Long-term GF is not very smart

AdRoll yyNA83
May 13 89 Comments

I just got out of a 8 hour tutoring session w/ my GF teaching her how to code. It's been more than a year and she struggles with things like for loops, if statements, and basic algebra. Her major is in web dev.

I'm not a genius, I'm not even smart. Just average. But man I'm starting to wonder about how screwed my future kids are. Are they gonna take the short bus to school? Am I going to spend the rest of my life driving my kids around to remedial tutoring?

Is it time to prowl around MENSA for a date? What do you guys think?

TC 200

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TOP 89 Comments
  • New / Consultanttnor88
    Maybe you’re just a bad teacher.
    May 134
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      I'm patient and I try my best. I don't belittle her or anything.
      May 13
    • Microsoft TfbA63
      He says in the post in which he belittles her.
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      That's not a fair argument and besides the point. Posting an anonymous question != belittling IRL.
      May 13
    • Microsoft
      balinese

      Microsoft

      PRE
      Google
      balinesemore
      Your best may not be how she wants to learn. Why don't you give her a chance to learn on her own. Everyone has different styles just bc you are patient doesn't mean you are a good teacher
      May 16
  • Twitch WxUf85
    🍿️
    May 130
  • Zillow Group 80085
    R u attracted to for loops, if statements and basic algebra ?
    May 139
    • Oracle pzd
      Lol he can take pleasure in those when the gf leaves him
      May 13
    • Google Mr. Glass
      He’s talking about the genes of his future kids, you turds. His concern is legit
      May 13
    • Oracle pzd
      Not gonna have any, with that attitude. And these idiots wonder why they can't hold on to a girl.
      May 13
    • Google Mr. Glass
      Why? It’s a legit concern. Attitude towards wanting the best genes for your kids isn’t a toxic one. Maybe you’re the ignorant one here
      May 13
    • Oracle pzd
      Maybe. After all, you are in good company:
      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nazi_eugenics
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      Wanting "good genes" and understanding how genetics works are two entirely different concerns.
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      Wanting your kids to have the best shot at life != eugenics.
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      I mean, in your case, they're both born of similar ignorance? 🤷‍♂️
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      Supporting arguments?
      May 13
  • Verizon / EngComTruis3
    Some people just don’t have certain skills. Disgusted in you considering you call her your long time girlfriend and think it’s ok to bash her anonymously over the internet. Embrace her other qualities other than book smarts. What makes you think a smarter hotter girl is not going to look at you and say this guy is dumb and ugly as shit, let me dump him now. Please don’t reproduce.
    May 134
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      We all want the best for our kids. I'm worried that my offspring won't be that smart, struggle in STEM, and have low TC. This may be worded ironically but I'm absolutely serious. At the end of the day intelligence has a big impact on academic, career, financial and reproductive success. If I'm a bad person for considering this aspect of my future kids' lives then so be it.
      May 13
    • Facebook / Engi♥️tariffs
      Don't worry, your offspring won't be smart no matter who your partner is because they'll still have you as a father
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      👆👆👆 OP you should definitely consider not having children.
      May 13
    • Verizon / EngComTruis3
      There is a HUUUGE difference between worrying about your future kids VS insulting your girlfriend’s intellect, who is real and in the present. Have some class. Sooner than later she will identify this and leave you.
      May 13
  • Nvidia uint
    I'm not sure algebra (or lack thereof) is hereditary.
    May 134
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      I'm pretty sure mathematical ability is a proxy for intelligence which is highly heritable. Also my GF is not a grade school dropout, she has received double digit years of schooling.
      May 13
    • Nvidia uint
      You seem very concerned about the numbers.
      May 13
    • I’m pretty good at math and am still dumb as shit
      May 13
    • Amazon yuri
      The ability to write well is another corollary with intelligence fwiw
      May 13
  • Axtria DesiLaunda
    Lol this post is simply funny. One of the lame reasons to dump a long term gf - she doesn't understand coding 😂 oh yeah, coding is THE ultimate test of smartness, intelligence, and long term compatibility.
    May 1314
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      I don't think you're arguing in good faith, but here you go.

