Need advice for marriage
Hi blinders, I am indian residing in india only and is looking for a working woman for marriage. Obviously, I met a girl in arrange marriage setup. Her family liked me. My family liked her. We both liked each other but only thing is that girl does not want to continue work after marriage (currently she is working). She said that she don't want office tension and happy to live as a housewife. How can i make her agree to work after marriage? Or should i look for another girl (which i am hesistant to do since she is good in all other aspects)? PS: I don't want my wife to work for money reasons. I am earning fine. But in my opinion, being a housewife is the most difficult and thankless job. Also work will keep her busy also and will form a routine. Lastly, working women are more independent than housewives and being independent is the quality i adore most in a girl. She has done mba and its waste of the degree if she is not working. TC: 25lpa
You have bias towards working women. We can’t change your bias. Who said housewife is thankless job? Many Indians are thankful to their mothers who were housewives. Guideline for marriage is, respect your spouse’s decision and be supportive in right way.
Yes...even i am also thankful to my mother ..but indian society in general expect house wives to do all household chores and never give credit to their efforts. If indian society is amazon, then housewives are TPMs .. :D
groom why bring the entire society as an example? You decide if you want to lead life for yourself or for society.
It is hard to get a match in arranged marriage. Dont force her to go to work after marriage. It comes from experience. My wife has masters degree but I never ask her to go and work. It is her wish. She stays home and takes care of kids. That does not mean I dont share house work. I do my part. We have our financial issues. But trade off makes our life happy. End of the day, if you are not happy, it does not matter how much you earn.
Your view is right Suresh.
“How can I make her agree ... ?” That’s entirely the wrong attitude to take into marriage. Let her go, she’ll be better off with someone else.
My english is not that good..probably better words are "how can i convince her....". Don't say you never ever convinced others if you see any good for them in that deed (it may not best for her but i think it will be a good decision to continue work afterwards ... And if it does not work out..she can leave job if she wants)
No, those are not better words. Is this how you are going to approach every disagreement in your marriage? If you have so little respect for her as a person, do not marry her.
1. Given the constraints, she is a wrong woman for you. Continue looking for a woman that satisfies your constraints or change your constraints. 2. I wouldn't like her either. 3. I also don't like your attitude. 4. Actually if you are both people I wouldn't like, it's better for you to be together. I wouldn't like mixing people I don't like with those I like. 5. She's the right woman.
Your answer is more complicated than interstellar
Girls in India want an extremely comfortable life living off their husbands earnings and helped anyway at home by maids. These are the same girls who call their moms for help any time they are even packing and moving to a new house. They also need a lot of help to raise a kid. I live in the US. There is no house help. I and my husband both have demanding jobs at Amazon. We have a kid. We make it all work because we both work hard in and out of home. We also take our kid to a lot of additional classes for soccer, swimming, math etc. on top of that we eat home cooked food everyday and entertain friends often. I get annoyed with girls back home in India who don’t remotely know the meaning of working hard. They want to live like dolls, decked up throughout life. God forbid if something unforeseen happens in life and you fall on bad times, how will these gentle ladies manage making a living for you both?
Dude u need to honestly discuss this with ur would be, ask her the reasons for leaving the job and what would be the constraints. Just talk it over
I asked her when i met her..she said her current job is very pressuring and manager expects his directs to stretch beyond working hours.. Just because of one job she is making her mind to be housewife...i suggested she can switch company with less work load.. but I don't think she is in mood to work
Then u should let her make her choice, trust her to manage herself rather than u being her father.
So the plan is to stay in India? If so, yeah, you can afford help in the house. That being said, if she wants to be a housewife it’s not your place to change that. Since it’s arranged and not love, just arrange with someone else.
Yes, i am planning to stay in india... reason i don't want to arrange with someone else is other things are good with her except for work part..culture matches well, we both like each other ..our families also see us as a good couple.
Yeah, but you’re talking about something fundamental. Imagine if she decided you shouldn’t be a SWE and rather you should work in her father’s business as tech support. You are not on the same page about what your future looks like. Move along.
are you going to share all the household work? even after u both have kids? if no, dont even bother asking her to work.
If she is working, we can hire nanny, maid and cook to take care of household chores.
But who will manage nanny, maid, cook? Will you help? If you expect her to manager the house fully and work, then it's unfair