Love the work, manager hates me, feel very stressed

Apple Shoopashoo
Oct 5, 2018 26 Comments

Hi

Manager does not value my work.
He is only focusing on any negative things, does not recognize achievements, and requests useless tasks.
He clearly does not like me.

I feel very stressed, have problems sleeping and this is the first thing I think about when waking up.

I love the job, I have been working a lot this year, crazy results,..
But the so called perf reviews should actually favorite puppet review.
This broke me, as I gave so much last year, and various statements in the review are mere lies.
I have been feeling so stressed that Sometimes I can’t prevent from crying, feel chest pains, don t want to have sex,...

The fact that he keeps focusing on any negative thing impacts my well being, and I believe it will impact my career long run and am scared that he will badmouth me so that any new employee will actually hate me too.

I have nothing lined up yet, but I can’t stop fantasizing about quitting.
Everytime I see him now I feel even more stressed but am keeping my shit together.

I am trying to tamper with thinking that there way less paid ppl than us ( Bay area) who work in very hard condition.

I sacrified what I consider a lot for being here (far from parents, friends, was alone before my wife joined me, like most ppl there are blackout travel periods due to visa and gc process).

comments

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TOP 26 Comments
  • Oath Smugpug
    A) document everything, because he probably is. Document instances when he has been unfair. Also ask a friend to help you with a quote.
    B) while you document, talk to him 1:1, tell him how you feel.
    C) after talking to him, immediately talk to skip level and hr.
    D) document, document, document.
    E) check back with all 3 in a month.

    I used this strategy to help my wife get her super super super shitty boss fired. I am not kidding or exaggerating. And just last month my wife got promoted.
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • Oracle / Eng Apprehend
    I am in a similar situation. My manager micromanages me, assigns stupid tasks to me. Meanwhile the projects I show interest in he gives to someone else or he flat out tells me it’s a waste of time and doesn’t align with our team roadmap or whatever. He won’t let me change teams either because he said I need to get performance up but it’s impossible with him not being supportive of anything I do. I’m in a bind. I might quit but working to get out right now. Interviewing at other companies. My job is making me so depressed.
    Oct 5, 2018 8
    • BuzzFeed / Eng
      0xdead

      BuzzFeed Eng

      PRE
      BuzzFeed
      BIO
      leet hax u fr00bs
      0xdeadmore
      Please hang in there. I’ve been in a very similar situation. You’ll get out of it. This is just a stepping stone.
      Oct 5, 2018
    • Oracle / Eng Apprehend
      Good news is I don’t think I can get fired because I’m a minority so I’m just growing thick skin now while I prepare to leave. :(
      Oct 5, 2018
    • BuzzFeed / Eng
      0xdead

      BuzzFeed Eng

      PRE
      BuzzFeed
      BIO
      leet hax u fr00bs
      0xdeadmore
      Yeah, grow that thick skin, but definitely don’t think you can’t get fired for being a minority. Keep practicing for interviews and beat them to the punch, and get as much as you can out of the experience in terms of process and technical acumen. You got this.
      Oct 5, 2018
    • New / Eng xoxoyo
      That’s sad. Was in a team where a team member was black. He worked hard and we all liked him, yet is manager kept giving him shit everyday. His manager is white, male, in his 50s. Manager treated other team members well but for some reason was really unfair to this black guy.

      I personally told him to look for a different manager because I thought his boss was treating him unfairly.
      Oct 5, 2018
    • BuzzFeed / Eng
      0xdead

      BuzzFeed Eng

      PRE
      BuzzFeed
      BIO
      leet hax u fr00bs
      0xdeadmore
      @xoxoyo I know that all too well. Unfortunately, because of a bad experience with the first manager, it was probably tough for him even finding another manager because no manager will trust him with tasks after that. It’s an avalanche of compromised accountability expectations.
      Oct 5, 2018
  • Microsoft liveordie
    Leave immediately. Some managers are just hopeless...
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft maverickk
    Damn that was hard to read. From the last sentence, it looks like you're on a visa. If you're worried about immigration, just change your team internally. That should spare you of the dreadful visa transfer process. But what ever you do, don't keep working under that asshole manager. You deserve better OP. Stay strong, we got you fam 👍🏻
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • Microsoft
    JohnSnow🐲