      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2821062/

      Analyses from TEDS have suggested consistent results for the genetic etiology of math. Oliver et al. (2004) suggested that the heritability of mathematical ability measured by teacher ratings of ability in 7-year-olds was high and significant (h2 = .66). Haworth, Kovas, Petrill, and Plomin (2007) examined the same sample at 9 years old, and results suggest that the heritability estimate was similar in magnitude and significance in the slightly older children (h2 = .68). Estimates of shared environment were zero and nonsignificant. Kovas, Haworth, Petrill, and Plomin (2007) measured math ability using this sample when the children were 10 years old. They found that the heritability of ability, depending on the measure, was moderate and significant (h2 = .42–.45), and the shared environmental estimates were nonsignificant (c2 = .07–.16). In summary, for all three articles based on the teacher ratings of math ability, genetic influences were significant...
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      Do you even know what arguing in good faith means? A fallacy is a fallacy is a fallacy. And I'm not the one making a multitude of suppositions about someone in my life. No arguments on this end, other than feeling sorry for your GF.
      May 13
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      Get the fuck out of your bubble, OP. Coding is just another skill. There are equally smart people in other domains. And I also know people who are into blue collar jobs and I feel they are smarter than me from the decisions they made in their lives and how they perceive things.

      Also, smartness is only one attribute to choosing a partner. I don't know how old are you but you need to understand there is a lot more to a successful long term relationship than, coding for god's sake.
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      I'm trying to address the core issues of this discussion: of the heritability of intelligence and mathematical ability. You are making snide remarks and attacking me. That's arguing in bad faith.

      I am not saying that programming/math is the only domain with intelligent people.
      May 13
    • Oracle pzd
      If that wes your intention, you didn't make it clear in your original question. Framing your question as an insult to your girlfriend (who is not here to defend herself), you put the wrong foot forward.
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      No, arguing in bad faith is to argue without intention of real debate. It has nothing to do with snideness. The fact is: your arguments are entirely unsound and all over the place. It's not our responsibility to help you make a good argument, but it's in good faith to hold you accountable for a) arguing poorly and b) casually attacking your girlfriend's character.
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      > Argue without intention of real debate
      I have every intention of real debate, unlike you.

      > Your arguments are entirely unsound and all over the place
      Case in point. No statement, no supporting arguments or evidence. Just unprovoked attacks.

      My arguments are unsound? I'm all ears. What? How? Why? Go on, try to invent a new sentence. Say something substantive.
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      I'm not here to teach you how to debate. Sorry. I made no claims. You chose to hop in and create a supposition between what you *think* is lack of intelligence and then use that to justify your place amongst MENSA parental candidates. This is all on you to provide sound arguments.
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      > Arguing in bad faith is to argue without intention of real debate

      > I'm not here to teach you how to debate

      🤣

      I guess our kids are going to take the short bus to school together.
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      You have trouble with reading comprehension. I do not. I am happy to debate, but I'm not here to teach you how to do it. Big difference.

      Good try, though. 🤙
      May 13
  • Cognizant shr
    Smartness is not judged by algebra or if else or loops..rather how person behaves on a situation when crisis hits
    May 133
    • Oracle / Databendy
      First responders are the smartest folks then?
      May 13
    • Intel / EngWho.Dis
      ^A better comparison would be special forces and spies. Constantly changing environment. Unpredictable Geopolitical climate. Unforeseen threats. Constant danger/crisis.
      May 13
    • Clover Health sinkinship
      Does it take a Michael Bay movie to derive intelligence? 🤣
      May 13
  • New QTdN03
    According to my app, you posted this at 5am! Maybe try tutoring sessions during the day?
    May 132
    • Verizon / EngComTruis3
      Or he/she/they just trolling 😜
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      Deadlines.
      May 13
  • Google / Eng
    ruminate

    GoogleEng

    PRE
    Amazon, Yahoo, Microsoft
    ruminatemore
    fwiw, 78% of Blinders think looks are more important than TC in a mate. Attractiveness or TC
    https://us.teamblind.com/s/Eukk78im
    May 130
  • Accenture / Eng
    urs1253

