No one to lean on

May 8 198 Comments

95% of the days I am the strong independent woman who is adulting by herself - paying her taxes, pursuing her hobbies, traveling cities, making her meals, working her own hours, visiting friends, meeting new people, and taking care of her pet.

But 5% of the days I am the vulnerable woman who has no one to lean on, and it's depressing. Not interested in dating. How do I get over this feeling?

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TOP 198 Comments
  • Microsoft ok2Bwhite
    You’re going to hit the wall and your youth will be gone. Then what?

    Sounds like you’re wasting your time doing nothing and will end up alone and unhappy.

    Men need women and women want men. Or so the saying goes.

    Have fun fighting biology.
    May 831
    • Pure Storage / Engxluy52
      Nah I don’t buy that you actually care about women, I think you’re big mad you haven’t been able to trap one with your L59 TC 😭😭😂😂
      May 9
    • Microsoft ok2Bwhite
      Doesn’t matter what you care about.
      May 9
    • Pure Storage / Engxluy52
      Also, isn't your username "ok2Bwhite"? So you're Native American when you're railing against identity politics but white when trying to fit in with other 8chan incels? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
      May 9
    • Microsoft ok2Bwhite
      I’m not trying to fit in with anyone. I’m just here making fun of you all.
      May 9
    • OP
      But it wasn't funny at all 😀
      May 9
    • Microsoft ok2Bwhite
      It’s about me having fun, not you. I understand that’s a difficult concept for the egoistic among us.
      May 9
    • OP
      Awesome. I am glad my post gave someone an opportunity to have fun 😊
      May 9
    • Microsoft ok2Bwhite
      I wasn’t really making fun of you specifically. I pity you.
      May 9
    • OP
      It's about you having fun through my post, not about making fun of me specifically. I understand that's a difficult difference to make out for the dumb ones among us.
      May 9
    • Microsoft ok2Bwhite
      Weird flex but ok 👍
      May 9
  • Facebook public2
    Yep: friends and dating.
    May 818
    • LinkedIn nommy
      You must be the slow one. Shallow standards don’t equate to high standards. Wanting to date someone attractive is actually quite normal/common. But if you want to date someone who looks like a celebrity, then that’s not a high standard...that’s an impossible standard.

      You can want what you want. It just makes you sound like a dick if you say you have “high standards” based on looks only.
      May 8
    • Amazon xinchuan
      Oh this thread...... This is like saying I’d rather have a billion dollars or live penny less poor. It’s irrational.
      May 8
    • Facebook uPNE71
      Not true. There is no downside to having 10,000$ vs 0$.

      There’s a lot of downsides to marrying someone you are not attracted to.

      When there is no overlap in people you are attracted to and people that are attracted to you, what are you supposed to do?
      May 8
    • Amazon xinchuan
      Speaking from personal experience - Try not to get attracted to looks and personality but give yourself a chance to get attracted to the human inside. Sounds cliched but true. If you get attracted to looks and personality, then even if you find the man/woman of your dreams, those things will change faster than you realize.
      May 8
    • Facebook uPNE71
      I guess I’m shallow, but I just can’t date someone who I’m not attracted physically attracted.

      Although I’m attracted to like 60% of all women, so my standards are not that high.
      May 8
    • Facebook public2
      Well that spiraled...
      May 8
    • Oracle / Engiblv
      As you get older not easy to make friends.
      May 8
    • OP
      @xinchuan I like that thought process. Do you mind if I pm you, just for a quick casual conversation? I'll keep it short 😊
      May 8
    • Amazon xinchuan
      Sure. Happy to chat.
      May 8
    • ON Semiconductor OoooOOOoooO
      @nommy why look like a celebrity is impossible? Hollywood is full of stars. Just try to be in places having >>1 of your kind of interest
      May 8
  • Google futgug
    No one to lean on?

    Look at the number of responses you got.

    I post something, all I get is 5-6 responses. Because I'm a dude. No one's interested.

