Memoirs of a Brogrammer - Day 3

Cisco / Eng
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Cisco Eng

BIO
I am the tech bro.
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Sep 17 32 Comments

hello bros. today were going to talk about the differences between a “passing glance” and a “deep stare”.

The differences between a passing glance and deep stare could be the difference between getting dome in the office bathroom by the recruiter bimbo (who says “literally” and “like” with the same frequency that that bootcamp tard you guys hired does push to master to pad commits to act like theyre working) and getting HR called on you and there being a TechCrunch article slantly written about you. Listen up.

A passing glance is used for one thing and one thing only - to show off your jawline, bicepts, and your TC!

Passing glances happen as you’re walking so naturally youre going to want good posture and a good outfit on. As you are walking by the girl/guy you want to impress make sure you do a blue steel to suck in your cheeks and extentuate your jawline.

slightly flex the forearm like you do when jerkin it and let those veins on those vegan bicepts scream for some attention.

now for the TC part.. youre going to show your TC by YOUR OUTFIT! If youre a junior dev youll be restricted to not wearing anything better than new balances during your first year. if youre tech lead you better have some cole haans on or youre going to look like a peasant.

if you do this right you should be able to spark the interest of the recruiter. if that doesnt work just start talking about molly and the marina district.

now for the deep stare. boys, this one will get you in trouble.

we all know the deep stare. your first deep stare happened when you were 14 and at the italian restaurant with your parents.

you saw the girl with massive boobs (the sever) and your eyes were on those things like a missle defense system is on north korea. your weewee went from a solid 2” to 4” in a split second. your animal instincts kicked in. deep stare.

now that youre older you cant do this in the office! especially if your TC is huge and theres a woman youre competing with for the promotion.

youll get Ellen Pao’d in no time!

if you read any PUA books you’ll know you cant stare for more than 3 seconds without complimenting her (if youre a chad) or making fun of her (if youre a brad). anything past this in the office WILL put you on the HR white-male-priviledge-must-ruin-life radar.

thats all for today boys. let me know what topics i should touch on tomorrow?

and also - actively looking to leave cisco. Can i get some referrals?!

#brogramming

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TOP 32 Comments
  • F5 Networks RRA
    Shut your piehole.
    Sep 17 1
  • American Express gandalf$$
    It’s all about dat medusa stare brah. You mirin?
    Sep 17 9
    • Cisco / Eng
      🏋️‍♂️ 👨‍💻💤🔄

      Cisco Eng

      BIO
      I am the tech bro.
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      OP
      That’s what I do at Cisco brah
      Sep 17
    • American Express gandalf$$
      Cisco pm me. I’m out of pms
      Sep 17
    • Autodesk leetboba
      LMFAO @ outsource work to the betas. That’s hella funny
      Sep 17
    • Veritas thetruthin
      That’s leadership 😎
      Sep 17
    • American Express gandalf$$
      Women are the real alphas. They’ve been outsourcing work to betas since the beginning of humanity.
      Sep 17
  • New QTdN03
    This is actually very helpful. Thanks.
    Sep 17 1
  • Northrop Grumman / Eng
    northgrum

    Northrop Grumman Eng

    PRE
    Lockheed Martin
    northgrummore
    If you ever want to brogram and make weapons of mass destruction, let me know so I can refer you. Love your posts and you. Keep lifting brah
    Sep 17 0
  • Amazon fait
    I really want this to be massively ironic but I fear it is only ~15% irony
    Sep 17 0
  • Amazon nsuns
    I didn't know this #brogramming was a thing tho. How much do you lift brah?
    Sep 17 2
    • Cisco / Eng
      🏋️‍♂️ 👨‍💻💤🔄

      Cisco Eng

      BIO
      I am the tech bro.
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      OP
      Bruh check my other posts. I’m yolked
      Sep 17
    • Intel / Finance LC_ups_TC
      Yolked with egg yolks

      I bench press tree fidy on a bad day
      Sep 18
  • Intuit 👻 boo
    Thank you
    Sep 17 1
  • Fannie Mae 996
    Bro
    Sep 17 1
  • Amazon aHdbwI7
    Hope 5’6” Indian is here reading this
    Sep 17 1
  • Intel / Eng LC_ups_TC
    where have you been, why did you quit after 3 days lol?
    Oct 1 0
  • Hulu HdUK8520
    Where's day 4?
    Sep 18 0
  • Credit Karma vRqr74
    Imagine thinking cole haan is a flex...can’t relate
    Sep 18 0
  • If you leave Cisco who will #brogramm?
    Sep 17 2
  • Intel / Finance LC_ups_TC
    Bro I'm your biggest fan, I luv u. Keep them coming my man. Tell us more about your gym stories and leets
    Sep 18 0