Onboarding Gift(s)

Intuit notintoit
Jan 10, 2018 167 Comments

What sort of gifts (that you get to keep) and equipment (that you have to return) did you guys receive upon on-boarding at your company?

At Intuit we get:

GIFTS
1) iPad Pro 10.5 inch, 256gb
2) Apple Pen
3) Logitech Keyboard Accessory for iPad Pro
4) iPhone 8 Plus that we get to keep if we leave the org
5) Company Branded Backpack with snacks inside

EQUIPMENT
1) MacBook Pro w/ Touch Bar
2) Magic Mouse 2
3) Dongles

comments

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TOP 167 Comments
  • Amazon / Eng R2D3
    Amazon:
    - A banana
    - A VPN token
    - An employee badge

    Two of those you have to return. Guess which ones.
    Jan 10, 2018 14
    • Amazon / Eng R2D3
      I have a friend who got charged for not returning it. Also they charged him a fee for not removing stickers from the laptop.
      Jan 11, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      🌵❄️❄️❄️

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Amazon
      🌵❄️❄️❄️more
      Wow really, which group is that?
      Jan 15, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Space Q
      What do you mean by group? It’s a company wide policy.
      Jan 15, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      🌵❄️❄️❄️

      Amazon Eng

      PRE
      Microsoft, Amazon
      🌵❄️❄️❄️more
      Wow, no one mentioned that the laptop bag must be returned during NHO, what if it wears off over years and you finally threw it to buy a new one ? 🙂
      Jan 17, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Space Q
      They will probably charge you for it when you leave the company. If it wears off you are supposed to exchange it to get a new one (or just return it).
      Jan 18, 2018
  • Oracle corndogs
    an Oracle branded stress ball
    Jan 10, 2018 4
    • eBay eBæ
      You're gonna need that.
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Amazon LOLwut?
      It’s stressful coming in 5th?
      Jan 10, 2018
    • eBay eBæ
      The only 5th you'll see around here is my trusty bottle o' Elijah Craig
      Jan 10, 2018
    • BlackBerry SHA1024🔐!
      That’s a cruel joke
      Jan 10, 2018
  • Amazon YJtO52
    At Amazon we get a salary
    Jan 10, 2018 0
  • Microsoft Vbe
    A lanyard/clip for my badge and a travel mug.

    But seriously this is the ultimate #millennial thread. You realize how lucky you are to have these jobs compared to most of humanity??? Don’t you already have an iPad...? I have 3 floating around my house along with backpacks, T shirts and water bottles that will all end up in landfill.
    Jan 10, 2018 15
    • ServiceNow v!$68&f2{f
      Just hoping to pay off for one in our lifetime. And how conveniently you ignore the educational loans
      Jan 17, 2018
    • Amazon / Mgmt good_bad
      You took on the loans, no one held a gun to your head.
      Jan 18, 2018
    • ServiceNow v!$68&f2{f
      That's like saying, you chose to go in a one way. How many options are open to those without a proper education compared to those with, let's say a master's degree? Also many countries have free higher education, it's not impossible.
      Jan 18, 2018
    • ServiceNow v!$68&f2{f
      Also are you really going to deny that it was cheaper for you with your salary in the 80s than it is for us?
      Jan 18, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng
      Probably🍆

      Amazon Eng

      BIO
      Brb bio.
      Probably🍆more
      I wasn’t even out of diapers in the 80’s. Whining about iPads when you make 6 figures is pathetic. Millennial or not.
      Jan 18, 2018
  • Amazon / Eng WfPI23
    A backpack with no company logo.
    A poster of leadership principles.
    A list of bugs to fix.
    Jan 10, 2018 2
    • BlackBerry SHA1024🔐!
      Welcome to Amazon. We are cheap and will keep you on your toes. And if you want to survive here then make sure you learn those leadership principles well and apply them. Oh, and don’t forget to throw people under the bus (sometimes)
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Amazon / Eng Right Alot
      I didn't get a backpack or a poster! After a year I did get a pair of socks, so I've got that going for me.
      Jan 11, 2018
  • Facebook / Eng ent
    Gifts:

    - Patagonia Backpack
    - Notebook & Pen
    - Stickers
    - T-shirt of your choice
    - Any IT equipment/accessory you want (help yourself to the vending machine)
    - Lots of Kool aid

    Equipment:

    - 2017 MBP 15"
    - Pixel 2/iPhone/S8 with phone plan
    Jan 10, 2018 2
    • Apple iWork
      I thought the vending machine stuff still belongs to the company. It’s just self-serve IT
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Facebook / Eng ent
      Don't think they ask you to return it when you leave? Do they?
      Jan 11, 2018
  • LinkedIn / Eng Alilbirdie
    100,000 US dollars to sign at FB.
    Jan 10, 2018 3
    • Microsoft / Design 206wrkr
      What sort of role was it?
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Intuit Kv16jRa
      Was it a gift, or did you end up having to return it?
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Salesforce / Eng
      ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

      Salesforce Eng

      PRE
      Google
      ☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️more
      Signing bonus. Return if you leave within a year.
      Jan 10, 2018
  • Microsoft Vbe
    I worked for a “startup” that got me a

    MacBook Pro
    $1000 monitor of my choosing
    Kindle
    Fitbit
    $1500 to spend on home office furniture/equipment
    hoody with my company alias/handle on it*

    I got to keep all these things.

    (*After I left I tossed this on a large bonfire during a camping trip and enjoyed the sight of it burning...dumb little cat/octopus icon and all)

    They also had an all company weeklong offsite at a luxury resort, where they flew in some famous band du jour to play on the final night...this boozy boondoggle apparently cost them several million dollars.

    But then within weeks I discovered I worked for a crazed narcissist psycho and was miserable every day for 6 months. When I went to HR they turned around and repeated everything (I mean everything!) to her, which enraged her further. Every day dealing with her was a nightmare and her skip level knew she was nuts but didn’t have the balls to fire her. I am really glad to be at boring ole MS right now with my plain ole travel mug and lanyard on Day 1.

    Just sayin’
    Jan 10, 2018 2
    • Oracle Dnalaodndl
      Which company was it
      Jan 10, 2018
    • LinkedIn / Eng Alilbirdie
      Sounds like Github from the logo
      Jan 18, 2018
  • Uber tuffnut
    It's a disturbing how engineers are so under appreciated at Amazon. I work with so many ex-Amazon, ex-Google and ex-Facebook engineers and in my experience, ex-Amazon engineers are some of the best. Shame on you Amazon, shame on you
    Jan 10, 2018 1
    • eBay / Other
      Zombs

      eBay Other

      BIO
      Marketing Manager
      Zombsmore
      lol 😂
      Jan 11, 2018
  • Oracle Nutelła
    Dang I’m applying to intuit. Hire me.
    Jan 10, 2018 0
  • Apple / Eng
    Marijuana

    Apple Eng

    PRE
    Google
    BIO
    I ain’t got no worries.
    Marijuanamore
    Apple: A lunch coupon (one free lunch at caffe macs), a T-shirt (“Class of 2015” or whatever year you joined), and a note telling you, indirectly, that you will be working weekends.
    Jan 10, 2018 1
    • Apple / Eng Dr. Tingle
      One free lunch (up to $10)
      Jan 11, 2018
  • Google / Eng sergey
    Jan 10, 2018 0
  • Juniper / Ops
    Lollolol

    Juniper Ops

    BIO
    Lol
    Lollololmore
    Woah, that is really cool.
    Jan 10, 2018 0
  • Visa Lisbonita
    Read the whole thread in hope that some body might have also got a blow job!
    Jan 11, 2018 2
    • Oracle lareeee
      If you did, I hope you don't have to return it and you get to keep it.
      Jan 11, 2018
    • ServiceNow kx#7&f@j
      And if you lose it, you call it in and they'll send you a replacement in 5-7 business days
      Jan 11, 2018
  • Microsoft / Design 206wrkr
    Microsoft: A plastic cup with the Microsoft logo on it.
    Jan 10, 2018 0
  • BBVA Jamon
    Equipment:
    MacBook pro 15
    Cinema display
    Everything we need for our standing desk
    Etc

    Gift:
    Snacks, occasional breakfast and dinner once a week.
    Also, boss asked: do you all want swag or an extra $1000 in the bonus for everyone?
    Guess which one we choose
    Jan 13, 2018 3
    • Glassdoor pxndbekf
      What was the swag option?
      Jan 13, 2018
    • BBVA Jamon
      Wasn't defined. But it is kind of stupid to make a company spend so much money in crap if we can get that money instead.