    I'm tired being strong and not breaking. I'm the oldest child and everyone depends on me.
    I don't have the luxury to break down. When a family member passes away, I'm the crying shoulder for everyone. But I can't break down. Can't afford that luxury.

    And I'm still 26. It takes quite a toll. But weed keeps me going.
    May 812
    • New uedC03
      What will? life?
      May 8
    • Microsoft doodie
      You can break down dude. Don't let society tell you that you can't show emotions. You'll be stronger for it.

      Or keep smoking that dank shit. 👌👌
      May 8
    • New uedC03
      From someone who has let down everyone who depended on him, who has seen everything fall a part. Its okay to break down sometimes. Its good for you and it communicates to those around you that you need help.
      May 8
    • OP
      Any relationship post here gets a lot of responses. It's not about you/me or male/female.

      I see your point, and I agree. Unfortunately, in our society men do not have the freedom to be emotionally expressive - they are supposed to be tough and 'masculine'. But everyone needs to vent or let go at some point, it's human. So the next time you feel this pressure (I hope it never happens), ping me 😊
      May 8
    • Facebook uPNE71
      futgug, mad respect bro. I’ve got similar stuff going on.✊

      Sometimes I wish I could not care about my family. Life would be awesome
      May 8
    • Cisco nmFu33
      Still 26? 🤔
      May 8
    • Microsoft / Engsunofa🍑
      I wish more people would read your comment, so that our society standards evolve somewhat. I can only imagine how it might feel to be that support for all the dear ones, and not having someone like this for yourself.
      May 8
    • OP
      Yes. Men have it tough emotionally. There is social pressure to be 'cool and strong'. Weird. We all should have the freedom to be emotionally expressive.
      May 8
    • Adobe antka
      I can feel you man. Going through something similar here. No one to lean on when I need them the most. Friends getting married, Parents can't understand my shit. Not close to any cousins. I am Single. I just wish to have some one to lean on when i need them. Some one to talk to and share your problems.

      It's tough, but we gotta sail through.
      May 17
    • Neurocrine python 4.0
      @Adobe feel free to ping me if you want someone to talk or listen. Happy to share your problems.
      6d
  • Amazon bingming
    Then what are you interested in?
    May 82
    • OP
      I wouldn't have made this post had I known the answer to that
      May 8
    • Palo Alto Networks !💥
      Sounds like she's really into Zuckerberg or really hates Zuckerberg.
      May 8
  • I have a strong 💪 on which you can lean.
    May 813
    • Sounds good to me 👍
      May 8
    • OP
      I am curious, why would you want to talk to a woman who doesn't have her shit together?
      May 8
    • Oracle / Engiblv
      @OP woman who is independent 95% of the times has her shit together. Believe me
      May 8
    • OP
      Don't most women of today fall in that category? I don't see any women around me who is too dependent on anyone.

      Also, I gave those 95% marks to myself, so keep in mind I may be biased 😀
      May 8
    • Oracle / Engiblv
      Haha! I wouldn't say most women.

      From your post looks like your life is wholesome with close friends, non profit, pet and in general being happy. I would say you are doing pretty good :)
      May 8
    • OP
      Yes, I have been lucky to have good friends in life. I support the non-profit because I like to give back to the society. I have faced troubles in my life, if my work can help someone's or bring a smile to someone, it really means a lot to me 😊

      Also, non-profits are great ways to see life differently. I meet a lot of people there who earn 40k and are very content in their lives. I also meet people who are going through rough patches in their lives so I like to offer a hand to them. It gives me a break from the rat race and look at life in a different perspective.