    AccentureEng

    PRE
    ADP, Infosys
    urs1253more
    my .2$ on this below,
    1) dont look for intelligence.... look for emotional intelligence, empathy and the ability to make you feel equal and loved in a girlfriend/lover/wife
    2) not to sound boastful, but i was pretty good in the school and college.. and i went after the girls who were intelligent... then ended up with very sour relationships and sometimes hurtful to a different level... i lost the chance with the rest of them, some of them genuinely interested only because they didnt score well or ask intelligent qsns in the class. My current situation is i am married, have a beautiful daughter but no s*x. In fact i might have had s*x like 20-30 times till now and i am 32 yrs old. There is no emotional or physical intimacy. And i am too depressed and out of confidence to go search for another fruitful relationship. The current relationship drained me off all energy, happiness and glow out of life.
    3) if you ask me, if she treats you well, loves you and if your opinion and taste matters to her... dont leave her for anything..... life is more than if and for loops and an empty life even though succesful is not worth it...
    TC 250
    YOE 11
    Company - one of FAANG
    May 143
    • Facebook Ubеr
      Really well put. Sorry to hear your story. I feel I was really lucky with my wife of 10 years now on exactly those dimensions and our bedroom habits are only getting more intense somehow. She was maybe not checking all the boxes that one may expect from the get go when I just started dating her but I felt strong and consistent emotional link and we were always super strong going through problems together. There were early days where I was still following my parents mantra on looking out for successful, smart and wealthy partner, but in hindsight I can see how my relationship is rock solid and TC or changing looks that always come, are not an obstacle to be anxious about.

      Good luck everyone in finding your half
      May 14
    • Juniper Pliny Jr
      On PT #2, explain to her that you want to go to a marriage counselor. That's what they are there for. They will give you methodologies to improve your relationship.

      If she scoffs at you after having a serious talk about this, then be prepared for options. Also remember that relationships aren't perfect, they have to be worked on. You'll never get 100% rating with anyone. Just shot 4 for a level that makes you satisfied.

      32 is really way tooooo young to feel how you feel! You may need to think about the reset button or other half measures like separation if you can't make it work.

      For the sake of the kid, I'd fight for it and go to a counselor. You'll know soon enough what's what and a clear decision making path.

      Btw, I think about 3/4 of my friends have gotten divorced. And not at the 7yr itch mark either. Most have happened much later. They were all "forgiving personalities" which is why they stayed together but the shit eventually got stale/old/cold and they divorced and BOTH SIDES were fine with it and ultimately relieved and wished it happened sooner! Even their kids were fine with it because they saw this unhealthy shit every day of their lives.

      Good luck!....Step1: You see a marriage counselor...
      May 14
    • Accenture / Eng
      urs1253

      AccentureEng

      PRE
      ADP, Infosys
      urs1253more
      thank you guys....
      May 15
  • Amazon / EngKHCr70
    'Intelligence' is a very wide spectrum of skills and abilities. Different people will have highs and lows in different areas. If someone is not so hot at mathematical intelligence, then focus on finding what they excel at.

    You say she had 10+ years of school, so obviously she was good at somthing. Figure out what it was and focus on that. You'll both be happier that way compared to forcing her into somthing she sucks at.

    Same goes for your future kids. Marrying another SDE doesnt mean your kids will be interested in programming either. Let them follow what interests them, be it art, music, writing etc
    May 130
  • Verizon Media sxSG85
    Read about Helicopter Parenting
    May 130
  • Hitachi Vantara DMT
    Dumbest thread ever
    May 131
    • Amazon / EngKHCr70
      No, YOUR dum!
      May 13
  • Not sure if encapsulating entire situation. Smart ppl are generally less attractive. Proof by complement OP's GF is hot.
    May 131
    • Oracle / Databendy
      Yeah my grandma used to say you are not handsome enough to be stupid 😕
      May 13
  • Facebook Ubеr
    There is no measure of smartness, IQ is bull. More likely a combo of passion, patience, knowledge and approach for learning
    May 134
  • Travelport / Engbuttnpushr
    Smart people tend to be more attractive. Being able to identify proper fashion, managing looks that fit one's self etc all require intellect
    May 133
    • Oracle pzd
      Are you trying to prove that you are smart by virtue of being attractive, or attractive by virtue of being smart?
      May 13
    • Travelport / Engbuttnpushr
      The second. You can have the foundations but you need the brains to make the best use of it for looks
      May 13
    • IBM ybe57s
      Lmfao, you’ve got to be joking.
      May 13
  • Intel falalalala
    My mom passed away when I was 12. My sister was 5. My dad motivated us to study but never really sat with us and taught us anything. I think we've both done pretty well for ourselves. Parent's role according to me(who's not anywhere close to becoming a parent in the near future) is to inspire kids to learn and grow. And have a positive approach in life. Your kid might grow and want to become a soccer player for all you know. Would you regret not marrying an athlete at that point?
    May 130
  • Uber GavinB
    Should've asked TC or GTFO before dating her.
    May 130
  • Amazon jtGV66
    Is she hot?
    May 132
    • Travelport / Engbuttnpushr
      She looks exactly like ur mom
      May 13
    • AdRoll yyNA83
      OP
      I think so.
      May 13
  • Oracle pzd
    If you were smart, you wouldn't have to prowl around mensa. You would have been IN the club.
    May 130
  • New / Eng
    gerhardt