    Microsoft

    BIO
    Cholesterol was little high but still fine. Could shed a few pounds.
    JohnSnow🐲more
    There is no point in working in the team if manager doesn't like you.
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • Yahoo iWbf35
    For a long time I worked for Yahoo in a role I just felt under appreciated in, I felt like I was always being compared to guys who had been there ten years more than me in some cases, many levels higher in pay, etc I felt like I would never be able to catch up to the expectations.

    Long story short I left and found a smaller company that was a better fit for my personality, my lifestyle and I’m 100x happier now.

    The scary part is trying to go out here and find the next job, but once you find it I can guarantee you will be happier.

    One bit of advice, if things aren’t working out for you, shake things up! If you’ve only worked for large corps (FAANG) or similar maybe look for a startup, if you’ve always worked in a specific area, like front end design, try pivoting to something new like API design or back end.
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • BuzzFeed / Eng
    0xdead

    BuzzFeed Eng

    PRE
    BuzzFeed
    BIO
    leet hax u fr00bs
    0xdeadmore
    Document everything. Your manager is probably working on firing you. After all that mistreatment, expect a PIP (a performance improvement plan). You can’t really beat a PIP because of how they’re designed, but you can help avoid a PIP if you constantly have objective ways to prove you’re being gaslit. At some point, I documented everything I did in the previous hour at the top of each hour. My self-reviews each review period were ridiculously throughout, even citing timestamps and specific bits of conversations. It’s tough to lie when the truth is documented. Also, seek allies throughout the org, but be careful not to tap into one of your manager’s allies.
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • PayPal Lshhhgffh
    One word - Quit before they fire you.
    These managers are a**holes. Im in a similar situation but soon I stopped giving a fuck and my work speaks now. I still know my manager hates me but can’t fire me.
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • New / Eng xoxoyo
    Talk to him from the heart and hopefully he can empathize with you if he is a good person. Tell him how you feel. You can start w phrases like

    I really enjoy the work I do here, but sometimes I feel unappreciated. When you did blah blah blah the other day, it made me feel really bad. Do you think you can help me? How can I do better? I really want to do well here and really contribute to our team?

    Make him empathize with you and Give him a blueprint on specific things he can improve. If he really did it unintentionally he will make effort to change. If he’s intent on making your life difficult, you will know to move on.

    Some managers are bad managers but maybe they don’t have bad intentions. You have to know which one is he
    Oct 5, 2018 2
    • PayPal Lshhhgffh
      I don’t agree with you! If ur manager demotivates you, you need to move on. Convincing them is equally difficult and having a mindset shift will take forever. So OP, please find a new job
      Oct 5, 2018
    • New / Eng xoxoyo
      🆗 yeah you are right. I would quit if I find a bad manager too.

      However, how do you know the next manager is not going to disappoint you?

      A good manager is hard to find. Make the best of the situation while you look around.
      Oct 5, 2018
  • Microsoft / Eng cleardevs
    Don't leave yet. Get that manager fired. If you leave right now, other people will continue to suffer and if you believe that you are a better person than your manager, eliminate him. Let him suffer. He will continue doing this to others if you don't report him. Don't save just yourself, save the world.
    May 18 1
  • New EVlp62
    I would wait till they fire you so you can get severance hehe
    Oct 5, 2018 2
    • Oracle / Eng Apprehend
      Doesn’t that depend on if it’s at will employment or not? You don’t get severance everywhere.
      Oct 5, 2018
    • New EVlp62
      Yes you do. If you get fired. Company wants to make sure you leave happy enough to not sue
      Oct 5, 2018
  • tell the manager you have a disability , make sure you email. when he/she fires you, take it to HR, get that a$$hole fired
    Oct 5, 2018 0
  • Aurora bystander!
    Team?
    Oct 5, 2018 0

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