      I like my pet, but honestly, it is a lot of work, and sometimes he doesn't listen to me 😀
      May 8
    • Oracle / Engiblv
      Haha, i have heard cats have their own mind :)
      Its great that you have a good social life. Very much needed irrespective of if you are single or attached!
      May 8
    • OP
      Thanks, I agree. A good social life keeps one active and broadens the perspectives. In addition to that, it gives me the confidence that I know enough people to get myself out of difficult situations or to rely on them for advice.
      May 8
    • New hqWe60
      i have a strong 🍆 you can lean on
      May 9
    • OP
      GTFO
      May 9
  • LeanTaaS ♥️ data
    Sleep
    Smoke
    Leetcode
    Xvideos
    Netflix
    Running
    May 87
    • VMware / Engliftkarade
      My life
      May 8
    • OP
      Sleep - I get enough of it
      Smoke - I stay away from that nasty shit
      LC - I am in a non-tech role
      Xvideos - meh
      Netflix - yes, I binge watch on Netflix and Amazon prime
      Running - can you suggest an app to get me started?
      May 8
    • Oracle / Engiblv
      For running apps you can check out runkeeper or strava. Both are good!
      May 8
    • OP
      Thanks. I'll check them out 👍
      May 8
    • New hqWe60
      why do you need an app to run?
      May 9
    • OP
      I run but you can consider me a noob at it. An app could keep me motivated, provide a plan to follow, and help me track progress.
      May 9
    • VMware / Engliftkarade
      Telling from personal experience, you will run with lot of motivation with a broken heart.
      May 9
  • Microsoft U_U
    OP, my sympathy is with you. Allow me to comfort you, and maybe even tell you something which can use in the journey of life.

    Emotions. These are the root of everything you feel. Happy, sad, lonely, jealous, everything. So it's important to understand why you feel what you feel. The answer is, perception clubbed by experience. When you perceive something, you process it in your head based on past experiences.

    When you feel lonely, it's because you are thinking about it. Now it's hard to change once the emotions have already kicked in, so next step is, how you bend them. Well, you have a lot of options. You can play video games, you can chat online on anonymous forums (like blind?), you can do this, that, many things. When you do that, your brain will be involved in those activities and new set of emotions will cover the earlier ones. But if you choose the wrong activity, like browsing Instagram and Facebook, and all you see is people enjoying their life with friends and their partner, it'll just get worse.

    Think for a while, what do you truly want out of your life. If you want companion for that 5% of time, it won't come for free. For those 5%, you'll lose some of your other 95%. Unfortunately you cannot do everything in this world. Hence, you have to prioritize.

    Sit down, write down your thoughts. It works when you offload your thoughts into a notebook. You'll feel much lighter. Then from those thoughts, prioritize what you want more. Since you made this post, you know that a priority shuffle needs to be made somewhere. Figure that out, try that for a while, rinse, repeat.

    Sometimes having someone to lean on does help. This post got so many replies, I'm sure you would relate to some of them who offered you help. Lean on them. Maybe they needed you too.
    May 92
    • New ixzP70
      good advice!
      May 9
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      This is the best advice. I’m gonna start writing down to get stuff off my mind. Thanks!
      May 9
  • Netflix psych0d@d
    In the immortal words of Gordon Gekko, "if you need a friend, get a dog"
    May 89
    • OP
      A pet is too much work and additional expense
      May 8
    • Bloomberg / ITmwbf58
      But you just mentioned taking care of your pet in the 95%. And now you're saying you don't want a pet?

      Is this a random spam post.?
      May 8
    • OP
      I have a cat. It's enough work and expense. Another pet (dog) would be too much to handle.
      May 8
    • Bloomberg / ITmwbf58
      Okay got it
      May 8
    • OP
      It's not spam 😊
      May 8
    • Bloomberg / ITmwbf58
      Glad you clarified it's a 🐈 haha well, i totally get what you too. In the post. Just make a ton of friends or live with roommates who are fun. And and date. 😅
      May 8
    • OP
      Living with roommates is probably a good idea too. Thanks 😊
      May 8
    • Twitter Is Amazing
      You said that one pet is too much work and additional expense. Then why do you have it?
      Get rid of it.
      May 9
    • ^ wow this is next level
      May 10
  • This sounds like me! I also have the dog at home. I’ve tried relationships and they have just amounted to stress, hurt, and complicating my life. I mostly love being single but there is that 5% of the time that gets me too. My life is great right now, without many worries. But I think when that ends and I go through something traumatic that it will be hard to face without that level of companionship.
    I truly feel dating has changed significantly over the past years. The ability to trust is declining in most, and social skills are failing with the distractions of modern technology.
    May 96
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Same
      May 9
    • OP
      Wow this is exactly what I feel. It's surprising the only ones on this post who get what am going through are women, even with my half full expressions in the post.

