I have a real problem. Looking for a solution. so, please dont troll. I'm an introvert in nature. So, i take 1-2 years to create a good connection with anyone (to make friends and have good relationship) Job 1: I started working for a company (i left with in 2 years) - I had lot fo trouble in making friends. I struggled with lot of embarrassing events/ moments - Just when I got comfortable and started making friends - i had to leave JOb 2: moved here thinking i can be better.. I tried to be an extrovert. didnt work. same story. had to leave in 1.5 years. lot of awkward moments and struggle to make friends Job 3: Now, i'm excited for the opportunity and future looks good. but i'm worried i have to go through the same struggle in making friends and stuff. I dont know how to fix this part of my life. I have good life in every other aspect. I just have problem in making friends and building good relations at work soon enough. I'm about to start a new job. I am not worried about meeting the expectations/ impressing my manager with my work. But, i am super anxious about meeting new colleagues and making friends at work. Please help !!! TC: < yours
Your problem is not introversion but dome kind of autistic shit. Introverts don’t struggle making friends, they just don’t like yo expose their emotions all the time , they like being left alone not suffer from it. When introvert having lunch alone he’s not crying out for help to save him from loneliness. He’s enjoying the solitude, watching people from the distance, listening to ambient noise, resting from colleagues etc
i dont think i have autism. I just take longer time to open up and talk to someone. That's making my life tough at work because most of the colleagues i worked with are more extroverted, talk a lot and expect the same from me. When I cant do that, they feel disconnected and mis understand me for being rude. and that's being reflected when I have to work with them in projects.
I’m not saying you have outright autism, that would make you disabled pretty much. But you sound like you have trouble connecting with people. I’m telling you it’s not a problem for introverts. They connect just fine, and are able to maintain very long relationships. What do you mean by talking a lot and by you not being able to? If a colleague asks about your weekend what happens? You just turn away and run out of the room?
Just let your colleagues be colleagues, friends be friends, family be family. No mix and match. I moved around a shit ton myself, that’s how I choose to live my life. Make friends outside work, you get to keep them even when you job hop.
Read the book "The Like Switch." I think I am a bit on the autism spectrum but ever since reading it, I have significantly improved my social skills. I have a long term girlfriend, get invited to social events by friends etc.
thanks, will read that :)
Work is not a great place to look for friends. Different skill sets make a great team but they are not usually going to end up being your best friend. Instead make time to pursue what u like outside work and keep it professional in the office.
Rule of thumb: Always have a smile on your face. The moment someone smiles back, boom you’ve already established a connection. Greet people. (Good morning, have a good weekend, whatever) Be well groomed cuz let’s face it first impressions always looks. Being friendly and likeable involves genuine conversations beyond small talk. Like if a colleague says they like hiking ask them what’s their fav hiking experience like and so on.. Learn to hold a conversation to avoid just a Q&A kinda situation. Have things to share and be interested in what they have to say. Good listener earns brownie points. Seek help as well as offer help. Walk upto colleagues randomly and offer to help. Use these literal words more often “how can I help?”
you really understood my problem. most of my conversations at work are like Q&A kinda situation. I hate that too but having trouble to make it better. I'll try and use your tips. Thanks much :)
Being friendly with people at work is fine, but why do u want to have friends at work... that won’t help you at all. Stick with having friends outside of work, trust me.
Because, I feel uncomfortable when every one else is having fun (talking to each other, making jokes, hanging out together, etc) but i'm left out at my desk alone. it's very depressing for me :(
As u may see from other replies, everyone is advising u away from making friends at work. The effect is non positive at most. I am friendly with everyone and people give me great reviews, but I usually eat lunch alone at my desk and don’t talk to people at work. Sure I miss out on a lot of gossip, but I get my work done with only 20hrs a week, and people assume you’re doing important work and think you’re really busy so they don’t bother you with crap. Trust me the positives r endless when u don’t have “friends” at work. Speaking from someone whose best friend (former) was from work. Also your friends from work will be no longer once u leave that work place.
You are trying too hard. People at workplace are not your friends and don't try to be friend. Speaking with some one politely or sharing lunch does not make them your friends.
Best way I know is to find a group that is okay with awkwardness and you feel comfortable. There's usually a few people around if the company is a decent size.
Who do you have lunch with?
Some of them go home/ outside. Some of them bring their own lunch and eat at desk. I end up either eating alone at cafe or may be at rare occasions, some colleague joins me but it doesn't end without an awkward moment.
Even with just you and your other colleague it was still awkward? What makes you think it was? Can you tell me the story when it was awkward?
Be yourself and dont try to be someone you're not. People can tell when you're being fake. More importantly, stop caring so much. If people like you then cool, if not, then screw them. I think you're over analyzing it. Do your job, be yourself and everything will work out just fine. When you try to impress people is when bad things happen