Women in Tech

Lost all motivation in life

Amazon smskd
Jan 5

Ex got engaged recently. Manager has put me on dev plan. Have gained few pounds. Become anti social. Marriage on my mind all the time. Have no motivation left to get out of the dev plan or get a new job or reduce weight. What should I do !?
Age 27!

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  • Microsoft naaam
    Dude, get your shit together. Your ex won't sponsor your H1 if you're fired. Anti social is ok just concentrate on work and maybe lookout for another job. Job is everything. Without that you're not getting any girl to get married after getting kicked back to India.
    Jan 510
    • Google skillet
      What am I missing here? Op didn't mention he was on h1.
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft naaam
      That's a known
      Jan 5
    • Google skillet
      Still unsure - and sorry if I didn't get the cues, how did you know he was indian or even on h1?
      Jan 5
    • Intel time2gtfo
      How do you know it's a guy?
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft naaam
      Guy part, I know I may have missed. Indian and h1 part, super confident.
      Jan 5
    • Expedia / Eng
      xaRe06

      ExpediaEng

      PRE
      Samsung Electronics
      xaRe06more
      @skillet Phrasing.
      Jan 5
    • CA Technologies TonkarBell
      “Marriage on mind all the time” is typical Indian. Other cultures would say something like “looking for a partner”
      Jan 5
    • Amazon Butts360
      Skillet both you and OP are Indian. So what? Own it bro. Brown and proud
      Jan 6
    • Google skillet
      Sorry, I am Indian, but I couldn't pick the traits that made others make the deduction.
      Jan 6
    • Expedia / Eng
      xaRe06

      ExpediaEng

      PRE
      Samsung Electronics
      xaRe06more
      The lack of articles. "Manager put me on dev plan"
      Jan 6
  • Oath / MgmtAtinlay
    Snap out of it!
    Jan 51
    • Snapchat whatTheAnd
      Personally I would avoid anything to do with Snap, but that’s just me.
      Jan 5
  • Amazon Jeimd23js
    Please talk to a professional... therapist, physician, clergy. I went through almost exactly the same at that age. Wasn’t until I talked to people who knew how to help that it got better. Now I’m married with two kids and doing well in my job. We all need help sometimes.
    Jan 53
    • SAP pmpdgm
      This. The only meaningful comment in this post. OP, please pay heed.
      Jan 5
    • Dexcom RwNH74
      Clergy? Lol
      Jan 5
    • Amazon Jeimd23js
      Yes, most clergy have some training in basic support counseling and integrity about confidentiality. They also tend to have a network of support resources.

      In my experience they’re also more available sometimes than professionals, most of whom will tell you they’re not taking new clients.
      Jan 5
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft Tiffany&co
      oh for the love of God, enough with this nonsense Indian lingo
      Jan 5
    • Uber / Engdufflebag
      Tf does it mean to do the needful?
      Jan 5
    • CA Technologies TonkarBell
      This shit will stop only when people stop liking such posts/comment. So, I actually want people to do the needful and stop liking this shit
      Jan 5
  • Uber 8bithit
    This is 90% of SDEs at amazon
    Jan 51
    • CA Technologies TonkarBell
      Is that how the SDE levels are assigned? SDE 3 hates themselves more than SDE2?
      Jan 5
  • Amazon lolwhat
    You're only 27 you've got a lot of time. Chill.
    Jan 50
  • Amazon smskd
    OP
    Thanks for the comments! This is a female posting FYI
    Jan 50
  • Amazon npYz41
    You wanna talk? Pm me
    Jan 50
  • Apple JobsAtApp
    Eat only banana.
    Jan 50
  • Juniper Pliny Jr.
    Here's an easy way to feel better.

    Think of all the people that live in war torn regions who have lost loved ones, great friends, their home, their livelihood. OR what about those souls who've been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, etc? People with TRULY dire prospects but we'll find humor and companionship to soldier on.

    Also look around you. You live in a FIRST world society living WAY better than ANY Medieval King could fantasize! You also work for a company where countless numbers of engineers would DREAM of working.

    And as for girls, they come and go. You WILL find your soul mate eventually IF(!) you put yourself out there. If you look at the NYT Wedding Section, over 99% met through dating apps! Seriously!! Get the NY Sunday Times tomorrow and prove me wrong. And going by stats, your Ex will likely be divorced in 5 years time anyways, so why the envy?

    So get yourself in shape. Join a karate class to socialize. You'll LOVE the self confidence improvement from a dojo!

    Life is really short. Only YOU(!) can write your screenplay of life. Do you want to write a loser character in your book or BE the comic book hero you always dreamed of being? I think that answer is clear so start writing a new chapter Mister!👊 Life can be good so make it so!! 👍👍👍
    Jan 50
  • Medtronic / EngSnakeDr
    Sounds like you need a vision quest, ask mother Ayahuasca those questions and you’ll get more truth than you can likely handle.
    Jan 54
    • Flagged by the community.