      Thanks for your support 😊
      May 9
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      I've gotten into many Relationships just to deal with the 5%, but realize that the men I enter into situations with just suck the living energy out of me.
      The dog helps in a big way by providing oxytocin generation facility but you know it's more like a child. Not an equal adult whom you can count on.
      I wish I had more women friends to count on but most of the women I know are spread pretty thin. They express the same thing.
      May 9
    • Still, not a terrible situation to be in for the time being. You never know what your future may hold. Maybe patience will be required and the right one will come along eventually. The best you can do right now is live every day the fullest possible.
      It’s encouraging to know you’re not the only one who feels that way. I know your post encouraged me!
      May 9
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Yup. It also feels good to credit yourself for actually being ok with being alone. Lots of people enter LTRs for convenience and end up dissatisfied in a few years and then cant leave. The 5% shitty time is a cost you/I pay for freedom and for waiting for the right situation.
      May 9
    • OP
      Thanks @GE and @Salesforce. It's good to know there are others like me who go through similar emotions. And you put it right - I chose to be single to be that 95% who I am.

      I was the vulnerable woman who would depend on others for most things. I was with a guy and after keeping the relationship complicated for too long, he turned me down because I wasn't the 'strong independent' one. I was the dependent one, the emotionally expressive one, the one who valued him, the one who changed plans for him, and who prioritized him. He wanted someone who has her own life, social circle, and does a lot of activities. I went through a heartbreak, cried a lot. Fast forward an year, now I AM the independent one who prioritizes her social life, hobbies, and work over men. I love it this way now. And guess what, now I have plenty of men longing for my attention but I don't give a fuck (I don't want to either).

      You are so right. The 5% is the price I paid for being the 95% who I am today. 😊

      Sorry for the rant, I swayed into my past haha
      May 9
  • Microsoft / Engsunofa🍑
    People keep asking about this dating thing, but I'm pretty sure you can tell dating won't help with this type of loneliness.
    If it's 5% only or less, then consider it normal. It is indeed normal to feel lonely. Even people in relationship can feel that way. It might be for numerous reasons, including your monthly hormones changes. For many it also can be a subconscious comforting feeling, which roots to childhood, when parents would do something nice to us whenever we felt down.
    You can try to cover this with multiple activities, which would help to distract you. You could also accept that it's a normal feeling, you don't have to fight against it all the time. Read a book, go on a walk or do nothing - realizing that it's normal to feel lonely sometimes, will actually help to decrease the amount of times you feel that way.
    May 82
    • OP
      I think you are right about parents doing something nice for us.

      I am not so much into reading, but it's a good suggestion. Do you have any recommendations to get started? I would like something enlightening, if you are into it.
      May 8
    • Microsoft / Engsunofa🍑
      I usually read something that helps to zoom out from my daily activities. I don't read a lot, but I do read when lonely. Can't suggest something specific to the topic, but my favorite is short Kafka stories. They are very short - a few sentences each, and many are more like an abstract art, where you don't really see exact author's idea, but more of a blank canvas for your own imagination. Haikus are another my favorite. For both of these, I just opened on a random page and read.
      May 8
  • Chase McJU43
    TC/YoE or GTFO
    May 81
    • Bloomberg ug4nfic
      That’s the right attitude
      May 8
  • Amazon Am A Bot
    Humans are not meant to be islands. We are kind of pack animals. We need support.

    If you can’t find or aren’t interested in finding a romantic partner, another close relationship can help, like a friend or mentor.

    This is why when I mentor people at work I tell them I’m happy to talk about personal stuff too. Everyone needs someone to lean on, and most of the mentees I’ve had over my career take me up on it. A person isn’t just a worker but also their personal burdens.
    May 82
    • Amazon yuri
      If this is how you treat your mentees, then you are probably an amazing father. I envy your kids!
      May 8
    • OP
      I have close friends in my life, I have been very, very lucky on that front.

