Losing respect. I wish I could be normal again.

Yahoo
hsoqh

Yahoo

PRE
Salesforce, LinkedIn, Microsoft
hsoqhmore
Apr 1 32 Comments

I worked in the industry for 13 years. And I worked with many different managers. I have a lovely wife and a daughter. I support all of the sentiments and genuine push for more females at the workplace, equal pay, and equal treatment.

Recently I have a female manager and working with her I lost all the respect for women (at least as managers). The amount of verbal pressure, verbal misbehave, crazy loud voice drama, anger issues, impulsivity, and poor performance review and increments make me feel worthless. I had to take so many sick time offs in the past to keep up with the job. The stranger silent treatment from her (for days) during work discussion, and during 1:1 she says something and does exactly opposite. It broke all my confidence and destroyed my mental state to a point my home is affected. I never used to be so easily irritated. One thing I admire her is her luck, that she is still able to survive while being so feeling less, full of personal ego, micromanaging, over controlling, cannot see the reality, can continue surviving as abusive and childish, and treating me as if I am a criminal and I am responsible for women suffrage in the past. I used to support her women in network events, as time permits, and with time I was so much over abused that I distanced myself from all events and her in the social setting. I am so broken and crushed, I do not think I can ever afford to work with a female manager in the future. I am still looking for a job opportunity so I can take time to get normal. There have been multiple times in the past I literally cried in front of my wife and talked all about this with my wife, she also suggests finding another job. I just want to do my work, go home, stay with my wife and kids. I am a simple man. I want a simple life.

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TOP 32 Comments
  • Apple
    Benjamihn

    Apple

    PRE
    Tesla Motors
    Benjamihnmore
    Why the fuck are you slapping all women managers with your bad experience of this ONE manager who happens to be a woman? It’s obvious you’re angry and looking to justify an opinion that already exists for you.

    Get some therapy. Maybe if you’re lucky your wife won’t divorce you because of what she thinks of men as a result of learning about one male serial rapist.
    Apr 16
    • United Wholesale Mortgage
      zpyM13

      United Wholesale Mortgage

      PRE
      General Motors
      zpyM13more
      I’ve only ever had terrible male managers.
      Apr 1
    • Google UkHq61
      Have some mercy. OP is clearly distressed and not thinking clearly.
      Apr 1
    • Salesforce CloudSurfr
      Pretty sure this is the kind version. Benjamihn just told him to wake up and change circumstances, no coddling, because that's the best solution. OP needs to stop engaging emotionally with this person just like he's stopped going to her events. One bad manager of a certain gender isn't all. He's really angry at himself for putting up with it, as the title suggests
      Apr 1
    • MaritzCX / IT
      FweA62

      MaritzCXIT

      PRE
      Vivint Smart Home
      FweA62more
      Benjamin,
      He opens up about what he is going through and seeking an advice.
      Instead, he gets a rude response from you.
      Apr 1
    • Apple &02bgp
      I lost my respect to female manager too ! By the dirty stupid bully and harassment on female coworker. Surprisingly she is a female executive in fruit company.
      Apr 3
    • Facebook vggy677
      Maritzcx, why should we be nice to someone being blatantly sexist? Come on, imagine a woman said 'i don't respect any men because of my male manager'. Do you think people would be nice to her?
      Apr 6
  • There are crazy male managers too. I don’t think it does with gender. Seems like it’s time to switch jobs. Complain during exit interview.
    Apr 10
  • Panasonic Avionics / Sales
    Mr. Burns

    Panasonic AvionicsSales

    PRE
    Outbrain
    BIO
    I do sales. I sell stuff. It’s what I do.
    Mr. Burnsmore
    Don’t worry, I’ve had the same problem. Although you have a sample size of one, I can add that problematic female managers play a more vicious game. It’s hard to pinpoint it but it’s a combination of back stabbing, passive aggressiveness and being 2 faced. Hang in there, start hunting for a new job and move on. The world will eventually catch up to her.
    Apr 12
    • Oracle safra
      Agree with everything except the last sentence. Somehow people like this keep surviving and moving up.
      Apr 1
    • Oracle alwzangry
      Yes, don't worry about whether the world penalizes such people or not.
      Apr 1
  • Microsoft seagull
    Find a new job. The issues you are having is due to a toxic work environment that could happen even if your manager was a man. Your first priority should always be to your own family and your family needs you to be in a healthy state of mind.