    • Medtronic / EngSnakeDr
      Seriously, Ayahuasca cures depression, I’ve seen it first hand work on five people in about a week...I was doing it for other reasons, but it was an amazing transformation for them.
      Jan 5
    • Amazon timefcuk
      Where do you get ayahuasca?
      Jan 6
    • Medtronic / EngSnakeDr
      You travel to the Amazon jungle, and are given it by a shaman.
      Jan 6
  • Amazon smskd
    OP
    Ex bf got engaged to the Same girl he dumped me for
    Jan 53
    • Apple bbavsgsh
      Why are you even worried about bf?? You will find tons of guys in Bay Area or Seattle!
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft weirvhtd
      And are u on h1 as others suggested?
      Jan 13
    • Microsoft weirvhtd
      You can very well leave your job and take a vacation otherwise
      Jan 13
  • Microsoft MinStack
    look to the opportunity you are single again and free, Amazon is a shitty company anyway better get out so don't worry about what will happen, just be truthful and really search for what you want, I am married have kids and I can clearly say marriage is useless and you are much better single.
    Jan 51
    • Juniper Pliny Jr.
      Wow. Aren't you the cynic.
      Jan 5
  • Facebook
    MonkeyIsle

    Facebook

    BIO
    .
    MonkeyIslemore
    > What should I do !?
    The needful, obviously
    Jan 51
  • Microsoft lelekh
    Oh yes, and someone above suggested alcohol. That is a very bad idea especially when you are feeling low about yourself.
    Also, stay away from Oracle! Amazon is better and Microsoft is much better.
    Jan 50
  • RackWare Dreamlight
    You sorrow, will soon pass;
    what you're feeling, only time will heal.
    Divert your mind away from him enmass;
    you'll will be fine, it's not a big deal.

    You're stronger that you thought,
    even though it feels like an onslought.
    Everyone goes through a heartbreak, so did I.
    But you'll come out of it, feeling like a Samurai.
    Jan 60
  • New / R&Dzorkan
    That's rough. Take a vacation, go somewhere. Get out of the tech bubble for a few weeks.
    Jan 50
  • Microsoft HURi57
    When I was around that age, I went through something similar. What helped me was diving into a couple of activities I enjoyed outside work and also working on my fitness. I joined one of those fitness studio things with personal trainers (similar to but a little different from CrossFit). I went from being a scrawny nerdy looking guy to lean and well defined. It improved my confidence massively and thus had a snowballing positive effect on my dating life via the aforementioned activities and thus solving some of my biggest problems within a couple of years. All of a sudden I needed to put my best foot forward in my everyday life and so forced myself to learn to cook as well.

    Sometimes little changes will lead to more changes and you'll improve as a person fast. But you've got to take the initiative and take those first steps.

    I probably sound like I'm bragging. But heck, I'm really proud of the person I became after facing that crisis of confidence in my mid-20s. If I can do it, you can too.
    Jan 50
  • eBay / Engneila
    Just one advice bro - start working out regularly. Trust me slowly that will change how you feel about other things.
    Jan 50
  • Welcome to the group man
    Jan 50
  • Microsoft lelekh
    I’ll mostly reiterate some of the suggestions above because they have been useful for me.
    Talking out your feelings will help you entangle them and come up with a rational outlook. Friends and family are a support system nice to have and even though they will have good intention to help you out, I found that they might not always know the best way to help you and that will just convolute the situation. My therapist was the most helpful for me. And you don’t necessarily have to be depressed or ill to see a therapist.
    Jan 50
  • Microsoft Duxe82
    TC?
    Jan 50
  • Amazon
    wfDp17

    Amazon

    BIO
    STFU
    wfDp17more
    We all have our ups and downs, so don’t face this alone. Seriously. Reach out to anyone be it friend of professional about how you’re feeling.

    Although there certainly are a few trolls here, I’ve seen some good responses and even ones offering to DM about it - make use of whatever outlet you need. Talking through stuff like this can help in moving forwards. Small steps, but they all lead in the right direction.

    Happy to talk if you want - I’ve been through some shit and stuff but even if I can’t find the right words for you; I’ll happily listen.
    Jan 50
  • Microsoft EMoC46
    Volunteer at a soup kitchen
    Jan 50
  • Apple XmMO26
    Been through it, take one step at a time. It will be a long process but first just focus on barely getting out of dev plan and retain your employment. Right after that focus on changing job , some changes are very good while going through this. Also change apartment with the job. That will easily be 6-9 months and then start dating keeping in mind it will easily take a few dates before you will be able to completely forget and focus on new beginning with someone. Been there and there is supremely bright light at the end of the tunnel , just don’t lose hope of crossing the tunnel.
    Jan 50
  • Amazon / MgmtKYuG83
    Read The Way of the Superior Man.

