I feel overwhelmed with work and feel like I've been doing my job just out of fear like you said.
Lost someone close to me recently, which has made me question even more why we spend so much time at work.
Because I am going to die anyway..
I am questioning my own existence. Suddenly everything appears to be meaningless and there is no desire to live basically.
What are you all striving for? Perhaps for your family?
What if you have no family, what would you do then?
I am single and 27. Never been interested in a relationship or getting married and raising a family. Never been in an intimate relationship. I am a good performer in my team and if I want, I can work exceedingly well. But now, I see no value in it.
I realized, all the actions I do (from the moment I wake up), is out of fear. All the drama is for my own protection and security. The world will go on without me and it was all perfectly fine before 1991. Who cares if I don't have food to eat or place to sleep? Why do we all desire money, fame, health, relationship, family etc?
Why do we desire so many things and talk so much! Why do we think what others think about us. Why do we have to wear a mask all the time?
I have spiritual interests and the only thing that makes sense to me is to follow the path of a great saint (read about him and his teachings last year).
I just want to run away. But no matter where I go I will take my mind along, so i could just stay where I am currently and still continue to practice his teaching. But my current lifestyle is bothering me too much (focus is too much on money, internal politics, career development and material things) and I just want to get out of this...
Sometimes, I feel like I can just go somewhere (probably my native country) and start fresh. I would like a very peaceful life (true that when you have inner peace nothing else will effect you.. but I am going in search for my own peace) where I don't have to rush to work every morning. Away from technology.. perhaps settle down in a small town or village and I can teach kids there or something, help as many people in ways I can. I would like to be invisible and lead an anonymous life.
And with this mental attitude, I don't think I will be a fit in US. I was just wondering if anyone felt the same.. what did you do?