Look in queens and Harlem. You don't want the NJ commute.
Consider jersey city. Way more affordable than Manhattan. Easy commute. Or even Staten Island if you don't mind taking the ferry every day.
With family I will say not worth it. U both will need good jobs
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A smaller house might be an understatement. Don’t live in Manhattan unless you’re made of money. Also you’ll be taking the subway. Unless you live out in Long Island or deep New Jersey in which case you’ll be taking the train and expect a 1.5 hour commute each way.
$4000 budget for housing, thinking about NJ near GWashington bridge
That may work. Above West New York. Fort Lee, Edgewater, etc. Decent area for being close to New York. Can’t give much tips on driving past the GW bridge though during rush hours assuming that’s what you’re doing, haven’t had any experience there. You also save a 3.5% resident tax from living outside NYC.