Mister, please don't stare...
**DISCLAIMER: Please don't DM me, and doubly so, if you are married, thanks!** There's a married man who often takes the same public shuttle I do, to get to a common transit point. We are from the same ethnicity - I guess he's aware of it too. But from time to time, I catch him taking a not-so-unabashed look at me. Maybe he doesn't realize how awkward/ uncomfortable this can be, but at times, it does make me wonder. I certainly don't dress up for work, quite the opposite actually, so can't imagine *I* am causing those looks. And yet.. P.S.: 1) I am NOT generalizing this for all men (I've posted earlier with a very contrary experience with a stranger (guy), so I personally know this behavior isn't common (thankfully) 2) I've had occasion to travel 'with' this guy a number of times by now, so my observation isn't based on a one-off trip/ experience 3) This post is more of a 'vent', and maybe a hint/ nudge to those folks who may not be aware how their demeanor is coming across in public (this applies to women too, but my experience was with this guy & my perception is that, generally, this is more common with men (I could be mistaken), so this is what I'm writing about. Hope it won't be misconstrued). It's just uncomfortable being stared at (even more so when it becomes repetitive, so if you catch yourself doing this, please refrain. FWIW, what you think may be subtle, may not be, after all). Thanks! 4) I know the guy is married with a grown child from conversation I overheard between him & another person.
I do this subconsciously because I just find people interesting and not because I want to bang because I do it to guys too and I am straight asf.some people features just fascinated me
I understand. It's not like I never looked at a stranger myself. But one'd think that when you do this REPEATEDLY, you'd be aware about it. Or be so at least when the object of your gaze/ stare looks at you (as I do) with a deadpan expression and then looks away.
Maybe he wants to have a friendly conversation with you.
I dunno, maybe, but I just don't feel v comfortable around him.
I mean sure you're uncomfortable but could you grow up and realize you're in public? people are allowed to look at you. What is everyone supposed to do, look down at the ground because you feel insecure or uncomfortable? You're only bothered because you know he's looking, it's the people you don't see you should actually be worried about. But seriously, grow up and don't let it bother you.
Sorry, it's not just looking, it's STARING, and repeatedly. And what do you mean 'what is everyone supposed to do, look at the ground?' Is the ground ALL you look at, when no one's around? Looks like the one who has to grow up is YOU.
Let them stare, and if you don't understand the mannerism and take it literally that's your own problem. Sounds to me the safest option to me is to stare at the ground to be sure there is no way someone thinks I'm stating. What staring is to someone else could be just a glance to you. Everyone needs to not be so damn sensitive and so easily triggered by such mundane issues.
Staring is rude. But yeah, there’s probably nothing you can do except ignore him.
True, did that anyways. Have also started to sit at a distance from him now, when possible.
Yeah, some people have a staring habit. It’s especially rude in American culture, but maybe in other cultures it’s not considered rude. I used to just stare back at people, now I don’t give a shit and mind my own business.
IMO, you should break the ice. Chat with the guy casually. You might be surprised to learn the actual reason behind the stare. Irrespective the awkwardness will surely go away after the conversation.
I could, perhaps. But prefer keeping to myself in general, during commutes. I've had a different guy chat with me a couple of times before, but his approach was very different, low-key. But in general, your point may be valid.
How long are the stares? I'm worried I might be doing this. I try to just glance around but sometimes I worry my eyes land on the same person too often.
Ha..ha, good question. The thing is, if I don't look away, I get the feeling he wouldn't, either. It's always me who seems to break the glance..he keeps looking with no hurry to look away : (
> It's always me who seems to break the glance.. That sounds a tiny bit creepy. Is there any hint of smile (or an attempt to smile) at all?
Are you a guy or a girl? Sorry nothing in the post indicates that 😅 That said, going and chatting with him is a good advice. I'm an introvert and even I would enjoy a commute buddy, there are people here on Blind who feel alone, and when you are getting a possible friend go ahead and talk! You can always sit at different places on the bus to avoid more conversation.
Try doing something disgusting- like blowing your nose, sneezing, cough loudly ...
Thanks, only, propriety, but will keep in mind.
Sorry, won’t repeat it. Didn’t think it was noticeable.
Your pants would disagree with that
You can't prove that isn't just a hotdog he's keeping as a snack for later