      They are very clear with us, Everytime that they are going to spend the money in shiny garbage, they ask us if we prefer money or vacations instead.
      Jan 14, 2018
    • ServiceNow kx#7&f@j
      Free money is taxable income, you lose almost half to uncle Sam depending on where you are. No taxes on them free mugs and shirts
      Jan 17, 2018
  • Google / Eng Dumbminion
    Left Google and now work at Chan-Zuckerberg Initiative.

    Same as FB person above
    MacBook Pro w/tb
    30" monitor w/opt for a second but really?
    Apple mouse and keyboard wireless, etc. (The vending machine caught me off guard a bit though. Never seen a keyboard and mouse in a vending machine before.

    Stand up desk... Really? That's standard guys, ergonomics!

    New phone, whatevs (S8, iPhone8... Etc.)
    Branded...Notebook, pen, coffee mug

    Very nice Nike branded pullover

    Apparently I missed the founder giving away high end seats to Hamilton, but that was nice.

    All just material things... What I really got was the chance to be part of projects that will make a difference in the world not a profit. To work with good hearted people that left jobs at FB, Google, etc to really make America great again.

    I can buy my own shit, loving where you work and what your doing... #priceless
    Jan 10, 2018 2
    • Oracle Dnalaodndl
      What do you people work on? Is it some good computer Science?
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Google / Eng Dumbminion
      Its good Science Science, and Education Science, etc. Mixed with technology in true Willy Wonka fashion... Go to the website, it'll blow your mind.

      The mapping all the cells in the human body is a cool one.
      Jan 10, 2018
  • Google / Other g0ogler
    Noogler hat
    Company laptop (that belongs to company)
    Pen.

    No:
    Backpack
    Shirts/swag
    Jan 10, 2018 4
    • Microsoft
      yMcg47

      Microsoft

      BIO
      Amicitiae nostrae memoriam spero sempiternam fore
      yMcg47more
      I still have the hat from many years ago
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Google / Eng PTmc68
      We also got a gray Google shirt, a pinwheel, and a water bottle too. They stopped those?
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Google / Eng aLuK30
      I got a pinwheel and the water bottle; apparently there's a new grad swag box, but I was an industry hire so I'm a little fuzzy on the details of it
      Jan 10, 2018
    • Google / Other g0ogler
      I was not new grad. I did get a pinwheel, forgot to include that.
      Jan 14, 2018
  • Cisco yUYw72
    I had to pay for my Cisco T-shirt. $30 only.
    Jan 10, 2018 2
    • Dang I got a Cisco shirt for free at a meetup. It's 5XL though so I haven't found an appropriate day to wear this to work.
      Jan 10, 2018
    • ServiceNow kx#7&f@j
      You still took it
      Jan 11, 2018
  • Daimler / Eng 🍆((
    * e300 w/unlimited gas card
    * Two 30" monitors
    * Standing desk
    * mx master mouse
    * Bose qc35 wireless headphones
    * MacBook pro
    * iPad pro w/pencil
    * Patagonia jacket
    * Standing/sitting desk
    * iPhone and pixel XL

    Basically anything needed to work at home or at work. Get to keep the jacket.
    Jan 10, 2018 5
    • Oracle lareeee
      Wait till you have to pay to maintain or repair the e300.. LOL.
      Jan 11, 2018
    • Daimler / Eng 🍆((
      Get a new one every 4000 miles, no maintainence costs. It's for testing.
      Jan 11, 2018
    • Oracle lareeee
      Dang.. are you in Stuttgart Germany or bay area? I only know ppl in Daimler HQ in Stuttgart/Boblingen area who get those, but that was years ago.
      Jan 11, 2018
    • Oracle lareeee
      I am applying!
      Jan 11, 2018
    • Daimler / Eng 🍆((
      Bay area, perks are project/team dependant, starting pay is below market by a lot.
      Jan 11, 2018