      I am glad you treat people right. It is really difficult to find people who are sensitive to the little things. You are doing a good job, I wish you best 😊
      May 8
  • Verizon Media
    jydwl

    Verizon Media

    PRE
    Verizon Media
    jydwlmore
    50% of the days I am the strong independent man who is adulting by himself - paying his taxes, pursuing his hobbies, traveling cities, making his meals, working his own hours, visiting friends, meeting new people, and taking care of his pet.

    But 50% of the days I am the vulnerable man who has no one to lean on, and it's depressing. Not interested in dating.

    Not all days are rosy. You're fine.
    May 120
  • New sjrS68
    Get a fuck buddy
    May 80
  • Intel babubhatt
    Therapy.
    May 80
  • Microsoft / Eng
    tarasenko

    MicrosoftEng

    PRE
    Microsoft, Grab
    tarasenkomore
    Being strong and independent is a very American value. In other countries, there is more emphasis on filial and community ties. People from your family and village and such. When times go bad, people lean on each other, share resources, support morale, etc... Why can't you lean on your friends/pet/new people as you do?

    You say you have a feeling of having no one to lean on. And then you ask how do I get over this feeling? Isn't the answer obvious? Find someone to lean on. That's the most direct way of getting over "not having someone to lean on".
    May 94
    • OP
      I wish it was this direct in real life 😊
      May 9
    • Microsoft / Eng
      tarasenko

      MicrosoftEng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Grab
      tarasenkomore
      First step is to try? What's holding you back from finding that person to lean on?
      May 9
    • OP
      I understand your point. But dating is strictly out. Some other suggestions from others on this post seem interesting, I'll give them a shot 😊
      May 9
    • Microsoft / Eng
      tarasenko

      MicrosoftEng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Grab
      tarasenkomore
      Good luck!
      May 10
  • Rally Health FuPayMe$$$
    Just curious, why the lack of interest in dating?
    May 81
    • Amazon
      ps.ily

      Amazon

      PRE
      Google
      ps.ilymore
      Sounds like OP is putting their guard up to shield them from insecurities or previous breakups
      May 8
  • Cisco meowwww
    Are you in sf? If so let’s hangout. I’m in the same situation.
    May 88
    • OP
      I am not in SF but you can pm me 😊
      May 8
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      We could start a meetup called The other 5% or something like that.
      May 9
    • OP
      Let's do this! Although no one would be able to understand what that 5% actually means haha
      May 10
    • PayPal Mpathy
      Count me in! In the same boat as you are.
      May 10
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      Are all you guys in the Bay Area?
      May 11
    • PayPal Mpathy
      I am in bay area
      May 11
    • Cisco cbd
      I am in sf
      May 11
    • OP
      I am on the other coast 😊
      May 11
  • Facebook uPNE71
    Don’t listen to all these people OP talking about biology.

    Get mad TC and hire an assistant to handle your life’s logistics.

    With your free time focus on charity and helping others in need. That’s very fulfilling. There’s a lot of good that needs to be done in this world. Your life will me much more meaningful than all these beautiful (or average, top 80%) people marrying each other.
    May 83
    • OP
      I lead a non-profit in my city. Yes, it's fulfilling 😊
      May 8
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      Is that city in the Bay Area ?
      May 9
    • OP
      No 😊 But I know people who lead the organization there, if that helps.
      May 10
  • Cadence Fhvz
    Only 5% vulnerability? Most ppl have more. It sounds like you do have friends you can lean on. I think you just don’t like the feeling of being vulnerable. Embrace it. It is ok. It makes us authentic.
    May 92
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      Agreed. That 5 is like 30 for me at this point.
      May 9
    • OP
      Thanks a lot. Reading this makes me feel better 😊
      May 10
  • GSK
    algroo

    GSK

    PRE
    Google
    algroomore
    I’m exactly the same. You didn’t mention health and fitness, that occupies a lot of my time. I’d recommend it, get mentally and physically stronger. I made loads of friends through that.

