Marriage question?

DocuSign Desgner
Feb 2 77 Comments

Me and my wife get along great overall. We don’t fight that often. We are happy.

Question- She points out any mistakes I do and I accept it but if I do the same she gets all defensive and starts crying. It always ends up with me asking sorry for being a jerk even if she is wrong. What to do?

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TOP 77 Comments
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft bing0
      I don’t think people realise how painful divorce is.
      Feb 2
  • Cisco / Eng license2🔥
    Welcome to married life buddy.
    Feb 2 0
  • Apple HumanDoing
    Go to a marriage counselor if you can’t manage it yourself
    Feb 2 4
    • Google trolDtrols
      Why is this the default go-to answer for every relationship question ?
      They don't have a magic wand.
      Feb 2
    • Oracle / Eng
      not_larry

      Oracle Eng

      BIO
      Not CTO
      not_larrymore
      @google, it’s called not taking ownership.
      Feb 2
    • Apple Snut Ella
      And sometimes they just suck. Like the one I went to who said “you should just get divorced”.
      Feb 2
    • Apple HumanDoing
      Some people aren’t good with confrontation and need a third party for mediation. A counselor is better than involving a friend or family member.
      Feb 2
  • Desi spotted
    Feb 2 2
    • Amazon LionKing!
      Racist spotted
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      The most racist people on the planet complaining about racism!
      Such questions only come from Indians as a result of blindly following shitty superficial culture where people care more for the financial status than personality even in marriages
      Feb 2
  • Amazon 1700zulu
    My wife had a terrible time admitting she was wrong and got very defensive. The easiest way is to talk to her about it like this: “we are a team and are stronger when we both do X instead of Y”. The team focus will blunt some of her criticism of you and help you get through to her. PM me if you want to talk about it more.
    Feb 2 1
    • PayPal / Eng = O(1)
      This is some solid advice
      Feb 2
  • Apple / Eng Hebdu
    That’s every household story 😀😀
    Feb 2 1
    • Microsoft lHcN54
      Not true
      Feb 3
  • Netflix GvYi87
    This is normal married life ! If she accepts then it will be something new
    Feb 2 0
  • Google RockLobsta
    Stop criticizing her. Just bang escorts to deal with the frustration.
    Feb 2 0
  • Amazon RBMY63
    Talk to her about how you can approach her with innocuous criticism? If she can’t respond to that, talk to a therapist because communication is the cornerstone of a relationship.
    Feb 2 0
  • A10 Networks / Sales
    Brewhahaa

    A10 Networks Sales

    PRE
    F5 Networks, Oracle, Vertafore
    BIO
    I yam who I yam - Popeye
    Brewhahaamore
    Emotional blackmail. Run.
    Feb 2 1
  • Microsoft lesmiserab
    Go read this book, changed my life and my marriage:

    The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert - John Gottman
    Feb 2 1
    • Google f23j6rz
      Gottman’s book is very good. Same with a book caller “crucial conversations.”

      Difficult conversations are a fundamental life skill. You can definitely get better at them. Good luck!
      Feb 2
  • Apple ijyA68
    You should accept that you have a normal marriage 😂.
    Feb 2 0
  • Facebook feel
    Women are like that man. We grew up in times when we were told that boys and girls are equal. We ended up thinking that they are the same. Reality is that they are not the same even if they are "equal". Accept that and deal with it. Fighting it will only make things worse for you.
    Feb 2 0
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Microsoft sat_nad
      At least not in the sense Indians are all racists.
      My point was that India as a culture is racist, while Indians are so quick to abide the slightest criticism of their culture as racism
      Feb 2
    • Facebook feel
      The headline asks "Are Indians not Racist?". You are a racist and an idiot and you proved it yourself. You are amongst the dumbest people I've seen here
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      For one, I'm the author of the article.
      And I'm at least smart enough to get an article published in a major newspaper.
      The point is Indians are on average more racist than Americans
      Feb 2
    • Facebook feel
      So your proof is your own article? And it's valid because a "major newspaper" published it? Plot thickens. Not only are you dumb, you are a dumb journalist tom-tomming to the world that you are a dumb racist. The talk people must be having about you! LOL
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      Lets talk when you get can get an article published.
      Proof it has citations to relevant studies. That's how pros
      Proofs work
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      And you are an insecure hyper patriotic moron whos to insecure to take the slightest criticism of his "great" culture
      Feb 2
    • Facebook feel
      FYI, I have publications and of the scientific variety. The ones which propose a theory, proves the complexity, verifies it in practice and then does a summary. Not like yours that generalizes based on some singular examples. Forget being scientific, you are not even logical.

      You are one of those ultra morons who doesn't know he is a moron. The one who proves by himself that he is a moron.
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      If you really had something you would have posted it!
      Mr nationalist
      Feb 2
    • Facebook feel
      I'm not about to doxx myself. What do I have to gain? You wouldn't understand it -- it's a logical thing.

      Like I said above, you are one of those ultra morons who doesn't know that he is a moron. You'll never get it.

      I'm done with you.
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      Says the hyper Patriot ROFL
      Feb 2
  • Flagged by the community.

    • Amazon amznuser
      I am sure that has worked out well for you🤣🤣
      Feb 2
    • Flagged by the community.

  • Microsoft Larry Pаge
    After you solve the conflict, talk to her and try to analyze together what she thinks caused it, what made her sad that she cried and how you could avoid it in future. Try to be soft, but logical, explain your point of view and bring some solid arguments. If she starts crying again, hug her tighter, but don't say sorry if you didn't do anything wrong.