    And become a superior man.
    Jan 50
  • Uber bikes
    Stay strong, only you can help yourself no one else can, give it time and move on..
    Jan 52
    • Amazon Jeimd23js
      I disagree that only you can help yourself. You sometimes do have to reach for the outstretched hand, or make the call to someone who knows how to help, but those outstretched hands can help pull you out.
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft naaam
      ^ do you call that "lean in", Sheryl? 😉
      Jan 5
  • Tektronix / Sales
    BlueBerd

    TektronixSales

    PRE
    Oracle
    BlueBerdmore
    It sounds like depression. You may want to see a doctor and think about getting some antidepressants and talking to someone.
    Jan 310
  • Cadence Why’s
    Baby steps. Set a goal on one thing and work on it. Maybe a goal is exercise half an hour every day. And just stick to it. And despite all the bad that happens in that one day, you can always have say you did one thing right for yourself.
    Jan 50
  • New maginr
    I can speak from personal experience that it sucks to see one thing after another fall apart in your life. In a similar phase after avoiding ppl and making few bad choices and picking up habits like drinking, smoking etc, I finally made one good choice. I chose to volunteer for a non profit which Meant I had to run marathons and attend seminars to support their wonderful causes. That in turn lead me to meeting folks who played tennis and hike and that lead me to meeting more ppl who were into reading. And this all of course meant I had to be employed all the time to make sure I can buy that new racquet or buy some great books. And guess what, I was healthy and now enjoyed reading which meant I could pick up books to make my job easier for myself and make an informed decision on my life decisions including finding a new job. Bottom line: This phase will pass just remember to go out and make connections (Meetup.com) and be nice to people whether or not it would help you in keeping this current job, it will definitely help you have a fulfilling life.
    Jan 50
  • These fucking responses...
    Jan 50
  • Microsoft spinalcord
    Hire a personal trainer and start going to gym regularly and shift your focus on your health than all the crap you are going through. Everything else comes your way in a few months.
    Jan 50
  • Amazon / EngFakePprBoy
    Just one thing: sit down with a piece of paper and a pen. Then, write down your thoughts. Go one by one and see which are rational and which aren’t. Then consider making a commitment to act rationally by default.
    Jan 50
  • Amazon smskd
    OP
    Yes trying to work harder but then again who am I kidding
    Jan 50
  • Cisco / Enghello12346
    Things that helped me after breaking up are hanging out with friends and talking out your situation, going to the gym, going hiking or being outdoors, and going on dates to meet new people. I went through a breakup recently and all of these have really helped me realize how my girlfriend wasn’t there for me and how the relationship became worse due to her insecurities and baggage.
    Jan 50
  • New thugL
    Stay positive and keep going,everything will work out,this too shall pass.Remember that nothing is permanent.Just take charge of your life and do not quit.
    Jan 50
  • Indeed / Eng
    dayway

    IndeedEng

    PRE
    Amazon
    daywaymore
    Get outside!
    Jan 50
  • IBM ooei73
    Increase TC you’ll feel better
    Jan 55
    • SAP pmpdgm
      Yeah, because that was the reason she & her bf broke up, right? And because being in FAANG wasn't good enough, and focusing on a thankless (in OP's case), material direction is a suitable distraction.
      Jan 5
    • IBM ooei73
      Screw faang that has nothing to do with this. TC is what matters not your company. If his TC was 1 mil + he’d love life
      Jan 5
    • SAP pmpdgm
      'He'? Are you referring to the ex or to OP? You do realize OP is a woman, right? And the fact that you SO EASILY draw a causal (& casual, if one may say so) correlation between satisfaction with life & a 1 mil+ TC, raises questions.
      Jan 5
    • IBM ooei73
      What type of questions?
      Jan 5
    • SAP pmpdgm
      Questions on the validity & absolutism of your assertion
      Jan 5
  • Microsoft poui
    What is a Dev plan?
    Jan 52
    • Facebook / Englitt1ep0ny
      something like pip
      Jan 5
    • Microsoft HURi57
      Why is it called a Dev plan?
      Jan 5
  • HuffPost OpenUpShop
    Join a gym and get active it helps physical and mental health. Also find a therapist or life coach to get on track.
    Jan 90
  • Bank of America Kenz_reves
    Just lose weight and sign up on dating sites. Do leetcode and get a new job.
    Jan 50
  • Microsoft 😎 🍯 !!!
    You are young. Make the most of the free time. Learn something new (skiing, new language etc). Exercise(running, biking etc). Travel. Your problems are nothing major. Let go your past. Don’t rush for marriage, try to find a compatible partner else life can be real miserable.
    Jan 50
  • Oracle
    IRS

    Oracle

    PRE
    Google, Facebook, Instacart, Twitter, Uber, Air Asia, IBM, Cisco
    IRSmore
    Join Oracle!
    Jan 50
  • SunTrust !Srs
    RUM with water..best brand Old Monk
    Jan 50
  • Amazon / EngsPvw07
    Find a new job in different city
    Jan 50

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