    It’s ok to be frustrated, hurt and angry right now but don’t let these feelings consume you. You have cried in front of your wife and shared your story here because you are seeking to be understood. The investment in energy and grief you have spent dissecting this toxic work relationship has to stop because while you are drowning yourself in depression, your manager couldn’t care a less and is sleeping soundly at night. You have nothing left to prove or reconcile with this person.

    Life is short but also all encompassing. Your career is a significant part of who you are but it does not define you. Your achievements in life is defined by the infinitely greater things that you have done and the lives that you have touched. Pick up your dignity and move on. Good luck!
    Apr 11
    • Capital One
      BellaVista

      Capital One

      BIO
      Hi.
      BellaVistamore
      This is the type of response blind needs more of.
      Apr 1
  • Oracle safra
    Life is short. Don’t work with bad people, not worth the stress.
    Apr 10
  • Sina.com / Eng
    WLB

    Sina.comEng

    PRE
    Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google
    BIO
    Software Engineer and former phd candidate in biophysics
    WLBmore
    her doesn't euqual to females in general. i ve been yelled at workplace by asian managers, but it doesn't change my overall feeling on asians. Do not judge by the whole group by only single person.
    Apr 10
  • Uber
    2muchblind

    Uber

    PRE
    Apple, Microsoft
    2muchblindmore
    I’ve only had one female manager and it was great. One of the best I had, if not the best.
    Apr 30
  • New monomo
    Not all female managers are assholes, though I've seen some who actually are. You need to talk to her manager about it and report her behavior. If no one cares just leave. I doubt you would have complained like this if it were a male manager.
    Apr 11
    • Oracle alwzangry
      I disagree with this advice. My advice: deal with it silently or leave.
      Apr 1
  • Amgen yiXR75
    I will say in general if you have kids working for a manager of any gender who is Gen X or Baby Boomer who doesn’t have kids is universally bad IMHO.
    Apr 10
  • Amgen yiXR75
    I had one terrible manager who happens to be female but loads of other great ones: she’s a bad manager.
    Apr 10
  • Apple &02bgp
    Apr 30
  • Microsoft zx48
    Leave. Next time be careful with the choice of your team. Don't forget to mention all that on your exit interview.
    Apr 20
  • Acxiom RickErwin
    I had a terrible experience with a full time employee, working as a contractor. He was Lead and would not let me email and stole all the credit for the work I did.

    I started interviewing, got a job. On a fine day in a conference room, when the entire team was right there. I just quit and told that it's all because of him.

    Been happy since then. Just find a new job, you will appreciate yourself. It's not worth it
    Apr 10
  • Apple py1
    I’m sorry this is happening to you. I’ve had a couple of terrible managers - both male. One of them was so bad I needed to take PTO to de-stress. Please don’t let this cloud your opinion of female managers.
    Apr 10
  • Jet.com / Other
    gtfoorgtfo

    Jet.comOther

    PRE
    Starbucks
    gtfoorgtfomore
    Seems like you’re enjoying it, otherwise why didn’t you leave?
    Apr 10
  • Amgen yiXR75
    I never complain to HR but People always say...talk to HR but I’ve rarely seen that work. Unless you have irrefutable evidence that would make the company look bad if made public 9:10 times they’ll label you as having filed a complaint and side with the manager. Your solution then is to look for another job in the same company or leave and if you have a record there’s a stigma. HR is not on your side unless they think you could win a lawsuit.
    Apr 10
  • Amazon qhUc80
    > amount of verbal pressure, verbal misbehave, crazy loud voice drama, anger issues, impulsivity, and poor performance review and increments make me feel worthless.

    This sounds identical to my last male manager.
    Apr 10
  • Oracle alwzangry
    My experience from 4 out of 14 managers: agree for each instance. My peers agreed when I sought their counsel.
    Apr 10
  • Yahoo / ProductVOui62
    You can change teams easily as a temporary solution within yahoo. Then move out when you feel comfortable.
    Apr 10
  • Google PageRanker
    Sad that you feel this way. Not sure this is even for real. Find a new manager, no need to torture yourself.
    Apr 10
  • Facebook ImranKhan
    Apr 10
  • Uber dheheb
    It is so easy to switch jobs, you will get some job, you don't have to put up with this. Quit.
    Apr 10

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