    NewEng

    PRE
    Accenture
    BIO
    Accenture
    gerhardtmore
    It’s 50:50 maybe your kids will inherit your if/else, loop gene.

    If she doesn’t understand if/else, loop etc., then maybe you should tutor her in a different than imperative paradigm 😜
    May 130
  • Microsoft FFSake
    Don’t do her job. Let her figure it out on her own. Everyone is smart in their own way. Not everyone is able to get enough effort to get there. Shortest way IMO if person does something and succeeds on own terms.
    May 130
  • Microsoft jesus-
    Date pretty girls.
    May 130
  • IBM ybe57s
    Your kids being attractive and social is way more important to their success than them being smart.
    May 132
    • Travelport / Engbuttnpushr
      You need smarts to be social though
      May 13
    • New / Eng|l|l||l|l|
      Totally different kind of smarts from coding smarts
      May 13
  • Juniper Pliny Jr
    Pay $50k and get get into USC. She'll be fine there. They'll take good care of her.
    May 130
  • Clover Health sinkinship
    If intelligence can be derived from writing or bioscience aptitude, I'd say you're likely harmful to her studies.

    That's not how heredity works. That's a good thing for *your* children.
    May 130
  • Google bballer19
    I agree with your premise that kids inherit their parents’ strengths. But mathematical intelligence is just one of many strengths. Is she driven, charming, passionate, successful, diligent, responsible, fun, athletic? Maybe your kids will get the best of both of you. You don’t need to have identical strengths.
    May 130
  • Epic / Eng
    Andhaaaa

    EpicEng

    PRE
    Intel Corporation
    Andhaaaamore
    Everyone has their own version of this problem. I can't get my wife to remember two Userid/passwords - one bank account, and one credit card (forget all others). Give her a math problem, and she will start panicking. Heck - she can't even calculate/answer why her paycheck and take home pay is what it is.

    What about my kid's future w.r.t. Math? You just have to share the responsibilities based on what each of you is good at. Also slowly improve by giving one task at a time, and make her figure out details on her own - not 8-hour tutoring sessions.
    May 130
  • Microsoft / EngKyubi
    Like most things, programming can be learnt. Start with ‘Mathematical Thinking’ course on Coursera and take it from there
    May 130
  • Hy man, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. Unless your goal is to produce code machine kids, I dont see why your benchmark for a gf is her coding skills. Does she make you happy? Is she kind? Does she cook? Is she independant? Does finances well? There are a million other reasns to be/or not to be with her
    May 130
  • Salesforce linusklava
    In engineering 101 in college where all engineers were required to take basic programming, I know many smart students who could not for the life of them figure out how coding works. It just didn’t work for them. They eventually turned out to become successful aerospace/mechanical whatever engineers. I think coding is only for some people. Especially if this is something for home, maybe this is not for her
    May 130
  • Cisco / EngYxAT53
    You sure she isn't on blind? Long sessions are not usually for "tutoring code" 😀.
    May 130
  • Google hlp2
    If you are in U.S., giving your kids leg up with your money is far more important than their intelligence for their success. Watch your savings rate.
    May 130

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