    There are times where I feel like a vulnerable woman, for example when I need to move house and feels like I’m all alone. Last year I asked my brother to help when I moved and made a massive difference, maybe that 5% can be fulfilled by strengthening family relationships and you can lean on them when you feel vulnerable ☺️

    This made sense in my head not sure if it helps.
    May 81
    • OP
      Yes, definitely helpful. I work out 4 times a week, it's takes a lot of my time too 😊 (it's a part of the hobbies that I mentioned).

      You re right about moving. Although I have moved cities by myself, it still scares me to move one more time. I have a bunch of close friends I lean onto for important decisions and major changes.
      May 8
  • Riot Games Hanley
    I find that the people with the strongest support networks spend the most amount of time helping others, maybe time to retrospect and figure out how to be more vulnerable around others
    May 81
    • OP
      You made a good point. I don't want to unload my emotions on anyone. I have a strong support network but I fear that if I start leaning over too much on them, they may not like it. They are close to me but isn't is just human to step away from someone that behaves in a vulnerable way?

      Having said that, I have been vulnerable with some of my closest friends at times. But I want to keep it limited 😊
      May 8
  • Salesforce tensorchic
    It's normal as hell. I'm the same and I'm sure it's the same with 1 million women. Snuggle up, listen to good music and go for a long walk - all will be fine. :)
    May 80
  • New / Consultanttime_pass
    I agree with poster above. Fighting evolution is a losing battle, no matter how evolved you think you are. We are basically all animals with clothes.
    May 80
  • Cisco tBvk85
    Try Vipassana, and I am not kidding.
    May 97
    • OP
      I had to Google what this meant haha. I practiced meditation in the morning for a few months but couldn't keep it on for long. I'll give it a shot again 😊
      May 9
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      OP, Vipassana changed my life. 10 days of silent meditation helped me resolve what 6 years of therapy couldn't.
      One of the things I learnt which might be useful for you, since you seem to go through similar things emotionally, is this: every single want or crave you have is because of how it makes you feel. Every feeling maps to a sensation(s) you can pinpoint physiologically. The craving for someone to lean on is exactly that - the "feel good" factor. It's not necessarily true that once you find that special person, he/ she will necessarily help you feel better all the time. Craving can also turn to resentment. You are good just as you are and there's no guarantee that life will get better with a relationship.
      May 9
    • Datometry / EngLangEr
      @Salesforce : Did you attend classes or was it an app like Headspace ?
      May 9
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      Vipassana is like 10 days of monkhood. You follow a strict routine, no electronics or talking, and live on donations. So I won't classify it as a "class". There are other styles of meditation - I've been meditating and doing yoga every morning for around 20 years and prefer to not use apps.
      May 10
    • OP
      Where did you do it? Can you send me a link?
      May 10
    • PayPal Mpathy
      Can you share the link with me too? Something I could use right now
      May 11
    • Salesforce tensorchic
      It's headquartered in Nashik, India but around the world: https://www.dhamma.org/en/about/vipassana
      May 11
  • I think this happens a lot to me as well, (no I am not a woman but I have no shame in admitting that I am a vulnerable person too, and I don't think this stigma should exist with men as well), and I don't think a relationship can fix it for you since even when I was in a relationship I have had that. I think what helped me was finding a hobby or something, music was something that helped, so maybe learning some instruments and music might help? Also, reading books and being comfortable with myself while alone also helped a lot but I don't know you so I don't know what the situation for you was but I used to hate myself, so changing that helped a lot too with that.
    May 94
    • OP
      Thanks for sharing. I appreciate you for breaking that social stigma and letting us know your true feelings.

