Long story short: I saw her posting a picture of pink roses with “thank you <3” I don’t have the courage to ask. I really don’t. I like her very much. She was my best friend before I made things bad by accusing her she was lying just about everything. I know, she’s great friend. I realized how terrible I was, so I told her I needed to get away from her before I hurt the friendship more. I always have the feeling she likes someone else. I know the “let her go”, “she’s better without you, psycho”. I am trying to stay calm and just focus on work and school. But I get panic sweat every time I take a break from my keyboard. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what people think without asking? Wouldn’t it nice to just stay in one spot? When you look at me: I am severely mentally ill. She tried to help as best friend, but I just couldn’t tolerate anything less than a constant reassurance. Every time I accuse her or whenever I ghost on her, she would text me, call me up, just to check to see if I were doing okay. Where can I find this kind of girl? It’s rare in my life. I am an ass hole. Sometimes I just want to run over by a MTA bus and let God decides. But that will just bring her and my family pain and even guilt. I don’t know. I am in the depressed state now. Bipolar, personality disorder, and now sign of schizophrenia. My life is just ridiculously fun. I want to hear criticisms. I am just sad. And yeah, she is so far away, 12 hours apart, someone I grew up with.
TC or GTFO
Consult a doctor right away
I am already on med and psychiatrist and psychologist what else is there lol other than work. Smh
Take a deep breath and relax. You are aware your words and actions from the past created this. Don't panic. You can work to change how you see and treat yourself. This is most important, and others will respond to it well.
Get drunk and then call her up and tell her everything. Get it out of your system before it fucks you up. You are nowhere close to being fucked up at this point in time.
I think you could do with some philosophy in your life. Just gives a better prespective on life in general. I would suggest School Of Life channel (look for the video they did on how to get over someone) to start with, then Philosophize this! podcast if you want more.
Some video games and social circle would help
I decided to work all night. I am high on energy.
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Wtf is drivel? Dude, you’re not thinking straight. The issue you’re having isn’t even worth 5 seconds of your time. You’re stuck in a teenage drama mental circle jerk. Get some help with your sadness and depression and it’ll help you see everything in a much more positive light. You’ll realize there is no problem there to solve - it is all in your perception. All the best! Get well!