Losing friends - what to do?

Axtria DesiLaunda
Jul 11 30 Comments

I am in early to mid 30s and am losing my friends. People who used to speak with me everyday now call once a month, those who called once a month now just reply on WhatsApp if I ping them. As I grow older, it's getting awkward to call people for no reason. I try to do that a lot, but I feel most people my age just prefer their space now. They are willing to help if I need something.

Some are married, others want to watch a Netflix episode by themselves rather than going out. I am very confident this doesn't have much to do with me since they tell me they aren't in touch with most people.

I feel lonely now. What am I supposed to do - get new friends (it takes time to build good connections) or accept this change or settle down so I have company?

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TOP 30 Comments
  • Verizon / Eng
    woot-woot

    Verizon Eng

    BIO
    woot woot :)
    woot-wootmore
    Get married
    Jul 11 1
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      One problem to solve another
      Jul 11
  • Wayfair sin()
    I’m younger than you but already having this issue. On top of just removing friends from my life that I don’t enjoy talking to anymore/who are negative. It is lonely and sucks at time but being alone is also so relaxing. Learn to enjoy it if you can’t make new friends?
    Jul 11 5
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      I am not sure if I enjoy it. But I am getting more comfortable with it. And it's sad.
      Jul 11
    • Wayfair sin()
      It is sad, but I think it’s just a part of life. I struggle with making new friends because I’m introverted, and I’ve just come to terms with it lol.
      Jul 11
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      Ah I can understand how tough it would be for introverted people. I talk to people but then I realize most are shallow conversations. Even if we get along well at some point, like on a vacation, the conversation is dead a few days after the vacation once all bills are settled. So I don't think the outcome is very different.
      Jul 11
    • Wayfair sin()
      Yes, definitely experienced that too. When I’m not being super introverted, all my acquaintances never move past the initial connection to something more meaningful. Kind of hoping I just find the right person or group who clicks with me enough to develop a real friendship
      Jul 11
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      Strange how the world is getting connected but more people are lonely than ever before
      Jul 11
  • Oracle pzd
    Lol my "friends" don't even reply to me on Whatsapp.
    Jul 11 2
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      I'll reply to you. Then you can call me your friend 😁
      Jul 11
    • Awwww!!
      Jul 11
  • Amazon broke&dumb
    It's just called getting older.
    Don't worry, it'll end soon, maybe 40 more years that'll fly by in the blink of an eye.
    Jul 11 0
  • Apple / Eng lmfaoapple
    I revitalized my own friend group by opening a group chat with a bunch of old friends. We now visit each other regularly and can’t stop texting during the day. Until that point a lot of us had given up connection with each other. Gl.
    Jul 11 4
    • New s67a
      Same. Group chats are great. Someone just fast to take the first step
      Jul 11
    • Nvidia HKCN11
      I second the group chat idea. In fact, you can also find new friends like this. All my friends from college I ultimately got from this political group chat I joined freshman year.
      Jul 11
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      We created group chats to discuss long weekend plans. They only get active a few weeks before a long weekend but not everyone shows interest, so they are dead too.
      Jul 11
    • Nvidia HKCN11
      Oh yeah I feel that... that's tough. I think the way to combat that is to just share anything and everything you think is interesting within the group chat. Then other people may start conversations or post their own stuff.
      Jul 11
  • Nvidia / Eng denvCoder9
    Forever alone is the single largest community.
    Jul 11 1
    • Axtria DesiLaunda
      OP
      Can I find great friends there?
      Jul 11
  • Yelp pre IPO
    It takes a lot of effort! I have had a similar experience. You need to continue trying to make the effort and maybe find more friends who are local. Frequent interaction is what builds friendships and it's hard to do with friends who are far away.
    Jul 11 0
  • Amazon / Eng charlesk
    Grow up I guess .... ?
    Jul 11 0
  • Indeed / HR
    H@ric0t

    Indeed HR

    PRE
    Apple
    H@ric0tmore
    Maybe intentionally connect with friends again. Ask for dinner plans from a different friend for every week (if that works for your finances).

    “I haven’t seen you in a while; can we grab dinner or drinks or brunch this week? Which day works best for you? I’ll pick the place.”

    If that friend can’t make it this week, rotate to the next friend. I’ve had amazing success with this technique and realized that what I thought was a dating gap was actually just a human-intimacy-in-general gap. Good luck!!
    Jul 13 0
  • Google / Eng L A R R Y
    I find it best to double down on having a few close friends. Aim to hang out with each of them once a week. Ideally have some recurring activity that facilitates this (for me: a shared multiplayer video game, a coop "legacy" board game, and a band that practices regularly.)
    Jul 12 0
  • Verizon Media sxSG85
    Have you tried volunteering? Long term like teaching. I’ve made friends with so many people on a cause we all believe in. Plus that friend group is made up of very diverse people from all around the world.
    For what it’s worth, I’m introverted but not socially awkward.
    Jul 12 0
  • Amazon echo $?
    Most of my friends are through work. I talk with them at lunch, HH, etc. I try to do these kinds of things every few months or so per person. Some of my buddies are all over so when I travel I try to stop by for a day and see them. It isn’t easy, though. I am married with kids and my wife (also my best friend) doesn’t begrudge me a side trip. I can be alone when I want to but never lonely.
    Jul 12 0
  • Amazon dreww
    Are they in a different stage of life compared to you?
    Jul 11 0
  • eBay whattt
    Go to meetups for hobbies and meet new people.
    Jul 11 0
  • Microsoft AmYe88
    Go to meet outs make new friends.
    Jul 12 0
  • Microsoft BangTrue!
    Well if u did, they wouldn't be forever alone 🤣
    Jul 11 0
  • Google / R&D screwdriver
    Maybe it’s possible that it is you
    Jul 11 0