      As the trend for women to be strong and independent grows, I am amazed how pressurized men have been over the decades to be all masculine and the emotional/financial pillar of support for everyone around them. It's just weird we haven't given people enough freedom to be vulnerable which each one of us should have 😊

      Thanks for those suggestions. I haven't tried music ever but it's a good suggestion, I can look into it. I don't hate myself. Indeed, I am perfectly comfortable with myself, but thanks for making that point. I hope things are better for you now. If not, I am open to a chat if you want someone to listen 😊
      May 9
    • Yes I totally agree, well I hope that will change and is changing!!

      Yeah music can be extremely relaxing plus instrospection is always fun, what also helps is maybe having roommates (who you can chill with after a long day or at least share things about yourself) because believe me that is perfect since even if you have close friends you gotta figure out a time that works for you both and then hangout, while with roommates it's generally easier if both parties are good people but yeah roommates can also be a pain if you don't find the right one!

      And finally thank you for being nice and willing to listen, I am doing quite well now thank you, and if you want to talk about something or feeling lonely or talk about literally anything feel free to chat up, I am open to a chat as well and can be a friend who you can lean on/rely on haha :)
      May 9
    • OP
      Haha thanks. I have had a few people ping me after reading this thread and surprisingly, one of them asked me for my LinkedIn profile as an ice-breaker. Blinders never cease to amaze me haha

      I will definitely consider your suggestions on music and roommates. I am glad you are doing well now. And I certainly don't mind a new friend 😊
      May 9
    • Haha wow definitely surprising!! Great, I am always looking for good new friends as well :)
      May 9
  • Amazon xinchuan
    I’m not going to ask why you don’t want a relationship, although I do think that’s the best thing to do - regardless of whether you are a man or a woman. Assuming I won’t change your mind, here are two suggestions:

    - Get closer, in relationship and if possible geographically, to your parents and more importantly, siblings.

    - Assuming you are old enough to be a responsible adult, if it works for where you are in your life, adopt a kid and raise him/her. It will be mutually beneficial to you both.
    May 83
    • OP
      Thanks. I have been thinking about adopting a kid but now is not the right time. I'll wait a few years till I have my shit together 😊
      May 8
    • Amazon xinchuan
      Good luck. I will just reiterate that getting in a stable long term relationship offers the best long-term outcome, regardless of whether you are a man or a woman and regardless of whether your relationship is with a man or a woman. I hope you take that path some day. Best.
      May 8
    • OP
      Let's see how things take shape. For now, I have no plan to date. I hope the best.
      May 8
  • Oracle hymnbook
    Try volunteering at local community or help some people in need. That will give you a different level of happiness.
    May 83
    • OP
      I forgot to mention, I lead a non-profit in my region 😊
      May 8
    • Fidelity Investments / Otheralohomora1
      How does this lady have so much time and energy! Kudos to you !
      May 9
    • OP
      Thanks. I just posted my story on another comment from a @GE lady, maybe that helps answer your question 😊
      May 9
  • Qualtrics / Sales
    '🈚🀄🎶🈶'

    QualtricsSales

    PRE
    Microsoft, Qualtrics
    '🈚🀄🎶🈶'more
    I feel the same. You just need one REAL friend.
    May 81
    • OP
      I have real friends, I am very lucky in that regard 😊
      May 8
  • Amazon XcodeSwift
    Maybe get a therapist? I have had a friend that constantly pull his surrounding friends into deep conversations about his personal life. We really loved him and cared for him, but having a serious talk every time we hung out was becoming too much. Eventually, we recommended a therapist so that he would have an expert to talk to, and he listened.

    Having a therapist didn’t change his tendency to turn light-hearted chats into serious conversations, because that’s just who he is, but we could visibility tell that he became less self-deprecating and more content.

    Now, I don’t know anything about your situation, but having a specialist during the time that you feel the most vulnerable could be helpful
    May 110
  • Look, from looking at your posts above, I think what you need to do is first be at peace with yourself.

    You had a bad experience in a past relationship, and are not interested in another at this point. That is fine, but I feel like you need to give your spirit a rest and learn that the only one who can make you happy is...you.

    Once you have that, yes, a SO can make your whole life a lot better. Of course, life will have its ups and downs, but overall your life will also be so much more complete.

