Ex got engaged recently. Manager has put me on dev plan. Have gained few pounds. Become anti social. Marriage on my mind all the time. Have no motivation left to get out of the dev plan or get a new job or reduce weight. What should I do !?
- Microsoft naaamDude, get your shit together. Your ex won't sponsor your H1 if you're fired. Anti social is ok just concentrate on work and maybe lookout for another job. Job is everything. Without that you're not getting any girl to get married after getting kicked back to India.
- Please talk to a professional... therapist, physician, clergy. I went through almost exactly the same at that age. Wasn’t until I talked to people who knew how to help that it got better. Now I’m married with two kids and doing well in my job. We all need help sometimes.
- Yes, most clergy have some training in basic support counseling and integrity about confidentiality. They also tend to have a network of support resources.
In my experience they’re also more available sometimes than professionals, most of whom will tell you they’re not taking new clients.
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- Here's an easy way to feel better.
Think of all the people that live in war torn regions who have lost loved ones, great friends, their home, their livelihood. OR what about those souls who've been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, etc? People with TRULY dire prospects but we'll find humor and companionship to soldier on.
Also look around you. You live in a FIRST world society living WAY better than ANY Medieval King could fantasize! You also work for a company where countless numbers of engineers would DREAM of working.
And as for girls, they come and go. You WILL find your soul mate eventually IF(!) you put yourself out there. If you look at the NYT Wedding Section, over 99% met through dating apps! Seriously!! Get the NY Sunday Times tomorrow and prove me wrong. And going by stats, your Ex will likely be divorced in 5 years time anyways, so why the envy?
So get yourself in shape. Join a karate class to socialize. You'll LOVE the self confidence improvement from a dojo!
Life is really short. Only YOU(!) can write your screenplay of life. Do you want to write a loser character in your book or BE the comic book hero you always dreamed of being? I think that answer is clear so start writing a new chapter Mister!👊 Life can be good so make it so!! 👍👍👍
- Sounds like you need a vision quest, ask mother Ayahuasca those questions and you’ll get more truth than you can likely handle.
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- Microsoft MinStacklook to the opportunity you are single again and free, Amazon is a shitty company anyway better get out so don't worry about what will happen, just be truthful and really search for what you want, I am married have kids and I can clearly say marriage is useless and you are much better single.
- RackWare DreamlightYou sorrow, will soon pass;
what you're feeling, only time will heal.
Divert your mind away from him enmass;
you'll will be fine, it's not a big deal.
You're stronger that you thought,
even though it feels like an onslought.
Everyone goes through a heartbreak, so did I.
But you'll come out of it, feeling like a Samurai.
- When I was around that age, I went through something similar. What helped me was diving into a couple of activities I enjoyed outside work and also working on my fitness. I joined one of those fitness studio things with personal trainers (similar to but a little different from CrossFit). I went from being a scrawny nerdy looking guy to lean and well defined. It improved my confidence massively and thus had a snowballing positive effect on my dating life via the aforementioned activities and thus solving some of my biggest problems within a couple of years. All of a sudden I needed to put my best foot forward in my everyday life and so forced myself to learn to cook as well.
Sometimes little changes will lead to more changes and you'll improve as a person fast. But you've got to take the initiative and take those first steps.
I probably sound like I'm bragging. But heck, I'm really proud of the person I became after facing that crisis of confidence in my mid-20s. If I can do it, you can too.
- I’ll mostly reiterate some of the suggestions above because they have been useful for me.
Talking out your feelings will help you entangle them and come up with a rational outlook. Friends and family are a support system nice to have and even though they will have good intention to help you out, I found that they might not always know the best way to help you and that will just convolute the situation. My therapist was the most helpful for me. And you don’t necessarily have to be depressed or ill to see a therapist.
- Amazon wfDp17moreWe all have our ups and downs, so don’t face this alone. Seriously. Reach out to anyone be it friend of professional about how you’re feeling.
Although there certainly are a few trolls here, I’ve seen some good responses and even ones offering to DM about it - make use of whatever outlet you need. Talking through stuff like this can help in moving forwards. Small steps, but they all lead in the right direction.
Happy to talk if you want - I’ve been through some shit and stuff but even if I can’t find the right words for you; I’ll happily listen.
- Apple XmMO26Been through it, take one step at a time. It will be a long process but first just focus on barely getting out of dev plan and retain your employment. Right after that focus on changing job , some changes are very good while going through this. Also change apartment with the job. That will easily be 6-9 months and then start dating keeping in mind it will easily take a few dates before you will be able to completely forget and focus on new beginning with someone. Been there and there is supremely bright light at the end of the tunnel , just don’t lose hope of crossing the tunnel.
- Uber bikesStay strong, only you can help yourself no one else can, give it time and move on..
- New maginrI can speak from personal experience that it sucks to see one thing after another fall apart in your life. In a similar phase after avoiding ppl and making few bad choices and picking up habits like drinking, smoking etc, I finally made one good choice. I chose to volunteer for a non profit which Meant I had to run marathons and attend seminars to support their wonderful causes. That in turn lead me to meeting folks who played tennis and hike and that lead me to meeting more ppl who were into reading. And this all of course meant I had to be employed all the time to make sure I can buy that new racquet or buy some great books. And guess what, I was healthy and now enjoyed reading which meant I could pick up books to make my job easier for myself and make an informed decision on my life decisions including finding a new job. Bottom line: This phase will pass just remember to go out and make connections (Meetup.com) and be nice to people whether or not it would help you in keeping this current job, it will definitely help you have a fulfilling life.
- Cisco / Enghello12346Things that helped me after breaking up are hanging out with friends and talking out your situation, going to the gym, going hiking or being outdoors, and going on dates to meet new people. I went through a breakup recently and all of these have really helped me realize how my girlfriend wasn’t there for me and how the relationship became worse due to her insecurities and baggage.