Opinion (Women only): How do you participate in everyday finances?

CBS Interactive t1c
May 18 25 Comments

My wife recently told me she doesn't like paying for things because she wants to save and it is my duty as the guy to pay for everything. Normally we are used to doing 65-35 split with me paying the larger share. She is employed as well.

Dear Male blinders, if you are voting then please be honest with what your SO lady actually does month to month and not what you would want to see them do.

If you are a SINGLE male please do NOT vote and skew the numbers. Thanks!

Update 1: For all of you suggesting I should leave her/ get a divorce, I love her. I don't want our marriage to end because of finances.

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TOP 25 Comments
  • Yahoo / Eng .ana.ng
    Um. I am the primary wage earner (woman) with an employed spouse so.... there's no option in this crappy, sexist poll for women who pay more...
    May 18 2
    • CBS Interactive t1c
      OP
      There is the last option
      May 18
    • Amazon Am A Bot
      I am the primary wage earner (man) and my wife is the primary spender—but that doesn’t matter to us. We are both careful with our resources and that’s all that matters. She stays at home with our kids; I think she has the harder job too.

      What matters most is respect between spouses. If one of you doesn’t respect the other, divorce is the only option.
      May 18
  • Facebook Hodinkee
    What does it even mean? You do not have to split anything, you have common pool of money.
    May 18 2
    • CBS Interactive t1c
      OP
      Well yeah, but I make twice as her and I don't mind paying the larger share. She does more domestic work around the house than I do. So I guess it's fair I pay more. I just didn't know what to tell her when she said it is my duty to pay 100%
      May 18
    • Magic Leap uqcT83
      Why is that your "duty" to pay when she is earning too. There are two potential reasons a.she is from non-working mother household where men pays for everything b. She is trying to oversmart you up. In any case this can be and should be corrected as it is unfair for men to pay for everything when his spouse is working too..you have to do some real hard ass drama to make this work like really leave your job or move out of home or country or may be buy some investment in joint name where she is forced to pay...it will take a toll on you but these women doesn't get it any other way...divorce will screw you up more so better play within the limits.
      May 20
  • This comment was deleted by original commenter.

    • Amazon foreverL5
      BTW you will probably see the poll skew towards “Men should pay everything” as there are a lot of very traditional Indian folks here.

      It is very common for them to be in an arranged marriage with a non workin spouse (due to issues like visa) so they pay for everything.
      May 18
    • CBS Interactive t1c
      OP
      I don't think the Indian folks on Blind are as traditional as you think.
      May 18
  • Adobe / Eng kkugfdwed
    Wow, you people are messed up. If you are married the only way to do things that won't end in divorce is to pool everything and stop thinking of it as mine and his/hers. It's ours. We save and we pay the bills and we each have an equal amount of money each month we can spend on what ever we want no judgement and no questions. Stop planning for divorce and you won't be as likely to have a divorce.
    May 18 0
  • Google / Eng hooli.xyz
    Let me guess, arranged marriage?
    May 18 1
    • CBS Interactive t1c
      OP
      Sadly, yes
      May 18
  • Amazon Am A Bot
    My wife and I have a policy: we earn, we own. Once it hits our joint account, it’s ours as a couple, regardless of the source.

    I manage finances and investing and my wife handles day-to-day financial decisions. We have a baseline rule that any major expense requires consultation with the other. I track everything so we can do quarterly financial reviews together to examine our savings rate, spending, budget, and investments. We run the household finances together like a business.

    We’ve only had 2 major money disagreements in 16 years of marriage.
    May 18 2
    • Amazon PotatoSale
      Sounds like you do a pretty good job. Do you mind sharing the disagreements?
      May 18
    • Amazon Am A Bot
      First one was our first year of marriage and about saving for retirement. I said we should and she said no. We couldn’t our first two years because of her medical expenses but after that we agreed to save as much as we could because there would be a time when we couldn’t.

      The second came recently when we talked about having a third kid. We went from taking about a modest house and sending our kids to public school which I found fine, but after she was pregnant with #3, she wanted to use our savings to pay for private school and buy a bigger house (2x what our current place costs). Our kids are G&T so they could benefit from private school but at the expense of our entire income. The bigger house was a financial stress. We settled on making our current house work and saving 40k earmarked for things like private tutors and community college classes when they are in high school. My wife’s opinion is that we save for a reason, not just to save, and what better reason than for our kids. My point was that we can’t ignore retirement because unlike her mom who has a pension, we have to save for the future. So we compromised. Neither of us got everything we wanted but we were ok with the outcome.
      May 18
  • Intel Riso4ever
    I make 2.5x my wife. Our incomes go into a joint account. Our credit cards are the same card accounts, and are paid from the joint account, as are our other expenses (housing, utilities, etc). Only thing separate are our retirement accounts and small checking accounts (less than $5k each).

    OP, if you can’t have this type of arrangement with your wife, then there are serious trust issues in your relationship. Stop splitting things; there’s nothing to split when you’re married.
    May 20 0
  • Facebook bl@ckmamba
    Why does she save all of her money? It looks like she’s planning to take advantage of you and then ditch you.
    May 18 0
  • Amazon PotatoSale
    Why do women get away with saying shit like that when it convenient for them?
    May 18 0
  • OpenTable Meliodas
    You are married. There is only our money.
    May 18 0
  • CBS Interactive t1c
    OP
    Could you all please edit your comments to let everyone know if you are a man/woman. Hard to get relatable context otherwise. Thanks!
    May 18 0
  • Oracle / Eng aham
    No popcorn option calls for random voting
    May 18 0
  • Google
    EIon Musk

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    You know if you divorce she’s entitled to half of your shit. Splitting wtf are u talking about
    May 18 1
    • Pandora xorba
      So in divorce whoever has the bigger pot has to split the difference. Doesn’t matter men or women, if you don’t have kids.
      May 18
  • New UHtz31
    at the end of the day isn't it money pretty much from the same pool?
    May 19 0
  • Pandora xorba
    Dude keep spending and divorce her later and then take half of her savings. Resist having a kid, leave your job for a month and all the judge will look at is who has a bigger pot when making decision.
    May 18 0
  • Amazon new_ew
    You're being reasonable with the 65:35 split. You'll need to stand up to her, otherwise you might end up resenting her later on.
    May 18 0