    What is the purpose of your life? What are you really here for? What can you not live without?

    Just be at peace with yourself first, then seek other people.
    May 90
  • Becoming a sugar baby might help! It’s an option of a “part time” companionship that might suit you better.
    May 80
  • Zillow Group hot stuff
    TC?
    May 80
  • Amazon etsT03
    Why are you not interested in dating?
    May 80
  • Microsoft doodie
    Find a FWB and let them know this is a strictly a 5% type situation.
    May 84
    • OP
      I don't think one can lean on a fwb
      May 8
    • Microsoft doodie
      Make it a contractual obligation as part of the agreement.
      May 8
    • OP
      Wouldn't that be just a relationship then?
      May 8
    • Microsoft doodie
      Not according to the contractual agreement.

      But for real, you should like you want your cake and you want to eat it too.

      Human companionship is underrated.
      May 8
  • Google jdjdjsj
    Pretty sure OP is one of those sjw feminist who gets triggered by everything.
    May 83
    • OP
      I am not sure what made you draw that conclusion 😊
      May 8
    • Google jdjdjsj
      Based on your responses and your attitude toward men from your comments.
      May 8
    • OP
      I am sorry if any of my resoonses came across too harsh 😊
      May 8
  • Facebook YBcl04
    You are complete in your own self, be part of something larger than you to overcome this temporary feeling.
    May 82
    • OP
      Can you suggest something?
      May 8
    • Facebook YBcl04
      There are always few side of our personalities that we want to explore but keep pushing back waiting for right time to come. This could be the right time, may be you can give back to society what you have learned, help other people elevate themselves to the next level, build a community around something you believe in or join some community. Or just be a student of something new. I personally growing myself into fitness and started learning Yoga this year going deeper into it and having fun.
      May 9
  • New uedC03
    What do you mean by lean on? Do you have friends? do you want/need friends?
    May 82
    • OP
      Your first question is really tough, it made me think - a lot 😀 and I couldn't find an answer.

      I thought I want a support system but I realized I already have one 😊 I have friends I am in touch with often and those who I could stay with if I lose my job someday or those who helped me assemble my furniture when I moved into the city, and those I rely on for investment advice. So you actually made me realize I have everything 😊. Thanks a lot for that.

      But sometimes, only sometimes, I feel scared to move apartments by myself. And I wish to be taken care of when sick. Sometimes I am afraid I would screw up (professionally/personally/investments/major decisions) and I would be solely responsible to fix it.
      May 8
    • Google wdyt
      so what if you screw up... you’ll fix it. you’ll figure it out. do your best and if you fuck up, know you are capable to fix it.

      when I was a kid and played on zig zaggy monkey bars, I never really thought about how I was going to reach the last bar when I was in the middle. but I kept up the momentum through the bars and made it to the end. just like then, at this point in time I don’t need to worry about how I’m going to solve this-or-that future problem because it’s impossible to solve early and that’s ok.

      just become adaptable and strong.

      and try meditation.
      May 11
  • Facebook lkj630
    Find some friends. You don't need to fuck someone for them to be there for you.
    May 120
  • Also, it’s one thing to have great close friends which I do have but they still cannot replace a companion that will hold you and love you on a whole different level.
    May 90
  • Dell / Eng
    .+

    DellEng

    PRE
    Dell EMC
    .+more
    Either you find your strength in that 5% of the time because you're being you and kicking ass .. or you find a friend that will always show up. I don't really see another option. I did the former for years but now I'm trying the latter and it's more fun to meet up with a friend and pour your heart out over dinner once a week imho.
    May 80
  • Intel geek chick
    U try to be there for someone to lean on....then they ll be there for u too
    May 80
  • New uedC03
    A lot of the replies say you need a relationship or friends. This is fine if this applies to you, but they are missing something vital. If you don't understand who you are and what you need, none of it will matter.
    May 80
  • Apple Cara89
    I feel the same way on some days but I am open to making new friends or even dating to get over that 5%. Why aren’t you open to dating?
    May 80

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