work on cloud+ML/ lmts/ TC 320k and am dating this person who is on the east coast finishing up his PhD and wants to go on the academic bandwagon- postdoc (s) and faculty positions, which means moving every few years till a faculty position happens. He's wants to keep the world as his oyster understandably because academia is really hard to break into. I just can't fathom my life in some college town outside of {Bay area, NYC, Seattle, Boston} because it feels like tech sucks outside of these places. Are any of you in this situation and what are your general inputs.
PS: blind shows my previous company. I'm at FAANG now
That usually means amazon ;)
Why?
90% of times, long distance relationships will fail. Looks like you are moving from remaining 10% to 90%!
You both clearly have different aspirations. Good to know that you are thinking ahead of time. Don't want to spell it out for you, but you know where it's headed. Was in this situation. Both of us ended up making compromises and depriving ourselves of happiness, moments, and opportunities because we felt committed. Eventually didn't end well because careers took higher priority. Figure out if either of you is willing to make a sacrifice to be together and how committed you are to your decision. Know that the sacrifice will make you feel like shit. Know that the one who doesn't sacrifice will need to be deeply empathetic towards the other one. If you are extremely mature, extremely committed, and this relationship means the world to you, then carry on. Else...
Don't worry about it, bay area will lose its luster soon. Lots of folks in smaller towns have silicon valley experience.
Sure but can you work on as interesting problems? Remote work seems really hard. I spend a good part of my week white boarding and architecting projects
You'll grow out of the "interesting" conception. Is what you're doing really interesting.
Did not work for me. Found someone local in nyc and have been with her since then
I agree and LDR rarely work. Just ended my LDR.
I think LDR can work if there's a known time limit. My husband and I started off LD until I transferred schools. Later he graduated and moved to the Bay area and we were LD while I finished school, but we were engaged at that point. LDR with no time limit? Just cut your losses.
Not worth sacrificing your career, you are not going to be happy. He could easily work and teach part time in Bay Area else bid adieu
I m no expert in how to live life, nor recommend others do what WE (me and my wife) are doing, below is my experience I started my Masters (2008) then gf was studying for USMLE. Completed Masters and started working for startup got married in 2012. We were living on 2 different continents b/w 2008 - 2012. My wife came to United States in 2013, started doing her Observationship on East later West, while me living in MidWest. In 2015, she got into Residency school while still in same state, but different cities, both on other end of state. She completed her Residency in 2018, while in 2017 she showed interest in doing Fellowship, I supported her. We got lucky, she got fellowships in Critical Care, but we still leave apart (2 cities in different end of states) I pursued heavily to get job in city, which she is, even though market all time high and me entertaining 2/3 call from Recruiters and companies each day, I m not able to switch due to unwillingness to get H-1 sponsors. We hope we will stay together once she is done with her Fellowship. Sure LDR is tough, but it depends on what you want in life and what are you willing to sacrifice
How old are you guys? I'm 34 and he's 33. Biological clock is a big reason I'm more nervous at this point. PS: congratulations on making it!
DM, you as there would be too much personal information which would get private at this point
Just make sure you talk to him about this.
I have. He's like "let's get married and not think of all this right now. It's few years out into the future" I'm not able to just "not think about it right now"