    Crying during an argument is manipulative as fk. Even if one doesn't do it intentionally, they've done it before and it worked to win the conflict, so they subconsciously use same method. What you want is a fair resolution that satisfies both of you.

    I actually become very frustrated when someone starts to cry during a conflict. I pause untill all tears are gone, and continue only when I see we can talk constructively.
    Feb 2 0
  • Microsoft amused
    Start crying next time she criticize s you and make her apologize?
    Feb 2 0
  • Marin Software xOCX31
    I suspect that it is not the criticism itself, but your delivery is what makes her cry. Or perhaps it is some other stress in her life which is the root ill. The fact that you are married suggests that at core she is a good person. Bottom line, there's more to the story that needs to be figured out. The story as you tell it, so far, doesnt quite add up.

    p.s. TC or GTFO
    Feb 2 0
  • Nvidia Mkst
    Take mdma together
    Feb 2 0
  • Flagged by the community.

  • Pinterest tyip463s
    Marriage should be an open partnership where you trust each other and work as a team. This is something else, you each picked some random person, that you don’t love and respect, to share empty spaces and lonely time. Counseling is worthless, as you still live with the foundational compromise. So just shut up, don’t make her feel bad, or grow up and get a divorce.
    Feb 2 5
    • Microsoft Desitechie
      Typical shitty Indian culture I guess
      Feb 2
    • Pinterest tyip463s
      It’s cross-cultural, in fact a well agreed arranged marriage contract can work better. In western cultures, people may get into marriages without being honest with their spouse and themselves. I don’t like the tone this thread took.
      Feb 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      Many Indian marriages happen where partner selection is based on caste, financial status, family background etc, and very little dating, especially in traditional families. Let us not pretend we are not superficial in this regard?
      And what is preventing those people from getting to know each other better instead of only relying on superficial factors.
      Feb 3
    • Pinterest tyip463s
      I don’t know the culture well enough to form an opinion. Anecdotical, it could work better if aside from these superficial factors the couple has clear expectations. In OP’s case, they should never criticize one another, if the marriage was indeed a well planned transaction.
      Feb 3
    • Pinterest tyip463s
      In many cultures the institution of marriage, and the laws that govern it, are quite archaic and morally flawed in my opinion. People get into these contracts without being entirely aware, accountable and honest. Love, affection, and respect run on one way streets, an asynchronous process of achieving reciprocity.
      Feb 3
  • New / Eng
    BogoSort

    New Eng

    PRE
    Samsung Electronics
    BogoSortmore
    The way your wife points your mistake and you point her mistakes cannot be the same. Her way of doing it works. You've to improve how you help her improve her mistakes. If she is getting defensive and crying, that means you are not doing it right.

    I am trying to learn how to do this too. This is difficult.
    Feb 3 2
    • Microsoft sat_nad
      Or may be she is an overly defensive person or may be the husband way more comfortable accepting criticism.
      Doesn't necessarily mean he is doing it wrong.
      Feb 3
    • New / Eng
      BogoSort

      New Eng

      PRE
      Samsung Electronics
      BogoSortmore
      I've to disagree. Girls are more defensive in general. But as a good husband it is your responsibility to interface with her better.
      Feb 3
  • Hitachi Vantara
    UCMeICU

    Hitachi Vantara

    BIO
    Little Endian
    UCMeICUmore
    @OP, you two should try reading A Couple's Guide to Communication by John Gottman and discuss it chapter by chapter. See if that helps?
    Feb 12 0
  • Apple Snut Ella
    Suck it up buttercup. That’s pretty much life.
    Feb 2 0
  • Google / Eng
    lena33

    Google Eng

    PRE
    Salesforce
    lena33more
    Welcome the marriage!
    Feb 2 0
  • Intel movaxbx
    Tell her she is a failure at taking criticism too. Done

    Then go get a good counselor to help you guys talk with each other.
    Feb 2 0
  • PayPal trump 2020
    STFU about it then. Stop trying to make her feel like shit. Jeez why is this a question? Are people this clueless these days?
    Feb 2 1
    • Amazon / Eng tylium
      Let me guess. Not married?
      Feb 2
  • ServiceNow lilcheeto2
    Why are you apologizing? Stop apologizing. She is saying hurtful things to you. I am not understanding this at all.
    Feb 10 0
  • Workday DickMunstr
    Win or accept losing. That is all you can do. Stop wanting things to be fair as well. Things will never be fair unless both people agree to be fair.
    Feb 5 0
  • Procore bobsburge
    That is marriage.
    Feb 2 0
  • Intel / Eng heRx87
    > Me and my wife get along great overall. We don’t fight that often. We are happy.

    That’s about as good as it gets. Quit borrowing trouble.
    Feb 2 0
  • New
    nfs

    New

    PRE
    Booking.com
    nfsmore
    Try to get her to give feedback to herself instead of it coming from you and when she does, be the one that actually diminishes the impact from whatever she did. With my wife what works is: "let's have a retrospective about X, what do you think could have done better?".
    She admits herself with some of the things to be improved and that's good enough.

    A general tip for feedback is always phrase positivly. For example instead of "you are always late" try to day "I liked how quickly you prepared this time". It will boost her self confidence and encourage her to be prepared on time more.
    Feb 2 0
  • The answer to most relationship questions on Blind: show her this post! Communication is key. Tell her this is how you feel, then ask whether your assumptions and understanding are right. Let her talk a lot.
    Feb 2 0

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