Memoirs of a Brogrammer - Day 3

hello bros. today were going to talk about the differences between a “passing glance” and a “deep stare”. The differences between a passing glance and deep stare could be the difference between getting dome in the office bathroom by the recruiter bimbo (who says “literally” and “like” with the same frequency that that bootcamp tard you guys hired does push to master to pad commits to act like theyre working) and getting HR called on you and there being a TechCrunch article slantly written about you. Listen up. A passing glance is used for one thing and one thing only - to show off your jawline, bicepts, and your TC! Passing glances happen as you’re walking so naturally youre going to want good posture and a good outfit on. As you are walking by the girl/guy you want to impress make sure you do a blue steel to suck in your cheeks and extentuate your jawline. slightly flex the forearm like you do when jerkin it and let those veins on those vegan bicepts scream for some attention. now for the TC part.. youre going to show your TC by YOUR OUTFIT! If youre a junior dev youll be restricted to not wearing anything better than new balances during your first year. if youre tech lead you better have some cole haans on or youre going to look like a peasant. if you do this right you should be able to spark the interest of the recruiter. if that doesnt work just start talking about molly and the marina district. now for the deep stare. boys, this one will get you in trouble. we all know the deep stare. your first deep stare happened when you were 14 and at the italian restaurant with your parents. you saw the girl with massive boobs (the sever) and your eyes were on those things like a missle defense system is on north korea. your weewee went from a solid 2” to 4” in a split second. your animal instincts kicked in. deep stare. now that youre older you cant do this in the office! especially if your TC is huge and theres a woman youre competing with for the promotion. youll get Ellen Pao’d in no time! if you read any PUA books you’ll know you cant stare for more than 3 seconds without complimenting her (if youre a chad) or making fun of her (if youre a brad). anything past this in the office WILL put you on the HR white-male-priviledge-must-ruin-life radar. thats all for today boys. let me know what topics i should touch on tomorrow? and also - actively looking to leave cisco. Can i get some referrals?! #brogramming